Out of Exile

by Carla Cassidy

  “Lilly, could you hand me that orange crepe paper?” April, Mark’s wife, asked. April, Aunt Clara and Lilly were working to transform the family room into a spooky, yet festive, party area for the Halloween party.

  “Sure.” Lilly grabbed the crepe paper from the sofa and handed it to April, who was wrapping it around the frame of a gilded mirror.

  “What we need is a ladder,” Aunt Clara said. “That way we can string the crepe paper from the ceiling.”

  “I’ll see if I can find somebody to get us a ladder,” Lilly said.

  She had noticed earlier that morning that there seemed to be more activity than usual outside. Workers hustled here and there readying things for the arrival of guests a mere week away.

  Matthew had left early that morning to head out to the old barn and help with the renovations. Lilly didn’t expect to see him again until this evening.

  She spied Eddie and Ned working together in front of the stables. Harnesses, bridles and saddles were laid out across sawhorses, and the two men were busy oiling each piece of equipment.

  “Hi, Eddie, Ned,” she said as she approached them.

  They both smiled at her and set aside the rags they were using for rubbing in the oil. “’Morning,” Eddie replied.

  “Hi, Lilly,” Ned said.

  “I was wondering if either one of you might know where I can find a ladder. We’re decorating the family room for the Halloween party and could use one.”

  “I think I saw one in the closet in the stable,” Eddie said.

  “Why don’t I get it for you and carry it over,” Ned said.

  “Oh, that would be wonderful,” Lilly exclaimed and shot the man a warm smile.

  As Eddie got back to work oiling a saddle, Ned disappeared into the stable and reappeared a moment later with a six-foot ladder.

  “Perfect,” Lilly said, and the two of them headed back to the house.

  “So you’re getting it all decorated for the party,” Ned said as they walked.

  “Yes. You are coming to the party, aren’t you?” she asked.

  “I wouldn’t miss it,” he replied, his brown eyes alight with pleasure. “Although I haven’t figured out what kind of costume to wear yet. What about you? You got your costume ready?”

  “I don’t think I’m going to be here for the party,” she replied, fighting the stab of sadness that pierced her heart as she thought of leaving this place, of leaving Matthew.

  “Really? So you’re heading back home soon?” he asked.

  She nodded. “My aunt is having some medical tests run tomorrow, and I’ll probably leave to go back to Dallas the next day or the day after.”

  “Well, it’s a damn shame that you’ll miss the festivities.” They stepped up on the porch and Lilly held the front door so he could angle the ladder inside.

  He carried it into the family room where April and Clara were waiting. “Anyplace is fine,” Lilly said and watched as he propped it up against one wall. “Thank you, Ned.”

  “My pleasure,” he replied, then with a nod of his head to them all, he turned and left.

  “He seems like a nice young man,” Aunt Clara said.

  Lilly nodded, although she wondered if it had been Ned who had stood in the trees the day before and tried to shoot them.

  She had spent much of the night wondering who might want to harm her or Matthew. But no matter how often, no matter how fervently she’d turned it over in her mind, no answers had been forthcoming.

  There was only one thing that was crystal clear in her mind, and that was the fact that she’d fallen in love with Matthew Delaney. And she didn’t intend to do anything about that but run back to her home and her life in Dallas.

  “Why don’t we set up the ladder against that wall and I’ll decorate the mantel,” April said.

  Lilly moved the ladder to where she wanted it, but stopped April from climbing up it. “How about I do the high decorating. After all, I’m not the one who is pregnant.”

  April laughed. “I’m not an invalid,” she protested. “Even though Mark has certainly started to treat me like one.”

  Lilly smiled at her. “That’s sweet.”

  April smiled, a smile that reflected the love she felt for her husband. “Yes, it is sweet,” she agreed.

  “It does my heart good to see Mark, Luke and Johnna all so happy with their spouses,” Aunt Clara said from her perch on the edge of the sofa. She was working to put together a honeycomb table decoration.

  “They’re tough, the Delaneys,” April replied. “All of them have a hard shell that tends to keep people at bay, but the people who manage to break through that shell are lucky, indeed.”

  These words of April’s haunted Lilly as they continued to work. It was just after noon when Aunt Clara announced that she intended to make the three of them lunch, and she disappeared into the kitchen, leaving April and Lilly alone.

  “Mark told me what happened yesterday evening,” April said in a low voice.

  “Thanks for not mentioning it in front of Aunt Clara,” Lilly replied. “I don’t want to worry her.”

  “You must have been terrified.” April sat on the sofa where Aunt Clara had been moments earlier.

  Lilly sat next to her. “No more terrified than you must have been when Jacob Tilley’s father was going to kill you and Mark.”

  “Ah, so Matthew told you about that.” Her green eyes darkened. “Yes, that was absolutely horrifying. Walter Tilley’s henchmen locked us up in a root cellar in the old barn. They were about to kill us when Matthew, Luke and Johnna showed up to save the day.”

  She smiled. “But it wasn’t all horrible. It was in that root cellar waiting for death that I realized just how much I love Mark.”

  A universal experience, Lilly thought to herself. Apparently, when faced with your own mortality you had the ability to see the emotions otherwise denied or evaded. Just as April had discovered her love for Mark when faced with imminent death, so had Lilly discovered her love for Matthew when their lives had been threatened.

  April reached out and touched the back of Lilly’s hand. “You’re in love with Matthew, aren’t you?”

  An instantaneous denial sprang to Lilly’s lips but refused to take the form of a verbal reply. She looked down at her hands, then back at April. “I care about Matthew…deeply, but—”

  “But he’s a difficult man to love,” April said. “They all are difficult to love. You have to get through lots of layers of protection to get to the core of each of the Delaneys.” April shook her head. “Their father really did a number on them.”

  “But Mark and Luke and Johnna all have managed to put their childhood and their pain in the past. I don’t think Matthew has managed to do that. He seems so filled with…with anger.”

  A crash from the kitchen halted the conversation. “Aunt Clara? Are you all right?” Lilly called.

  There was no reply.

  Lilly jumped up from the sofa, a sudden sense of dread rocketing through her. “Aunt Clara?” she cried out again, then raced for the kitchen, her heart banging frantically.

  April followed behind Lilly, and as they entered the kitchen, both of them cried out in alarm as they saw the old woman crumpled on the floor, a broken plate nearby.

  Terror shot through Lilly as she saw the woman she loved clutching her chest, pain torturing her features into a mask of fear.

  “My heart,” Clara gasped breathlessly. “I-it’s my heart.”

  “Should I call for an ambulance?” April asked frantically.

  Lilly made a split-second decision. “No, there’s no time. Just get a couple of men to help me carry her to my car,” Lilly replied, praying that she was making the right decision. “I’ve got to get her to the hospital.” Before the words were completely out of her mouth, April had left the kitchen.

  “Hang on, Aunt Clara,” Lilly exclaimed and grabbed Clara’s hand. “We’re going to get you help. You just hang on.”

  It took precious minutes for Eddie an
d Ned to carry Clara out to Lilly’s car and gently deposit her in the back seat.

  “Want me to go with you?” April asked.

  Lilly started the engine with a roar. “No. Just tell Matthew we’ll be at the hospital.” Without waiting for April’s acknowledgment, Lilly yanked the car into gear and took off.

  As she heard Aunt Clara’s gasping breaths and moans of pain, Lilly felt as if she were having a heart attack, so deep was the pain and fear that coursed through her.

  “Hang on, Aunt Clara,” she said, trying to keep the panic, the terror out of her voice. “Everything is going to be all right. Just try to relax and keep breathing.”

  Lilly drove like a NASCAR racer, grateful that she encountered little traffic between the ranch and the hospital. With each moment that ticked by, she hoped she hadn’t made a mistake in transporting the beloved woman herself.

  She squealed to a halt at the emergency room entrance, grateful to see Dr. Howerton waiting for them.

  “April called and told me you were coming,” he said curtly as Aunt Clara was gently loaded on a gurney. “I’ll speak to you later in the waiting room.” He didn’t wait for her reply, but instead hurried after his patient, leaving Lilly alone outside the emergency room doors.

  For a long moment Lilly stood staring at the doors, blinking back tears as she thought of the woman who had given her life meaning, the woman who had loved her when nobody else had.

  Lilly couldn’t imagine her life without Clara in it. Clara had been her anchor, the family Lilly had never had.

  For the first time in her life, Lilly was sorry for the solitary lifestyle she’d chosen. Never had she needed somebody to lean on, somebody to hold her as much as she did at this moment.

  Chapter 10

  He found her in the waiting room, sitting alone in one of the cheap plastic chairs that lined the wall. Matthew had always thought of Lilly as energetic and vital, but at the moment she looked small and achingly vulnerable.

  Her hands were folded in her lap and her eyes were closed, as if she were mentally sending prayers heavenward. “Lilly?” He spoke her name softly.

  Her eyes opened and she launched herself up and out of the chair and directly into his arms. “Oh, Matthew,” she cried, burrowing her face into his neck. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  As quickly as she’d thrown herself into his arms, she stepped away from him, her entire body emanating restless anxiety. “I’ve been waiting forever, but nobody will tell me anything. It’s been too long. Something must be horribly wrong.”

  Matthew reached out and took her hands in his, then led her back to the chairs where he forced her to sit next to him and released her hands. “Lilly, it hasn’t been that long,” he said gently. “I came as soon as Eddie found me, which means it’s been less than an hour.”

  She slumped back in the chair, her eyes haunted and dark. “It feels like I’ve been sitting here waiting to hear something for an entire lifetime.”

  “So what exactly happened? All April told me was that Clara had collapsed and you’d rushed her here.”

  “I don’t know.” She tucked her hair behind her ear, then refolded her hands in her lap. “April and I were in the family room and Aunt Clara had gone into the kitchen to see about some lunch. We heard a crash and ran in there and she was on the floor clutching her chest.”

  Tears brimmed in her eyes as she stared at him. “She has to be all right, Matthew. She’s all I have. She’s all I’ve ever had.”

  Matthew wanted to gather her into his arms, kiss away her tears, but at that moment Dr. Howerton entered the waiting room, his features grim as he faced them.

  “How is she?” Lilly asked as she jumped up from her chair and faced the doctor.

  “She had a heart attack, but we have her stabilized at the moment. We’re running some tests on her now to give us some idea of what’s going on with her heart. We’ll have the results of those tests back within the next fifteen or twenty minutes.”

  “And then what?” Matthew asked.

  “I’ve called in Dr. Winesburg from Tucson,” the doctor explained. “He’s a heart specialist and should be here within the hour. He’ll make the decision on what happens once we have the test results back.”

  Dr. Howerton looked at Lilly sympathetically. “I’d suggest the two of you go over to the cafeteria, get some coffee or something to eat. It’s going to be a while before we know exactly what’s going on.”

  “We’ll just wait here until Dr. Winesburg arrives,” Lilly replied.

  Dr. Howerton nodded. “We’ll let you know what’s going on as soon as we know.” With these words he disappeared back through the door through which he had come.

  Matthew and Lilly sat once again. “She’ll be all right,” Matthew said softly, trying to ease Lilly’s fears. “She’s strong and you got her here quickly.”

  She nodded, but he could tell his words had done nothing to assuage her worry and fear.

  Minutes ticked by, agonizingly slow. They remained sitting side-by-side but not speaking. Matthew knew that nothing he could say would help. Only the doctor could erase the lines of tension from Lilly’s face. Only the doctor could take away the dark fear in her lovely eyes.

  It was nearly an hour later when Dr. Winesburg came into the waiting room. The heart specialist was an older man with kind blue eyes and a head full of white hair. He took Lilly’s hands in his as he explained what they had found.

  “Clara has a severe blockage of one of her arteries and we’re going in to correct it.”

  “You mean surgery?” Lilly asked in alarm.

  “Yes. Without immediate surgery Clara is a time bomb. Another heart attack is certain to happen unless we do something to widen the artery and get blood flowing once again.” He released Lilly’s hands.

  “How dangerous is the surgery?” Lilly’s voice trembled.

  Dr. Winesburg smiled at her confidently. “It’s a relatively simple procedure that I’ve done a thousand times before. She’ll be in surgery for about two hours, and if all goes well she’ll be able to go home within forty-eight hours.”

  “Can we see her?” Lilly asked.

  “For just a few minutes. We’ll be taking her in for surgery shortly. She’s in room ten—through the doors and down the hall on your left.”

  Lilly reached for Matthew’s hand, as if needing his support as they followed Dr. Wineburg’s directions to Clara’s room.

  Matthew was shocked to see Clara lying so still, so pale in the large hospital bed that seemed to swallow her up. Lilly released his hand the moment they entered the room and rushed to Clara’s side.

  “Aunt Clara,” she said softly, and Clara fluttered her eyes opened.

  “Ah, my precious Lilly,” Clara said. “I’ve given you a fright and I’m sorry.”

  “Shh, don’t you dare apologize,” Lilly exclaimed, and grabbed her hand.

  “I guess they told you I’m going in for some surgery,” Clara said.

  “Yes, and we just came in to tell you that we love you and Dr. Winesburg told us everything is going to be fine,” Lilly replied.

  “Well, of course it is,” Clara replied. “Of course, he’s probably going to make me change my diet, cut out everything that tastes good.”

  She directed her gaze toward Matthew. “Dear Matthew, I’m so glad you’re here.” She held out a hand toward him.

  He hesitated a moment, then stepped forward and allowed Clara to grab his hand. As he gazed down at her, he felt the stir of the old resentment he’d always felt for her…a resentment tempered for the first time by a wave of something frighteningly soft and strange. Her hand was dry, the skin feeling paper thin.

  “Matthew…I’m sorry,” Clara said, her gaze holding his intently. “Lilly told me about your father. I…I didn’t know. Although I did worry… I did what I could, but it wasn’t enough.”

  Matthew patted her hand, discomfited by the pain that radiated from her pale-blue eyes, a pain he knew had nothing to do with her
physical condition.

  Again he felt a reemergence of old resentment. Why hadn’t she been able to see that they had desperately needed help? On her infrequent visits to the ranch, why hadn’t she recognized that the Delaney children were in fear of their very lives?

  He pulled his hand from hers and instead stuck his hands in his pockets. “Why didn’t you visit more often?” he asked, trying to keep his voice evenly modulated despite the emotion that suddenly swam inside of him.

  Clara closed her eyes for a long moment, and when she opened them once again there were tears sparkling in the pale blue depths. “Adam made it quite clear I was never welcome there.” She paused a moment as if to catch her breath. “I…he frightened me. When we were young, he terrorized me so. He had such a mean streak in him.”

  He fought to hang on to his anger, needing it, but he couldn’t. Any anger he might have once felt toward her was gone beneath the realization that she’d been as afraid of his father as all of them had been.

  Why had he expected any more of her than he had of himself? Of other adults? She had been a woman all alone. Why had he thought it was her duty to take on a mean, hateful man?

  “I wasn’t sure there was anything wrong and I prayed that Adam was a good father,” she continued. “I’d hoped he’d outgrown some of his meanness. But still I called Social Services several times. I wanted an investigation to set my own mind at ease.”

  Again she paused a moment, as if fighting for the energy to continue speaking. “Your father was a powerful man with influential friends. I’m sorry, Matthew, I’m so sorry for letting you and the others down.”

  “There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he said. He realized it must have been hell growing up with an older brother like Adam Delaney. Her childhood had probably been no better than the Delaney children’s.

  “And all you need to focus on is getting well.” With an impulse that surprised him, he leaned down and kissed her cheek, then stepped away from the bed.

  At that moment the doctor came into the room and shooed them out. They returned to the waiting room and found it filled with Delaneys.