He wouldn’t be able to let her walk back out his front door.
Wouldn’t be able to pretend this wasn’t so much more than an affair.
When they’d first started she’d been wary. She’d been burned, wasn’t ready to jump into anything, but that changed last night, maybe even before. He’d seen it in her eyes, felt it when he’d dried her off and carried her to bed. When she’d wrapped around him and hung on. Staying that way even after she’d fallen asleep.
How could he continue to treat her as if she meant nothing, when in a short time she’d come to mean every fucking thing. Jesus. He had another month of this, this sneaking around, pretending what they had was only physical.
The only other option was telling her the truth. Telling her what he was. A thief.
He couldn’t do that, couldn’t risk losing her, not when he’d only just found her.
Which meant, as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t stay here with her until morning. He couldn’t eat breakfast with her then kiss her goodbye at the door.
Still, knowing all this, he lay there for ten more minutes, smoothing his hand over her skin, her soft belly, the dip of her waist, running the tips of his fingers along the sexy crease below each ass cheek.
Shit. He needed to leave before he rolled her onto her back and took her again.
Easing from under her, he climbed out of bed, and after tucking the covers around her shoulders, he started dressing. He pulled on his jeans and yanked his shirt down over his head with more force than was necessary.
“You’re going?”
Her voice, husky from sleep, drifted from the bed, soft and sweet, and he wanted to climb back in with her so badly it hurt. He shoved his feet into his boots.
“Yeah, princess. I gotta go.”
The covers rustled then she flicked on the lamp. She was sitting up, sheet around her chest, the smooth, creamy skin of her bare shoulders and arms damn near glowing. Her gorgeous, shiny red hair was mussed and sexy as hell. He remembered fisting it while she sucked his cock, how silky it felt. She looked beautiful all rumpled and recently fucked.
His dick surged behind his zipper to the point of pain in an instant.
“Do you have to go?”
She bit down on her bottom lip, and Jesus, he nearly lost it. One word from her and he’d throw everything out the window, just so he could be inside her again. He’d risk it all.
“I mean…you can stay if you like. I could…I could make you breakfast later…”
His gut tightened painfully at the hopeful expression on her face, the wariness in her beautiful green eyes. This wasn’t easy for her, asking him to stay. She was going out on a limb, had seen in him exactly what he’d seen in her last night. Was trusting her instincts. Something she hadn’t done in a long time. And now he had to make her doubt them, make her believe she was wrong.
He wanted to punch a hole through the goddamn wall.
“Can’t, princess.” The words felt tight in his throat, a struggle to get out. “Don’t think that’s a good idea.” He wanted to go to her, pull her onto his lap and bury his nose in her hair, say he was sorry. But he couldn’t. If he did, he’d stay, and he wouldn’t put her in danger like that.
He wanted to tell her how much he wanted to stay, more than anything, but he couldn’t do that, either. Because the next time he came to her the same thing would happen. How many times could he reject her before she gave up, before she gave up on him? He had to do his best to keep things as they were, just for another month. Four fucking weeks.
She drew her knees to her chest and tightened her arms around them. “Right. Of course.”
Of course.
What did that mean? What was she thinking? He wanted to know desperately, but he couldn’t ask her that, either. He palmed his keys. “Tonight?”
She nodded and rested her chin on her knees.
His feet felt rooted to the damn floor. Everything had changed between them last night. Everything. He wasn’t the only one feeling this thing between them anymore, and he knew what a big deal that was for her. He wanted to reassure her more than anything because he’d hurt her just now. He could see it. And there wasn’t a thing he could do about it if he wanted to keep her safe. If he wanted to keep her. “Later, princess.”
“Later,” she whispered.
Then he forced one foot in front of the other and headed for the door. He heard the lamp in the bedroom click off as he opened the door and stepped outside.
Just four more weeks.
He just hoped he didn’t lose her before he was finally free.
* * *
“You need to tell him how you feel,” Kayla said, leaning against the counter.
Kayla often stopped by Raggedy Jane’s on Mondays and usually brought in morning tea for the three of them. Today, she’d brought muffins and coffee. It smelled divine, but Shay’s belly had been churning for the last two days, and she’d barely been able to eat a thing. Ever since she woke to Hugh leaving after what happened in the shower.
After what followed.
She’d thought things had changed, but then he’d left, as he always did.
He’d come by again last night, late, and again, he’d left while it was still dark. Only this morning, when he thought she was still asleep, she’d felt him come to her side of the bed and just stand there. He did this for what felt like forever, then he’d kissed her hair and left.
Which was why she’d finally opened up to her friends about her relationship with Hugh. She was in desperate need of some advice.
Jane took a large bite out of her lemon and cream cheese muffin. “So he just stood there?”
Shay leaned over the counter and rested her chin in her hands. “Yes.” Then she shoved away her muffin and started to pace back and forth. “God.” She threw up her hands. “I’m so confused.”
Kayla washed down her mouthful with coffee. “Are you happy with the way things are?”
Was she? She had been. More than happy, but now…
“It’s not a hard question, girl. Either you are or you aren’t. Which is it?”
Kayla’s all-knowing gaze was locked on Shay, not giving her an inch.
“No.” Saying it out loud, that one little word, it finally sank in, how she felt about Hugh, what she wanted. What she had to do.
She’d stupidly convinced herself that she was safe, that her heart was safe because he wasn’t her “type”. That because he was the complete opposite of the men she’d been attracted to in the past, that casual would be all she’d want from him. Could she have been more naive?
Kayla grinned. “You know I’ve got your back. Anything you need, I’m there. I’m bound. It’s in black and white in our handbook. Anything in the pursuit of love.”
Love? An uneasy feeling squirmed behind Shay’s ribs.
“So you’ll tell him?” Jane asked.
What choice did she have? Shay couldn’t go on like this. Every time he left, a tiny piece of her self-respect went with him. Every time she woke up alone, it—hurt. She was no coward. A few days ago, she would have been certain asking him for more than casual would have sent him running. Now? She wasn’t as sure. These last few nights, the tender way he held her, the way he watched her sleep, the way he kissed her goodbye even when he didn’t know she was aware of it. All those things had to mean something, right?
They finished eating, and Kayla left, telling Shay to call after she’d talked to Hugh. She had no idea what she’d even say. Was she willing to lose him completely? Because that was what could happen.
But she couldn’t do this anymore. She wanted him too much, and if he didn’t feel the same way, she needed to know now before she got in even deeper.
Though, with the way she was feeling, she didn’t think she could get any deeper.
She’d fallen for Hugh Colton, completely and utterly.
Maybe he had the same worries? She’d told him she didn’t want a relationship…several times. Maybe he thought if he asked for more
she’d end it?
Gah! This was making her crazy.
After she finished her shift, she headed home. Edna was waiting for Shay on her front step, so she took Rocky out to do his business then helped Edna with her dinner. Afterward, Shay went back to her place to shower and change. Of course, now, whenever she got into the shower she thought of Hugh. Thought about how his big body filled the small space. About the sounds he’d made, the way he’d let go.
She changed into dark jeans and a soft, black, boat-neck sweater with a cute bow to the side. She finished off the outfit with her favorite black boots, the ones with the spiked heels. After she’d dried and styled her hair, she applied light make-up and her favorite cherry lip gloss. Then she stared at herself in the mirror. She felt good. The look was casual, but the dark sweater made her eyes and hair seem more vibrant.
Nerves zinged through her. You can do this.
The talk they needed to have couldn’t happen here, in her trailer, where every corner reminded her of Hugh. Of the things they’d done. She’d crumble or chicken out if he came to her. He dominated her small trailer, turned her to mush the instant he walked into a room. They needed to have this talk somewhere else. She’d texted him earlier to see what he was up to. He’d said he was working late. So the garage it would have to be. There were plenty of places they could have privacy, but with Joe and Adam more than likely there as well, he couldn’t sidetrack her with sex.
Grabbing the keys to the Honda—which he’d refused to take back when she’d mentioned it again—she threw her bag over her shoulder and headed out the door. She hadn’t told him she was coming. This was a sneak attack. Probably the wrong move but she had to do this now, before she had the chance to think too deeply about it and back out. She couldn’t wait another night. She’d misunderstood Travis’s feelings for her, had thought they were something more, something real, and she’d been completely wrong. She didn’t know what her ex felt for her now, but it wasn’t love. You couldn’t love someone and want them to change everything about themselves. Hugh liked her the way she was. At least, that’s the way he made her feel. But then her history with men, with her own family, was a red flashing light that she was a crappy judge of character.
She just hoped she hadn’t misjudged Hugh.
* * *
It was just after seven when she pulled up outside the garage. The main doors had been pulled down, but there were several cars out front. Hugh’s truck was one of them. There were also a couple of others she assumed were Joe’s and Adam’s or maybe a customer’s. She didn’t know anything about cars, but one was high end, expensive looking, all shiny black. She faltered for a moment. Could she do this?
Before she changed her mind, she shoved open her door and headed to the side entrance, her only way in with the main roller doors closed. It wasn’t locked, so she pushed it wide and stepped inside. Florescent lights lit up the vast floor area and standing in the center of the room was Hugh.
Adam was off to the side a little, and he didn’t look happy. In fact, neither of them looked happy—except for the guy wearing a suit. The owner of the expensive car, she guessed, and some other big man with him. He was side-on to her, but she could see his teeth, he was smiling so wide.
She took several steps closer, the heels of her boots clicking against the concrete floor. Adam’s head lifted at the sound, gaze locking on her, then he closed the space between him and Hugh, his elbow connecting with Hugh’s side. Hugh’s head twisted toward her, as well, his eyes flaring for a split second before his expression went blank.
The guy in the suit was looking at her now, too, giving her a head to toe, then he grinned. “Don’t tell me, you got me a gift?” His gaze moved over her again, landing on her chest and stayed there. “Not my usual taste, but hey, I can work with it.”
The way he continued to stare at her made it obvious she was the “it” he was referring to. She hated him instantly.
“Come here, sweetheart,” he said in an oily voice that made her skin crawl. “Let’s have a good look at you.”
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Hugh barked, so loud his voice echoed around the room.
She jumped then just stood there, heart smacking against the back of her ribs, vocal cords suddenly tight. What the hell was going on? What was this? “I-I wanted to talk to you.”
His face turned cold, hard. An expression she’d never seen on him before. “I’m busy. We meet when I fucking feel like it; what part of that didn’t you understand?”
She stumbled back a step. “What?”
“Are you deaf?”
Humiliation burned her face, her limbs feeling shaky and weak. “No…I…”
“Leave,” he barked. “Now.”
Adam, the creep in the suit, his friend they all stood there staring at her, making the whole scene ten times worse. Anger welled up, her only defense right then, making her breathe harder and, thankfully, holding back the tears threatening to escape. “I-I don’t ever want to see you again; do you understand me? Not ever again.”
He crossed his muscled arms over his chest. “Shit, whatever, babe. You finished?”
She didn’t bother answering and raced from the garage. But she didn’t get far; dizziness washed through her so fast, she thought she might actually faint. She leaned on the wall, sucking down deep breaths.
“Let’s get back to business.”
She heard Hugh’s deep voice echo through the door.
There was a chuckle. The man in the suit maybe. “She seemed a little upset.”
“Fuck ‘em a few times and they get clingy. Was time to cut her loose, anyway,” Hugh said.
“Give me her number. I don’t usually go for women with so much meat on their bones, but I’ll try anything once.”
She didn’t recognize the voice so assumed it was the big guy standing beside the suit.
“You want my sloppy seconds, Don? Be my guest. I’m not a huge fan of desperate and clingy…”
Shay brought her hand up to her mouth to stop the sob burning the back of her throat. She bolted for the Honda, not staying to hear the rest of what Hugh had to say about her, but stumbled to a stop before she got to it.
No way could she use that goddamn car. Pulling the keys from her pocket, she tossed them on the front seat and walked away, dialing for a cab as she went, one she couldn’t afford.
She could call Kayla, but her friend would probably go to the garage and make another scene, and Shay wasn’t ready to talk about what happened, not yet. She didn’t know what the hell just happened. And no way could she endure the long ride home on the bus. She was struggling to hold it together as it was. She stood waiting for her ride, mind racing, so hurt by his words, she was in physical pain. This was so much worse than what had happened with Travis.
God, what an idiot.
She’d gone and fallen in love with Hugh.
And as much as she’d tried to convince herself otherwise, she was more like her mother than she wanted to believe. She jumped from one man to the next, just like her mom did, letting them use her then dump her. Humiliate her.
He’d made it perfectly clear she meant absolutely nothing to him. Nothing.
With a few words, he’d destroyed her, had broken her, and she’d let him.
After the cab dropped her home, she went inside and kicked off her boots, climbed into bed and burrowed under the covers. Desperate to shut down her mind. Somehow, she must have fallen asleep, because when she woke it was the middle of the night. She almost expected to feel Hugh lying beside her.
Then she heard it, the rattle of the security chain on her door.
She scrambled into a sitting position, then she heard it again. She stumbled out of bed and raced to the window, peaking out behind the curtain. Hugh’s truck was outside.
He came.
She hadn’t been using the chain, not with Hugh coming to her so late every night. Thank God she had tonight. She couldn’t face him. Not now. Never again.
She
wrapped her arms around herself. Why would he do that? Why would he come here after what he’d said, the way he’d treated her?
“Shay, please. Let me in. Let me explain.”
His voice was muffled, but she heard every word. She walked out to the living room and stared at the door. It rattled again.
“Please…princess. Open up, baby.”
She slumped to the floor, hugging herself tighter. Why was he doing this? What did he hope to achieve by coming here? The first hot tear streaked down her face a second later.
He was breathing heavily, so much so, she could hear him through the small opening the chain allowed. He growled, then there was a bang, as if he’d kicked the door.
“Shay. I can explain. Come on, sweetheart, let me in.”
He was quiet for the longest time, but she knew he was still there, could feel his presence as she always did. Larger than life, like the man himself. A part of her wanted to unbolt that door, open up and let him tell her whatever lies he’d planned just to have him back. The weak part of her, the part of her that let people walk all over her. She ignored it. She was stronger than that. Stronger than her mother.
She deserved better than to be treated like a piece of trash, spoken to as if she was worthless, as if she didn’t have feelings.
“Princess?” he said again.
God, it hurt. So much. She couldn’t take much more.
There was another bang, higher up, his fist.
Then a second later, she heard him walk away. Heard his truck fire up and tear out onto the street.
He was gone. It was all over.
Chapter Twenty
Hugh squeezed the bottle of beer in his hand so tight he was surprised it didn’t shatter.
They were fucked.
A car short on their delivery to Al.
Swerve: Boosted Hearts (Volume 1) Page 19