Vicious Cycle

by Terri Blackstock

  Fear flashed across her face, and she stiffened. “No.”

  “Who were the two people who came to take the baby while Lance Covington was there?”

  “They …” She paused, took in a deep breath, then looked down at her feet. “Those people weren’t there for the baby. They were there looking at a couch I had for sale. That’s all.”

  “A couch? That dirty couch in your living room?”

  She didn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah. They didn’t buy it.”

  “So let me get this straight. On the day your daughter gave birth at home to a child who was obviously in distress, you took the time to show your couch to strangers?”

  “That’s right. I really needed some cash for the baby and all.”

  “Where did you list the couch for sale?”

  She hesitated, clearly aware that they could check out her story. “It was word of mouth. I told some friends who told some friends.”

  “So no one ever offered you money for that baby?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  Dathan leaned forward on the table. “Ms. Rhodes, are you aware that it’s illegal to take cash for a baby?”

  “Yes, I know that.”

  “Are you aware that baby traffickers don’t always put the babies in homes of well-to-do people who want to adopt them? That sometimes there are much more sinister things going on?”

  “Sinister things like what?” she asked grudgingly.

  “Like taking the children out of the country, raising them in brothels. Or selling them to pedophiles.”

  She slammed her hand on the table. “I didn’t sell nobody that baby.”

  “If you were to tell us who those people were and help us track them down, we might be able to keep the DA from charging you with conspiracy to commit child trafficking.”

  There was a long silence as she stared at the floor again. Watching through the window, Kent held his breath.

  “I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” she said.

  When it was clear they weren’t going to get any more out of Maureen, they took her to booking. Kent heard her shrill, raspy voice grow louder and louder, insisting that her own daughter was a lying tramp.

  Kent couldn’t blame Jordan for how she’d turned out. It was probably a miracle she’d made it to fifteen.

  Chapter 35

  Pride swelled in Barbara’s chest at the way Emily attended to her friend. Today was supposed to be about Emily, but she’d unselfishly let Jordan become the center of their attention.

  As Emily sat by Jordan’s bed, updating her on all the drama at New Day, Karen came tentatively into the room. “Jordan, do you need some water?” she asked.

  “No, I’m fine,” Jordan said.

  “If you need anything, just ring your call button.”

  Barbara knew it was time to introduce Karen to Jordan. She took her friend’s hand and pulled her to the bed. “Jordan, Karen is a friend of ours. I asked her to look out for you when I realized she works on this floor.”

  Jordan seemed moved. “That’s nice.”

  “Jordan, Karen has a special interest in you, because her brother-in-law and his wife are on the Loving Arms adoption list.”

  For a moment, Jordan’s face was blank, and Barbara braced herself for resentment. “Oh. You should have said something.”

  Karen swallowed. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured. And if you’re not ready to talk about it — ”

  “No, I am. I have to make some decisions.”

  “Jordan, Madeline and Ben have had four miscarriages. They want to be parents more than anything. I know you have a lot on your mind and a lot of options. But I’d love to introduce you to them. The baby’s so beautiful.”

  Barbara couldn’t tell how Jordan was taking this.

  “Grace,” Jordan said. “Her name’s Grace.”

  Karen laughed. “Yes, Grace. That’s perfect for her.”

  “Would they keep that name?” Jordan asked.

  “I’m sure they would if you wanted them to. She looks like a Grace.”

  Jordan looked off into the distance. “She does, doesn’t she?”

  Emily nudged Jordan. “Why don’t you meet them tonight, and see what you think?”

  “Okay. We could do that.”

  Karen clapped her hands. “Then I’ll go call them. I’m sure they’ll come right away.” She stood a moment, as if trying to decide whether to hug her. Jordan’s expression remained closed, so finally, Karen backed away.

  When she was gone, Jordan dabbed at her eyes. “She seems nice. Do you guys know the couple?”

  “Yes,” Barbara said. “You’ll love them. Madeline would make a terrific mother. And Ben is amazing. He coaches his nephew’s soccer team. They both teach first graders in Sunday school.”

  “Soccer and Sunday school,” Jordan repeated on a whisper. “I like that. It’s better than … what I had.”

  “You couldn’t go wrong with them,” Emily said. “And Madeline wears the cutest clothes. You should see her. She has this really cool style, and she knows how to put things together. Grace would never look like a dork.”

  Barbara had to chuckle. She never would have used fashion to persuade Jordan, but maybe Emily was speaking her language.

  “I want her to grow up like … well, like you did, Emily.”

  Barbara’s heart swelled. Was it possible that anyone really saw past Emily’s mistakes and thought she’d been raised right?

  Emily laughed. “I didn’t turn out all that great.”

  “But not because of your mom,” Jordan said.

  Emily paused for a long moment. “No, not because of my mom.”

  Barbara backed up against the wall and looked up at some invisible spot on the ceiling. “Thank you, sweetie. I appreciate that.” But I think you’ve turned out fine.

  Later, when Madeline and Ben got to the hospital, nervous and teary-eyed, Karen brought them in to meet Jordan. As they talked, Barbara and Emily stepped out into the hall. “This could be a miracle,” Barbara whispered.

  “I know, right?”

  “Let’s go get a soda while they talk.”

  They were downstairs in the cafeteria when Madeline and Ben found them half an hour later. Madeline’s nose was red from crying.

  As she reached them, she raised her arms in the air. “Ben made her laugh. She’s really sweet. She said we could have her!”

  Barbara screamed and stood up, throwing her arms around her. “Did you call the agency?”

  “Yes! We called our case manager together. They’re getting the paperwork ready.” She wilted into tears. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

  Chapter 36

  After Madeline and Ben left her hospital room, Jordan tried to sort through her feelings. There was some peace in knowing the decision was made, but unexpected sorrow crashed over her.

  She felt the sudden need to see her baby. Getting out of bed, she tested her legs. She was weak, wobbly, but she made her way out into the wide corridor, rolling the IV pole behind her. She looked up and down the corridor and found the sign pointing to the nursery.

  Keeping her hand on the wall to steady herself, she went to the display window. She looked across the sterile bassinets and didn’t see a baby with brown curly hair. Where was Grace? What if her mother had already given her away?

  She found the door and stepped inside. A nurse smiled at her.

  “May I help you, hon?”

  “My baby,” she said. “I want to see my baby.”

  “The name?”

  “Grace,” she said. “Grace Rhodes.”

  The nurse looked surprised. “Oh, the Rhodes baby. Yes, she’s right over here. Are you her mother?”

  Jordan nodded, feeling like a fraud. She’d been called many things, but “mother” didn’t seem to fit. She walked barefoot around the corner, pulling her pole behind her, and saw her little bundle lying in the bassinet, hooked up to a monitor. The baby lay sleeping on her back, her tiny hands on eithe
r side of her head. She was smaller than Jordan remembered, and her chest rose and fell rhythmically. Her skin was paler than it had been immediately after her birth. The purplish-pink had faded to white.

  “Is she all right?”

  “I think she’ll be fine. Do you want to hold her?”

  “Can I?”

  “Of course. She’s yours.”

  The nurse pulled a rocking chair beside the bassinet, and when Jordan was seated, she got the baby out of her bed, untangling the wires, and handed Grace to her.

  Jordan was amazed at the warmth flushing through her the moment she touched her baby’s skin. Grace had been cleaned up, and her hair had dried fluffy rather than curly.

  The nurse stood over her for a moment. “Did you say you named her Grace? I’ll put that on her chart.”

  “Yes, Grace,” she said. As if in response, little Grace looked up at her, her gaze so clear and knowing that Jordan had the feeling she understood everything. Shame slammed her. Did Grace know she’d been born on her mother’s dirty bedroom sheets? Did she know her mother was a tweaker? That she had chosen ice over prenatal care?

  Maybe she’d be lucky and never find out. Never know darkness or pain … or the truth about her family’s betrayal.

  As she rocked her baby, she realized it was the first time she’d felt a connection like this to any human being. The first time she’d had love for a blood relative, someone of her own. The first time she’d cared about anyone more than herself.

  It was almost enough to make her want to keep Grace.

  But then what would she do? She would have to get a job, and that meant she’d have to find someone to watch Grace while she worked. Even when her mother got out of jail, she would be no help—in fact, she’d be outraged that Jordan had destroyed her get-rich-quick scheme. She could go on welfare, Jordan supposed. That was a way to keep her.

  But she was fifteen. What did she know about taking care of a baby? She had no safe place to live.

  She pictured Grace growing up with Madeline and Ben. A swing set in the backyard. Frilly dresses. Photo albums full of firsts. All the things that had been absent from Jordan’s life.

  She wanted those things for Grace.

  Giving her to Madeline and Ben was the best thing for her baby. If she didn’t do this right, then nothing she did for the rest of her life would matter.

  She wasn’t sure it would matter anyway.

  She started to cry, her tears wetting the little T-shirt that barely covered Grace’s tiny belly. Her little navel was clamped off. She kissed the baby’s round cheek, breathed in the scent of her baby skin, and let her lips linger there.

  Suddenly, Grace let out a cry. Jordan felt the ache of her milk. Unprepared and flustered, she looked up for the nurse. “Can you take her?”

  “Sure, honey.”

  Jordan stood and handed the baby back. As the nurse turned to put Grace back into her bassinet, Jordan fled from the sound of her child’s hungry cry. Dragging her IV pole with her, she rushed back down the hallway toward her room.

  She couldn’t take this pain. She needed to get high, so she could forget she had a baby, one whose needs she couldn’t meet.

  She jerked the IV needle out of her hand, got dressed in her filthy clothes, and left her gown on the bed. Then she called a friend to come get her.

  No one noticed her as she got onto the elevator. In mere moments she was out the door and waiting for her ride. Soon she could forget.

  Chapter 37

  Where had she gone? One minute Jordan had promised

  Madeline and Ben they could adopt the baby, and minutes later, while Barbara and Emily were downstairs getting her a milkshake, she walked out of the hospital and vanished.

  “Mom, it’s what she does,” Emily said, standing in the doorway of Jordan’s hospital room. “She runs away and uses when she’s upset. It doesn’t mean she’s changed her mind.”

  Madeline and Ben had left the hospital after Jordan promised them the baby, but Karen had called them back to break the news. Madeline was grief-stricken, as if she’d just lost another baby. “But are we going to get the baby or not?” she asked through tears.

  “I’m sure you are, Madeline,” Barbara said. “Don’t give up. Just pray. We’re going to find her.”

  As Barbara and Emily went to the car, Emily said, “Let’s go back to the motel where you found her. That’s the first place she would go.”

  “There’s no ‘let’s.’ You’re not going. I’m taking you home.”

  “But, Mom, she’s my friend.”

  “Emily, the last place I want you to go on the day you get out of treatment is a dope motel.”

  Emily threw her chin up. “I can handle it.”

  “You think you’re strong, but you don’t know that for sure. You’re going to stay home.”

  Emily gave a long-suffering sigh. “All right, but when we find her, I’m gonna kill her. She shouldn’t jerk people around this way.”

  After going by the police station to pick up Kent, Barbara dropped Emily off at her car, parked where Kent had left it. When Emily got home, she found Lance brooding in front of the television. She plopped down on the couch next to him. “So much for a warm homecoming.”

  “Hey, you didn’t spend the whole weekend in jail. I at least expected them to throw us a parade or something.” He poked at his game control and killed an alien on the screen. “Mom told me Jordan ran again. So where do you think she went this time?”

  “I hope she’s where she was last time so Mom and Kent can find her.”

  “If she really doesn’t want to be found, she wouldn’t go back there.”

  They stared numbly at the television. When the phone rang, Emily picked it up. “Hello?”

  “Emily, it’s Paige! How are you, girl? Why haven’t you called me?”

  Paige was her old best friend, who was still actively using. “I just got out of rehab today,” she said. “How did you know I was out?”

  “Jordan told me. She’s here, and she’s freaking me out a little. All beat up, can hardly walk. And now she’s passed out.”

  Emily sprang up. “Jordan? Here where?”

  Lance looked up. “She knows where Jordan is?” he whispered.

  Paige’s voice sounded sluggish, high. “Yeah. She’s here at the house on Napa Street.”

  Emily closed her eyes. She knew the place — a dope house where people hung out for days at a time. Another one of Belker’s places. “Paige, she should be in a hospital.”

  Lance stood up and put his ear next to the phone, trying to hear. “Paige, do you hear me?” Emily asked.

  “Maybe she used too much. Took four bars … you know, when you’re weak like that …”

  “Four bars of Xanax could kill her! Paige, let me talk to her!”

  “Can’t. She’s out cold.”

  Emily’s throat grew tight. “Call an ambulance. I’m serious, Paige. She could die.”

  “Are you kidding?” Paige whispered. “Belker would kill me.” The phone clicked off, and Emily stood staring at it.

  Lance’s face was only inches from hers. “What? What’s four bars? What does that mean?”

  “Four pills. It’s way too much, that’s what it means. It could seriously kill her, and nobody there is going to do anything.” She grabbed her purse. “So I have to. I’m going to get her. Where are my keys?”

  “You’re not seriously going to a meth house, are you?”

  Emily found her purse tossed on the counter, and dug out her keys. “I have to.”

  “No, you don’t. Call Mom and Kent.”

  She turned back to him. “You don’t understand. I can’t just tell them who and where my suppliers were without serious payback. They’ll know Paige called me and that I ratted them out. They’ll burn our house down. They’ll shoot through our windows. They’ll kill all of us.”

  He stared at her. “And they won’t get mad if you go there yourself?”

  “No. They won’t think I’
m a threat. If I just go in and tell them I’m trying to help Jordan, they’ll let me take her. They know I’m an addict, and they don’t want to deal with a girl dying there.”

  “Emily, this is stupid. You think you can waltz in there and find Jordan and not be the least bit tempted to buy drugs?”

  “I don’t even have any money!”

  “Jordan didn’t have any money, either, but obviously somebody there got her some dope. And if you go there in your condition — ”

  “What condition?” she yelled.

  “Fragile!” he yelled back. “Right out of treatment. You’ll be making our worst fears come true. The last place Mom and I want you is in a dope house.”

  Emily threw up her hands. “Look, this is life or death. Jordan could die. She wants to die right now. We have to stop her. She’s your friend too. Don’t you care?”

  “Then I’m going with you.”

  Why did he have to be so stubborn? “That’s ridiculous. You just got out of jail. On bail. What would happen if you got caught near a place like that?”

  “Emily, if you got caught there you’d go to jail too. We’d both wind up in jail.”

  “Shouldn’t we put Jordan before ourselves? She’s injured and sick. She just overdosed.”

  Lance wouldn’t budge. “If you’re going, I’m going. Period.”

  She stared at him. “All right, I don’t have time for this. Jordan doesn’t have time. Come on.”

  Lance got his jacket and followed her out to her car. “You sure you remember how to drive?”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s been a whole year.”

  “I drove home just now. I’m as good a driver as ever.”

  “And that’s supposed to make me feel better?”

  “Shut up.” She started the car and pulled out of the driveway.

  “If Mom gets home and finds us gone, she’ll freak,” he said. “This is wrong on so many levels.”

  “If we find Jordan and get her back to the hospital, Mom will be fine. She wants to help her.”

  Lance sulked as Emily drove. When she turned off the highway into a high-crime area, his mouth fell open. “Are you kidding? This is a bad part of town, Emily.”