The Romance Vote

by Ali Vali

  “Ma’am,” Buford said, taking Carla’s hand, “your husband still has a lot to offer this state, so I hope you steer him in the right direction.”

  Sam rolled her eyes, but only so Chili could see. “Want to grab a drink to celebrate?” Sam asked.

  “I’ll take a rain check, if you don’t mind. After this I’m going to be busy for the next few weeks seeing how this shakes out.”

  “Let me know if you need me to do anything.”

  “You can start by not telling Paula that Rooster’s running,” she said, and laughed.

  *

  “She asked you out and you turned her down?” Dale asked as he browned onions in Chili’s kitchen.

  “Did you forget the part of the story I told you where her father, my boss, came over here and threatened me if I look at his daughter for more than ten seconds?” She sat in her den and, for once, really enjoyed watching the news.

  Fudge had made every major network, so it didn’t matter which one she watched. They all showed the same shot of him handcuffed to his date, his hair mussed, and wearing an expression of total disbelief that this was happening to him. She had to give it to Fudge; he had good taste in women, even if he was paying for it. This was so good, though, she was thinking of having that video clip put on a loop and sending it out as her Christmas greeting.

  “You’ve missed having dinner with me two weeks in a row, so fill me in on what’s happening besides Huey’s temporary foray into insanity.”

  “He’s not crazy, Dale,” she said, finally getting up and joining him in the kitchen. “He’s worried about his daughter, and I don’t have a defense about what a jerk I’ve been in the past when I have to see Paula practically every day. Talk about a reminder about all the mistakes I’ve made.”

  “It’s not like you had three kids and a wife at home while you were with Paula. You were a single adult lured to the dark side by perky tits and a great ass. That could happen to anyone. Don’t you remember that Michael Douglas movie?” He added chicken to the pot next and stirred it with a flick of his wrist. “Hell, you should be glad you didn’t have a pet rabbit when that crazy bitch didn’t take no too well.”

  “You’re a riot, and you should be glad you’re cooking me dinner. I’d hate to stab you before you’re done.”

  “You love my cooking too much to harm me bad enough to put me out of commission.” He added a few more spices before plating everything and handing her some dishes to take to the table. It was raining too hard to eat outside.

  “Did you get a chance to pick up our anniversary gift for Mom and Dad?” They’d decided a trip to Aruba would be a good way for their parents to celebrate their second honeymoon.

  “Yes, along with all the catering. Are you bringing a date?”

  “Are you?” she asked guiltily, since she hadn’t asked Dale too much about what was happening in his life lately. She really needed to work on that before Dale finally got tired of her ignoring him and gave up on her.

  “I’m thinking about inviting one of the waitresses just so I don’t have to hear about how I’m going to grow old alone and regret not giving my mother grandchildren.”

  “Good plan. I’d bring Beth or someone from the office, but Mama would see through that the second I arrived. It’s too bad Sophie won’t be here till after the party. That one she might buy, until she got a look at her left ring finger, since I’m sure the producer she hooked up with must’ve sprung for a large stone with an equally stunning setting.”

  “Sophie was nice and had the spunkiest personality I’ve ever seen in a woman, but don’t cry too hard over letting her go.” She stopped eating after Dale said that. “What?” he said, shrugging. “You had a good time, and I’m sure she did, but there was never going to be anything besides that. She wasn’t the one who stole your heart. That hasn’t happened, from what I’ve seen.”

  “I wish I knew me as well as you seem to.” Maybe they should start eating in the den so she could lie down while they talked. With enough time and ingredients, perhaps Dale could eventually fix her.

  “I not only know you, but I love you, so don’t forget that.”

  “I love you too, even if you always cancel out my vote,” she said, and laughed. Dale had a way of easing her mind more than anyone else. “Maybe I should call Billy Fudge and ask where I can rent a nice girl to bring as my date.”

  Chapter Eight

  A few days after the holidays Chili set up a few events for Virgil to get the voters interested in the campaign again. “Will you really work to fix the coast, Mr. Virgil,” the young girl who’d come with some interested adult to Virgil’s town hall meeting asked with such earnestness Chili considered putting her in a commercial spot. She’d always thought kids like this would get them out of the jam their parents and grandparents had put them in.

  “I pinkie swear,” Virgil said, holding out his little finger as he winked at the woman behind the girl.

  They walked out at a leisurely pace so Virgil could shake hands and talk to whoever seemed interested in his view of the world. Chili usually left these things up to her staff, but the event was taking place near her brother’s restaurant, and she was interested in seeing how well Virgil had studied. Compared to the man she’d first met, he was a completely different person and his poll numbers were nothing short of a miracle, but still not good enough to pass his opponent.

  “How was that?” Virgil asked when they stepped into a small room near the space they’d rented for the event.

  “Spectacular, but remember to stay on point and not run off to topics you’ll have no control over in the Louisiana State Senate,” she said, and Sam smiled.

  “I couldn’t just ignore that lady when she asked about abortion and what my stance on it was.”

  “Sam will review the standard answer that keeps you firmly in the middle of that debate. Usually I’d tell you to go with your belief, if you were only running in your neighborhood, but you’re not. Right now you’re smack in the middle of pro-life and pro-choice land, so a definitive answer that won’t mean anything isn’t a smart move on your part.”

  “I know that the Louisiana State Senate doesn’t change or make federal laws.”

  “Damn right, and answering questions or getting into a debate about it will only alienate voters for no good reason.”

  “That woman was at our opponent’s town hall last week,” Sam said as she pulled her hair out of the ponytail she’d quickly fashioned once Virgil had starting answering questions.

  “Did she ask that question then?” Chili asked.

  “Nope, but she did tell him she loved his stance on gun control or, more accurately, his belief that everyone should be armed to the teeth.”

  “Find out when he’s having another meeting, Beth, and have someone we trust go and ask the same question,” Chili said as Beth took notes. “Only whoever it is, tell them to push until he gives an answer.”

  “You want film if we can get it?” Beth asked.

  “It’s a small market, but it might be worth it if you can pull it off.”

  “Film?” Virgil and Sam asked together.

  “The woman today isn’t going to vote for you, Virgil, but she did want to convince the other folks who came today into voting for her candidate. If you’d answered her, believe me, your answer would’ve lived on when they put it in a spot, painting you as the evil the other side of this issue always fears. When you didn’t really answer, she didn’t get what she came for, but since your opponent wants to play that game, we’ll play too, only I like to play to win.”

  “That dirty son of a bitch,” Virgil said. “People really do that?”

  “Sometimes politics is nothing more than a game of king of the hill. You push, kick, and do whatever it takes to win and be the last guy standing, so yes, people really do that and more. I just thought they wouldn’t stoop that low for this race, but we have to be ready.”

  “I trust you to take care of it,” Virgil said, and held his hand out to
Candy. “If that’s all here, we’ve got a group of volunteers ready to walk that neighborhood on the parish line and hand out brochures.”

  “Have fun and beware of dogs.” Chili held her hand up and pointed to the scar under her wrist. “Trust me on that too,” she said, and laughed.

  They all walked out together and waved to Virgil and Candy as they drove off with Beth in the backseat, after she’d volunteered to go as well. “Sorry you had to work on Saturday, but you still have time to go do something fun,” Chili said to Sam.

  “Do you have plans?” Sam shielded her eyes from the sun and gazed up at her. “Maybe I can cash in the drink you owe me.”

  “I’d love to, but today is my parents’ anniversary, so my brother and I are having a party for them.” The way Sam stood there after her answer made her think it would be rude not to invite her. In a way it could be the olive branch to put Sam at ease around her, since she surely wouldn’t be interested. “You weren’t working with us yet when the invitations went out, but if you’d like to go—”

  “Sure,” Sam said before she could give her an out. “You want to go in one car? And should I stop and get something?”

  “Leave your car and I’ll bring you back later, and all they really want is for people to have fun, so you’re fine.” She walked to the car thinking she’d walked right into that one, and it was too late to say she was joking.

  “Do you really want me to go?” Sam asked, as if her thoughts were visible in a big cartoon bubble over her head. “If you have a date I don’t want to intrude.”

  “You don’t mind swinging by to pick up Paula?” She laughed hard at Sam’s expression. “Not buying that, huh? Don’t worry. I’m dateless, so maybe I asked to keep up my reputation. Can’t have my cousins making fun of me for coming alone.”

  “I doubt anyone in your family laughs at you,” Sam said as she sat and swung her legs in together. Chili watched, wondering how she’d make the move in the short skirt. “Do your cousins know what a rock star you are?”

  “They vaguely remember my existence when they get a speeding ticket. Since I know a lot of people, they think they deserve a free pass and don’t understand when I turn them down. The politics bug infected only me, so they’re not interested too much in what I do.”

  “Do you want to eat before we go?” Sam asked when she stopped at the valet stand outside Dale Christian’s Restaurant. They’d pooled their money to start the restaurant, so Dale thought it should be named after both of them, but she’d forced Dale to put his name first since he’d be the one slaving in the kitchen. “Party food not your thing?”

  “You might not remember the night we came here with your father after the last representative’s race, but this is my brother’s place, so we got a good deal on the room and catering.” She hurried around and gave Sam a hand out of the car. “Dale’s a genius in the kitchen, but if you thought his stuff wasn’t memorable, don’t tell him. He’s sensitive that way.”

  “He is a genius, and I’ve recommended this place more than once to my friends. Sorry the name didn’t jump out at me. The last time I was here was with you.”

  The party room was way too small for the number of people they’d invited, so Dale had closed the entire place to accommodate the vast number of friends and family who’d showed up to wish their parents another thirty-eight of happiness. When they entered, the music was loud and a crowd covered the makeshift dance floor by the bar. Whoever wasn’t dancing was engrossed in what looked like passionate conversations, but the noise level was too high to hear what was so important.

  Dale spotted them and waved her over to the tables topped with serving dishes and plates. He smiled when she took Sam’s hand and guided her through the crowd, stopping to say hello and thanks whenever someone stopped her. A couple of aunts were curious about Sam, so Chili kept moving before any of them offered an opinion or advice.

  “You look fantastic, Sam,” Dale said as he took Sam’s hand when she dropped it. “Glad you could make it.”

  “Thanks, and thanks for the compliment. Maybe you could teach this one,” Sam pointed to Chili, “that being nice isn’t a crime.”

  “She’s slow on the uptake, but if you show a little patience and don’t make any sudden big moves you’ll have her eating out of your hand like a skittish wild animal.” Chili widened her eyes at Dale in warning. “Have one of the girls fix you a plate, and we’ll sit and eat and I’ll give you some pointers. I reserved a table for us.”

  “Don’t start,” Chili said, when Sam walked away. “I invited her as a courtesy and she accepted. I was shocked to hell, but that’s all this is.”

  “And she usually needs assistance across a room when it’s more than a few feet?”

  “You should take up comedy, and if you try to be cute when she gets back I’m going to stick your head in the dip.”

  “I made the kind with shrimp that you like, so be nice to me.” He laughed as Sam came back with two plates and handed one to Chili. “That’s us over there.” Dale pointed to a small table with a reserved card on it. “What would you like to drink, Sam?”

  “White wine or whatever, I’m not picky.” Sam unfurled her napkin and glanced around the room once Dale ran off to get their drinks. “Which couple are your parents? I remember Dale, but I’ve never met them.”

  They were dancing to a slow song and moved in a way only people who’ve spent a lifetime together do. As a child Chili had always loved to watch her parents dance, since they seemed so happy moving to the music. They were the only people who’d been together as long as they had who were not only still madly in love with each other, but they also actually liked each other.

  “There they are.” She waved when her mom saw her and blew her a kiss.

  “They sure look happy.”

  “It’s no act, and they’re disgustingly sappy at times, but that’s part of their charm.” She tried one of the selections Sam had made as she watched her parents stay on the dance floor when the tempo changed.

  “My dad talks about dancing with my mom sometimes when he’s feeling nostalgic, but that doesn’t happen often,” Sam said, sounding wistful. “At least not as often as I’d like since I’d love hearing about her every so often. He says the next time he’ll voluntarily dance is at my wedding.”

  “Huey’s a good guy, and your mom, from what I’ve heard of her, sounded like a good match for him. I’d love to see the guest list the day you tell him you’re getting married.”

  Dale came by, delivered the drinks, and announced he had an emergency in the kitchen, so he left them alone in the corner. “How about you? No wedding plans in your future?”

  “This isn’t another attempt to ask me about Paula, is it?”

  “We’re at a party so you have to answer me and not be snarky about it.”

  She laughed at Sam’s finger, which she had pointed in her face. “At the moment I’m a perpetual dater, but it doesn’t ever work out.”

  “Why not?” Sam asked with a smile around her fork.

  Her parents were still on the dance floor, and she couldn’t remember a time when they acted any differently toward each other. In a time when most marriages and relationships failed, her parents’ relationship grew stronger by the day. She never begrudged them their happiness, but it was like they’d sucked up all the luck as far as finding love for themselves and left none for her and Dale. It was a greedy, immature thought, but it did run through her head at times.

  “Until I find that, what’s the point?” she said, pointing to her parents. “Life with either of them would’ve driven me crazy by now, but they’re each other’s perfect match.”

  “You don’t believe there’s a perfect match for you somewhere in the world?” Sam asked, her eyes fixed on her plate.

  “If there is, they’ve lost my number, because I haven’t come anywhere close to finding them.” She scooped up a large cracker full of Dale’s shrimp dip and shoved it in her mouth as a way to force herself to stop talking.
If she didn’t know better, she’d swear Dale had put truth serum in the dip.

  The idiotic move to silence herself obviously wasn’t lost on Sam because she asked, “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

  “You do have a way of making me talk about stuff that normally I wouldn’t share with anyone except maybe Dale. But now that you’ve dragged all my secrets out of me, how about you? What special guy is Ms. Samantha waiting for?”

  “I have a list, actually, and until all my demands have been met, I’m not caving on any proposals.” Sam’s smile was infectious, and its appearance signaled that perhaps Sam was tweaking her a little.

  “This ought to be good. Let’s hear it.”

  “I’ll give you the first one so as to not bore you,” Sam said, and scooped up another cracker of shrimp dip and handed it to her. “Whoever’s interested can’t come up to my place for anything until they show up at my window with a mariachi band that can play Billy Joel’s ‘Just the Way You Are.’ That’s the first of eighty things on my list.”

  “Flowers won’t cut it, huh?” Chili put her elbows on the table so she could rest her chin on her hands to listen to whatever Sam said. It was fascinating.

  “Flowers are a good icebreaker, but the only way to get to the next level is the mariachi band.”

  She accepted another cracker from Sam and laughed. “So you’re telling me you’d have sex with someone who sends you flowers and shows up at your house with a pack of Mexican men in costume? That’s kind of kinky.”

  “Who said anything about sex? I’m talking about a short night consisting of a drink and conversation. Sex comes after the eightieth item.”

  “Eighty things that build on a mariachi band singing Billy Joel? You must either still be a virgin or have sex every ten years or so. At your age that means there must only be one lucky but broken guy out there with an ice bag on his crotch.”

  Sam moved on to the fish entree Dale had made and offered Chili a forkful. “You seem awfully interested in my sex life or lack of one, and actually the list came as a result of some bad experiences with some idiots along the way.”