Materfamilias

by Wendie Nordgren

  Violet, Poppy, Neema, Flake, Milk, and I curled up together on one of the large, bed-like couches in the great room. Sparrow, Peter, Niklos, Terre, and Phillip got comfortable on another. Phillip started the movie for us, and everyone else unloaded our luggage and supplies. The men planned to hunt early the next morning and wanted everything readied. The warm furs, babies, puppies, crackling fires, movie, and my full, satisfied stomach put me to sleep.

  Violet and I woke to giggling little girls and wriggling puppies an indeterminate amount of time later as our eyes slowly opened and focused on one another at the same time. “Teagan, I really need to pee.”

  “So, do I. The restroom off the kitchen is the closest,” I said as I got up, put the girls and their puppies on the floor, and then helped a struggling Violet up.

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. I’ll be the one needing the help in a few months.”

  “Twin girls. You’re going to be huge.”

  I smiled at her and led the way to the restroom, so she wouldn’t have to struggle with the door. Phillip winked at us. He had turned down the sound of the movie he was watching so low that I was surprised he could hear it. Terre slept on his shoulder, and Niklos and Peter slept between him and Sparrow. Apparently, all of us had needed a nap. After helping the girls, washing their hands, and then seeing to my own needs while Violet took over supervision, we decided to take the puppies outside. The front doors were open, letting in the cool, flower-scented fresh air. Yukihyo, Nico, Kaoti, Dario, and Fitz were sitting on the steps checking their weapons and hunting gear. The others sat on the ground to work. In the distance, tents had been set up.

  “What’s going on out there?” I asked as I sat beside Yukihyo.

  “Most of the men wanted to camp out.”

  “I don’t blame them. It’s beautiful out here.”

  Neema and Poppy laughed and chased their puppies through the wild flowers. Thunderdrop was stalking some unfortunate creature through the tall grass. Off to the left, I saw Izaac. He and the ensigns sparred with bare chests.

  “He has been hiding his thoughts and emotions from you. He knows your life is full, and you are content with us and the children,” Zared said.

  “He needs to stop doing it. He’s making her confused and forgetful. She is a part of each of us, just as we are a part of her. He can’t pull away and expect her to be unaffected,” Walter said.

  Everything started to click into place. “Is Izaac the reason why I have been feeling so fuzzy-headed? I thought my pregnancy was causing it.”

  Izaac must have sensed that he was the topic of conversation, because Cedrenus found an opening and hit him hard on the jaw.

  Walter yelled, “You’d better pay attention to them, little brother.”

  Dario asked, “What are you going to do about him? Will you accept him or continue to ignore your feelings? I thought when you accepted me that you had finally accepted who you are.”

  Yukihyo said, “She has. This is all Izaac’s fault. He hid the truth from her. He has been shielding her from his feelings and her own. He needs the ass kicking he is about to receive.”

  I glanced over at the sparring match. “Izaac will win.”

  Yukihyo shook his head and then pointed with his nose. “They are working like a pack. Together, they can take him down.”

  Nico said, “He wounded their pride. They will wear him down and then send in their best fighter.”

  I turned my head at the sound of little feet. A smiling Niklos was trying to free his hand from Phillip’s. Phillip didn’t let go until I had opened my arms for my boy. “Here you go, Cupcake. I changed Peter, and Nik got most of his you-know-what in the waste unit.”

  Nico said, “That’s my boy,” and roughed up the top of Niklos’ hair.

  Niklos saw Neema, Poppy, and the puppies and wanted down.

  “Let me help,” Walter said. He held his arms open to Niklos, who went from my arms and into his. Once he was safely down the high stone steps, he ran to play with the girls.

  “They are growing so fast. I want to keep them little and safe.” Taking Peter from Phillip, I held him on my lap and hugged him close. Movement caught my attention. Clark stalked Izaac. The anger was clear on my newest husband’s face. “Hey, Izaac! If you really want to piss him off, call him little dick!” I yelled.

  “Teagan, language,” Yukihyo scolded.

  I gave Yukihyo my sweetest smile.

  “It will not work on me, Lady Wife.” He raised an eyebrow at me.

  “For your forgiveness, cookies could be in your future.” Then, I cringed as Izaac took a roundhouse to the head and went down to his hands and one knee. “Cut it out, Clark!” I yelled.

  Turning toward me with a fine sheen of sweat glistening on his chest, he saluted me. Then, he offered Izaac a hand up.

  “That should be enough to soothe their wounded pride,” Nico said.

  I tensed as Neema fell, but she scowled down at her knees, wiped herself off, and kept playing.

  Fitz grinned. “She’s like her mother.”

  “She’s like her daddy. I would have cried and run to Phillip to fix me.”

  Dario said, “From what I have witnessed, you would have gotten up and kept going. Have you forgotten being bloody, bruised, and insisting on fighting by my side against a crew of Earth Loyalists?”

  “Zared was helping me. Without him, that outcome would not have been possible.”

  “But, it was. You have the same spirit within you, and Probus blood runs in your veins,” Dario said.

  “What’s going on out here?” Sparrow asked.

  “We are enjoying the fresh air,” I said as I patted the stone beside me.

  Dario offered Sparrow his hand for balance as she sat. She said, “The waste units are different.”

  I laughed. “Wait until you take a bath.”

  Yukihyo grinned and explained the bathing pool and cleaning enzymes.

  She seemed uncomfortable sitting on the steps and shifted her position in an attempt to get more comfortable. When Phillip asked if she was alright, she stared at him without answering. Pulling out his scanner, he ran it over her.

  “Uh huh. I see,” he said. He touched the side of her back.

  “Damn it, Phillip,” she growled.

  Gary asked, “What’s wrong with my little girl?” He had come from the direction of the tents so I assumed he meant to do some camping.

  “Have you been doing any lifting?” Phillip asked.

  Sparrow’s eyes darted to mine. She had been working on her probes. “No more than usual.”

  Phillip said, “Well, you’ve strained a muscle. You need to put your feet up and take it easy, or it’s going to get worse.”

  Gary bent down. “Put your arms around my neck. Do you want to stretch out in a luxury tent and keep your daddy company, or do you want me to carry you back inside and keep you company there?”

  Sparrow smiled and put her head on his shoulder. “Father and daughter camping sounds fun.”

  Grinning, Gary carried her off.

  Yukihyo and Kaoti locked eyes. “It does sound like fun.”

  Kaoti nodded and watched Poppy as she hugged Milk.

  Fitz and Dario looked like they were making plans for their own daughters. Leaning over, Fitz said to my stomach, “Daddy is going to teach you how to fish, swim, surf, sail, and all kinds of things.”

  Running my fingers through his hair, I said, “Daddy is going to need to be patient. It may be a while before you can hold a fishing pole.”

  That evening, the men had gone to bed early and then left to go hunting during what I considered to be the middle of the night. The children were all asleep in a room across the hall from ours with Thunderdrop watching over them, and Pierce and Lorca sharing the room beside them. I woke up alone in the middle of the massive bed. Crawling from bed, I trudged from our room and down the hall. Small lights illuminated the way. The men had been worried about pregnant women stumbling around in a pitch
-black castle while trying to find the restroom. On the right side of the bathroom, five of the stalls had nightlights in them which had me chuckling until a faint wave of pain snaked its way into my heart. It was a helpless agony, devoid of hope but full of acceptance.

  Zared whispered into my thoughts, “He has kept his feelings hidden, but I have unveiled them so you might see.” He also showed me what he saw, a dark forest through which he and the others silently moved while hunting large prey. He left my mind as gently as he had entered.

  Leaving the restroom, I tracked the emotions to the bathing chamber. Faint light barely illuminated the cave-like chamber from the fireplace it shared with the other rooms. Quickly slipping inside and silently closing the door to keep the heat from escaping, I saw a form in the darkness at the pool’s deepest end. The male had shielded his mind to such an extent that he didn’t sense my approach. Had Zared not shown me the truth, I might never have known. It made his identity clear to me, even though I couldn’t see him in the darkness.

  With a shrug of my shoulders, my gown slid from me, and I silently entered the bathing pool. The crackling of wood in the fire and soft splashes he made in the water as he rinsed his hair were the only sounds echoing off the stone walls. The muscles of his back and shoulders were hidden by shadows and flickering firelight. He had grown taller and stronger during our years together.

  I reached out to touch his shoulder, but he sensed a presence behind him before I could do so. Turning, he seized my arm with one hand and filled my vision with the fist of his other hand before I could react. He froze. Less than an inch was between his knuckles and my nose. The sight made me cross-eyed.

  “I didn’t mean to frighten you,” I whispered.

  The moment he had touched me, he had seen my walk to the restroom, knew my thoughts, and felt my emotions. In my mind, he said, “Forgive me. I didn’t intend to trouble you. Return to bed.” His fist had fallen to his side, and he released my arm. The water of the bathing pool lapped gently under my breasts. His lids lowered over his solid-black eyes as he gazed down at me before quickly looking away. “Go,” he said, adding a push of compulsion to his command.

  “No. Talk to me. Explain to me why you have closed yourself away from me.”

  He didn’t use words as I had expected. Instead, he revealed all that he had hidden. Raw desire, longing, love, and need battered against my heart and mind. Izaac pulled me against his naked chest, flattening my sensitive nipples as my breasts pressed into him, and brought his lips down to mine. Slipping his tongue into my mouth, he spiraled pleasure through me while calming his mind with our bond and regaining control of his emotions. My moans were trapped by his mouth, and his manly appendage was like a trapped stone statue between our bodies and the swell of my abdomen. Slowly, his lips left mine. A stern expression changed his features. Bending, he lifted me and carried me to the water’s edge where he gently sat me down.

  Then, he retreated, turning his back to me. “Go, Teagan,” he said into my thoughts while adding a gentle push.

  Grabbing his wrist before he had gone too far, I said, “No. This is wrong and has gone on long enough. I release you from your promise. I can handle my own suitors. If you want me, come to me now or else banish me from your heart and find happiness elsewhere.”

  He turned his head to look at me over his shoulder. His eyes had turned a darker shade of black. His words rang out in my mind. “I could dispel you from my heart and mind no easier than I could eradicate my own consciousness from my being. It is not possible.”

  The dim light of the fire showed me that the shadows which I had thought hid his face were bruises from his earlier sparring match.

  Before I could ask why he hadn’t let Phillip tend to him, he said, “I want the pain. It’s a distraction.”

  “Izaac, this can’t go on. We need to decide what we are going to do.” The emotions he had bared to me had made me weak. He loved me with a purity and kindness that was tender but stronger than Arachnean silk. He had hidden from me my own feelings for him, which came back to me now in a confusing flood. “You tried to protect me from the love we feel for each other, tried to hide the strength of our bond, and suffered alone? For how long?” A memory of us in the lift of a ship floated through my mind. I had asked him to deflect male interest from me. “Oh, Izaac.”

  Shame filled me at what I had done to him and to us both. Water moved against his body to lap against me as he closed the distance between us. Easing himself from the pool, he sat beside me. He lifted his leg in an attempt to hide his erection. “You have begun to truly embrace who you are, a Parvac female. In the Empire, it is expected of females to have many husbands. I feared my age made me unacceptable to you, but I am older than Clark.”

  Water dripped from his skin and mine to puddle around us. It was as though the water had cleansed us of false thoughts and emotions, that had left a dirty haze across our hearts, and now allowed us to feel with clarity. Izaac’s well-intended subterfuge had been the result of him being too overwhelmed by his own emotions to think clearly.

  “I sensed it as you grew closer to Cedrenus, and it infuriated me, but when you felt a need for Clark and took him, my control eroded. Thinking of you with either of them had been maddening enough, but when Clark was able to touch you, after how he behaved toward you in the ring, while I could not, it took what willpower I had left not to rip him apart.” Shaking his head before he could send more thoughts my way, he lifted his hand to cup my cheek.

  His eyes were impenetrable darkness, drawing me in like a deep sleep and promising beautiful dreams. I lifted my hand to his chest, and he paused as though searching me for a hint of doubt. Sliding my hand from the muscles of his chest to his side, I urged him closer. When our lips met, desire burned hotter between us than the flames of the fire. Beneath my hands, Izaac throbbed with a tangible need. He lowered my back to the soft sand. Without words, he asked permission to touch me, and I gave it. The tips of his fingers brushed against my breast, and he watched in fascination as my nipple hardened from his touch. Lowering his head, he circled my nipple with his tongue.

  Far more intimate was the powerful joining of our minds and emotions. His mind became mine, and I floated through his thoughts until I caught hold of those which were most powerful, the ones we shared in this moment. Through Izaac’s mind, I could feel what he felt, my hands pressing against his back, my soft skin against his, my nipple in his mouth. With more expertise, he moved within my mind and seized upon each touch that gave me pleasure. Too overcome by the pleasure he gave me with his body and the intoxicating way he stimulated my endorphins, I could only moan and pant beneath him. He moved his hands along my sides, across my stomach, and down my legs. I spread my thighs for him, willing him to bury his painfully hard erection within me. Touching my delicate folds with his fingers, he stroked and gently tugged, reveling in my wetness which he had created. His breathing was heavy, and he pushed a finger within me. Quickly, he replaced his finger with his hard, throbbing shaft.

  His mind was consumed with the way I felt around him, squeezing and stroking like a hot, slippery fisted grip. He pumped himself in and out, intoxicated by my inner walls. His balls tightened against him, drawing up tight in need. Desperately, he increased the speed of his thrusts. A shiver began in his toes, speeding up into his balls. Pleasure shot through his shaft, pumping into me. He slowed and stopped his movements. I trembled beneath him. My mind had fled, overcome by his. He pulled part of his mind from mine as he allowed his shaft to slip from me. Then, he held me cradled against his side while my consciousness slowly returned. I could feel him in the deepest recesses of my mind, lodging himself firmly and irrevocably in its depths.

  When he spoke telepathically to me, I didn’t simply hear his words, I felt them, and each one gave me pleasure. He said, “I will protect you, provide for you, and honor you for all of our days.”

  It had often been said that Izaac was the strongest telepath amongst his brothers, but the magnitude o
f those words had become stunningly clear.

  “And, you have made me stronger. The bond we shared before gave me peace, but now I feel a clarity and control unlike anything I have ever come close to attaining. I see now how irrational my behavior had become, as though madness creeped along the edges of my sanity, waiting to sink its tendrils into my mind.” He gazed down into my eyes. “I am a new person. You have shattered to pieces my former shell of isolation and pain. Who I was moments ago has already faded into nonexistence.” He lifted my hair and watched as it fell. Then, he sat up, lifted me into his arms, and waded out with me into the bathing pool. A short time later, he held me close under the furs of the massive bed in the room where his lips had first touched mine so long ago.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The next day, Terre, Violet, Sparrow, and I played outside with the children and their little snow foxes, Milk and Flake, until they were covered with grass stains and dirt. Their fingers were sticky with sap from the piles of wildflowers they had picked for us. Then, Phillip winked at Terre, gave her a flower he had picked, and carried her and her tinkling laughter away.

  “I need a nap,” Violet said. Kaoti gave her his arm to help her inside.

  Pierce said, “We will take the children inside, bathe, and feed them.”

  Lorca took Peter from me.

  I said, “I’d like to stay out a little longer and enjoy the view.”

  Izaac remained at my side while the others went inside to rest. I didn’t need to tell him that I wanted to get up and stretch my legs. Walking away from the steps and to the right, I stepped carefully around the flowers that had survived the children. I smiled at Izaac, feeling more content and at peace than I could remember. His features were so very similar to those of Zared, and I worried about the awkwardness of sharing a bed at any time with the two of them. It didn’t seem appealing to me. Izaac’s agreement was clear to me through our bond. He didn’t relish the idea of sleeping in a bed alongside any of my hairy husbands. I laughed at his thoughts.

  Then, I spotted Cedrenus and Clark running our way through the tall grass. The breeze blew their short hair up on top making it look like the fins of sharks. They wore the black T-shirts, pants, and boots typical of Parvac soldiers. Evident was their strength, agility, power, and the cold dispassion typical of Inquisitors, except where I was concerned. However, their approach didn’t cause any fear to rise up within me.