by Justin Coke
“I have ambitions in the game and I wanted to get my investments going early.”
“How much gold do you have?”
“500,000.”
“You rich?”
“No.”
“Why spend that much on gold?”
“I want to be the best player on the server.”
“Buying gold doesn’t make you a better player.”
“Having money always makes life better.”
“What are you looking for out of this guild?”
“I want business opportunities, the ability to achieve in PVP and PVE. It’s impossible to succeed in this game without friends. I’ve learned that the hard way.”
“What do you want to give us?”
“I want to be the guy you know you can ask for a favor and he’ll come through.”
“We don’t normally let lowbies in, but Louie is a good judge of character and he said you were looking to set the world on fire.”
“That’s the plan.”
“Okay, you’re in. I’ll do a round of sell offs, see how much space I can get for you in the REIT.”[37] “What?”
“Real Estate Investment Trust. It’s how we handle the guild assets.”
“What are the guild assets?”
“I should have asked, what’s your religious affiliation?”
“Haven’t got one yet.”
“Good, good. Really, you’re probably better off with Mercury or Mars. I certainly wouldn’t go with any gods with a love of trees.”
“Why?”
“A lot of our assets are in the Redwoods that grow in the Nipar Valley, up north. All the tree hugger gods hate it when we cut one down, and we cut a lot of them down. Redwood is best wood. For profit.”
“What happens when you cut them all down?”
“It’s a video game, they repopulate in six months of real time, so we employ enough lumberjacks to clear cut the whole property in six months.”
“I don’t get the religion thing.”
“Okay, well, it’s pretty simple. Anybody can join any religion, but the things that you do impact your relationship with your god. So you pick a tree god and then you cut down trees—tree god gets mad. No tree god bonuses for you. So you have to pick a god that aligns with your economic activity. Tree gods have no problem with picking fruit, so you own an orchard instead of a lumber yard. The stuff your guild mates do impacts your relationship with your god, so you can’t hang out with clear-cutting eco-pricks like us. By the same token, our god disapproves of unmanly activities like sewing, enchanting, farming, etc. Kill animals, strip-mine ore, clear-cut timber. That’s our thing.”
“Does that not bother you?”
“Like I said, it’s a video game. I’m in Greenpeace in real life, but no, I don’t have any ethical problems with clear cutting a digital tree or strip-mining digital ore. I don’t get people who do; the whole game basically encourages everyone to behave like Conan the Barbarian, and that’s what we like about it. Getting maudlin over fake trees seems weird to me when I’m supposed to murder ten people every time I turn around. We have different resource mechanics, that’s it.”
“Well, fair enough.”
“So yeah, Mercury is okay. Mars is right up our ally and I’m pretty sure the warlock class bonus is pretty gnarly. I’d pick now, get that passive religious credibility flowing now.”
“Alright.”
“Invite incoming.”
Colossus has invited you to
Hayes confirmed.
Whole tabs appeared he’d never seen before. Guild Economics, Guild Defense, Guild Offense, Calendar.
“Hold off on putting any money in with us. I need to clear up some space in the REIT and our trade portfolio is volatile.[38] Wouldn’t touch it until you had the passive income to recover from a setback.”
“Sounds like good advice.”
“It is.
Go into the main room, I’ll introduce you.”
He clicked over. He was met with a chorus of hellos.
“Hi,” he said, trying to control a wave of anxiety. “I’m Hayes. I mean, Rabaul. I’m a warlock.”
“Rabaul isn’t max yet, but Louie recommended him. Be gentle,” Colossus said.
Hayes hung back and listened to them talk, trying to identify names with voices. The topics—arenas, battlegrounds, the hybrid PVE/PVP Imperium Rex where guilds competed with guilds to advance their faction’s position in the sprawling dungeon at the center of the world, and factions fought endless war for the opportunity to battle the creatures that grew inside. Just hearing about it put a smile on his face. He sat back and soaked it all in.
Chapter Seven
He hadn’t heard anything in a week; he had barely slept for a week. The warlock had maxed three days ago, and Hayes was so sick of slinging hellfire that he put him on the back burner. With twice the time, the rogues had come along well, and were pushing level 97 when Kid Twist emailed him again.
FFS YOU WILL GET BANNED FOR BOTTING[39] AT THIS RATE. SLEEP.BUT YOU’RE GOING TO IGNORE ME, SO SUMMARY OF EVENTS.
TICKTOCK HAS BEEN WATCHING THE REST OF SQUID PISTOL. SHE’S CONVINCED HALF THE MEMBERS ARE BOTS. THEY LOG IN, FARM ENDLESSLY, GO TO MAILBOX, FARM.
SHE TRACKED ONE AND HIT THEM IN THE GRAVEROBBER WINDOW. EXHIBITED CLASSIC BOT INABILITY TO DEAL WITH PVP; QUICKLY DISPATCHED. CONTENTS OF BAG: VENDOR TRASH, HERBS, ETC. THE WEIRD THING IS THAT THE CASH HADN’T BEEN MAILED; HAD OVER 500 G. GIVEN THE QUALITY OF OTHER ITEMS AND QUANTITY OF MONEY, I DON’T GET WHAT THE BOT IS DOING. IT ISN’T FARMING GOLD OR ANY NORMAL TASK. NO POSSIBLE WAY THAT WASN’T WEEKS OR MONTHS OF CASH COLLECTION FROM TRASH DROPS.
MH AND I AGREE THAT THE TARGET‘S WHOLE SITUATION IS VERY STRANGE, AND THE DEEPER WE GO THE WEIRDER IT GETS. NOTHING MAKES SENSE, BUT IT’S ALL NONSENSE THAT POINTS IN THE SAME DIRECTION. JUST CAN’T TELL WHAT THAT DIRECTION IS. IF IT DIDN’T ALL REVOLVE AROUND AN OBNOXIOUS TEENAGER I’D SAY IT WAS DRUGS OR MONEY LAUNDERING OR SOME OTHER RL CRIMINAL STUFF, AND WE’D HIT THE EJECT BUTTON AND REFUND YOUR MONEY. BUT TARGET BEING AT THE CENTER OF ALL THIS SLIGHTLY OFF WEIRDNESS CONFUSES ME. I THINK TARGET MAY HAVE CREATED ENTIRE GUILD TO HIDE FRIENDLESSNESS, WHICH HAS TO BE ROCK BOTTOM EVEN BY HARDCORE MUNDIS PLAYER STANDARDS. BUT THEN THERE’S THE HALF OF SQUID PISTOL THAT ARE NOT BOTS. BUT THEY HAVE LITTLE TO DO WITH TARGET IN PUBLIC, THOUGH FRIENDS-LIST STALKING INDICATED THEY DO MEET UP AT THEIR LUMBER HOLDINGS TWO OR THREE TIMES A WEEK. STREET TALK ON THEM IS NONEXISTENT.
TT HAS NOT APPROACHED THEM YET. CONSENSUS OPINION IS WE TAKE IT SLOW UNTIL WE HAVE A WORKING THEORY TO EXPLAIN ODDNESS.
KID TWIST
Chapter Eight
His 500,000 gold had turned into 502,000[40] gold over the week while Colossus wheeled and dealed to clear out what turned out to be 300,000 gold in the REIT. “Why not just buy some land, create space that way?”
“The first expansion is coming out in nine months, give or take. Nobody really knows how anything is going to go. But if it goes anything like it does in every other MMO, everything’s going to start getting weird in about three months. Three months after that we’re going to get into an economic depression for a while as people put their accounts on hold to wait for the expansion. Less consumer demand, less trade, less money. People are going to start wanting to sell their holdings so they have the capital to go grab and hold land in the new continent they’re putting in. Basically, we have no idea what’s going to go down, but it seems unlikely that right now is the best time to be buying new property. Prices will probably be really nice here in a bit.”
“So now is a bad time to invest in real estate?”
“You’re investing in timber holdings. What is timber used for?”
“To build structures, heating, boats, stuff like that.”
“The expansion is going to create demand for?
“Structures, boats, new slaves that will need fires, the expansion has a lot of ice zones ... ”
“Exactly.”
&n
bsp; “Okay, okay. But isn’t all the cool stuff going to go down over in the new area?”
“Yeah. But cool stuff is expensive. War is expensive. Stuff gets burned down, NPC guards are expensive and not very good at their jobs. We’re looking forward to all the attention going over there while we buy up all kinds of cheap property in newly peaceful neighborhoods. At least for a while. They’ll increase the server pop and things will fill up again, which means we’ll be putting out fires everywhere again, but for a while Londinium will have reasonable real estate prices and a Pax Expac. It’s boring but we plan on capitalizing on it.”
“So what should I do with the money that’s left?”
“Safest thing is bonds. But word is from our guys in the beta is that the expansion continent is directly west of the main continent, which means the port of choice for Palladium will be Cheshire. Currently a dump, since they didn’t really implement sailing very well, but Deidre bought up most of commercial land in the port. This port land isn’t in the REIT. It’s a special project. I know they need cash for that. It’s not a sure thing; if they move the continent we’re screwed, but Deidre is looking to top off the docks fund. There’s not going to be any return on that project for a long time, if ever. But if it pans out, you’ll own the hottest commercial property in the world. Dockyards, warehouses, all commanding the highest rent. One redwood provides many masts. So ... we might be making money hand over fist.”
“Deidre?” Hayes asked, looking over the guild list and not seeing that name.
“Uh, she’s on Catmandu right now.”
“I’ll talk to her.”
An hour later he was a .01% owner of the CSI: Londinium REIT, and .5% owner of the Catmandu Development Fund.
He was also broke again. He had three weeks until the first distribution from the REIT, so he tightened his belt and got back to leveling.
Chapter Nine
He hit max level with his Squalid rogue in the middle of a field, a dozen dead ghouls at his feet.
He knelt and looted the now unmoving corpses, mounted up, and rode back to the train. From there he caught a train down to Imperium Rex. It was the high mountain that was visible even from the furthest point of Mundis; here, at the foot of the mountain, it towered so high for a moment Hayes felt vertigo[41] as the sweep of vast slabs of granite pointed to one of the two suns that orbited Mundis.[42]It wasn’t strictly necessary to be at the Imperium Rex to participate, but he felt like he needed to see it.
The Shadow People had just managed to lock in a path to the Final Door last night. Their final raiding party brought down Orto the Reaver,[43] Kalgrath, and Morgrath,[44] before getting smashed by Bolot.[45]The Final Door was closed, and so Imperium Rex reset. This early, the factions needed to reopen the entrance. This was done by running the five-man Imperius Dungeons. Once the faction had aggregated enough victories in the dungeons, the entrance would open, and the festival of PVE and PVP would begin anew.[46] Hayes hopped in the queue for the Dungeon; as a max level he was now ready for the task.
Mundis: A group has been found. Do you wish to join?
He confirmed and was transported into an enormous cave. Trolls ambled in the distance, their shadows, cast by cook fires, enormous and terrifying in the smoky cave air. A medicine man, a lanky figure that looked like a melted Grinch doll (healer); a warlock looking like a giant booger stuffed into a Elvira costume; a Paladin with bright brass armor and a shield the size of small house; a loin-cloth and woad wearing Berserker; and him, a shabby pile of puke dressed in quest greens. He could almost sense their disappointment, but they didn’t say anything. The Paladin charged towards the trolls, and the rest started running. He followed and was soon slicing and dicing trolls.
Though he was doing the best he could, his DPS was half that of the warlock, a third of the Berserkers, and not much better than the Paladin.[47] He died on the first boss, not knowing that when the boss crouched down and shouted, he should flee if he didn’t want to be destroyed by a massive wall of fire.
The boss dropped a nice blue dagger that was soon his main weapon, since no one else wanted it. The drops kept going his way; rogue gear was falling like manna from heaven.
The others didn’t complain but they had the air of poker players who were starting to think it wasn’t their night.
By the time Nuku Nuku died on his own altar, his new gear had driven his DPS up so that he was merely a major disappointment instead of a clear and present liability. The group disbanded and soon Hayes was left alone in the cave, checking out the stats on all his new gear.
Then he signed up for round 2.
By the end of the day he was a serviceable journeyman rogue in the Imperium dungeons.
He logged out and switch to his warlock. There he was going to run five-man heroics (the same dungeons, but at a much harder level) with Colossus and three other outrageously geared guild mates who would carry him through the dungeons and hopefully get him enough gear to be ready for the next stage of the Imperium cycle.
He got an email from Kid Twist.
SUMMARY OF EVENTS
TEABAGZ IS STILL A PONCE. I THINK I MANAGED TO EXPLAIN HOW TO PLAY A MAGE IN THREE-MAN ARENA. HE’S ALMOST ADEQUATE, BUT CARRYING HIM IS LIKE DOING A 20-MILE HIKE WITH A 50-LB BACKPACK. GOOD LORD, HIS TALENT SPEC WAS TERRIBLE. THAT’S IT WITH MH AND ME.
TICKTOCK IS STILL WATCHING THE OTHER MEMBERS OF SQUID PISTOL. IT IS, IN HER WORDS, “LIKE WATCHING PEOPLE PLAY A DIFFERENT GAME.” YOU WOULD ALMOST THINK THEY WERE ONE OF THOSE RARE BIRDS WHO WEREN’T VIOLATING THE TOS, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT THEY’RE DRIPPING IN EXPENSIVE GEAR AND YET HAVE NO VISIBLE MEANS OF SUPPORT.
TICKTOCK IS STARTING TO SUSPECT THEIR REAL BUSINESS IS RUN OUT OF A DIFFERENT, UNKNOWN SET OF CHARACTERS. SINCE WE KNOW SQUID PISTOL, AND WE KNOW HIS PALLADIUM CHARACTER IS IN A REAL GUILD, THAT LEAVES SHADOW PEOPLE AS MOST LIKELY FACTION. ON THEORY THERE MUST BE A REASON THEY PICKED SUCH A SHIT LOCATION FOR THEIR ONLY LAND HOLDINGS. TICKTOCK IS GOING TO LOOK INTO THE GUILD THAT OWNS THE LAND OPPOSITE OF SQUID PISTOL FIRST, THEN EXPAND FROM THERE.
MH THINKS, AND I AGREE, THAT IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO PUT YOUR ROGUE TO USE. STRIP DOWN YOUR CRAPPIEST GEAR SET, STEALTH UP, AND START SCOUTING TARGET’S LAND HOLDINGS.
Hayes smiled. Finally! But it would have to wait; it wouldn’t do to stand Colossus up.
Chapter Ten
The train only ran as far as Bougainville, a humming industrial town. Literally humming—the sound of sawmills provided an annoying background noise that clashed with the airy forest soundtrack of the game.
Ten-foot-tall tree ogres, trained as guards, patrolled the streets as muscle while packs of guard dogs executed a random search pattern, looking, Hayes realized, for enemy rogues. The security was intense because Bougainville was under near constant attack by the Shadow People. Most of the Palladium’s lumber came through Bougainville, so a well-executed reaving could do a tremendous amount of damage. A rogue with firebombs could burn an enormous amount of wood.
Because of how common multi-boxing was, it had to be assumed that Squalid characters could easily be spies as well, so even his access was severely curtailed. The guards would turn on him if he entered any of the mills, since he wasn’t on the permitted visitor list.
He mounted up and headed west along the main road. Wagons, driven by virtual oxen, carried whole trees towards Bougainville. There were so many it was nearly easier to travel through the forest. If the forest wasn’t crawling with Shadow People infiltrators, he might have gone that way. But he wasn’t looking to get into any fights yet.
After ten minutes of riding he stood at the top of a hill and looked down on a vast forest and brought up the map. He moved the cursor until it matched Teabagz’s estate. He dismounted, stealthed,[48] and headed north northwest. A warning popped up:
You have entered the land of . You are not on the permitted visitor list. We will assume you are hostile. You are trespassing and subject to death and forfeiture of your gear. Contact a member of Str
ong Spirits if you wish to enter our land.[49] He clicked ignore, and it went away.
On foot, closing the final ten miles took longer than the first thousand.
He moved slowly. His trap-sense had a 10% chance of detecting any given trap within twenty yards, and retested every second. So slow was the name of the game.
A mage had turned a dead tree into a howler: any unstealthed trespassers in its line of sight would have set off the alarm; there was a bamboo spike pit in front of a small cave—perhaps set so that someone seeking to hide from a patrol would set it off—and he could hear the howls of dogs in the distance. Security was pretty tight for a simple forest.
When a team of lumberjacks appeared out of a ravine in front of him, he peed himself a little bit. But the lumberjacks (accompanied by a hulking tree ogre) didn’t sense him and started chopping away at the base of a mature oak tree. He made a wide circle around them, heart still beating.
By the time he was at Teabagz estate, he felt like he’d had too many energy drinks.
He could tell when he’d made it because the warning popped up again.
Your[50] on
After three hours of slowly moving through the forest avoiding about a dozen traps and five patrols, he knew two things. Teabagz owned a lot of trees and he was pretty paranoid.
It was then he spotted the villa, a simple house on a hill. Stacks of lumber sat at the bottom of the hill while tree ogres heaved them into wagons. No people were visible.
It was less boring than crawling through a forest, so he watched the house for a while.[51]He brought up his chat interface.
/who Teabagz
Mundis: Teabagz
Teabagz was a long way away.
Hayes sighed, leaned back in his creaky office chair, and decided to take a shower. He checked his Graverobber timer; he had forty-five minutes before he had to be back.