Being Amber

by Sylvia Ryan

  Chapter 17

  When Jaci sat down at the small table in their apartment, she honestly thought there would be nothing Xander could say to erase the tightly guarded shield her tender feelings hid behind. But as the words tumbled out of his mouth, his personal burden and the choices he made, made sense. Things he had said to her that she previously thought were cruel, took on a different meaning. In his reality he tried to shelter her from his future.

  “Don’t you know me by now, Xander?” She looked up into his gorgeous brown eyes. “I would take care of you whether you were in love with me or not.” Jaci reached across the table and took his hand. “But, you’re going to have to show me more than a half hour of interest before I completely open myself up to you again. I know how I feel about you. From the very beginning, I knew. But I’m going to need more consistency from you. I don’t want to get hurt again.”

  “So you want me to work for it?” Xander’s tone hinted at more than a touch of irritation.

  “If that’s the way you want to look at it. But I think of it more like you actually acting like you care about me and my feelings before I give myself to you completely.”

  “Oh, you’re mine completely,” he said, and then fell silent. His expression was hard and the muscles of his jaw flexed and released like he was grinding his teeth. Jaci could tell he was rolling the situation over in his frontal lobe. Xander had never known any restrictions on his sex life. When he wanted it, he went out and found it. He was clueless about what it took to have a relationship.

  “Fine,” he said finally. “I deserve some skepticism. But I’m not going to accept it for long. His expression was stern. “There are also some things I want.” A devious grin spread over his face and her stomach fluttered inside her, where the empty hole had been just yesterday.

  “Like what?”

  “You have to promise to be open to all the things I can teach you, all the variations of pleasure. You have a lot of catching up to do.”

  “Xander, I don’t even know what that means,” she said, rolling her eyes.

  “I’ll show you what it means. Are you open to it? All of it? Because if you want me, truly want me, you’re going to have to get to know and accept my sexual preferences.” His statement was followed by a return of the wicked smile it seemed he had a hard time containing.

  “Xander…I don’t know. I don’t think I could stand another–”

  He rose from his chair and knelt beside her. “Shh.” He rubbed the pad of his thumb over her bottom lip and met her gaze. “I promise you have my heart, Jaci,” he said in a baritone purr, rubbing her back. He unhooked her bra with an easy flick. “You always have.” He pushed her shirt up, leaned in and captured a nipple in his mouth, sucking it in hard. It was a good thing she was sitting, because the circling motion of his tongue in combination with the pulls of suction weakened Jaci’s knees.

  She tried to push him away. “No, Xander. I’m not ready for this, this…” She searched for the right word. “Whatever this is,” she yelled.

  He cupped her face with his palm and gently kissed her. “I love you, Jaci.” Their faces were mere inches from one another’s. He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Hold back if you have to. Say the word and I’ll stop. But don’t, if you’re only doing it because you’re scared. I will never push you away from me again.”

  Jaci was torn. She wanted to be with Xander so badly. Her heart ached with the need to love him and to be loved by him. She wanted to experience everything he wanted to give her, and to give back to him everything she was. But only a stupid woman made the same mistakes over and over again and expected a different outcome. Plus, being around her could be dangerous when the Gov decided to pursue Caroline’s killer.

  No. She couldn’t be with him, at least not now.

  With tears in her eyes and a broken heart, she shook her head. “I’m sorry.” She leaped up and ran to the bathroom.

  Jaci sat on the cold white tile of the bathroom floor.

  The man of her dreams offered his love, the love she’d longed for, and now she couldn’t do it anymore.

  The bathroom door opened, and Xander stood over her, glaring. “Don’t run from me,” he warned. “Don’t ever run from me again. Your allotted time for skepticism about my feelings is officially over. And don’t think for one minute that the Gov will come after me. They won’t. Captain Rush wouldn’t let them get away with it and they know it.”

  He pulled her up from her spot on the floor, picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

  “What are you doing?” Jaci squealed.

  “We have to start somewhere. You can wait to have sex with me until you’re feeling less skittish. It’s okay. It will give me some time to fill you in on some other talents I have and skills you’re going to need as my girlfriend.”

  Jaci giggled. She couldn’t help herself. Deep down inside, this was what she wanted. She wanted him to overrule her. To not take no for an answer. She wanted him to fight for her and she was unbelievably relieved that he was doing just that.

  “Think it’s funny?” Xander slapped Jaci’s ass.

  “Ow.”

  “No laughing.”

  “Is this going to be more sex that isn’t sex?”

  He growled and she giggled again.

  “You said you’re open to everything. Have you changed your mind?”

  “No.”

  “Good.” Xander threw Jaci on the bed and went straight for the button of her pants. He opened and unzipped them, then jerked the pants off with a savage yank that pulled her half off the bed. He followed it with an easy tug of her shirt over her head. “Lay in the middle,” he ordered, as he undressed himself. Jaci reacted to his authority. Her nipples puckered, and goose bumps rose on her arms. She swallowed hard with a dry mouth. This was insane. She was nearly panting as she crawled on the bed, giving Xander a perfect glimpse of her from behind, before she lay in the center.

  “Now you’re teasing me?” he rumbled. “You’re going to pay for that.”

  Jaci looked at him as he entered the bed beside her. His expression was dead serious. His gaze surveyed her like a king would survey his empire.

  “Put your hands above your head.”

  Hesitantly, she did.

  He leaned over her, placing his cock mere inches from her face. She lifted her head closer, wanting to swipe it with her tongue but she couldn’t reach.

  Jaci heard the clicks and felt the cold metal around her wrists simultaneously. She was cuffed.

  “Now, you’re mine,” he said, backing away from her.

  “What are you going to do?” she demanded.

  “What do you want me to do?” he countered as he ran the pad of his index finger from between her breasts to her belly button.

  “I–I don’t know.”

  Xander leaned over and placed his lips right next to Jaci’s ear. “Don’t worry. I won’t fuck you no matter how much you beg me. After all, it’s going to take time for you to open up to me, to trust me again, right?” A slow, deep chuckle emanated from his chest and as the warm breath hit her ear, Jaci’s body responded with a rush of liquid heat warming her sex.

  He rose from the bed. His nude body was breathtaking. Perpetually tanned skin, a gift from his Greek ancestry, highlighted the architecture of his build. She followed his movements as he strode to his side of the room. His erection bobbed and her blood boiled.

  He was absolute perfection. Her heart had known it from the start and through it all had refused to relent in that conviction, even when her mind wanted differently.

  When he opened the top drawer of his dresser, her stomach twirled with nervousness and excitement. That drawer contained sweet torture and wild orgasms.

  He chose a handful of items and threw them on the bed next to her. Jaci looked and drew a sharp intake of breath as she identified what was there. Maybe she was over her head. This was all so new to her. Yet, she felt it, the inescapable awareness that she would embrace all h
is needs and become everything he needed her to be. She loved him. God, she loved everything about him, including this.

  She jerked her head back toward him to find him with a satisfied grin at her reaction to the toys and lube he’d thrown down.

  “Any objections?”

  Jaci didn’t answer. She silently succumbed to him, knowing the pleasure he took from her apprehension. She was turned on. She wanted him to fuck her now. But he knew that didn’t he? She was not going to give him the satisfaction of asking him for it. He knew that, too.

  Smug fucker.

  “I’ll take your silence as a no.” He took his time as he crawled into the bed beside her, stalking her like prey. He palmed the back of her neck, lifting her head, and kissed her savagely. His tongue invaded her mouth, explored it, and dueled with hers. He bit her lip.

  She wanted to pull him closer to her, and put her arms around his neck. She wanted to pull him on top of her and swore when the metal of the cuffs stopped the movement short. She had already forgotten her hands were bound.

  He stopped his dominance of her mouth, noting her attempt to move with a smirk. “Want out already?”

  “No, I just forgot for a second.” She was out of breath as she spoke.

  He leaned his body against the length of hers. His erection pressed into her hip. He dipped his head and took a puckered nipple into his mouth and then flicked it with his moist, hot tongue. Jaci moaned. Her breath was ragged. She arched up toward him, her body wordlessly asking for more.

  “Good girl,” he encouraged her. “What are you going to say to me if you want me to stop? He waited, intent on her answer.

  “Stop.” She whimpered.

  He nodded ever so slightly at her answer, a brief flicker of satisfaction played over his features. Then, he shifted himself to the area between her legs. “Look at me.” The deep rumble of his voice was like rolling thunder.

  Jaci opened her eyes and found Xander on his knees, erection in hand. “You see what you do to me? I haven’t had sex with another woman for weeks. It’s for you, Jaci. From now on, it’s completely for you. Now’s as good a time as ever for you to begin learning how I like to be touched.” His hot gaze trailed up and down her body, devoured her. “But, I don’t want you to lose your need. So, let’s see.” Xander looked over the toys lying next to her on the bed. “This should do.”

  Jaci had no idea what he’d chosen. Her eyes widened as he backed up and positioned the rounded oval end at the opening of her pussy. He inserted the item inside of her in a slow gentle glide.

  Jaci gasped. “What…”

  “Shh, sweetie.” He held a small box in his hand, and with a slow smile and a flip of the switch, the thing vibrated inside of her.

  She gasped.

  “Good?”

  “Oh, yes,” she whispered.

  “Good.” He shot her a wicked smile. “I’m just going to leave it on low. I don’t want you coming while I’m teaching you how to handle me.”

  Jaci closed her eyes and felt the exquisitely slow vibrations inside of her. He was right. It made her wet, made her want him, but it wasn’t enough to make her come.

  “Open your eyes.” She watched him grab the bottle of lube, squirt some in the palm of his hand and stroke it onto his cock. It was ruddy and veined. Big, even in his large hand. She wanted the vibrating thing out of her and his cock in.

  “Oh, fuck–Xander.” She tried to move her hands again.

  “What’s wrong?” She met his sober gaze. He leaned over between her legs, his lubed erection laid on her stomach. “Are you okay?” His hot breath fanned her ear.

  She was panting, trying to catch her breath. The slow vibration in her vagina made her crazy. His hot cock laying on her stomach made it worse. “Get on with it,” she pleaded.

  He returned back to vertical. “You’ll probably have to use both hands to circle completely around it.” He gave a demonstration of the technique. Long, firm strokes from base to tip. “But one hand is good too.” He dropped one hand to cup his balls.

  Jaci watched as he stroked himself more roughly than she would have done. He sped up his strokes little by little and never took his gaze off her face. He made sure she was looking, taking it in. Learning. And she was.

  “I can’t wait until it’s your hands on my cock, sweet Jaci. Just thinking about it makes be want to come.” Xander worked himself with his hand roughly, and then his body went rigid. “Oh fuck.” She watched as his head rolled back and he came. The warm spurts arced into the air and landed on her breasts.

  He slowly stopped his hand and returned his gaze to her. She was out of breath. Her air slipped past her parted lips in short, hot pants.

  “Now, I can focus on you,” he growled as he wiped her down with a towel. “How do you like the egg?”

  Jaci couldn’t talk. The vibration was torture. She was close. One touch could send her over the edge. “Please,” she moaned as she arched her back.

  Xander leaned over her body. “Please what?”

  “Finish me.”

  “Oh, baby, we just got started.” Xander rolled Jaci onto her stomach. He leaned over her, covering her body with his, supporting his weight on his forearms. He brushed her hair away and placed soft kisses on her neck and shoulders. He stopped for a moment, and then the vibration of the egg inside her increased.

  He leaned back over her and covered the junction where her neck and shoulder met with his mouth. He sucked and tongued the same spot relentlessly. He was marking her. She felt the pull right down to her clit.

  She tried to rub herself into the sheets underneath her, until she felt a slap on her ass.

  “No, sweetie. Not until I say. Hold still.”

  Xander wrapped an arm under her hips and hiked her ass into the air. From his place between her legs, he grabbed the bottle of lube again, putting another thick quirt onto his hand and picked up another item she’d never seen before. “Okay, sweets, let’s see what else gets you excited.” He lubed the teardrop shaped toy and slowly slipped the blunt end into the tight opening of her rear.

  “Holy fuck,” she cried as the toy became larger the further he pushed it into her. “No. I can’t do this.”

  He leaned over her. “Relax,” he whispered. His physical closeness comforted her, melted her doubt and calmed her panic. He remained there, covering her until the tightness of her muscles loosened, until she released her angst and trusted him.

  “This is a plug. It’s made for this. I’m going to push slowly. I’ll stop again if you tell me to.”

  Jaci nodded her assent, giving silent permission to continue.

  The ever-widening diameter stretched her slowly. She focused on the low rumble of pleasure emanating from behind her. All she wanted to do was make this man happy.

  Just as she was about to make him stop again, it popped into place. The vibrating egg created an entirely new sensation with the thing he’d put in her ass. Xander rolled Jaci back over to her back. He smiled at her. His eyes were hooded, seductive. He slid a finger into her pussy, and then two, skimming over the egg.

  “You’re so wet for me.”

  The walls of her cunt clamped onto his fingers as they plunged in and out of her. Xander lowered his head to her clit. It throbbed with want. She was almost coming at merely the thought of his lips sealing over the place she needed him most. He encircled the bud in his mouth and then lashed, pressed and swirled it with his tongue.

  Her cries of pleasure were strangled as the shuddering waves of her climax overtook her. Everything, the vibration, the plug in her ass, his plunging fingers and his tongue working her, combined, made the orgasm bloom deeper inside of her. It was like nothing she’d ever felt before. He continued to work her and she continued to peak shuddering, quivering and wailing his name. She came and came. It was the longest, most mind-blowing orgasm in her life.

  When the pleasure slowed, so did Xander. He withdrew his fingers. Then, she felt him pull the egg out. She lay there, a pile of loose gelatin
with a frantic heartbeat. The cuffs clicked and her hands were free, but she didn’t move. She attempted to calm herself as she felt the bed dip beside her. Xander’s strong hands encircled her waist, pulling her to him He curled his hard body around her and draped an arm over her.

  “That was the best not sex I’ve ever had,” she declared drowsily.

  They dozed together.

  Jaci woke to the smell of food. Xander was cooking in the kitchen. The afternoon sunlight streamed through the window giving the white of the apartment a cheerful atmosphere. It only took a split second for her to remember the second round of sex that was not sex she’d had with Xander prior to her snooze. She smiled. He didn’t let her run from him and he’d withheld himself as punishment her for her insecurity and hesitation. It worked. She’d never wanted his cock inside her more.

  Fucker. He knew more about the way women worked than she gave him credit for. And he used that knowledge to show her, to make it crystal clear, just how much she wanted him.

  She shifted to watch his movements in the kitchen.

  He was naked, but she only glimpsed snippets of rear end and lower abdomen as he moved around behind the bar that separated the living area from the kitchen.

  Oh God. Her stomach twirled and her pussy became wet for him all over again.

  She admired the cuts and indents of his muscles as he moved. Her gaze then returned to study his face. He was brutally seductive. All man. Just looking at him changed who she was inside in a primitive way. She was still Jaci, but now she was his Jaci. She felt like she belonged to him. He’d marked her, claimed her, and somehow she knew neither one of them would change their mind about that.

  She was so intent on the object of her affection that she didn’t notice right away that the apartment door opened. Not until she heard the stern male voice.

  “Jaci Harmon?” She startled and turned to look toward the direction of the voice. The soldier who spoke stood in front of a group of soldiers. They all entered deeper into the apartment and spread out, guns drawn, covering Xander and her.