Get Somebody New

by Lewis, Michael

  “You are in demand tonight huh?”

  “Uh what cha mean?” He said nervously.

  “Well somebody is trying to get you. It’s probably one of your baby mommas I know you gotta have one.”

  “Aww man, hell nah I ain’t got no baby mommas.”

  Suddenly a light shined through the living room window.

  “Uh, are you expecting somebody?” He asked nervously.

  “No. That’s probably someone turning around. They do that all the time since this is a cul de sac.”

  Jazz got up and looked out of the window.

  “Jazz is everything ok?”

  “Uh yeah, I was just looking.” He said before relaxing as the car proceeded down the street.

  I noticed his nervousness but I didn’t say anything about it. When he sat down, his movements made me think of my project.

  “Jazz have you ever done any acting?”

  “Nah, not really. Why, what’s up?”

  “Well, it just came to me that you would be perfect for this part in my project.”

  “You want me to be in it? Uh I don’t know. I don’t want to mess your project up man.”

  “You wouldn’t mess it up. I’ll go get the script.”

  “Wait a minute, script? You mean you want me to read a script?”

  “Not the whole thing.”

  I went and got the script out of the bedroom.

  “Okay here Jazz, I want you to say this line right here.”

  “Man I ain’t a actor, that’s your thing.”

  “It’s just this line. I want to see how you sound saying it.”

  “You read the line like you want it read then I’ll have an example of how you want it.” He said.

  “Okay.”

  I read the line. Jazz repeated it after me and I got excited because he was perfect.

  “Jazz that was great. Do one more line for me. I want you to read this one cold.”

  “Come on Zeke, watch the movie.”

  “Just this one line and I’ll leave you alone.”

  “Nah, I don’t want to. Imma chill.”

  “Please, Jazz?”

  I underlined the line I wanted him to read and handed the script to him. Jazz pushed the script away.

  “Zeke, come on man, I said no.”

  “Aww Jazz you’re trippin. You’re acting like you can’t read or something. You can read can’t you?”

  The smile that Jazz always wore turned into a furious, menacing frown. He grabbed the script and hurled it across the room.

  “I told you I didn’t want to read no fucking script. You just couldn’t leave it alone could you? I oughta fuck you up for saying some stupid shit like that to me. Fuck this! I’m outta here.”

  “Jazz wait! I was just kidding. I am sorry. You don’t have to leave Jazz.”

  “Well I don’t play like that man. It’s best that I go, cause I’m real pissed at you right now. I’ll holla at you when I cool off.”

  “Jazz, I’m sorry!” I yelled again as he walked out of the front door.

  The look in Jazz’s eyes was pure, unadulterated anger. I think he wanted to hit me. He said he needed to cool down so I didn’t call him. I wasn’t sure if he was going to come back to get his stuff. He didn’t come back that night and I was glad because I didn’t want him to see me crying. I called Alton to see what he thought about it.

  “Hey Alton. I need your advice.”

  “What’s up?”

  I explained everything to Alton and awaited his response.

  “Wow that’s heavy. I think you know why Zeke.”

  “Well, when we go to eat he does always get the same thing. After tonight’s blow up, I wonder if…”

  “Wonder if what?”

  "If he orders the same thing so he doesn’t have to read the menu.”

  “Zeke, your boy probably can’t read. I’m not saying he is illiterate, but there is some kind of problem. I wouldn’t push it. You have to let him bring it up. Imagine how embarrassing that probably is for him.”

  “Okay Alton. I won’t bring it up, especially not after he blew up tonight. Man I wish you could have seen him. He was livid. I hope he will eventually speak to me again. I messed up big time.”

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself. There was no way for you to know that. I think he will realize that too.”

  “Okay. I’ll let you know what happens.”

  “Alright man. Talk to you later. I love you.”

  “I love you back!”

  Jazz

  I went over to hang out with Zeke the Monday after Valentine’s Day. The next week he came to the party I invited him to. The party ended about 1:30 A.M. and I asked him to stay afterwards and chill with me while I packed up my equipment.

  “So what cha’ think Zeke?”

  “You have skills Jazz. The song transitions were seamless. You made it all look so effortless. I would be so lost looking at that console. I am not electronically inclined at all.”

  “It’s not that hard it just takes practice.”

  “You are just being modest. You’re very talented Jazz.”

  “Thanks. So what are you about to get into tonight?”

  “I’m not getting into anything but my bed at this time of night.”

  “It’s still early. Come chill with me. I’m about to go get something to eat.”

  “I guess I could use a bite.” He said.

  Over dinner, I learned that Zeke was a graduate student earning an M.A. in Film Studies at Emory University. He had done a few national commercials and was pursuing a career in acting. Just from talking to him, I knew he had his head on straight and I thought he would be a good influence on me. I didn’t tell Zeke about my main hustle as a drug dealer. As far as he knew I was just a club DJ, but selling drugs was what paid the bills.

  I didn’t want to live that life forever so I worked that much harder on my music thing. I made mixtapes, rapped, and produced music tracks in addition to the DJ gigs. I even sold some tracks to a few local rappers that created a buzz with three of the tracks becoming regional hits.

  I went to hang out with Zeke again and watch movies and chill. After a while he said something about a script. I tried to bullshit my way through it then he asked me to read something and would not leave me alone about it. Then he made a joke about whether or not I could read. I know he didn’t mean nothin’ by it, but I flipped out. I couldn’t believe I blew up at my boy like I did. It ain’t even in Zeke’s heart to hurt nobody. I felt so bad about flipping out on him like I did. I didn’t call him for a couple of days, because I had no excuse for the way I acted.

  I needed to do something to fix it quick cause I knew how sensitive he was. I didn’t want him to think I was mad at him. I was mad at myself for acting the way I did. I think I even saw him tearing up when I left.

  I was acting weird that night anyway. My phones were ringing like crazy because people kept calling me to buy weed. He probably thought it was some baby mama drama because I refused to answer in front of him. I recognized the numbers, that’s why I didn’t answer. I had been promising myself that I was gonna let that life go anyway, but until my music shit popped off big time, I had to pay my bills and live.

  Knowing that I couldn’t avoid him any longer, I decided to just go by Zeke’s to talk to him. When I heard his footsteps coming toward the door, I wanted to run like when I was kid and we’d go nigga knocking. Nigga knockin' is a hood term. It’s when you go knock on somebody’s door or ring the bell and then run away before they answer. Zeke opened the door and invited me in.

  “Jazz I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to….”

  “Nah Zeke you shouldn’t be apologizing to me. I am the one who’s sorry. I had no business flipping out on you like that. I was wrong and it won’t happen again.”

  “Jazz I would never say anything to you to hurt you on purpose.”

  “Yeah Zeke I know that. That’s why I feel so bad about how I acted man.”

  “We cool now?�
��

  “Always.”

  “Umm Jazz, you um….. Never mind.”

  “No, what’s up? You can talk to me.”

  “That’s okay. We just got cool again. I don’t want to mess things up again.”

  “You won’t Zeke, what’s on ya mind?”

  “Well Jazz I’ve never seen you so mad. Was it because…. ummm… because it’s true?”

  I wasn’t prepared for Zeke to just put it out there like that.

  “Um well, yeah it kinda is.” I said as I held my head down in shame.

  A huge weight was lifted off of me. I must have trusted Zeke a lot because I’ve never admitted that to anyone. He looked at me with genuine concern and I just couldn’t take it. Already vulnerable by revealing my deep secret shame, I broke down and cried something I hadn’t done since I was a child.

  “Jazz I’m here for you. You don’t have to keep that bottled up anymore. We are going to fix it.”

  “Zeke, I can’t go to no program or nothin’. I’d be too embarrassed.”

  “No Jazz. My degree is in English with a minor in Speech Communications. I’ve also worked in a literacy program. A lot of people think they just can’t read but many times, it’s not that at all.”

  “You really think you can help me? I’m not too old?”

  “I know I can. You are never too old.”

  Zeke asked how I made it so long without somebody noticing something was wrong. I explained that I had developed all kinds of tricks to get attention away from myself. If people push me I usually use my fist to make them forget any more questions they have.

  I had serious doubts about Zeke helping me cause I was still defensive. I had to keep reminding myself that he was honestly trying to help me. He never made me feel dumb, didn’t carry on over every little thing I did right, and didn’t treat me like a child and I appreciated that. He made me feel like an equal. I was surprised to learn that I wasn’t as far behind as I thought I was.

  He was patient with me but I got impatient with myself.

  “Jazz you are doing really well. Let’s take a little break.”

  “Yeah let’s take a break for good! I’m never going to get this. It’s obvious something is wrong with me. Maybe I just can’t learn.”

  “Jazz we have been at this for 3 weeks now. You can’t tell me that you haven’t seen all the progress you’ve made.”

  “I have Zeke and I appreciate all the time you have taken with me. I just think maybe you have taught me all you can. I just can’t lea…..”

  “No Jazz, don’t say that! No matter how old we get, every day we live, we learn. It is impossible to reach capacity. Jazz never stop believing in yourself. Don’t give up on yourself, because I refuse to give up on you.”

  “Zeke let’s call it a day today? I’m kinda tired.”

  “Sure, you want to hang out? I haven’t had a chance to check out your set in a little while. Are you working tonight?”

  “Yeah I got a gig tonight at The Hotspot, but I don’t think it’ll be a good idea, not tonight.”

  “Oh, well maybe later then.”

  “Yeah maybe later, Zeke. I’m gonna head out now. I need some time to myself.”

  “Okay Jazz, I’ll see you later.”

  “Yeah.”

  All of a sudden I felt depressed and hopeless. Zeke did the best he could at keeping my spirits up. Despite his encouragement, I still couldn’t get out of the funk I was in. I went home and got ready for my set later that night.

  Usually when I fall into one of my funky moods, I am usually back to normal in a day or two. That time was different. I didn’t see or talk to Zeke for two weeks. I wouldn’t return his calls. I knew he was expecting me to come over for our tutoring sessions but I’d lost all interest and motivation in learning. I’d made up my mind that I wasn’t going to do it anymore and I figured that there was no way Zeke and I could still kick it. He had seen me vulnerable and knew my secret. I knew I would always feel like he’d see me as less of a man for giving up. Of course I felt bad about just going ghost all of a sudden, but after all the time that passed, I couldn’t just go act like everything was normal.

  I was out on the block thinking about how to smooth things over with Zeke and doing business as usual. Out of nowhere a black Lincoln Navigator drove by and almost side swiped me. It sped down the block, turned around, and then came back toward me. I figured it was the cops so I started up and got ready to move. As soon as I pulled away from the curb, the SUV swerved over in front of me and stopped. I backed up and went around it. I saw the truck take a right turn behind me. I figured they had given up. All of a sudden, the truck pulled out in front of me from a side street. I had to stop to keep from hitting it. Just as I got ready to jump out and make it on foot, the driver let the window down. To my surprise it was Zeke’s cousin Alton. Once I saw it was Alton, we both pulled into a nearby parking lot.

  “Yo man, what’s up? I thought you were the police or something.”

  “When I met you, I thought I recognized you. Now I remember where I know you from, out here doing ….. well, we both know what you’re doing.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Look Jazz, I don’t know what went down between you and Zeke. All I know is it’s affecting him. He is real loyal; he cares about his friends a lot. So, if you ain’t gonna be down with him anymore, at least tell him. He is worried sick about you thinking something’s happened.”

  “Aww man Alton it’s not like that at all. My mind has just been messed up. I didn’t know he was like that though. He didn’t tell you anything? I mean about how he’s been helping me?”

  “No he just said that you had flipped out over a misunderstanding and then you two were cool again. Then you just disappeared and won’t answer his calls or talk to him. He thinks you are mad at him and he is depressed because he doesn’t understand what he did wrong.”

  “Nah it ain’t nothing like that. Zeke’s my nig, real talk. I just haven’t been around because I couldn’t face him. I’ll go sort things out man, I promise. Thanks for letting me know what’s up.”

  “Does Zeke know that you sell drugs?”

  “No, I ain’t tell him about that. I’ve been thinking about getting out of it, when my music thing takes off. You won’t tell him will you?”

  “No. Just go talk to him so at least he knows you are OK.”

  “I’m going right now.”

  I felt worse after talking to Alton. Still not ready to talk to Zeke, I just had to man up and do it. When I got to the door I stood there rubbing my hands together like I always do when I’m nervous. Zeke caught me off guard by calling my name when he walked from around the side of the house.

  “Hey Jazz, are you OK?”

  “Yeah Zeke I’m cool um…man I’m so…..”

  “Come inside.” He said cutting off my apology.

  We went inside and I took a seat in the recliner I always sat in.

  “What’s the matter Jazz?”

  “Huh, what cha mean?”

  “You are rubbing your hands together. That means you are nervous about something.”

  “Damn, you know me! Oh um, well I kinda… I know…. Umm.. Zeke, I’m sorry I just disappeared without a word. I got depressed about the tutoring and everything. You encouraged me so it ain’t that. Man, I am just dealing with a lot right now. You think I can do anything like you think I’m superman and I was feeling so much pressure to do good for you. I just locked up and got ghost but it ain’t anything you did. I don’t want you to think that.”

  “I understand. I was so worried about you Jazz. I’m just so glad you are OK.”

  “Um, if you still want to, I’d like you to keep helping me. I’ll understand if you don’t wanna.”

  “Of course. Jazz I thought about something after the last session we had. Read this for me.”

  Zeke handed me a piece of paper. He asked me to just read the words he marked.

  “Trust me, if I am right then I think I’ve found the problem
.”

  “Okay.”

  I stalled on a few of the words but, before I knew it, I’d read a whole paragraph. It was about a new actor’s workshop being given at Emory. I’d understood the whole paragraph by reading the key words he marked.

  “Jazz you read that just fine.”

  “Damn, I did huh?”

  “Jazz, you are not illiterate. You are dyslexic.”

  “Dys – what?”

  “Dyslexia is a learning disorder. When you see words or letters, your brain processes it differently affecting the fluency or comprehension when you read. It is a brain based disorder but it is not related to intelligence and has nothing to do with your IQ. There are many different ways the brain can process the letters. With some people the letters move on the page, some have trouble with sequencing, a few see the letters in reverse order. I thought about it because I noticed that sometime you stutter also when you write I see a hesitation when you write some letters mid stroke like you have to think about the rest of the letter path.”

  “So let me see something else.”

  He gave me something else to read and told me to read every other word then tell him what I thought it was saying.

  “Jazz I also understand how you went this long without anyone noticing this. You didn’t know what was going on and you just avoided reading. People with dyslexia are often able to disguise it well until they reach college.”

  “Well I never really said anything. I thought if I told somebody they’d think I was crazy.”

  “This is great Jazz. I’m glad to see you excited. Oh and for the record, I do think you can do anything and you’ve proven that you can.”

  “Thanks Zeke, I needed that, I need you. I’m glad we’re friends. That makes it easier to tell you what I need to tell you.”

  “What’s up?”

  “I got to tell you something about me before you hear it from someone else.”

  “Ok.”

  “Well, I don’t only do the DJ and music thing. I got another hustle.”

  “I figured you did, I just decided to let you bring it up.”