by Blue Saffire
His hands squeezed at the bare skin of my back. I faded away from my sane thinking. The problem here was the fact that Lee knew I couldn’t tell him no. He knew the moment he walked in that door tonight he could have me anyway he wanted. Some part of me would always be his, no matter how much that part hurt me.
“I want you,” he moaned.
“Mmmm, no.”
“Please, Crystal, I miss you. I want you.”
“No, Lee.” I tried to hold onto my resolve.
I couldn’t just cave. I have to hold onto my will. It would be so much easier if I would get up and walk away, but silly me, I sat there letting him kiss me.
“Crystal, I love you. Please, baby, you know you want to. I miss you. Let me have you,” he breathed in my ear. “Let daddy take care of you.”
“Please, don’t do that.”
“Why not? I want you. Say yes.”
“Lee,” I groaned.
“Crystal, say yes.”
“Yes, baby, yes.” What was the use? I gave in and kissed him. “You’ll come home with me?”
“Yeah, baby.”
“Okay.”
I should have been ashamed of myself, but I wasn’t. I knew this man was my weakness. He ruined me long ago.
I had just bought a place of my own a month ago. I didn’t want him to drive there so I talked him into riding in the rental with me. Kenny agreed to take his car for him. Once that was settled we were in the rental with the driver, heading to my place.
This was only making this worse by the minute. The more he touched me, the more he kissed me, the more I smelled his cologne, the deeper into trouble I got myself. I would regret it all later. I couldn’t help myself though. I truly did love him and I missed him so much.
When we got to my house we barely made it through the door. I tried to get him to my bedroom but that wasn’t happening. Not at first at least.
Lee tore at my dress, leaving it in a tatter heap at my feet. We both peeled him from his clothes, tossing them all over my living room, only stopping for him to pull protection from his wallet. When we were both stripped bare, Lee wrapped his arm around my waist, lifting me onto him.
I wrapped my legs around him, looking into his eyes. He cupped my face brushing his thumb across my lips. All the emotions I’d tried to bury surfaced.
“You’re more beautiful than I remember. I need you so much,” he said softly.
“What are you waiting for,” I replied.
A smile took over his lips as he reached between us, guiding himself into me. My lids half closed, my teeth clenched. I had to suck the drool back into my mouth. It was that good.
“Damn, you so tight. You ain’t give my pussy away, did you?” his strained words washed over me.
“Never,” I moaned.
He took my lips as his hands cupped my backside and guided me up and down on him. His stance widened so he could thrust deeper. My head dropped to his shoulder.
He moved to the couch to balance me on the back. My legs went to his shoulders as he shifted me. I grabbed the back of the couch. His hand covered one of mine, his other holding one of my legs to his chest.
The couch rocked with his thrusts. His arms had to shoot out to wrap around me to keep me from falling back as he pounded into me not letting up for a second. We were defying gravity.
“Yes, Lee, yes,” I cried. “Oh yes.”
“Play with that pussy for me,” I looked at him, afraid the move would topple me. “Don’t worry, I got you. I always got you.”
I nodded, panting and sweating already. I lifted my fingers to my mouth to wet my fingertips. Reaching between us, I found my nub and started to rub it.
“Yes,” he hissed between his teeth.
A vein popped in the side of his neck. He was wrecking me. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. I don’t know how I’d survived without this in the last few months.
My kitty sucked at him like she was starved. I was so close I knew I was going to go over the next time he brushed that perfect spot. That’s exactly what happened.
He looked into my eyes and intentionally angled to tap at the point of detonation. He earned the rapid multiple explosions he wrung from my body.
“Shit,” I screamed.
He followed me over not too long after. His chest pressed to mine as he released my legs to let them dangle at his sides. I wrapped my arms around his back.
“Damn, I missed you so much,” he breathed into my hair. “Don’t move. I just need to hold you for a minute.”
I remained silent. So many things were running through my head. I allowed my breathing to return to normal as my sanity tried to make a return.
Lee’s warm lips on the side of my neck blew that plan out of the water. My doubts were obliterated with each soft kiss. We made it to my room eventually, after he was satisfied enough to let me get up as he followed me.
For the first time since I walked away from him, I fell asleep peacefully in his arms. I had no idea how much I missed that. I got the impression that he missed me as much as I missed him. He woke me up in the middle of the night to show me just how much he did, over and over again. I didn’t mind, I missed him that much too.
Chapter 18
Can I Do This?
I had so much to do that next day, but I woke up a little late. I woke to Lee lying next to me staring at my face. I couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across my lips.
“Good morning,” he said, kissing my forehead.
His breath smelled like toothpaste. I was so not talking to him. I waved at him before rolling to go brush my teeth. He reached for my waist, pulling me back to him.
“I’ll be right back,” I murmured as I covered my mouth and giggled.
“Hurry up.”
I went into the bathroom with my huge smile still intact, until I made it to look in the mirror. Being able to see myself in the mirror made me ask myself some serious questions. Like what was I doing? Did I think I could be happy like this? Did I think I could have him?
A fool stared back at me in the mirror. The stupid grin on her face should have choked her. Anger started to rise inside me again. All of the feelings that coursed through the day Rachael arrived started to surface.
A tear fell from my eye, pouring out not even a fraction of the pain. I ran the water to wash my face. As I brushed my teeth, I wished I had just walked away from him last night. If I had it wouldn’t hurt so much this morning, and why had I let him come home with me. To my new home, my new bedroom. I would always have the memory of last night in this house.
I slowly made my way back to the bedroom. I went to sit on the edge of the bed, but he pulled me to him. His eyes searched my face as a worried look took over his face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“This is wrong. I can’t have you. Why did I let you come home with me?”
“Baby, please…don’t do this. I need you. I love you, Crystal. We belong together.”
“She lives with you?”
“Yeah, but I’ll go get a place today. If that’s what you want. I can stay in a hotel or get an apartment somewhere,” he offered anxiously. “She doesn’t have a place to go and I can’t have my little man on the street, but I can move out.”
“But I don’t want that. You should be with your son.”
I’d already thought about all of this before. I knew what I couldn’t ask him to do. I’d played the scenarios over and over in a million different ways.
“Baby, if that’s the case I’ll take him with me. Trust me that’s not a problem.”
“No, that’s his mother. You can’t take her son from her. He needs his mother.”
“Please,” he snorted.
“See, I’m not getting in the middle of that,” I grumbled.
“You are not getting in the middle of anything. I’ve been thinking about moving out or something already. Last night was the best I’ve slept in months. Rachael doesn’t do anything but stress me out.”
He
looked stressed just talking about it. I wanted to sympathize with him. It just wasn’t coming easy.
“You’re sleeping with her.”
It was sort of an accusation and statement at the same time. My chest burned as I waited for his reply. I didn’t want to know, but I also needed to know.
“No.”
“I’m not going to do this. You live in a one-bedroom condo, I know she’s sleeping in your bed with you and I know you are sleeping with her. If you don’t want to tell me the truth then we can forget this.”
“Yeah, I was. I mean, we slept in the same bed but I haven’t touched her in a minute.” His tone was sincere. It cut me deeply to know he had been with her again. “Crystal, it’s not like that with her. All she does is drive me crazy.”
“I don’t know.”
“I’ve got all day. We can figure this out, but I need you,” he pleaded. “I know we can figure this out.”
“I have so much to do today. I have the new shop and Craig is driving me nuts. I have appointments I need to go to.”
“I can come with you. I need to figure out how to get you back.”
His brown eyes were so serious. The tension in his face was palpable. His face was so intense. The profound need I saw in their depths reached beyond the physical need we fulfilled last night.
“Okay,” I sighed. “I need to get dressed. I should be out the door already.”
I got up and started to get ready. I had a million voices in my head telling me this was wrong. I did my best to get ready and ignore the screaming thoughts within. Once I was dressed, I found Lee redressed in his dress shirt and suit pants from the night before. He still looked more handsome than necessary.
“Would it be okay if I go to my place to change?” he asked.
“I’m already late,” I shrugged and laughed nervously.
Moving outside we jumped into my lotus, my father’s gift for me sticking to and finishing graduate school. I laughed to myself as I thought about Lee’s reaction to my other car. I had plenty of nice cars. It’d always been one of the ways my father spoiled me.
It was kind of hard for me to drive to Lee’s place. I hadn’t been there since I went for the last of my things. That last trip had nearly torn me apart.
Lee spent the entire ride staring at me, reaching to brush his hand against my face repeatedly. It was all so comforting. I wanted to figure things out between us, I just didn’t know what I was getting myself into.
As I pulled into the garage my chest became super tight. I parked the car and turned it off, taking a deep breath. Lee leaned over to kiss my cheek, then turned my face to face him so he could capture my lips in a soul-searing kiss.
“Come on,” he said softly.
“Oh, I’m not going up there,” I rushed.
“Why not?”
“She is there isn’t she?” I asked.
“Yeah and?”
“I don’t think that is a good idea.”
I think Lee was losing it. I didn’t belong in the same room as that girl. I didn’t need that kind of drama. He could have all of that.
“That’s still my place. Let’s go,” he demanded.
“Lee.”
“Let’s go, Crystal.”
He got out of the car and I slowly followed him out. I knew this was a bad idea, but once again, I wasn’t following what I knew. I was following what Lee wanted.
He wrapped his arm around my waist, leading me to the elevator. On the ride up he stared into my eyes, swaying me in his hold. I love his coffee brown eyes. They’re amazing with their deep-set almond shape.
When we got off the elevator, it was like in the movies when you can hear the actor breathing as they walk down the hallway to their doom. Lee held me tightly, which allowed me to relax a little. My nerves shot through the roof when he turned the key in the door.
Pushing the door open revealed her standing there holding their baby. My heart squeezed in my chest. Her face turned into a frown the moment she saw me. I felt the same way about her if she wanted to know the truth. I wanted to hit Lee in the back of the head.
“Why didn’t you come home last night?” she whined in an irritating voice.
“Because I was minding my own business,” Lee answered with a hard edge in his voice.
“Lee needed you,” she insisted.
Lee pursed his lips and rolled his eyes at her. He tossed his suit jacket down and reached for the baby. Once he was in his arms, it felt like the wind was knocked out of me. He looked just like Lee. Only difference was the green eyes. I closed my lids tightly trying not to think. All hope that this would all just go away was lost. That little boy was Lee’s without question.
“Hey, little man. Is your mother telling the truth? You needed me?” He cooed at the baby.
I opened my eyes to see Lee pursed his lips again.
“Just like I thought. You were cool all night.”
He kissed the top of the baby’s head, while rubbing his back. This was too much for me. I felt sick. I tried to think of a way out.
“May I use the bathroom?”
The question was the first thing that popped into my head. I needed a moment to breathe. I had to get away from this scene.
“Sure.”
Lee reached for my hand and walked me up the hallway as if I could have possibly forgotten where to find the bathroom for myself. I could feel his eyes on me. He was watching me intently. Like watching a scared animal to see if they would lash out and attack.
I rushed in the bathroom and closed the door. Putting the lid down on the toilet, I took a seat to clear my head. My head fell into my palms as I questioned myself.
Why am I here?
I was such a fool. Was there even enough love in the world for me to get through this? And to make it worse, I could hear them starting to argue through the walls.
“How you gonna bring her up in here?” I heard her yell.
“What? Rachael, are you crazy? I’ll bring anyone I want up in here. This is my crib. You remember you’re still a guest,” he bellowed.
“You straight disrespecting me, bringing her in here.”
“You trippin’. You’re not my girl. I told you to get yourself together and get out months ago.”
“You not tryin’ to give me money to get someone to watch Lee.”
“I told you. I’m not giving you no money. You got somebody to watch him, I want to meet them. Then they need to let me know the fee. But you need to go, for real.”
“Whatever, this isn’t about me. Why you bring her up in here?”
“First of all, you need to bring your tone down. If it wasn’t for you and that condom that supposedly, so conveniently broke. I would be engaged to her and about to marry her not standing here arguing with you.”
With those words my world fell apart. I knew Lee wanted to marry me, but hearing him say it hurt so much. I had to get out. I didn’t want to see or hear anymore.
I slid off my heels and stood to creep to the door. I inched the door opened and peeked out. It sounded like they were in the bedroom, but I wanted to be sure. When the coast was clear I made a run for it.
Thank goodness for track in high school. I didn’t take one look back. I was out of the apartment and on the stairs, sprinting for my car.
I prayed Lee didn’t see me fly pass. I’m fast but so is he and he’s in shape to run after me. I ran like I stole something. When I hit the parking lot, I didn’t even stop to put my shoes back on. I jumped in my car and peeled out.
Once I was out of the lot, I knew I was safe. Kenny must have still had Lee’s car. It wasn’t in the garage, which reassured me that Lee couldn’t follow me. He couldn’t call me either. I hadn’t given him my number.
I could feel the tears warm my cheeks. I knew all this was stupid. It was juvenile behavior that was so out of pocket for me.
I went right to where my day should’ve started. I hoped Craig would see today wasn’t a day to fight with me. I needed to forget last night. I w
anted to forget about today too.
I maneuvered into the parking lot and cried myself out. I needed to get it all out before I could go inside. I found some tissue in my purse and cleaned my face. I looked in the mirror at the hot mess I’d become. I promised myself this wouldn’t be me again. Why was this happening?
I took a deep breath and made my way into the salon. Finding a pair of shades in my bag, I tossed them on to cover my swollen eyes. I moved on autopilot.
I almost collapsed when I entered the salon. I stepped right into a puddle of water. My brand new hardwood floors were covered in water. I felt the rage rock through me. Craig stumbled towards me looking as if he were about to explain.
“Craig, I don’t care! I don’t need this right now. I know this was your guys. You fix this. Fix it now and it’s coming out of your pockets!” I screamed and turned to leave.
I made it back to the car, consumed in tears before I could get inside. My cell began to ring, drawing my attention. I prayed it wasn’t more bad news. Relief filled me as soon as I saw Kim’s name on the screen. I needed to talk to her.
“Hello.”
“Honey, what’s going on? Lee called Kenny upset and Kenny called me having a fit,” she started.
“I can’t …I can’t be with him. That little boy looks just like him. It’s not fair, Kim. I wanted to be the one to give him babies. That was supposed to be my son. It hurts so much. I love him, why is this happening? The worst part is I did the math. She got pregnant when we first got together. That was almost my baby. I just missed giving him his first son.”
I sobbed out of control. The pain nearly choking off my air supply. It stung like a deathly venom rushing my veins.
I was completely thrown by the voice I heard next. I hadn’t understood that Kim had me on three way. My stomach was turning and nearly pitched.
“You think I don’t think about that,” Lee yelled into the phone. “You think I don’t wish it was your eyes I see every time I look at him. You think I don’t wish he was yours. Crystal, that makes me sick. It makes me sick that it’s not you that gave me my first baby, all my babies. Baby, I messed up and I can’t take it back, but I love you. Just tell me where you are.”