“You heard me! If I’d called you a dummy, you wouldn’t like it would you? That’s the difference between us though. I’d never say something so hurtful to you because I love my friends.”
“I’m gonna leave and let you calm down, before I hurt you, for real.”
“I promise you Jazz, you won’t kick my ass as easily as you think!”
“I’m getting the hell away from you right now!”
“Why does that not surprise me?”
After thinking about my actions, I felt like a real asshole. I got some clothes, jumped in my truck, and just drove around Atlanta for about 2 hours trying to understand why in the hell I was so mad. I wasn’t mad because Zeke was gay; I had already kinda figured he was. It was because I saw that dude trying to kiss him. I wanted to fuck that dude up something serious too! I purposely made Zeke mad by calling him a faggot so he would feel what I was feeling!
I finally pulled up to the Radisson Hotel on Peachtree, parked, and grabbed my bag from the back seat. I walked slowly to the counter. The desk clerk brought me out of my daze when she spoke.
“Welcome to the Peachtree Radisson, how may I help you?”
“Huh? Oh um…. Yeah, umm, I’d uh.. like a room. I’ll take whatever you got available.”
“Sir would you prefer smoking or non?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“We do have a double, non-smoking available.”
“Okay, I’ll take it.”
While she typed away on her keyboard, I drifted back into my own thoughts, replaying the night’s events in my head. The image of Zeke and the dude kept replaying over and over. I just couldn’t handle the image of Zeke kissing that guy. My initial anger returned.
“You love him Jazz.” I heard the clerk say.
“Huh? What did you say?”
“I said any luggage or bags?” the clerk repeated.
“Umm, I’m sorry. Cancel the room. I need to go take care of something. Thanks for your time.” I said before dashing out the door to my truck.
It hit me like a ton of bricks what was wrong and I had to go back and say my peace.
When I got back to the house, Zeke was on the phone. I took a seat in the living room across from where he was sitting. When he saw me he cut his conversation short.
“Oh you came back?”
“Yeah, I thought about what you said about me always running away from things I didn’t want to discuss.”
“Before you say anything Jazz, I have to get something off my chest.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“I didn’t tell you about me because of the things I’ve heard you say about gay people. It wasn’t because I am ashamed of who I am. I just valued your friendship and thought it would be less complicated if you knew. I just didn’t want to lose you as a friend Jazz. I’m sorry, if you think I ever meant to deceive you, I didn’t.”
Zeke had obviously been crying, which tore me up inside. He began to tear up again, making me feel even worse about the way I’d acted. I hated the thought of Zeke hurting because of my stupidity. I could see he was telling the truth, he really thought I would have ended the friendship if I knew he was gay.
“Zeke that’s why I came back to discuss it. After I had time to think about how I acted and the things I said, I felt really bad. You ain’t deserve that Zeke and I am deeply sorry, I mean it Zeke.” I said as I fought back my own tears.
“Jazz, I shouldn’t have hit you no matter what you said to me. I am so sorry.”
“Don’t even worry about it Zeke. I had it coming.”
“I didn’t kiss him. Before I knew anything he grabbed me.”
“Who is he?”
“He is my ex. As a matter of fact, I met you the night I broke up with him. I went to his place and caught him having sex with my best friend. To make matters worse, I had a flat after I left. Then my luck changed when I met you. You were even nice enough to change the tire for me.”
“I had no idea; you didn’t look upset or anything. I changed the flat because I didn’t want you to mess up your clothes.”
“I was really hurting inside after what he did. The flat almost pushed me overboard, but then I got in my ‘I don’t give a damn!’ mood.”
“It’s good I didn’t know all of that when I saw you two outside. Knowing that he hurt you like that and all.”
“Jazz are you upset with me for not telling you I am gay? Or are you upset that you saw Jamal try to kiss me?”
“Why would I be upset at that?”
“Every time his mane is mentioned, you get upset.”
“I heard some moaning and thought you were getting busy with a female and seeing him musta’ shocked me so much I got angry.”
“Jazz are you are trying to ask me if I slept with him? If you want to know then just ask me.”
“Well, did you? Did you sleep with that no good motherfucker Zeke? After what he’s already done to you?”
“No, Jazz I didn’t, but why does it matter to you if I slept with Jamal or anyone else?”
“Because Zeke!”
“Because?”
“It just does!”
“Okay Jazz!” Zeke said as he threw up his hands.
I turned to walk away, but when I reached the doorway something made me turn around.
When I looked at Zeke an uncontrollable impulse came over me. The next thing I knew, I grabbed him and started kissing him and I couldn’t let him go. When I finally stopped kissing him I started shouting at him,
“It matters who you’re sleeping with because…… it should be me Zeke! It should be me not him cause……. I love you! I love you Zeke! I love you!” I said as heavy tears formed and fell from my eyes.
“Jazz, how long have you been feeling like this?”
“Damn near ever since I met you, especially after you took your time to help me with that whole dyslexia thing. You never once made me feel bad or like less of a man about it. You’ve encouraged me and believed in me from day one. You believed in me more than I believed in myself and you refused to let me give up on myself. Nobody ever soldiered up for me like that Zeke, nobody!”
“Jazz do you know what you’re saying?”
“Come here Zeke, I’ll show you what I’m saying.”
I took Zeke in my arms and kissed him for all it was worth. I slowly guided Zeke’s trembling hand to my hard dick and kissed his lips softly.
“See what you do to me Zeke? I’ve wanted you so bad. I’m just getting the courage to admit it.”
“Jazz, I’ve wanted you too. It’s been so hard to hide it.”
“You ain’t never gotta hide it no more, baby. Damn it feels so good to finally call you that. Can I ask you something, Zeke?”
“Sure”
“Remember when we were talking about me selling drugs? I remember you said ‘Jazz, I lo…..’ then you cut it off. Were you about to say you loved me?”
“Yes I was. I wanted to so bad. I wanted you to know that I had your back because I loved you. I don’t know what to say about all of this. I never thought we’d be having this discussion.”
“Say you’ll be mine. Say you’ll let me be your man. Let me protect you. Let me love you. Let me kiss you again and again.”
“Of course, but please don’t promise me anything you are unsure of.”
Taking Zeke’s hand in mine, I kissed him softly, put my arm around his waist, and pulled his body firmly against mine.
“You can trust me Zeke. The only thing I want to do is love you and make you happy. I am so glad I can finally say it Zeke. I wanna be with you.”
Rachel
Things finally died down after Elias almost went to jail. We tried counseling, which Elias only agreed to because I threatened to leave him if he didn’t. We could not continue like we were going. Every time I went toward home my stomach ached. It got so bad that I wanted to cry when I had to go home because I hated the constant tension.
I’ve always found refuge at church whenever I
am overburdened. Also when I pray I usually find a solution to whatever problem I’m going through. I’d tried everything within my power to help the problems in my marriage. Nothing worked, so I needed to let go and let God.
I decided to say a prayer at the altar so I went to my church about 7:00 P.M. on a Monday evening. It was just after bible study ended. Almost everyone was gone but the church was still open. I went to the altar, got on my knees, and prayed. When I finished praying I sensed a presence behind me. I didn’t know who it was. I did, however subconsciously wish that it was someone in particular. Although I had prayed for my marriage, I felt deep down inside that it was over. As I grabbed my purse, I thought to myself, “What if Alton was standing behind me?”
I turned to leave and bumped into a man standing directly behind me.“Whoa, are you alright? I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He said as he placed his arms around me.
“I’m fine. I didn’t know anyone was behind me.”
I still hadn’t looked up at the man whose face was a full foot above my head. I backed away in order to look up at him.
“What in the world are you doing here Alton?”
“I am here doing an inspection. My company just finished a remodeling job and I came out to do the final inspection. It was the funniest thing. I was standing there making my notes for my final report and I felt something pulling me. It was really weird because there was nobody in there, but I know I felt something pulling me. The next thing I knew I was walking in here and found myself just standing here. I heard you talking and thought to myself that you were going through the same thing I am. I had no idea it was you!”
“Things still bad with you too huh?”
“Even worse now.”
“I can relate.”
“Umm I was about to go grab a bite to eat when I leave here. Would you like to join me?”
“Sure, why not?”
I couldn’t believe that I’d thought about Alton and he appeared just like that. I thought Alton was a very attractive man. We bonded instantly because of our relative situations. I liked the fact that I could talk to him so easily and that he really understood me. He listened to me when I talked and he always offered a kind word.
On our way to eat we discovered neither of us had much of an appetite. Instead we decided to go to 12 Fountains Park, a park themed around a beautiful circle of 12 high-powered water fountains backlit by different colored lights. It was a perfect place to get away to think or to talk.
“Rachel I was convinced that it was me. I thought that I was doing something wrong and if I could fix it, I could make Nadiah love me again. I’ve worked hard to provide her with the lifestyle she demanded when we married. I’ve loved her unconditionally and taken her abuse and violence. I am tired of begging to be loved when I’ve done all that was required of me. I deserve better.”
“When I married Elias, he promised me he would take care of me and that I would never regret marrying him. He was going to be the perfect husband and make every day better than the last. I should have been cautious then because that was an unrealistic promise. Instead I bought into it and expected him to try to live up to those promises. I never thought he would put his hands on me. He does it without regard now. I hate even going home.”
“Nadiah and I merely exist in the same house now. We don’t even speak to each other. At first I thought I was crazy for thinking she hated our daughter because she looks just like me. Then one day I was watching her change Paige. She was upset because Paige cries whenever Nadiah even touches her. She slammed her down on the changing table and said, “You are just like that damn daddy of yours. I can’t stand either one of you. I should have aborted you and left him when I thought about it.”
“Oh my God she actually said that to a helpless baby?”
“Yes, to a helpless little baby. That confirmed that not only did my wife hate me but she hated our baby too. I’d had enough. I went in and got my baby.”
“What happened?”
“I told her I would not stand for her mistreating Paige and if I ever saw her slam my baby down like that again, I would stomp a mud hole in her ass! I said from then on I would take full care of Paige as well.”
“So you two haven’t talked since?”
“No, that was a month ago. My mother watches her when I am at work. Sometimes Zeke keeps her too. Nadiah is just someone in my house. I offered to move and let her have the house. She doesn’t want me to leave and she won’t leave. I need to get away from her before I begin to hate her. I don’t love her anymore, but I haven’t started hating her yet.”
“That’s so sad that she would treat her own baby like that. How did we end up married to such evil people?”
“I don’t know. Maybe God did it so we would really appreciate it when we got someone good. I know if I had you … Alton paused.”
“If you had me what?”
“I shouldn’t say that.”
“I’m curious now, tell me.”
“If I had someone who cared about me even half as much as you care about Elias, I’d be satisfied. I could never treat you the way he does. He doesn’t realize what he has in you and it pisses me off that he takes you for granted.”
“I could never treat you the way Nadiah does. You are a good man and deserve much better. You won’t have trouble finding someone else once you are rid of her. You are a good looking man.”
“Thanks Rachel. That means a lot. Do you think…?”
“What?”
“Do you think it’s possible we met because we are meant to be together?”
“Alton I’ve been thinking the same thing but was too afraid to say it. I think we would know if that were true.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Alton took me back to my car and then followed me home to make sure I got there safely. As soon I walked inside, I was met by barrage of powerful blows to my face in the pitch black darkness. Elias was hitting me but I couldn’t see him. I reached for the light but he was blocking it. I crouched down so he couldn’t find me and was finally able to get away and lock myself in the bedroom.
“Get out here!” He shouted.
“Elias what is wrong with you?”
“I’ll kill you before I let you leave me!”
“What are you talking about? I never said I was leaving you!”
“You’re lying. I read those papers in your briefcase!” He screamed.
“What papers Elias?”
“The typewritten papers. About how you couldn’t stand your husband and you decided to be with another man!”
It dawned on me that he was referring to a manuscript that I had been editing for work. He’d obviously read it and thought I’d written it.
“Elias that was a manuscript I’m editing. I didn’t write that.”
“A Manuscript?”
“Yes Elias, my client Melissa Martin’s new book!”
“Oh Rachel, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
As Elias pleaded for my forgiveness, I was busy packing a suitcase as I talked to him through the door.
“Elias you attacked me in the dark over a misunderstanding!”
“I’m sorry Rachel. The thought of you leaving me made me crazy. I love you Rachel.”
“I don’t even know you anymore Elias.”
He fell silent. I could hear him crying outside the door. While he cried, I softly opened the bedroom window and pushed my suitcase outside in the hedges outside the window. I’d planned to grab it once I got outside. The window was almost down when it made a creaking noise.
“Rachel what are you doing?”
“Nothing Elias.”
“What was that noise?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
All of a sudden I heard the front door slam and I knew Elias had gone outside. I could hear him fumbling around outside in the hedges. Then everything fell silent. I hid in the bedroom closet, closed the door and called 911.
“Hello, 911, what’
s your emergency?”
“Yes, I am hiding in my closet. My husband attacked me and I am in fear of my life. My name is Rachel Richards and I live at 23014 Oakcrest Lane. Please hurry.”
There was a loud bang, loud enough for the operator to hear.
“Ma’am are you still there. Yes he’s broken the door in.”
“I’ve dispatched a unit. They should be there shortly. Try to be calm.”
“I am in the bedroom closet.”
“Try to keep the line open. Stay on the line if you can.”
“Okay.”
Elias snatched the closet door open.
“You lied to me Rachel. You are leaving me.”
“I didn’t lie Elias. It was a manuscript.”
“I found your suitcase outside. Why?”
“Elias look at my face! I’d be a damn fool to stay here and let you kill me.”
“I’m not letting you leave Rachel.” He said as he came into the closet.
I saw a gun in his hand as he moved closer. If he was going to shoot me I damn sure wasn’t going to be a sitting target. I started throwing clothes, hangers, and everything within my reach at him. He got tangled up in a coat I threw over his head, giving me the chance to run out of the closet. Just as I made it to the bedroom door, I felt a sharp pain in my head and heard a loud bang. I fell to the floor clutching my cell phone. I heard the 911 operator on the other end.
“Can you hear me? Ma’am if you can hear me please answer? Ma’am………….?”
Alton
After I saw Rachel home safely something in my spirit wasn’t right. I turned around and drove back to her house. I heard shouting but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. All of a sudden I saw someone push a suitcase out of a window in the front of the house. A man ran outside and started digging through the hedges. He grabbed the suitcase and hurled it into the yard.
He hurried back inside and left the front door wide open. I sat in my truck across the street contemplating whether or not to go in the house. I couldn’t drive away without knowing if Rachel was OK. I heard a loud bang and decided to go in. I got to the bedroom just in time to see him hit her in the head with the butt of a gun as she ran in my direction.
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