Rogue's Reform

by Marilyn Pappano

  “Truthfully, Grace, the only surprise when I first thought Ethan might be the father was that he wasn’t your type. You’re so quiet and serious, and he’s such a…”

  “Charmer. And a scoundrel,” Grace supplied.

  Olivia’s smile beamed. “Yes. But every scoundrel needs a little steadiness in his life, and every woman, quiet and serious or not, needs a charmer in her life. I think each of you could be exactly what the other needs.”

  “Provided he stays.”

  Grace’s flat remark dimmed the light in Olivia’s eyes. “Yes,” she agreed gravely. “Provided he stays. He’s trying. He really is. But it might not hurt for you to give him a little incentive.”

  “What kind of incentive?”

  Olivia laughed again, then patted Grace’s stomach. The easy, casual touch was strangely foreign, and curiously comforting. “You’re not that far along yet. You can think of something.”

  Grace remembered Tuesday night’s kiss, with its sweet heat, the need that had curled around her stomach and made her legs weak, the solid feel of his arousal pressing against her. She had instantly recalled every incredible sensation, every new and amazing emotion he’d taught her last summer, and she’d wanted more than she could put into words to experience it all again.

  But last summer neither her heart nor her baby’s future had been involved. As far as that went, neither had her modesty, not once he’d undressed her, touched her, made her shudder. But now, the idea of standing naked in front of him in all her seven-months-pregnant glory sent a shudder of a different kind down her spine and a totally different heat into her face.

  It made Olivia laugh. “Oh, Grace…it’s easy to see why Ethan’s trying so hard to make this work. You are so sweet.” After a moment, she looked over her shoulder to make sure her husband and the kids were nowhere around, then turned back. “It would be easier if he didn’t have to be secretive. He says you’re ashamed of him.”

  Grace’s cheeks flamed hotter. “He has a reputation…”

  “You’re right. He does. You have one, too, and Guthrie and me and everyone else in the county. And you know what a reputation is? It’s just talk.”

  “But everyone admires and respects Guthrie. His reputation is good. Ethan’s isn’t. And maybe it is just talk, but a lot of the talk about Ethan is true.”

  “Maybe, at one time. But people change, Grace. Did you ever dream a year ago that this year your life would be like this? That you would have the freedom to do what you want? To have friends, go to church, run this store and your own life? That you would have a baby with Ethan James, itinerant scoundrel?”

  “Of course not,” Grace murmured. A year ago, she never would have looked at her future because she’d known it would hold nothing but more of the same. More oppression. More of her father’s anger. More of her own quiet desperation.

  “But here you are—and, in part, thanks to Ethan. He’s trying to do the right thing by you and the baby, Grace. For his sake, for all our sakes, I wish you would consider doing the right thing by him.” She smiled gently. “Between the three of us, we don’t have much of an extended family. I’d love to have a sister-in-law to come to Sunday dinner and a cousin for my kids to play with.”

  Did Olivia have any idea, Grace wondered, how much she wanted those things, too? To have someone to share birthdays and holidays with, to trade off baby-sitting chores, to ask for advice and offer support. She couldn’t imagine anything more wonderful—more familial—than Sunday dinners with eight or ten or more gathered around the table.

  And she could have it, not just for herself, but for Annie. All she had to do was let go of the secret she’d guarded so long and trust Ethan. Even if he let her down, Olivia and Guthrie never would. They would always be there for her and Annie because they were forever sort of people.

  Even if Ethan was a temporary sort of man.

  Before she could form a response to Olivia’s last comment, Guthrie and the twins joined them at the counter. He greeted her politely, and Emma offered a shy smile as Grace rung up their purchases.

  After Guthrie had pocketed his change and picked up his bag, Olivia issued an invitation. “We have dinner at home every Sunday after church with Shay and Easy. We’d be happy to have you join us sometime.”

  Grace didn’t miss the curious look Guthrie gave his wife. He was wondering why in the world she was inviting that odd little Prescott girl to dinner and assuming it was charity. Grace was sure of it. “Thanks,” she said quietly. “I’ll remember that.”

  When they were gone and silence had settled over the old store once more, she reached for the phone. When her friend answered, she cleared her throat, took a breath for courage and said, “Ginger? I need a favor.”

  By the time Grace got home from work, Ethan had put in a full day of lifting, carrying and running up and down the stairs, and was feeling it in his bones. But the enormous pile of junk that had grown on the porch over the last week was gone, and the new bedroom furniture was upstairs, set up, arranged and awaiting Grace’s approval. He had accomplished a lot, and he felt…proud. Satisfied. Damn near smug.

  In spite of the cold, he was resting on the porch, a glass of water in hand, when Grace got home. He’d offered to pick her up, but she’d insisted she needed the exercise. She stopped at the bottom of the steps, facing him. Her cheeks were pink, her eyes watery from the stiff north wind. The coat she wore practically dragged on the ground and was about three sizes too big, but it barely buttoned across her stomach. She looked chilly, young, amazingly cute. “Hi.”

  “Hey. You’ve got good timing. Leroy left about ten minutes ago. Everything’s ready for your inspection.” He hesitated, then went on as if his next words weren’t totally out of line, under the circumstances. “After you see what you want changed in the bedroom, why don’t we drive over to Buffalo Plains for dinner? I know a couple of places there where we won’t run into anyone you know.”

  Guilt flashed across her face, and she ducked her chin to hide it. “I—I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  He’d convinced himself before he’d asked that it wasn’t important. He really wouldn’t care if she refused. But he’d lied. It hurt, even though he tried to hide it behind a shrug and a grin. “No problem. I can pick up a couple of to-go dinners at Shay’s place or run by the grocery store—”

  “I’ve already got plans for tonight,” she blurted out.

  Ethan’s gut tightened. “Plans?”

  “With—with Ginger. She—she’s the one who took me to that bar in Buffalo Plains.”

  “I know who she is.” He remembered her vaguely—young, not particularly pretty but so overwhelmingly confident that it took a while to realize it. Provocative clothes and the body to wear them, great hair, heavy on the makeup, the cologne and the sexuality. He’d spent his share of anonymous nights with women like her all across the country. He’d thought she and Grace seemed an odd pair when he’d watched them walk into the bar together last summer. Now that he’d gotten to know Grace better, he was even more convinced of it. “I didn’t realize you saw much of her.”

  “I—I don’t. But we’re still friends, and I’m supposed to be at her house in—” she pushed back her sleeve to check her watch “—fifteen minutes.”

  He jumped edgily to his feet. “Oh, hey, sorry to keep you standing here. I’m leaving now. Have a good time.”

  When he passed her, she caught his sleeve with such timidity that he hardly noticed. “Ethan… What about the bedroom?”

  “No big deal. You can see it later tonight or tomorrow or whenever you can find time.” He gently removed his sleeve from her fingers and started toward the truck.

  “Ethan… You hadn’t said anything about going out to dinner, and this is the only chance I’ve had to see Ginger in a while, and—and—I’m sorry.”

  The plaintive tone of her apology stopped him in his tracks. He stared at the frozen ground for a moment, then slowly turned to face her. “Don’t be,” he said quietly. “You hav
en’t done anything to apologize for. I just thought that, since we’d had dinner together every night since Tuesday, we would…I was disappointed.”

  She pushed her glasses up on her nose and peered at him. His admission pleased her, if the blush on her cheeks and her shy smile were anything to judge by. “I disappointed my father all the time,” she said. “But this is a good kind of disappointment, isn’t it?”

  He couldn’t help but smile at her. “Better for you than for me, sweetheart, since I’m going to be spending my evening all by myself while you and Ginger have all the fun.” Returning to her, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, then eased her glasses up another half inch. “Have a good time. I’ll see you in the morning around ten, right? We’re still on for that?”

  She nodded as he headed for his truck. As he backed out of the driveway, she gave a wave, just a flutter of her fingertips. It wasn’t much of a gesture, but somehow it created a corresponding flutter in his chest. He tried to remember the last time he’d felt something remotely similar and couldn’t, and he wondered what, if anything, that meant.

  He didn’t have the vaguest idea. Life couldn’t be that easy, could it?

  Now that he had his evening unexpectedly open, he didn’t have a clue what he wanted to do. Sitting home alone at the cabin wouldn’t be much fun, with no television or radio. He could probably finagle an invitation to Guthrie’s for dinner, but he wasn’t really up for that. Leroy had invited him for a drink at the County Seat, a cowboy bar in Buffalo Plains where some of their old buddies from high school hung out weekends, and most weeknights, too, but even that idea held no appeal.

  Truth was, he wanted to spend the evening with Grace, and if he couldn’t do that, then it didn’t much matter what he did do.

  He settled for driving around a while—past the high school where he’d been a frequent guest in detention hall, but had managed to graduate, anyway, the baseball field where he’d been a star pitcher, the park where he’d once gotten arrested for vandalism and public drunkenness. He couldn’t remember how many times first his mother, and later Guthrie, had driven twenty miles to Buffalo Plains to get him out of jail. Five? Ten? Probably more.

  He could remember the look in Guthrie’s eyes every time. The disappointment. The sense of failure.

  After a time, he returned to Main Street and, on impulse, pulled into a parking space in front of the Heartbreak Café. There were only a few customers inside, and none that he felt a particular need to avoid, so he went in and headed for the farthest booth.

  He was halfway there when the swinging door between the dining room and the kitchen opened and Shay Rafferty—neighbor, almost a sister-in-law, pesky-older-sister type—came through and spotted him. “Ethan James! I can’t believe you’ve been home all this time and haven’t come to see us!” She smacked his upper arm, the way she’d done when he was a kid, then hugged him tightly.

  He was surprised by the warmth of her greeting. “I, uh, wasn’t aware that you wanted to see me.”

  At that, she looked equally surprised. “Why wouldn’t I? Just because you were the biggest pest in the whole world when you were a kid—which is exactly what little brothers are supposed to be.” She held him at arm’s length. “Well, you look good. The scoundrel’s life has treated you well. Are you here to stay?”

  “I think so.”

  “Are you keeping busy?”

  “Yeah, I am. I heard you and Easy finally got married.”

  She raised her left hand and wiggled her fingers to show off the gold band there. “Last October. He’s incredibly happy.”

  “And you are…?”

  Her smile softened and her features became about ten times more serene, more beautiful. “Blessed,” she said simply. “Listen, have a seat and look at the menu. I’ll get you a Coke—you do still drink that?—and be right with you.”

  As she briskly moved away, Ethan sat down and opened the menu. He’d never thought Shay would be happy to see him. She’d barely tolerated him when they were kids. Whatever slack she had cut him had been out of respect for Nadine or love for Guthrie. But now…she seemed truly happy that he was back. Imagine that.

  After a few minutes, she brought him a soft drink and sat down on the opposite bench. “I can’t get over how good you look. The scrawny little pest has finally turned into a real, full-grown man.”

  “Life has a way of doing that to you,” he said dryly.

  “Especially when it’s not as kind as it should be. But it has a way of making it all up to you in the end. Look at us. Guthrie’s got Magnolia—I mean, Olivia—and the kids. I’ve got Easy. And you—” She lowered her voice. “You’re going to be a daddy. Can you believe it?”

  He shook his head. “Logically, I know it’s true. I can look at her and understand that in another six weeks or so, she’s going to deliver this child that I helped cause—”

  “Create,” she interrupted, giving his hand a pat. “It sounds less like an accident that way.”

  Even though it was purely an accident, he nodded in agreement and went on. “That I helped create. But realistically, I have no clue what to expect. Guthrie’s kids are the only ones I’ve been around in…hell, since I was a kid myself. I don’t know anything about babies, or what they need, or what you do.”

  “What you do is simple. You love ’em. You’re there for ’em.”

  “When have you ever known me to be there for someone?” he asked scornfully.

  “Right now. You found out Grace was pregnant, and you immediately came home.”

  “And everyone expects me to up and take off again. Including Grace.”

  “You’ve proved them wrong before, Ethan. Do it again.”

  “When did I…?”

  “When you came back last summer. When you signed the deed back over to Guthrie and gave Olivia her husband’s money. Everyone thought that money was lost forever and that as soon as you got in a bind and needed cash, you’d run the same scam on someone else.” She gestured expansively. “When you came back this time, nobody knew why but Olivia and me, but if they had, a lot of people would have bet that you’d never come back.”

  Ethan knew she was right. They would have gossiped about it, would have laughed that this would keep him out of town for good. Why, nothing set a James to running quicker than responsibility. He’d be so afraid of getting stuck with a squalling baby that he’d never set foot in the county again.

  Shay smiled smugly. “And they would have been wrong. You would have surprised the hell out of them all when you not only came back, but came back prepared to accept responsibility for your child and its mother. They never would have believed it.”

  But even he wasn’t sure he believed it. He wanted to stay, but he couldn’t swear he would.

  But he wasn’t the one he had to convince. Grace was.

  Feeling weary, he glanced down at the menu. “What’s good?”

  “All of it. I have a particular fondness for our specials. Today’s is roasted chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy.”

  “I’ll have that.”

  Shay looked up, caught the waitress’s eye and signaled something that, apparently, translated to one special.

  “As I recall, you were the first girl in the history of Heartbreak High School to fail Home Ec because you couldn’t cook worth a damn. So how’d you wind up in the restaurant business?”

  “The café needed an owner who could work fourteen-hour days, seven days a week, and I needed to feel needed,” she said airily, then sobered. “It was right after Easy left me. I had no place to go, nothing to do and no hopes that life would get better. If it hadn’t been for this place, I probably would have crawled into a hole and never come out.”

  “Is he still on the rodeo circuit?”

  “No. He gave it up last spring. He’s raising and training paints out at his folks’ place. He and I are neighbors with the Harrises once again, so if you’re ever in need of a baby-sitter…”

  He waited for her to offer her services
, an offer she never would have made fifteen years ago, one which seemed perfectly reasonable now.

  With a grin and a wink, she finished. “I can probably tell you where to find Guthrie or Olivia.”

  The waitress delivered a plate and silverware to Ethan, commanded Shay to see the cook in the kitchen, then left again. Shay slid to the edge of the bench, then paused. “When are you going to tell Guthrie the real reason you’re back?”

  “Whenever Grace says it’s all right…and I find the courage.” He felt pretty damn sure his brother wouldn’t understand how Ethan could have let such a thing happen or why it had taken him so long to find out or why he hadn’t already sweet-talked Grace into the church and marriage. Of course, Saint Guthrie had probably never had a one-night stand. No condom would ever dare fail him, and if by chance it did, he would intuitively know before the deed was finished and would have his marriage license and his happily-in-love bride both in hand before the next sundown. He wouldn’t have any patience with his careless, luckless brother who couldn’t do the same.

  “He’ll understand…eventually. Sometimes I think it would be easier for the rest of us if he’d ever had one moment of irresponsibility or recklessness himself. But he’s always been so good, which can make us look bad instead of just normal.” She gave a heavy sigh. “But we love him, anyway, don’t we?”

  While she went to see what the cook wanted, Ethan turned his attention to his dinner. He was thinking about Guthrie and Shay, about the futures that had seemed so certain when they were all younger, and how differently everyone’s lives had turned out, when Grace eased into his mind. What was she doing with Ginger this evening? Wasn’t there even some small part of her that would have preferred to spend a cold Saturday night at home with him? What did it really matter that she’d chosen to visit with Ginger instead? He’d been in too many relationships where he would have been grateful if the woman had had some other interests, if she’d left him one night a week to do whatever he wanted.

  But that wasn’t exactly true. He’d been in a lot of affairs. He’d never stayed around long enough to call it a relationship. He’d never been involved enough to care where she spent the time when she wasn’t with him. He’d never felt that odd little tightness in his chest.