The Vow

by Kim; Krickitt Carpenter; Dana Wilkerson

We know we have many interviews in our immediate future, surrounding the release of the movie. We look forward to seeing how our story continues to inspire and bless so many. God is the real star of our story, but it has been awesome see how he has used us to make an impact on so many lives.

  When our story had first gained national attention from the Los Angeles Times and Inside Edition in the spring of 1996, a lot of people in the media business told us to take advantage of every opportunity to tell our story because soon we’d be old news and nobody would want to book us.

  They couldn’t have been more wrong. Here it is, sixteen years later, and millions of people around the world will see a movie inspired by the chain of events that changed our lives forever.

  In addition, we have never solicited appearances or interviews, but even before the announcement that the movie would be released, representatives from the media were still contacting us from time to time. People can’t seem to get enough of this story, and we’ve been happy to go anywhere, anytime to tell it. The publicity over the years has also brought a demand for Krickitt and me to speak to churches, marriage enrichment groups, and all sorts of other audiences. Neither one of us had much prior experience with public speaking when we started, but we were willing to do it for the opportunity of sharing what the Lord had done for us. He has answered our prayers and kept our story alive.

  9

  A FAMILY OF HOPE

  In the summer of 1998, Krickitt and I moved to my hometown of Farmington, New Mexico, near the Four Corners. TV reporters arrived at our house before we even got the boxes unpacked. By the end of the week there was a photo of us in the local news section of the Farmington Daily Times with a headline reading “Carpenters Keeping ‘The Vow’: Famous Couple Moves to Town as World Watches,” and a sidebar that said “Dateline to feature couple on Monday.”

  In Farmington I became chief administrator of a partnership program between New Mexico Highlands University and the local community college that allowed Farmington residents to take Highlands extension courses. Though it was quite different from my job as a baseball coach, I enjoyed continuing to work for Highlands University.

  Krickitt began a part-time job as a lead fitness aide at San Juan College’s Fitness Center, which was open to the community. After a few months she decided to make a change and take on a bigger challenge. She began substitute teaching at Kirtland Central High School, and it ended up being nearly a full-time job for her.

  After school let out for the summer, Krickitt signed up to volunteer at San Juan Regional Medical Center in their Cardio Pulmonary Rehab department. She really enjoyed the challenge of working with the patients there. After about a month of volunteering, the hospital hired her on to assist in the growing rehab program.

  In 1999 we were back on the Leeza show where we made a huge announcement: We were having a baby! Leeza was overjoyed for us, and the media machine kicked into high gear once again. At that time we both had jobs, and we were doing interviews and public speaking events whenever we could. That would have been a hectic schedule for anyone, but combined with Krickitt’s pregnancy and the stress of knowing that the media would be there for the birth of our baby, we were both really worn down by the time the due date arrived.

  On May 3, 2000, Danny James Carpenter was born at the San Juan Regional Medical Center. He was greeted by family, friends, and hordes of media representatives. Prior to Danny’s birth, I had met with key employees at the hospital to work out a plan for security at the hospital. The hospital staff more than came through for us during and after the birth. They were wonderful to work with, and I was truly impressed by their level of concern for our comfort and privacy during our stay.

  Within the first five weeks of his life, Danny had made appearances on the Today Show, Dateline NBC, FOX News, MSNBC, and other shows. His birth was also announced by People magazine. In addition, he was spoiled by the likes of Leeza Gibbons and Ann Curry, who had become true friends over the years and who sent gifts and flowers upon notice of his birth.

  Krickitt and I had mixed feelings about all of the interviews and appearances so soon after our son’s birth. We were concerned for his well-being, but we also felt like God had given us yet another opportunity to not only share our story, but also to provide some inspiration and hope to people going through their own personal challenges.

  Little Danny welcomed his little sister, LeeAnn Marie, into the world in June of 2003. LeeAnn was named after our friends Leeza Gibbons and Anne Curry, as well as Krickitt’s mom, Mary. Danny and LeeAnn are our steadfast reminders that we made the right choice when we stuck together through our tragedy. Had we not done so, our children would never have been born.

  Nearly two months after LeeAnn’s birth, our lives were thrown into turmoil due to a head injury once again. As most parents know, even a second-long lack of attention to a small child can lead to an accident, and we learned that firsthand. During one of those short lapses of supervision, our baby girl fell and hit her head.

  I couldn’t believe that for a second time a girl I loved more than life itself had bleeding on the brain and needed to be airlifted to a critical care unit at a hospital in Albuquerque. Unlike my experience with Krickitt, I was allowed to ride in the air ambulance with LeeAnn. After I said good-bye to Krickitt and boarded the aircraft, I spent a nightmarish time watching my critically injured baby daughter and thinking that this accident hadn’t been caused by another person. There was nobody to blame for my daughter’s injury but her parents. We neglected a minute detail in her stroller restraint and now she was on the brink of permanent brain damage or even death. Fear, guilt, and anguish pushed heavily on me as we flew over the New Mexico landscape toward Albuquerque.

  An agonizing half hour later we landed and ground transport rushed LeeAnn and me to the pediatric intensive care unit at Presbyterian Hospital. I had a horrible sense of déjà vu as I watched my daughter go through many of the same tests and scans her mother had experienced nearly ten years earlier. At least this time I had a better idea of what was going on and what all the monitors and tests were for.

  I spent much of the first five hours after LeeAnn’s accident alone among strangers. Just as I had been left behind while Krickitt made her life-saving flight, Krickitt had been left to make a middle-of-the-night drive to Albuquerque. She wasn’t injured like I had been the first time, but I know she felt the same fear I had on that night all those years ago. When Krickitt arrived at the hospital at 3:00 a.m. after a three-hour drive, I immediately told her how sorry I was.

  Later that morning we received the news that the bleeding on LeeAnn’s brain had stopped and things were looking fairly good for her. She was sleeping a lot, the way Krickitt had at first, but at no time was she in a coma. The first time she opened her eyes I was relieved to look into them and see life instead of the hollow and emotionless stare Krickitt had given me when she first opened hers.

  It wasn’t long before we were able to take our baby girl home, and she was quickly back into her usual groove. It took me much longer to recover from my feelings of guilt and from the nightmare I relived during those first few hours. Fortunately, LeeAnn has had no lasting side effects from the accident.

  It may come as no surprise that Danny is a baseball superstar, even at the age of eleven. He started playing when he was three years old, and I couldn’t help but jump back into coaching, though at quite a different level than before. Danny’s team, the “Farmington Fuel,” has made it to the American Amateur Baseball Congress World Series four years in a row. I’m very proud of my son and his team for making it that far based completely on performance, not on how much money you can pay to play, as is the case in many baseball organizations.

  Danny also wrestles and plays football, basketball, and golf. He has a lot of athletic potential, and Krickitt and I look forward to seeing just how far he wants to take his abilities. He is definitely following in our footsteps, and I hope he will be more like his mom because she has a better work ethic than
I do.

  LeeAnn is very much like her mother. She will wrap you up in a conversation that goes on and on and on. She is very vibrant and caring, and she loves everyone. It’s very touching how our little girl shows concern for her classmates and prays for them to get better when they’re sick.

  She also enjoys crafts, writing, and reading. In fact, during her first grade year, she read more than three hundred books. Like the rest of us, LeeAnn also enjoys sports and we’re excited to see which ones she will choose to stick with. She currently plays softball and basketball, and she enjoys dance. Recently she has even decided she wants to wrestle like her brother. She has also started voice lessons and loves Taylor Swift.

  Though many years have passed since our accident, Krickitt continues to improve mentally. It’s fun to see her discover new things and become aware of things she hadn’t before. However, no one meeting her today has any idea she ever had a severe head injury, unless they know our history.

  After Danny’s birth, Krickitt stopped substitute teaching and stayed home to take care of our small family. Once the kids had both started school, she jumped right back in to substituting at Farmington High School and has been at it ever since.

  As for me, after spending eighteen years in higher education, I moved to the public sector. I have worked for San Juan County since 2005, and in August of 2011, I was named the county’s Chief Executive Officer. I work with many great Christian leaders and I enjoy the teamwork and accountability that characterize my work. I also serve as the incoming chairman of the Connie Mack World Series—an amateur baseball tournament.

  I decided a long time ago that I wanted to live my life to the fullest. I wanted to try and do everything at least once and then go back and do more of the things I enjoyed the most. After many exciting activities, including SCUBA certification and getting my pilot’s license, I feel I have truly lived.

  Our family greatly enjoys spending time together. In addition to playing sports, some of our favorite things to do include flying our radio-controlled aircraft and playing with our various pets—four dogs, one cat, one hamster, a wild chipmunk that has made his home in our back yard, and a one-eyed water frog.

  We still live in Farmington, where both sets of our parents now reside. My twin brother and his family live here as well. It has been great to have our kids grow up around so much of their family. My only wish is that my older brother would move back so that the Carpenter family would all once again be united. Throughout our ordeal with Krickitt, we learned the importance of close family ties, and we’re glad our children know and love their extended family.

  Although Krickitt has never gained any memory of meeting, dating, or marrying me (the first time), our life today could not be better. After all we have been through enduring the trials and tribulations that have confronted us, we know there will be more to come. That’s just how life works. But we have a great sense of appreciation and thankfulness for what God has given us. We have been truly blessed.

  Eighteen years have now passed since our accident, but we are reminded of it every day. Unlike the first few years of our trials, our memories no longer bring about uncertainty, fear, or anger, but instead a great sense of purpose. God has given us such an amazing opportunity to reach out to others. We continue to speak to others about our experience, and we occasionally get phone calls from someone who has read or heard about our story. From time to time we also get calls from people whose loved ones have been in traumatic events and who need our support and encouragement. Though those moments are hard for us only because I know the horror of what they’re going through, we know that walking with others who are where we once were is a way we can give back and give purpose to the events of our lives.

  A good friend of mine, songwriter Billy Simon, penned the lyrics of a song titled, “A Man You Would Write About” that was recorded by the Christian singing group 4Him. In that song, he talks about how he wants to be a man that could be written about and still be read about one thousand years later. To me, that would be the ultimate reward—to have lived a life so full of faith that people will still read about you in a thousand years. However, I don’t see the recognition as the reward; instead the reward is that you’ve been provided a means to bless and inspire others to help them live the fullest life they can.

  A publicist once told me we’ve been seen or heard by an estimated six hundred million people around the world. That’s twice the population of the United States. But even though we have been given an amazing opportunity to inspire many, the two people I most want to inspire are my children. I cannot wait for the day when they are able to read this book and understand all that their mother and I have been through. I believe that sharing life’s experiences and learning from them creates a strong family foundation. What strengthens it even more is having God at the center of it all.

  My father once told me, “Give back what was given to you.” That has been my goal, and the greatest blessing has been to watch my children give to others before worrying about their own desires. I have seen my little girl donate all the money in her piggy bank to a Christian radio station that shares God’s Word on the airwaves. I have seen my son stand up for the weak and pay dearly for it from a bully. I have seen the two of them give up a favorite toy to a little child who had nothing. The two of them continually amaze me as they put others first by giving, praying, and reaching out to the friendless.

  As my children grow, I continually pray that Krickitt and I will raise them in the way God wants us to. We realize that one of the best things we can do for them is to be good examples. Do we always succeed? No. I know I have much to change. Yes, I have failed in making my vow to always respect Krickitt. I still yell at her from time to time and I feel bad about it. But I do know my convictions will continue to remind me of what I need to work on, and with God’s help we do our best and rejoice when Danny and LeeAnn make good choices.

  Our family lives by three sayings. The first is that we “do the right thing.” If you were to walk up to one of my kids on the street and say, “Remember . . .” they will respond with, “do the right thing.” Our second saying is, “It’s important to give it all you got.” We have learned that life is precious, so while we’re here we need to give all we have. And our third saying is, “I got gaps, and together we fill them.” Think about that for a moment. We all have things that we’re good at and not-so-good at, but together we fill each other’s gaps. When we work together and complement each other by filling in the gaps, we can achieve our dreams hand in hand. I believe that as our family lives out those three things, we can give to others what has been given to us.

  Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). I believe that wholeheartedly. But I also believe that in order to truly give, you must know what it is to truly receive. When tragedy strikes you, as it did to us, don’t cut yourself off from the world. Instead, reach out to your friends and family, and to God. Then you will know what it is like to receive, and as a result you will know how to give to others.

  I wouldn’t have thought it was possible, but I love Krickitt more today than I did on our first wedding day. She is an absolutely amazing woman. I can hardly imagine what faith it took for her finally to believe it when everybody kept telling her she was married to me. “God wanted me to be married to this person,” she said. “Everybody said I was, and one day, looking in the mirror, I was convicted by the Lord that it was the truth.

  “I trusted God when I married Kim, so I knew I’d get to know this guy that I married. I don’t look back at what is lost. The media does, but I don’t live like that. I fix my eyes above.”

  Krickitt and I were given a second chance at life together, and neither one of us will ever take each other or our marriage for granted. We had two weddings and the rings to go with them, and we also celebrate two wedding anniversaries every year. Both of those days mark new beginnings for us. We don’t dwell on the bad times but look ahead to the amazing things we know God
still has in store for us. Krickitt will never have a memory of falling in love or of our courtship and marriage. But she says that what she felt as a bride the second time was a deeper love than most wives experience in a lifetime. Our unique experiences, as awful as they were at the time, have given us a stronger bond than we would have had without them.

  I think what has kept our story alive all this time is that it is a story of hope, which is always in short supply and high demand. It would have been so easy for either of us to give up during the long and sometimes dark years during and after the accident, but with God’s help we didn’t. I often think about the story of Job that Krickitt and I read the first time we met each other. There were many times when I identified completely with this poor servant who went from a life of plenty and happiness to the pit of despair. Yet the Lord brought him through it and eventually heaped riches on him far greater than what he had lost. I don’t think I could hold up under the trials that Job had to endure. But I think I have some sense of what he went through, and my life is no less a miracle than his was.

  I’m no hero. I have made mistakes just like anyone else has, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without my faith and trust in him. This story is not about me, and it’s not about Krickitt. It’s about the Lord and how he brought my wife and me through a terrible time to a life that is greater than we could have ever imagined. It’s about a commitment not only to the Lord but also to each other.

  As this book comes to an end, our lives will continue on. As you close the back cover to this book, I want you to remember that in life you will encounter some very tough times, but you can find your strength in God. If there is something missing in your life, seek the Lord. If you once had him in your life and now he seems far away, guess who moved? He is still there; just go to him. He loves you with an everlasting love, and through obedience to him all commitments will endure.