Once and for All

by Jeannie Watt

  She hugged her arms around her even tighter. “No, Sam. That wouldn’t be good for any of us.” She wasn’t taking his calls, she wasn’t taking her faher’s calls.

  His face was pale and his jaw was tight when he turned at the door to give her one last long look. “This isn’t over,” he said.

  Yes. It is.

  Sam shut the door behind him. Jodie listened to his footsteps in the hall until she couldn’t hear them anymore, then crossed the room and turned the lock.

  SAM DROVE HOME, wishing he had another hour or two on the road to figure out how to handle this situation. A big part of him wanted to take the coward’s way out and keep Jodie’s secret from the boys, because he knew it was going to hurt them. He asked himself over and over again how it would help matters if his nephews knew.

  But Paige had told him several times, in several different ways, that shielding the boys wouldn’t help them in the long run. So his gut was telling him one thing, the counselor was telling him another. But Tyler and Beau had seemed relieved to finally get to talk about their parents’ death.

  Okay. Sam was going to come clean and then…hell, he didn’t know. He’d figure out some way to clean up this mess. He wasn’t ready to let Jodie go.

  “How was your trip?” Beau asked, looking up from loading the dishwasher. He straightened when Sam didn’t respond as expected. In fact, Sam didn’t respond at all.

  “What?” Beau asked.

  Tyler came into the room carrying a can of air freshener, making Sam wonder briefly just what had gone on in the house while he’d been away. At this point, he didn’t care.

  “I’ve got something to tell you.”

  The brothers, as always, exchanged looks.

  “Serious stuff?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But not good serious stuff, right?”

  “Not good serious stuff.”

  “What?” Tyler asked.

  “Jodie defended Colin Craig on his third DUI and got him off.”

  Sam’s bald announcement was followed by a moment of frozen silence, and then Beau took the plate in his hand and slammed it down on the counter, his face growing red. “You mean…?”

  “I mean that Jodie has connections to the guy.”

  “No,” Tyler said, coming to life. “You mean that she made it possible for that guy to kill our parents.” He stood with the air freshener can in one hand, gripping it so tightly his fingers were turning white. “Shit!”

  There had been no way to sugarcoat the situation. No way to tell them that their trail of logic was flawed, because Tyler had a point.

  Beau put his hands on the counter and stood with his head bent while Tyler glared at Sam as if this was his fault.

  “I liked her,” Tyler growled. “I liked her and…”

  Beau kept mumbling the same foul word over and over again, staring down at the counter between his hands. Tyler turned and walked out of the room. A second later the bedroom door slammed shut.

  Beau looked up at Sam, blinking back tears. “I don’t want to see her anymore.” He started out of the kitchen. “Ever,” he added as he disappeared into the hall. The bedroom door opened and shut again, this time with a quiet click that sounded worse than the slam.

  Sam closed his eyes for a moment. How in hell was he supposed to handle this?

  Give them time. Let them have their anger. He could hear Paige’s patient voice in his head.

  Fine. He’d do that. In the meantime his gut was twisted so tightly he felt he was going to puke.

  TWO DAYS LATER Sam was nearly worn down by his nephews’ anger. They felt betrayed, and because of that they were fixating on Jodie’s part in their parents’ deaths.

  Sam had a blessedly full workload, and when he wasn’t pulling a calf or treating scours, he was busy in the office. Katie had taken the week off because her sister in Montana had a baby, so he was on his own. He didn’t mind. It kept his thoughts occupied so he couldn’t dwell on the reality of the crappy situation he was in.

  Until he went to bed. Then he lay awake staring up at the ceiling and wishing that he hadn’t connected with Jodie quite so well. Wishing he hadn’t fallen in love with her. Wishing she trusted him enough to work through this with him, maybe see Paige at some point in the future, maybe give him a chance to work a miracle.

  Maybe if Mike hadn’t quit, and she’d continued to show him the lawyer facade, everything would have turned out differently. But it hadn’t. He’d gotten to know the real Jodie and he’d fallen for her. Now he had a problem, because he wasn’t going to let her slip through his fingers without a fight.

  “So what do you think, Dave?” he asked his brother out loud. He’d developed the habit of talking to Dave during the weeks following his death. It had helped him work out the pain and anger, helped him stay strong for his nephews. Dave had been silent over the past several weeks, though. Sam had no idea what his brother would have thought of this turn of events.

  He did know instinctively that Dave would have wanted his sons to heal. But how?

  The obvious answer was by letting go of the anger. But again, how? Especially when the twins were barely speaking to him. They were angry at him, angry at Jodie.

  Sam needed to talk to Paige, who was, unfortunately, on a two-week vacation. Funny how long they’d survived without her, and now her input seemed essential.

  WORK DAYS THAT USED TO BE exhausting yet somehow invigorating were now just exhausting. Jodie found no joy in her job, no joy in life, but it was only a phase, she told herself. She’d hoped that being back in the office, away from Sam, would help her regain some perspective. Yes, she was one of many who’d played a part in Dave and Maya Hyatt’s deaths, and yes, she’d been doing her job. But she could not move beyond the pain she’d caused two boys she’d come to care for, a man she’d quite possibly fallen in love with. Or the pain she might inadvertently cause others if she made the same mistake again.

  A DUI case had come her way, a slam dunk, but she’d turned it down, causing much gossip and a few back handsprings from the junior associate who’d ended up with the case. Jodie was not going there again.

  She wasn’t going anywhere. It was obvious that the partners were concerned about her lackluster attitude since returning, so she’d confessed what had happened to the senior.

  He’d nodded sagely, then told her to get her ass in gear and grind out some cases. Which was what she was doing now. At home, at work.

  Damn, but she was tired.

  She was asleep when the phone rang. A quick glance at the wall clock told her it was ten o’clock—too early to go to bed, and too late for Sam to be calling. But he was. Jodie hesitated, then pushed the button to receive the call.

  Her voice was husky from sleep when she said hello.

  “You picked up.” It was almost physically painful to hear his voice.

  “Yes.”

  “You didn’t when I called before.”

  “I’d forgotten my phone at home.” Jodie pressed her fingertips to her forehead and closed her eyes. She wished she didn’t feel so strongly for this guy. “So how’s everything there?” Banal words considering the circumstances.

  She heard Sam inhale. “Some things are good. Others…”

  “Tyler and Beau?”

  “Their team took second place in state. Beau was leading scorer.”

  “Tell him congratula—” Jodie stopped abruptly. “Do they know, Sam? Did you tell them?”

  “Yeah.”

  It was her turn to inhale deeply. “How’d they take it?”

  “Not too well.”

  “I told you,” she said softly.

  “They’ll deal with it.”

  She continued to massage her forehead, staving off the tension headache building there. “Tell me this…are they angry with me?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Don’t tell me they’ll get over it.”

  “You need to get over it, Jodie! The judge and the cops made it possible, too. The barte
nder made it possible. The man who sold the asshole the car made it possible.”

  “I know that. But none of those guys are in a position to be part of your nephew’s lives, are they?” she asked reasonably. “Let this go, Sam. It’ll be easier on everyone in the long run.”

  She moved the phone away from her ear and pushed the off button.

  ONE MORE WEEK UNTIL Paige returned. Sam hoped he could hold it together for that long. Tyler and Beau were hanging on to their anger, and between the two of them, nurturing it. Not what he had expected when he’d told them the truth.

  Finally Sam had had it. After a silent dinner, Tyler started clearing the table, but Sam told him to stop.

  “We’re going to discuss this.”

  “There’s nothing to discuss,” Beau said, echoing words Sam had said to him more than once. “Jodie gets people off so they can go out and do the same thing all over again.”

  “She was just doing her job. It’s the way the law works. The judge and the cops that screwed up the procedure are to blame, too. It was circumstances.”

  “Well, it sucks.”

  “Yeah, it does.”

  “So pretty much everybody else is to blame for Mom and Dad getting hit by that car except for Jodie?” Beau asked in a challenging tone.

  “That’s not what I said.”

  Ty shook his head and walked out of the room. Beau gave his uncle a long look and then followed his brother.

  Sam leaned his hands on the counter and let his head drop. In Tyler’s own words, this sucked.

  Things weren’t any better with Jodie. He’d tried again to call her and, just as before, she refused to pick up his calls. He thought briefly about using another phone, then decided not to use those tactics. She needed time, the boys needed time. The problem was that time didn’t seem to be making anyone heal. It simply seemed to exacerbate the situation.

  Finally, he realized he couldn’t wait for Paige to get back. He needed some moral support. Now. He got her cell number from Tricia and called, thankful that Paige did not seem to mind him hunting her down and impinging on her private time.

  He told her what had happened, how he’d handled it. It was so weird to be doing this. A few months ago, before he’d called Tricia at the high school, he never would have poured out his personal life to anyone. But now he was desperate. He wanted to save his nephews, and he wanted a chance with Jodie.

  Paige was silent for a moment, then said, “Sam…you’ve given them a scapegoat. Someone they can blame other than Colin Craig.”

  “Did I make a mistake?”

  “No, but just because you were up front doesn’t mean the people involved are going to see things the way you do.”

  “Is there any hope?”

  “I wish I knew,” she said softly. “My advice is to keep the doors of communication open. Allow the boys time to deal with the anger.”

  “What if they never deal with it?”

  “You mean what if they never accept Jodie again?”

  Sam put a hand to his forehead. “Yeah. That’s exactly what I mean.”

  “It may happen, Sam. I’m sorry. But regardless of that—”

  “I need to step back and let them deal with this.”

  “I’m afraid you do. But…maybe I could talk to the boys? Give them something to do until I get back and we can meet again in person?”

  “That’d be good.” And do something miraculous while you’re at it. He went down the hall to the boys’ bedroom and tapped on the door.

  “Yeah?” Tyler’s sullen voice came through the closed panel.

  “Paige wants to talk to you guys. She’s on the phone.”

  The door opened, and first Beau came out and then Tyler. They silently walked past him and down the hall to the office as if they were going to the gallows. But Paige must have done some good, because the call took almost a half hour, during which time Sam did the dishes and started a load of laundry.

  When it ended, Beau and Tyler came back into the kitchen.

  “We’re going to meet with her alone next week,” Beau said, before heading down the hall.

  Tyler was more forthcoming. “She gave us some stuff to work on.”

  “All right,” Sam said, hoping for more information.

  “This is kinda harder on Beau than it is on me, Sam. He really liked Jodie a lot.”

  “I know.”

  Tyler tightened his mouth, as if to keep from saying anything more. He nodded at Sam and then followed his brother down the hall.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “YOU GOT A LETTER,” Penelope said as Jodie walked by. She handed her a plain white envelope addressed by hand to Jodie in care of the law office. “Be careful of anthrax,” she said as she looked back at her keyboard.

  “Thanks,” Jodie muttered, tearing the envelope open as she walked. But she waited until she was in her office before pulling out the single sheet of computer paper. The postmark said Wesley, NV, and the writing was not Sam’s. Jodie had a very bad feeling about this.

  She shut her door, hung up her jacket, booted up her computer. Only then did she unfold the letter, which she’d set on her desk, and start to read. By the time she’d finished, she was numb, yet oddly grateful.

  Beau Hyatt pulled no punches. He hated her. He never wanted to see her again. He wished something bad would happen in her life so she could feel real pain.

  Jodie set the open letter on her desk and leaned back in her chair, regarding it dispassionately.

  What more evidence did Sam need that there was no future for the two of them?

  She folded the paper and slid it back into the envelope, then put it in her briefcase for safekeeping. As time passed and she started to feel hopeful, she would pull it out and read it.

  Perhaps she’d even read it again tonight. For penance.

  During the days following the letter, Jodie was even more off her game than she’d been before, making stupid mistakes—or rather, overlooking things that had never escaped her in the past.

  She put her head down on her desk after realizing that she’d missed an important point in the case she was preparing. Damn Sam and damn her father. Most of all damn Colin Craig.

  Sam had tried to call several times after returning to Wesley. Her father hadn’t tried to call her once. Magnanimous forgiveness put a person in the same position as withholding love did. The bottom slot. Jodie hated being there, hated being the one who owed something to someone else.

  The brief she was resting her head on was warm beneath her cheek, fresh out of an overworked copy machine. She closed her eyes. Tried to count her blessings.

  She had her health.

  One corner of her mouth quirked sardonically and she raised her head, sat back in her chair.

  She had a job that she’d found challenging up until a few weeks ago. Now she felt as if she was barely able to focus on it. The work that had gotten her through her divorce wasn’t helping her out now. In fact…it was hard to admit…she was beginning to feel overwhelmed. And her boss had been none too pleased when she refused the DUI case he’d assigned her.

  She was edging closer and closer to hating her job.

  She had to do something. Did she want to give up the law? No. But—and a few months ago she never would have believed she would be thinking this way—she wanted less pressure. Fewer hours.

  She didn’t want to be in a position where she might be making life-and-death decisions by putting people out on the street again who shouldn’t be there. She was spending so much time second-guessing herself that she was no longer effective in her job.

  She dropped her head back into her hands. She was going to become a freaking real estate attorney if she kept acting this way.

  Jodie went shopping on her way home, picking up supplies for her nearly empty fridge. Driving out of the parking lot, she almost hit a car because she wasn’t focused.

  She went home, made a fried egg sandwich and started reviewing career options. Maybe a smaller town, a smaller
firm. Nothing as small as Wesley, but maybe a city with fewer DUIs, fewer people than Vegas. Maybe somewhere in Montana. She’d grown up in Illinois and was used to the cold. After her weeks on the ranch, she kind of missed the rural life, although she’d rather be in a small town than miles away from one. It wasn’t likely she’d be spending time on her father’s ranch in the foreseeable future. Even if he did loosen up and deign to forgive her, for once in her life, Jodie wasn’t certain she was going to return the favor. She’d had it with yo-yo affection. Better to just cut bait.

  Her only concern was her mother, whom she talked to a couple times a week. Nadine never said a word about Joe, and Jodie never fessed up about Sam. Instead they talked about painting, Jodie’s job, cooking. Ultimately, Jodie decided that she and her mother could continue their relationship as they had up until now—by meeting in a city and spending the weekend together, with Joe out of the loop. Sad, but realistic.

  She paced through the house. So did she seriously start planning a change? Or wait and see if this was a phase, caused by an unexpected trip into a Sam Hyatt-inspired fantasyland, which ended as all fantasies must—crushed by a heavy dose of reality? Jodie had never been a big believer in happily ever after. All she had to do was look at her parents’ marriage to know that no matter how much in love you might be, one partner always seemed to be on the losing end.

  So bottom line—she needed to regroup, get back on top of her game. And yes, it might be with another firm, in another city, but for right now she was going to do the best she could with the job she had. After all, she was Jodie Barton De Vanti. This was what she did best.

  THE BELLS ON THE CLINIC door rang a few minutes after Katie had left for the day, and Sam assumed she’d forgotten her keys. But the footsteps that came into the office were heavy, booted.

  Sam pushed back his chair and got up. The last person he expected to see standing next to his counter was Joe Barton.

  “I have a question for you.” Joe did not look good. His face was drawn, the lines in it more apparent than they’d been the last time Sam had seen him, at the feed store a week ago.