Once and for All

by Jeannie Watt

  “No…we’ve ended our relationship.” Jodie looked her in the eye and had the oddest feeling she wasn’t fooling her.

  “Go get some sleep, hon.”

  “I will.”

  Jodie wanted more than anything to ask her mother what to do, how to handle loving a guy she couldn’t have. How to live with having done the unforgivable. Instead she left her to her vigil and went out to the parking lot, where she found Sam’s vet truck parked next to her car.

  Oh. Man.

  “Sam…this is not the time,” she said, even as she was wishing with all her heart and soul that she could simply walk into his arms. Lean against him and absorb his strength.

  “How’s your father?” His voice was filled with concern, which didn’t help matters.

  “He’s going to be okay.”

  “Can I do anything for you or your mom?”

  Jodie simply shook her head.

  “Stop shutting me out, Jodie.”

  “What else can I do, since you refuse to take a hint?” she asked, suddenly angry that he was confronting her at a time like this. Didn’t she have enough stress? “Why would I go into a situation that’s been doomed to heartache from the very beginning?”

  “Because we can work through it.”

  “How many times did you tell me how important it is to you to keep the boys stable? To give them a healing environment?”

  “I never said I didn’t want them to face challenges.”

  “Challenges?” Jodie gave a sharp laugh. “Try hate and resentment. Did you see the letter Beau wrote me?”

  Sam stilled. “What letter?”

  “I’ll take that as a no.”

  “What letter?”

  She lifted her chin so she could look him in the eye as she explained. “Beau sent a letter to my law office, telling me exactly how he felt about what I’d done. Your nephew is very articulate.”

  “When did you get this letter?”

  Jodie gestured in frustration. “I don’t know. Two weeks ago, maybe? Not long after I got back.”

  “Things will change.”

  “They won’t change that much,” she insisted. People didn’t do an about-face. They held grudges and used stuff against you. They jerked you around.

  Sam touched her shoulder and she jumped. “Jo…” His hand didn’t move, but stayed there, steady on her shoulder, maintaining a connection. Jodie kept her back stiff.

  “Look,” she said fiercely. “I’m thinking of the boys and your family.”

  “And I’m thinking about what a coward you are. The boys are strong enough to work through this. It won’t be easy or instantaneous, but I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t believe it was true.”

  She shrugged, even though his remark made her furious. “Believe what you will.” Then she opened her car and got into the driver’s seat.

  “People won’t stop loving you just because you make a mistake,” he said, leaning down to look inside the low-slung vehicle.

  “Wanna bet?” Jodie asked through gritted teeth, shoving the key into the ignition.

  “I’m not like your dad. You don’t have to meet certain conditions to be acceptable.”

  She gave him a seriously cold look. “Well, aren’t you a saint.”

  “No. I’m a regular guy running out of patience.”

  “Good,” she said, turning the key. “When that happens, maybe you’ll come to your senses and do what’s right for Beau and Tyler.”

  YOU DON’T HAVE TO meet certain conditions to be acceptable.

  Of course she did. Hadn’t she learned that from day one?

  The ranch was lit up like a Christmas tree when she drove up to the garage. The barn lights were on, the house lights were on. When Jodie walked inside, she found the television going and the microwave door hanging open. Her mother and Margarite must have left in one heck of a hurry.

  Jodie sat on a kitchen chair and kicked off her ruined shoes. She couldn’t believe she’d driven through the snow in a sports car wearing peep-toe pumps and a linen blazer, but when she’d heard about her dad, she’d simply gotten into the Spitfire and driven. She would have been in deep trouble if she’d gotten stuck.

  Jodie walked through the house, shutting off lights as she went, and shedding her damp clothing. She tossed her blazer over the back of a teak chair, then unbuttoned her blouse as she walked through the living room. Thankfully, she always kept clothes at the ranch, so she would have something to wear after she got out of the shower. The cold seemed to have seeped inside her bones.

  She stood under the hot water until it started to go cold, and she was still chilled. Her dark blue velour robe hung on the back of her bathroom door, right where she’d left it a few weeks ago. She slipped into it, then sat on the bed and pulled on fuzzy socks before padding back through the house to the kitchen to make something hot to eat.

  Margarite didn’t believe in frozen dinners, but she had the freezer stocked just in case Lucas needed a meal while she was gone. Jodie pulled out macaroni and cheese, peeled back the wrapper and slid it into the microwave, having no clue if she’d even be able to eat it. She’d had nothing since breakfast, and yet didn’t feel hungry. Still, a person needed to eat. If nothing else, it would warm her from the inside out.

  The timer dinged and Jodie took out the tray, poking at the top before closing the microwave.

  Then she heard an odd sound behind her and glanced up to see the reflection of a man in the shiny black microwave door.

  Jodie screamed, throwing the plastic plate in the air as she whirled around, her body instinctively going into the defensive stance she’d learned in karate class. The man reacted in almost the same way, shouting and jumping backward, and then Jodie noticed he wasn’t exactly a man. Not yet, anyway.

  “Beau!”

  For a long moment they stared at each other, both wide-eyed, until Beau swallowed hard and Jodie pressed a hand to her heaving chest.

  “You. Scared. Me,” she said.

  “Likewise,” Beau muttered, color rising in his cheeks. “I thought Lucas was in here. He said something about getting food. I wanted to tell him we were leaving.”

  “Why are you here?” she asked, still trying to gain control of her breathing and her voice. “At the ranch?”

  “We’re helping out,” Beau said self-consciously.

  “Did my dad…hire you?” That made no sense.

  Beau snorted. “Right.”

  “Did Sam send you?”

  “He doesn’t know we’re here.”

  “Then…”

  The boy’s gaze shot around the room as if he was looking for an escape route, then came back to her. Briefly. He was even more weirded out than she was by the situation. “Look, I’m sorry I scared you,” he said a bit desperately. “But Ty is waiting. I need to leave.”

  “All right.” Jodie couldn’t exactly wrestle him down and demand answers, although she was tempted.

  “I’ll just go out the way I came,” he said, jerking his head toward the living room. She nodded.

  “I, uh, I’m sorry about your dad. I hope he’s all right.”

  “He will be,” Jodie said numbly.

  “Good. Well, bye. Sorry about your supper. Bye.”

  Beau disappeared back into the living room and a few seconds later Jodie heard the front door open and close.

  What about the letter, and why are you here?

  And then she automatically grabbed a length of paper towels and bent down to clean up the macaroni.

  She hadn’t been hungry, anyway.

  What in the heck had just happened? Why on earth would Beau be here “helping”? It made no sense. No sense at all.

  Let it go. She had other more important issues to think about.

  But why would a kid who’d made no secret about the fact that she’d ruined his life come and help out on the ranch?

  IT WAS ALMOST SIX O’CLOCK when Tyler and Beau came in through the kitchen door, knocking snow off their boots.

 
Sam was stirring a pot of soup, having thrown supper together with a can opener, too keyed up to do much else.

  “Where’ve you been?” he asked, hoping he sounded casual. It was dark outside, but not very late, and it wasn’t unusual for the boys to be gone all day. Only, for the most part Sam knew exactly where they were, and they hadn’t started the day with an emotional confrontation.

  “Barton ranch,” Tyler said, prying off a boot. Sam almost dropped the spoon.

  Beau took his gloves out of his pocket and spread them on the heat register to dry.

  “We went to see if Lucas needed some help,” Tyler continued. “You had all those calls this afternoon, and we thought…we’d just drive out and see if we could lend a hand, since Joe was in the hospital and all.”

  “You spent quite a while there,” Sam said, not really understanding what had happened.

  “Two calves were born and we tightened some fence by hand. We’re going back tomorrow. Lucas wants to pay us, but…” Beau glanced down briefly. “After what I said to you about Jodie, and then Joe almost dying…it doesn’t really feel right.”

  Sam nodded. “I bet Lucas appreciated the help.”

  “He was surprised to see us,” Tyler said.

  “So was Jodie.” Beau pulled off a wet sock and left it on the floor, where it would stay until Sam told him to pick it up later.

  “You saw Jodie?”

  “I scared the crap out of her. She threw macaroni at me.”

  Sam frowned, not quite following the macaroni business, but deciding he’d ask about it later. “Why’d you guys go to the ranch in the first place?”

  Ty cut a sidelong glance at his brother, who shifted uncomfortably.

  “Because I didn’t know what else to do,” Beau blurted. “I did something I shouldn’t have.”

  “Sent Jodie a letter?”

  A stunned look crossed his face. “Yeah.”

  “How bad was it?”

  “Bad,” Beau mumbled. Sam didn’t say anything, sensing there was more. “Real bad. Mom wouldn’t have been too proud of me.” He looked everywhere but at Sam for a moment. “Paige told us to write our feelings in a letter to the person we were angry at.”

  “She told us not to mail them,” Tyler added grimly.

  “I mailed mine,” Beau said. “And for about half a day I felt better.”

  “And then?”

  He made an eloquent face. “I tried to tell myself I was right, but it didn’t work. So I called Paige after you left today.”

  “What did she say?” Sam asked quietly.

  Beau glanced at his brother as if for encouragement, then back at Sam. He stood a little taller. “Paige told me that Jodie didn’t know that guy was going to…kill someone. Nobody could have known that.”

  Sam wanted to ask the kid how many times he’d heard that exact same sentiment from his uncle, but managed to hold the words in as Beau started talking again. “And she told me I had to forgive Jodie, and I had to forgive myself for being an asshole and sending the letter, or I was never going to be whole again.”

  Tears started forming in Beau’s eyes. He looked up at the ceiling to hold them back before saying in an unsteady voice, “I really kinda want to be whole again.”

  Sam couldn’t wait any longer. He reached out and pulled Beau into a rough embrace, realizing that the kid had grown—he was taller than the last time Sam had done this, only a month ago.

  After an awkward pause, Tyler stepped forward to put his arms around both of them. “Don’t want to miss the group hug,” he muttered, but Sam had a feeling that the kid actually meant it.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  JODIE PACED THE ranch house after checking in with Lucas to see what the deal was with the boys. Apparently they’d showed up and offered to help, so he’d gratefully put them to work. They were coming back the next day.

  She didn’t get it. Not after the letter Beau had written. People didn’t just do one-eighties like that.

  She stopped pacing in the kitchen and leaned her forehead against the cool glass of the picture window.

  Why were Sam’s nephews paying penance, when she was the one who’d committed the crime?

  Let it go.

  She couldn’t. She wanted answers and she wanted them now.

  Jodie packed a bag for her mother and one for herself, since she’d be spending the night in town, in the motel. She wasn’t driving back to the ranch twice, but she was going to talk to Sam. She intended to get answers, set boundaries. She did not want his nephews at the ranch, reminding her of the mistake she’d unwittingly made.

  She got into the Spitfire with every intention of settling the situation once and for all. Unfortunately, she wasn’t going to get the chance. Both the clinic and the house were dark and the vet truck was gone when she arrived. The Hyatt men must have gone on a call and she was not going to get any answers tonight.

  As she entered the hospital, Jodie hid her disappointment at not being able to hash things out with Sam behind her lawyer face. Her mother was on her feet the instant she saw her.

  “What’s wrong? Why are you here?”

  So much for hiding things. “I couldn’t stay at that ranch alone. I brought your stuff. How’s Dad?”

  “He’s sleeping.” Nadine sounded determined to remain positive. “We can see him first thing in the morning.”

  Jodie put her arm around her mother’s thin shoulders. “Why don’t we go to the motel? Get some sleep in a real bed so we can make it through tomorrow without being all tired and cranky?”

  Nadine smiled slightly, since she’d always cajoled Jodie into bed by telling her she didn’t want her to be tired and cranky the next day.

  “All right.” Nadine gathered her magazines and needlework, carefully arranging them in a Gucci tote before putting on her coat. “And once we get to the motel, you can tell me what’s going on with you and this vet.”

  Jodie gave her a sidelong glance. “I already told you—”

  “He’s called twice today to check on your father. The nurses told me. I want to know the whole story.”

  Nadine had already checked into the motel, so it wasn’t long before she had her daughter seated in the rather uncomfortable upholstered chair next to the desk, while she sat on the edge of the bed. Once again she asked for the entire story.

  Jodie gave her the bare bones—she and Sam had had a fling, she’d made the startling discovery that she’d defended the man who’d killed his brother, his nephews hated her and one of them had sent her a letter saying that very clearly. Oh, and Sam was trying to hold his family together, and having her around wasn’t helping matters.

  “Anything else?” Nadine asked in a shrewd voice. She would have made a good interrogator, Jodie decided. Not because she was intimidating, but because she could read body language.

  “The boys were at the ranch when I got there. Helping Lucas.”

  “Why?”

  “I have no idea,” Jodie said wearily. “I wanted to ask Sam, but his truck wasn’t at his place. He must be out on a call. And…now that I think about it, Beau said Sam didn’t know they were there.”

  “But you went to him, anyway.”

  Jodie gave her mother a sharp look. “I wanted answers.”

  “I can give you some answers. It sounds like the boys are trying to make amends. On their own. Are you going to throw that back in their faces?”

  She let her head fall back against the chair and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t know.”

  “Jodie, you’ve always been such a fighter. This mystifies me.”

  “What if…” Jodie’s voice faltered before she was able to articulate the fear that had been eating at her since Sam first showed up at her condo door, demanding that she give them all a chance. “What if they try, but they just can’t find it in their hearts to let me back into their lives?”

  “What if you fail?” her mother asked. “Would you be any worse off than you are now?”

  “Part of me think
s I would.”

  JODIE HAD THOUGHT SLEEP would be impossible, but she passed out almost as soon as she got into bed. The instant she woke, though, depression washed over her. Her father was in the hospital; that was a definite downer. But more than that, she was being a coward about facing Sam and his boys, just as Sam had said, just as her mother had implied.

  Jodie was deathly afraid of failing, afraid of losing affection. So she wasn’t even going to try to rebuild something she might ultimately lose.

  She was pathetic.

  She and her mother drove to the hospital without saying much. Nadine was bright-eyed, hoping to see an improvement in her husband. Gentle Nadine Parker loved gruff Joe Barton and they had stuck together for years, even when Joe had hyperfocused on building his company and ignored his wife in the process.

  Her mother put no conditions on love. If she had, she’d be long gone by now.

  Jodie waited until Nadine had visited Joe and then gone to the cafeteria to get something to eat before she entered her father’s room.

  “It’s good to see you looking better, Dad.”

  “I feel better than I did yesterday.” He was hooked to an IV and various monitors, but his color was brighter and his expression alert. They made awkward small talk, then Jodie gave him the status report she’d gotten from Lucas over the phone a few minutes ago. Margarite had driven to the ranch early that morning and was there to answer the phone and hunt him down in the barn.

  “Looks like Lucas is doing a better job than I’d expected. I guess he’s earned that second chance.”

  Earned. Always earned. Jodie placed a hand on her father’s arm. “Dad…do you believe in forgiveness?”

  “I’ve never done much I felt I need forgiveness for.”

  “How about me? You were kind of…unforgiving with me sometimes.”

  “I just wanted you to achieve your fullest potential.” He stared up at her, his gaze hawklike and unrepentant. “It worked, didn’t it?”

  Jodie simply gazed at him, amazed at the satisfaction in his weak voice.

  “Do you want me to ask you for forgiveness for raising you the best way I knew how?”

  Jodie shook her head. “No, Dad. But I need you to understand that pleasing you is no longer top on my agenda.” Where it had been for as long as she could remember. She kept an eye on the heart monitor as she spoke, thankful the green line didn’t blast to the top of the screen. She leaned down and kissed her father’s forehead. “I hate it when you withdraw, but I can live with it.” She shrugged philosophically. “I have to live with it.”