Can you see me? (Trinity Series Book 2)

by Regina Bartley

  I couldn’t say that I understood. I didn’t. She was letting her brother force decisions on her, and abiding his every wish like he was in charge. It felt corrupt and left a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  “You can make decisions for yourself, can’t you?”

  “It’s not as bad as it sounds. I promise. The whole situation is complicated and he really just wants to protect me, and if I’m honest, I think he seriously needs some loving of his own.” She giggled.

  And I did too.

  It was funny the way that she said it, like she was implying that he needed to get laid.

  “Well just so you know, and he’ll probably kill me for saying anything. Josh isn’t going away. He really likes you.”

  Her facial expression went from chipper to sullen in seconds, like I just admitted to killing her puppy. “Do you really think so?” She asked me.

  “Josh is my best friend in the world and I know what he’s feeling right now. He doesn’t even have to say the words,” I explained. Hopefully, in a way that she’d understand. I wasn’t trying to pry into any relationship that they may or may not have had, whether it was friendship, or possibly leading to something more.

  The car grew silent for the last few minutes except when she told me where to turn.

  “I probably shouldn’t have said anything,” I told her as we pulled into her gated driveway. “Don’t think that I’m trying to pry or anything. I was just hoping to get to know you a little better, and find out what all the fuss is about.”

  She smiled at my words. “I’m not used to having anyone to talk to about things, other than Fox and Obi, so it’s kind of nice, you know, to have a girl to talk to.”

  “You can talk to me anytime,” I said sincerely, and I meant it. Letty was my only girl friend, or at least my closest one, and Gwen seemed sweet, in need of some serious girl-vention. There was an unspoken innocence about her that I really liked, and I could obviously see why Josh was falling for her. “Here,” I handed her my phone. “Add your cell phone number to my contacts and we will hang out sometime. I can even invite Josh,” I smirked raising my brows.

  She quickly added her number to my phone. Her enthusiasm was infectious and just what I needed on such a sorrow filled day.

  “Thanks again for the ride home.”

  “You’re welcome,” I told her. “See you later Gwen.”

  When she closed the car door, I sent Josh a quick text message to tell him that I couldn’t wait to talk to him more about the “G” word. I added the code in case there were lurking eyes near him. If he planned on getting serious with this girl, then he needed to get to the bottom of her brother issues. If Fox was as protective as she said he was, then he was going to have a battle ahead of him.

  When I got back to the dorm, Letty was napping in the bed with the little immigrant snuggled up to her head. He was kind of cute when he was asleep. The room was quiet and dimly lit. I could feel my eyelids drooping as I sat down on the bed and pulled my legs up against me. The day had taken a lot out of me. A nap sounded like the best medicine.

  The sound of my phone ringing woke me up. More like scared the crap out of me. The last time I heard a phone ring in the middle of the night, it was horrible news. Josh’s name flashed on the screen and I answered it quickly.

  “Hello,” I answered and glanced over at the clock. It was after ten p.m. I’d been sleeping for hours.

  “Were you sleeping?” Josh’s voice was loud. I could hear the commotion in the background.

  “Yeah,” I replied. “Where are you? Is everything okay?”

  “Hold on. I can barely hear you. The noise faded as I assumed he stepped away from wherever he was. It sounded like a party or something. “We’re over on 7th street at the bar. Your boy is fucked up.”

  I rubbed my eyes with my free hand. “Really?”

  “Yeah, like really fucked up. He’s had more to drink then Bear. I don’t know how he’s even standing.”

  “God Josh. Is he alright?”

  “I think you might want to come and get him.”

  My heart rate picked up. “I’ll be there soon. Text me the name of the bar, and the address if you have it, I have to get dressed.” I told him. “Keep an eye on him, please. I won’t be long.”

  Letty must’ve left for work at some point. She wasn’t in her bed.

  I jumped up and slipped out of my dress. I don’t even know how I slept in the thing. I was just exhausted. Pulling on a pair of legging and a sweatshirt, I slipped on my tennis shoes, grabbed my keys, and was out the door.

  Josh’s directions were perfect for me. He knew me so well. He told me about the yellow painted bricks on the corner of Lincoln and 4th, and he also mentioned that I’d pass under an overpass where the word Dick was painted in pink spray paint. He gave me the Lee Directions, and I loved him for it, considering I didn’t know east from west.

  It took me about fifteen minutes to get there, and another ten minutes of me circling around trying to find a place to park.

  I’d never heard of this place. There was a decal on the front window that sad Sandman. Seemed like an odd name for a bar. I called Josh from outside the door, afraid that they wouldn’t let me inside. I didn’t even bring my wallet, and I was clearly underage. A couple of sketchy looking people came strolling out the doors and I wondered what the hell my guys were doing in a place like this. The guy was big and burly, a long, ginger-colored beard, and a tattoo down the side of his neck. It wasn’t exactly the karaoke scene we were used too, more like a members-only biker joint, in favor of metal music, obviously. It blared out when Josh stumbled outside.

  “What the hell is going on, Josh?” My eyes were wide. “What is this place?” My body instantly drew closer to him when the door opened and another man walked out, a creepy feeling washed over me as the older man caught my eye.

  I felt completely out of place.

  “Come on.” He guided me through the door, into the crowded bar.

  The smell of cigarette smoke wafted in my face, nearly catching my eyes on fire with the burn. The place was noisy with metal music playing in the background, and several large groups of people hooping and hollering, trying so hard to talk over one another. I glanced over my shoulder at Josh, who continued pushing me through the crowds of people. His hands were on both sides of my waist and guiding me. He leaned down briefly and whispered in my ear.

  “Expect the worst,” he said.

  That made my heart jump in my chest. Bad things started to flash in my head. My breathing was irregular and I wondered if I could keep myself composed to deal with whatever I was about to see.

  If I thought I could, well, I was wrong.

  Jude’s hat stuck out to me as we made our way towards the right back corner. When we got to him, he was sitting on a barstool, and standing in between his legs was a five-foot-nothing, blonde haired girl. A few eyes landed on me from the guys around him, like Fox, and Obi, and Bear, each of them offering me a sad sort of what-the-fuck look.

  I felt like I was in a car sitting on an abandoned railroad track, with a train coming at me full speed ahead. I wanted to dash away, but I couldn’t stop looking. It was like someone gutted me.

  Josh tried to push me a little closer, but my feet were planted.

  Jude looked up and caught my eye, but it was a blank stare. It was almost like he didn’t recognize me. The girl between his legs giggled as she sipped her drink.

  I wasn’t the type to cause a scene. I couldn’t stand to feel like the center of attention. But I couldn’t stand by and watch any longer. My feet had a mind of their own, as I closed in on them.

  The drunken girl glanced up at me, and narrowed her eyes. She might not have known who I was at that exact moment, but she’d know soon enough.

  “Jude,” I spoke. My voice was deep, and was probably only heard by the few people around us.

  He looked over at me. The whites of his eyes were blood red, and his head swayed back and forth.

>   “Who are you?” The girl asked.

  My hands tightened at my side. I was two seconds away from just punching her right between the eyes. I wanted to knock those fake lashes right off her face.

  Josh intervened at the exact right moment. “Let’s go get you a drink,” he told her, leading her away. She didn’t seem to want to leave with him, but Josh was persistent, thankfully.

  I took her spot between his legs so that I could get extra close to his face. He was lost, no recognition, no familiarity, nothing. I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone so far gone before.

  “Jude.” I whispered this time so that only he could hear me. It took me holding his cheeks for him to look fully look into my eyes.

  “What’s going on?” He slurred. I could smell the pungent smell of whiskey on his breath. I’d never seen him drink more than a glass or two. This was borderline alcohol poison. It was like the smell was seeping out of his pores. It was so strong.

  He clearly had no idea where he was or what was going on, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it scared me.

  “We need to go home,” I told him.

  “We do?”

  I nearly choked on the breath that was knocked out of me. He said those words like a little boy. He reminded me of his dad, and it was heartbreaking to watch.

  “Yes we do,” I nodded my head. “Guys,” I said, getting the attention of our friends. There was no way he could walk out of that bar alone. I needed help.

  “You’re pretty,” he said before his head rolled forward and went limp. Thankfully the guys were there to catch him as his body went limp and nearly rolled off the chair.

  “My car is out this way,” I told them.

  Fox and Obi were on either side of him, and the two of them practically carried him to my car.

  In the car, I tried to get him to respond to me but there was nothing. His body was fully immobile and I was frightened for him, scared that he might really be in danger.

  “Should I take him to the hospital?” I asked the guys.

  “He’s just passed out. I think he’s going to be okay,” Fox replied. He seemed convinced and it helped me to relax a little. “Let me go get Josh. He was ready to go anyway, and he can help you get him into the dorm or wherever you’re going.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  After what felt like forever, we finally made it back to the dorms. I couldn’t take him back to the barn because the ladder was too vertical. There was no way that Josh and I would be able to get Jude up in the loft.

  “We can’t get him up those steps either Josh. He’s dead weight.” After trying to get his big ass out of the car for several minutes, I was ready to give up.

  Josh groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. “What are we supposed to do?”

  I felt defeated. I rested my forehead on the back passenger window, and shut my eyes tightly. I wanted it all to be a dream.

  “Just go,” I told him. “Just leave him here in the car.”

  “What? We can’t do that.”

  I turned to face him. “I’ll stay with him. It’s not cold, and I’ll lock the doors. It’s not like I’ll be able to sleep anyway. Not with him in this condition,” I groaned. “Remind me to kick his ass when he’s up and moving.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t think it’s such a good idea.” He shook his head. “I won’t feel good about leaving you in a car on campus parking lot all night. Yeah, no…” He paused. “Not going to happen. I’ll stay too.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “You’re my best friend. Don’t argue with me, cause you won’t win.”

  I offered him the only smile I could muster up and hugged his side. He always had my back no matter what, and I loved him so much for it.

  “It’s been a while since we’ve sat up all night and talked. Get in the car Lee.”

  The two of us bunkered down for the night and caught up, just like old times while we waited for Jude to return to the land of the living.

  Twenty-One

  Jude

  It was hot.

  It was hot and bright.

  Someone was stabbing me in the head with a sharp poker.

  “Good morning,” I heard my darlin’s voice say. When I cracked open my eyes, I saw her staring at me. “It’s about damn time you woke up.”

  Ouch. Her voice sounded like nails on chalkboard. What the hell happened? Blinking back the painfulness of the light, I got a good look at her again. She looked angry. Were we in a car?

  “What’s going on?” I groaned as I rolled my neck around and tried to sit up a little straighter. I was in desperate need of some sunglasses and, ouch, something for a headache. “Shit,” I jumped when Josh poked his head through the seats. I didn’t even realize anyone else was there.

  “Time for me to clock out,” he said. “You two have some catching up to do. Call me later, Lee. See ya, Man. Good Luck.” Good Luck? What the hell was he talking about? My brain hurt too much to think about it.

  “Let’s get out of this car and go up to my room. We can talk there. I’m tired of sitting in this car, and, well, I’m just plain tired.”

  “You seem like you’re pissed off.” I noticed, and I probably shouldn’t have said anything.

  “No,” She shook her head.

  I could tell by the tightness in her lips that she was lying to me.

  She climbed out of the car, and instead of waiting for me, she called out over her shoulder. “Let’s go Stu!”

  “Who the hell is Stu?”

  “The guy from The Hangover movie.”

  “Wait,” I shook my head. “The one that pulled his own tooth?”

  “Yep,” she answered, just before the door to the building closed in my face.

  I ran my tongue along my teeth making sure they were all still there. Thank goodness they were. I watched her backside as she raced up the stairs. I could barely keep up. Clearly she was upset with me. I must’ve done something stupid last night that pissed her off. The only thing I could thoroughly remember was leaving the graveside, everything after that was just a blur. I couldn’t even tell you how I got home. I ended up in her car so she must’ve been the one to pick me up. Each time I tried to think back, it made the throbbing in my head a million times worse.

  Inside her room, I wasted no time crawling into her bed. Shifting my arm under her pillow, I lay there watching her as she moved around the room.

  “Tell me what happened,” I urged. “I know you’re angry.”

  “You don’t remember anything do you?”

  “No.”

  She lifted her shirt over her head and tossed it on the floor next to her feet. “You got wasted, and I don’t blame you for it. I expected you to take the edge off and have a few drinks with your friends, but when Josh called me, he was genuinely worried about you. He said you were messed up, so I rushed to the bar where you were.”

  She grew silent. “And,” I pressed.

  “You didn’t even recognize me, Jude. There was a girl standing between your legs at the bar.” I felt my chest tighten. What had I done? Paislee pulled a clean tee shirt over her head and came to the edge of the bed. “I got jealous. When I saw that beautiful girl standing there I wondered to myself just how easily she could take you away from me. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I won’t lie, and say that I wasn’t mad, because at the time I was. But it only took me minutes to realize that you didn’t know her either. You didn’t even know who you were. I honestly thought that I was going to have to take you to the emergency room, that’s how drunk you were.

  “Nothing happened with that girl.”

  “So you do know what happened?” She asked.

  “No,” I shook my head. “But I would never cheat on you. You know that. Surely, you know that.”

  She sat down on the bed next to me. “I do know that Jude, but knowing and seeing are two different things. But I don’t want to talk about her. Let’s never mention her again.”

 
“Fine by me. I couldn’t even point her out in a lineup.” I smirked and she smiled. “So tell me exactly why you’re mad at me. I want to apologize for whatever I’ve done, but I can’t give you a truthful apology if I have no idea what I did.”

  “I’m more mad at myself and not you,” she told me, and I wondered what she meant by that. “It’s sort of a mixture of emotions altogether and anger was just the easiest one to convey. I hated seeing you like that. I know you’re hurting about your mother, and you have every right to be, but seeing you in that shape scared me to death. When I spoke to you in the bar you sounded lost and scared, like your Dad. If you could’ve seen yourself that way, you would’ve been disappointed and sad, just like me. Then we get you in the car and you were dead weight. Josh and I couldn’t carry you up the stairs so we spent the entire night in the car with you. After about the third hour, I was mad. The longer I sat there, the madder I got.” She scoffed. “I want you to take whatever time you need, to heal your heart, because I know it’s broken. But I don’t ever want you to get to that point again, because I couldn’t bear it if something bad happened to you.”

  Her words hit me like a baseball bat to the face. They stung, and I immediately felt guilty for acting like that. My Mother, Lord rest her soul, would never want me acting like a fool. “I apologize to you for my behavior. It was uncalled for.” I pulled her to me. “It won’t ever happen again. I promise Darlin.” My words could never be truer than in that moment.

  “I forgive you,” She smiled sweetly. “I’m sorry too, about your Mom.” She kissed my cheek. “I want you to know that I’m always here for you, no matter what. You don’t have to feel alone.”

  “I don’t.” I pressed my lips gently against hers. “I got carried away last night. I won’t do it again.”

  She closed her eyes and slowly opened them back up again. Her brown eyes were teary. “I believe you.”

  “Really?” I wanted to be sure that she knew she could trust me.