Out of Exile

by Carla Cassidy

  Although he was courteous, it seemed a courtesy offered with a touch of reluctance. The shadows in his eyes that she’d once found fascinating now seemed even more deep and forbidding. She wondered what had happened in his life in the years since she’d last visited that had so deepened those shadows?

  Not my problem, she reminded herself. But what made her slightly uncomfortable was that she had seen those same kinds of shadows in another’s eyes not so long ago. And those shadows had led to a tragedy of mammoth proportions.

  In that particular instance, Lilly had allowed herself to get too close, had allowed her natural defenses to drop, and the end result had been devastating.

  She didn’t intend to allow anyone that close again. All she wanted from Matthew Delaney was the assurance that Aunt Clara, the woman Lilly loved more than anyone in the world, could have a home here. Then Lilly would return to her life and cherish the memories of a boy who’d been kind to her when she’d desperately needed kindness.

  Lilliana. Lilly.

  Matthew took a pitchfork and arranged a bed of fresh hay in one of the horse stalls. The last person he’d expected to see here was Lilliana Winstead. He hadn’t thought about her for years, but there had been a time when he’d hardly been able to think of anything else.

  Although he’d never had much use for his aunt Clara, the summer of his sixteenth year she’d brought her newly adopted daughter, Lilliana, here for a visit.

  Those trips they’d made annually for three summers had been both eagerly anticipated and equally dreaded by Matthew, who would always be assigned the task of entertaining Lilly.

  Spending endless hours with the beautiful Lilly had been a pleasure the likes of which Matthew had never known. Not only had her prettiness attracted him, but she’d had an infectious laugh, a sparkle in her eyes and an insatiable curiosity that had absolutely bewitched him.

  “You show her a good time, boy, and keep her out of trouble,” Adam Delaney would say to his son on the first day of their visit. “You make me proud or I swear I’ll make you sorry.”

  Matthew shoved away the memory of his old man’s words, but there was no way to push aside the anger that stirred inside him. It was a familiar anger, one that had become like a loyal friend because it was always there just under the surface.

  He spread the last of the new hay, trying not to feel guilty about how quickly he’d left the table after dinner. Aunt Clara had indicated that she would do the cleanup, and Matthew had taken the opportunity to escape to the stables.

  Seeing Lilly again had stirred myriad emotions and he felt as if he needed some time alone to put it all in the proper perspective.

  He’d been looking forward to this time when the ranch would be dark, when there would be no guests demanding attention. No bitching, no whining, just peace and quiet, that’s what he’d been looking for.

  He needed time alone to figure out where he was headed, where the Delaney Dude Ranch was headed.

  But in those summers when Lilly and Aunt Clara had visited, the one thing that had been conspicuously absent was peace and quiet.

  “Hi.”

  He tightened his grip on the pitchfork as her low, melodic voice interrupted his thoughts. She stood just outside the stall where he’d been working.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, Matthew, but I really need to talk to you.” It was obvious she’d showered and changed clothes before coming in search of him. Gone was the wrinkled blue dress she’d been wearing, and in its place was a blue T-shirt and a pair of almost shockingly short shorts.

  “Talk to me about what?” He leaned the pitchfork against the wall, then left the stall. As he stepped out, he could smell her, a fresh clean floral scent that eddied in the air. It was a scent that rang the chords of distant memories. He thought she’d worn the same fragrance years ago.

  “About Aunt Clara.”

  Matthew frowned. “What about her?”

  Lilly leaned back against the stable wall. The brevity of her shorts now gloriously displayed the legs that had been hidden beneath the long skirt earlier. Those legs looked just as silky, just as shapely as they had looked years ago.

  “I’m not sure how to tell you this,” she said, hedging.

  A burst of irritation swept through Matthew at the realization that even after all the years that had passed, and all the beatings he’d endured because of her, he felt a stir of desire for her. “Just spit it out,” he exclaimed. “I don’t remember you ever having a problem verbalizing in the past.”

  Her eyes, eyes the color of cornflowers, widened at the sharpness of his tone. “She’s lost everything—her house, her savings…all of her assets—through a series of bad investments.”

  “And so she’s come here hoping we’ll default on the terms of my father’s will and she’ll inherit the place?” he asked tersely.

  “I know all about the terms of the will, that your father set it up so you all have to work here for a year before the ranch officially becomes yours. And I know if any one of you defaults on the conditions, the ranch goes to Aunt Clara.”

  She took a step toward him and placed her hand on his forearm. He suddenly remembered that about her, that she’d been a toucher. “She doesn’t want the ranch, Matthew. All she wants is a home here with the rest of her family.”

  What family? Matthew wanted to ask. The Delaneys had never been a family. They had been four children trapped in a life with a brutal dictator, four siblings who’d been isolated by fear and distrust. But Matthew didn’t talk about such things. He never talked about it.

  “Why doesn’t she move in with you?” he asked, then realizing how cold he sounded, he hurriedly continued, “I mean, you’re certainly much closer to her than any of my brothers and sister have been over the years.”

  She nodded, the gesture giving her thick, dark hair a sensual sway. “I told her I’d get a bigger apartment, that she was more than welcome to move in with me, but she insisted she wants to be here.”

  He fought the sigh of resignation that rose in his throat. “Then I guess she’s going to be here.”

  Lilly offered him a wide smile that lit every feature on her face. He felt the warmth of that smile burrow deep in the pit of his stomach. “Thanks, Matthew. More than anything, I want her to be happy.”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Did you really think I’d send her away?”

  She grabbed a strand of her midnight hair and twirled it around her finger. “To be honest I didn’t know what to expect. We haven’t exactly stayed in touch, and I wasn’t sure how you might react.”

  She was right. Many years had passed since they’d spoken or had any contact. She had no idea what kind of man he’d become, just as he had little idea of the woman she’d become.

  “How long are you going to be here?” he asked. “Hasn’t school started in Dallas?” The last thing he’d heard was that she was a high school counselor.

  “Yes, but I decided to take a year off.” Her gaze slid away from his.

  “Really? Why?”

  She shrugged. “I just decided I needed a little break.”

  She walked over to one of the other stalls and reached out to pet the mare confined there.

  Matthew watched her. He had a feeling there was more to the story, but told himself it was none of his business. She was none of his business.

  Still, he had to admit to himself that she was as pretty as she’d been at sixteen…even prettier. She was still slender, but with curves in the right places. Her hair wasn’t as long as it had been years ago, but it still framed her face with glossy darkness, a perfect foil for her startling blue eyes.

  “You never married.” It was a statement, not a question.

  She turned to look at him once again. “Neither have you,” she countered.

  “That’s right. And I never intend to marry.” Matthew knew well the reasons why he would never bind himself to a woman. “I like living my life alone. What about you?”

  She gave the horse a fina
l pat. “For the most part I’m comfortable alone. I’ve never felt the need for marriage. I think there are just some people who aren’t cut out for the institution.” She grinned. “And no, I’m not gay.”

  He blinked in surprise. “That didn’t even cross my mind.”

  “You’d be surprised how many men discover I’m thirty-five and never been married and just assume it must be because I’m gay, or at the very least highly dysfunctional in some way or another. There are times it gets quite irritating.”

  He felt a grudging grin curve his mouth. Even as a young woman she’d been in touch with her emotions and had no problems verbalizing them. He’d always admired that about her.

  “So how long are you planning on staying?” he repeated as they headed for the stable door.

  “A week, maybe two if that’s all right with you. I’d like to see Aunt Clara settled in.” She grinned, the infectious smile he remembered from their youth. “But don’t worry, Matthew. I’m a big girl now. I don’t expect you to squire me around on this visit. I’m perfectly capable of entertaining myself.”

  They both halted as the door to the stables opened and Jacob Tilley walked in. “Jacob!” Matthew said in surprise.

  He hadn’t seen Jacob since six months ago when Jacob’s father, Walter Tilley had been sent away to prison.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt, Matthew,” Jacob said. “One of your men told me you were out here and I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time.”

  Matthew turned to Lilly. “Jacob, this is Lilliana Winstead.”

  “Yes, I remember you,” Jacob said and held his hand out to her. “You used to visit in the summers.”

  “That’s right,” Lilly replied. “And you used to come with your father when he’d have a meeting with Adam.” She shook his hand, then stepped back from them. “I’ll just get out of here and give you two some privacy.” Without a backward glance she left the stables.

  “Pretty, isn’t she?” Jacob observed when she had gone.

  “She’s all right. What can I do for you, Jacob?” Matthew asked, curious as to why this man would show his face around here.

  “I hear the ranch is doing well,” he said as he swept his hat from his head and fingered the brim. “Heard you’re booked up solid through Christmas.”

  “We’re doing all right,” Matthew replied. He eyed the man patiently, knowing eventually he would get around to the reason for this visit.

  Jacob shifted from one foot to the other, his gaze not meeting Matthew’s. “This can be a tough town, an unforgiving town.”

  “Are you here on behalf of your father?” Matthew asked. Seven months before, Walter Tilley had been the executor of Adam Delaney’s will and the family lawyer. Then it was discovered he was running illegal aliens through the ranch and was responsible for the death of a young woman who’d been working the ranch as a social director.

  “No, I’m here on behalf of me…and my family.” For the first time Jacob looked him square in the eyes. “I hear you’re doing some hiring.”

  “I always do this time of year,” Matthew replied. “I’ve got interviews set up for tomorrow.”

  “I was afraid if I tried to set anything up with you, you’d turn me down,” Jacob replied. He frowned. “And of course, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. What my father did to you, to this ranch, was inexcusable.”

  “I’ve never blamed you for the choices your father made.” God help him if anyone judged him by his father’s sins, Matthew thought.

  “Then give me a job, Matthew.” There was a touch of undisguised desperation in Jacob’s voice. “I can’t get anyone else in this town to even talk to me about a job. Everyone knows what my father did. Hell, my wife…my kids…we’re all starving because I can’t find work.”

  Matthew knew the Tilleys had always been proud, and he knew the emotional toll it must have cost Jacob to come here this evening.

  “Be here at dawn in the morning and plan on working harder than you ever have in your life.” Matthew hoped he hadn’t just made a mistake.

  Jacob held a hand out to him. “Thanks. I promise you won’t regret it.”

  After Jacob left the stables, Matthew remained for a few minutes longer. He sank down on a bale of hay, his thoughts going back to the conversation with Lilly.

  Funny, he’d always been surprised that she hadn’t married. He wasn’t sure he’d ever met a woman who had no interest in getting married. Certainly most of the single women of Inferno had marriage on the mind, and there was nothing they’d like more than to snag the last available Delaney.

  But Matthew’s desire to remain single went deeper than a mere whim. He would never marry, because he was afraid he was his father’s son. And as his father’s son, he was desperately afraid that if he ever fell in love he would only manage to hurt the person most dear to his heart.

  Better not to love than to repeat the sins of the father.

  Chapter 2

  Lilly left the stables and checked on Aunt Clara, who had retired to her room for the evening. Lilly fixed herself a glass of iced tea, then went back outside and sat on the wicker chair on the front porch.

  The sun had disappeared and the purple haze of twilight was fading as stars began to appear as if by magic in the darkening skies.

  She saw Jacob Tilley leave the stables and get into his pickup. She waved at him as he drove off, then looked expectantly toward the stable, assuming Matthew would soon follow.

  When minutes passed and he didn’t come out, she returned her gaze to the night sky. From her apartment in downtown Dallas she never saw the stars. But here they looked big enough, low enough, to reach out and grab.

  She drew a deep breath, feeling more relaxed than she had in months. The frantic tempo of the Dallas city life and the daily stresses of her job seemed very far away at the moment.

  A week or two here and perhaps she’d be ready to go back and face her life…and her failure. She drew another breath, fighting against a wave of sadness so deep it sent a piercing ache through her.

  She consciously forced her thoughts away from her job and instead found thoughts of Matthew intruding into her mind. As a boy he had fascinated her and she was surprised to discover some of that fascination remained.

  As the years had passed and she’d remembered the crush she’d had on him, she’d always believed that she’d been acutely drawn to him due to the raging hormones of a teenager. But she was well past the age of teenage hormones and still she found herself physically drawn to him.

  The moment they had pulled in and she had seen him, she’d experienced a slight quickening of her pulse, an acceleration of her heartbeats.

  Nostalgia. Surely that’s what she was experiencing. The nostalgia of that first crush, time spent with a handsome young man, the awakening of sexual awareness between two teenagers.

  Hearing footsteps, she looked toward the stables to see the object of her thoughts approaching, his boots crunching on the gravel drive.

  “Everything all right?” she asked as she saw the frown that deepened the lines on his face.

  “I hope so.” He lowered himself into the chair next to hers. “I just hired Jacob Tilley and I’m hoping it’s not a mistake.”

  “Why would it be a mistake?”

  “Jacob Tilley’s father, Walter, was our family lawyer at the time my father passed away. He’s now in prison for running illegal aliens through our ranch and murdering a young woman who worked here as a social director. He also nearly killed my brother, Mark and his wife, April, when they stumbled on his operation.”

  Lilly gasped and listened as he told her the details of Jacob’s father’s crimes. “But surely you heard about all this,” he said as he finished the story.

  Lilly shook her head. “No, I didn’t hear anything about it. But you have to understand, most of the information I get about the ranch and what’s happening with your family is from Aunt Clara and the letters she gets from Johnna. Johnna doesn’t write her very often, and I th
ink Aunt Clara often forgets what she’s been told in those letters.”

  “That’s how I managed to keep up with your life over the years,” he replied. “Johnna would mention a letter she’d received from Clara and Clara’s letters were usually filled with tidbits about your life.”

  Lilly grinned. “They must have been pretty boring letters.” She took a sip of her tea, then placed the glass on the porch next to her chair. “Whenever I visited out here, I thought you led the most exciting life I could ever imagine.”

  “Really?” She heard his disbelief in his low voice.

  “If you’d been here longer than a week or two at a time, you’d probably have realized just how unexciting ranch life can be. It’s a hard life. It can be brutal.” A hard edge had appeared in his tone.

  He cleared his throat and stood. He moved to the porch railing and stared out at the encroaching darkness. For a long moment he was silent…a silence that invited no entry.

  Lilly stared at the width of his rigid back and wondered if he dated, if he had a special somebody in his life. She remembered him as somebody who had difficulty opening himself to anyone, sharing pieces of himself.

  In those summers when she had visited here, she had worked very hard to get through the barriers she sensed he’d erected to guard him from everyone. And when she’d felt she’d succeeded, it had been a sweet success.

  But he wasn’t sixteen or seventeen anymore, and she had no right to intrude on his thoughts, his emotions or his life.

  “You mentioned that Clara wants to make her home here permanently,” he said, finally breaking the silence. “I need to warn you that there isn’t any guarantee this place will be permanent.”

  She looked at him in surprise. “What do you mean?” She rose from her chair and joined him at the railing.

  He didn’t look at her but continued to stare out at some indefinable point in the distance. “I’ve received an offer from a development company that wants to buy this place in five months when it officially becomes ours.”