The Secret Diary of a Princess a novel of Marie Antoinette

by Clegg, Melanie

  After breakfast we went to Mama's blue and gold paneled sitting room, where the windows were wide open as always and everyone shivered and rubbed their hands together as I opened my presents. I tried to do so as quickly as I could as it was so cold in the room and I could see that Elizabeth and Amalia were starting to go quite pale even though they had swathed themselves in thick white furs for the occasion.

  My presents this year included a pearl choker and matching bracelets from Mama and Joseph, a watercolour of Mama from Christina which I think she must have painted herself and the usual books and games from my brothers and sisters. Amalia gave me a new dress of pale yellow ruffled taffeta and Carolina sent a lovely sapphire brooch and a long letter which I am saving until later.

  Monsieur de Durfort was shown into the room and brought me a huge basket of fruit from his master, the King of France and also a gold and porcelain box, which contained a miniature of the King himself, surrounded with diamonds. I blushed and immediately pinned the miniature to my dress, where it remains still. He is very handsome, even if he must be extremely old now.

  'I am very honoured,' I murmured, thinking that it was very odd that the King had sent his own portrait and not that of his grandson, my prospective groom. I could see that Amalia was thinking the same thing as she bit her rosy lip a little as she looked at it and looked as though she was about to burst out laughing.

  There was a knock on the door and then a grinning footman entered holding a small basket, which seemed to shake and wobble as he carried it. 'Your final present,' Joseph said with a smile and a flourish as the footman placed the basket on to my knees. 'I hope that you will like it.'

  I looked up at him with wide, excited eyes. 'What could it be?' The basket gave a snuffle and wobbled on my lap.

  'Why don't you open it and find out?' Joseph urged, laughing.

  I pulled apart the broad silver ribbon which held the basket closed and immediately the top fell open to reveal the most adorable little Pug dog that I have ever beheld. 'Oooooh!' I snatched him out of the basket and held him close to my face, loving the smell of his milky puppy breath. 'Oh, thank you! Thank you!' I had never had my own dog before and had always been so envious of my elder sisters' pets which they always carried about with them.

  'How adorable,' Amalia touched the little dog's soft nose with her finger. 'What will you call him, Antonia?'

  I thought for a moment and looked at the little dog for a moment. 'Mops,' I said at last. 'I think that it suits him, do not you?'

  Amalia laughed. 'It is certainly unique.'

  Thursday, 3rd November, early morning.

  I am so exhausted. Last night involved a most sumptuous family dinner (chocolate cake and apfelstrudel!) followed by a merry hour spent playing at cards and a lottery in my brother Ferdinand's rooms. After this I went to my bedchamber and tapped my fingers impatiently on the top of my lace and ribbon festooned dressing table as my maids laced me into my new yellow taffeta gown, pushed beautiful purple silk shoes on to my feet and fastened Mama's pearls around my neck and the French King's miniature to my bosom.

  'How do I look?' I twirled before them and patted my hair anxiously in front of the mirror.

  'Beautiful,' the girls all chorused, grinning at my excitement and delicately shaking out my skirts and putting my curls into place. 'Happy birthday, Archduchess!'

  What a wonderful party we had. I entered on Joseph's arm and blushed to find myself the cynosure of all eyes. Yes, cynosure. The Abbé teaches me such lovely words doesn't he? The music stopped and everyone turned and stared as we walked in and then slowly made our way through them all down the great mirrored gallery, which gleamed softly in the candlelight.

  'How pretty she is!' I heard someone exclaim. 'Like an angel.'

  I smiled graciously in the direction of the compliment, then looked up at my handsome brother who returned my look fondly and gently patted my hand which was resting on his purple velvet arm. 'I think that you are set to become all the rage in Vienna,' he murmured. 'Does that please you, little Antonia?'

  We reached the scarlet carpeted dais at the end of the hall and Joseph helped me into a blue and gold upholstered seat of honour, in between himself and Mama, who smiled at me graciously and kissed my rosily blushing cheeks as she raised me from my curtsey. 'I am extremely proud,' she said before beckoning my Abbé forward with a crook of her little finger. 'Monsieur Abbé, I must compliment you on your pupil.' Mama's tone was gently teasing and Vermond smiled and flushed a little with pleasure.

  'All compliments are due to Her Highness herself,' he said tactfully with a limpid smile in my direction. 'You have raised a most delightful daughter, Your Majesty.'

  I could see that his answer pleased Mama very much and she kept him beside her for a long time while I went off to dance first with Joseph and then with Ferdinand and then Max, followed by other carefully selected young gentlemen of the court who were chosen for their excellent manners, impeccable lineage and well bred good looks. I covertly watched the Abbé from beneath my lashes as Joseph spun me through the intricate steps of a cotillion and laughed inwardly at his politely bored expression as he leaned over Mama and listened to her hold forth. He looked up once and met my eye and we exchanged a smile of understanding that was quickly concealed.

  I had hoped for some flirtation but the young court gentlemen were rather too well chosen and instead would only speak to me about art, the weather and music, mainly Gluck but there was also talk of poor Wolferl Mozart. It was all very proper and very dull and I longed for the sort of exciting chatter that Amalia seemed to be enjoying with her partners. I kept seeing her twirling past with her head thrown back in laughter and her blue eyes bright with glee, while her little feet in their diamond studded shoes pirouetted busily beneath her spangled pink silk skirts.

  'Your sister is always having such a lot of fun,' one of my partners remarked, rather wistfully.

  I glanced up at him quickly, ready to be offended but then deciding to be amused as he was really quite handsome if a bit too blond and blue eyed for my as yet unexplored tastes. 'Yes, she is. I envy her very much.'

  'Do you?' The young man, although he was more of a boy really, looked down his aristocratic aquiline nose at me in some surprise.

  I shrugged my violet scented shoulders in what I hoped was a coquettish manner before lowering my voice to a confidential whisper. 'It is not always fun to be a princess, you know.'

  He laughed then. 'But you are not just any princess,' my partner said with aplomb and a gratifyingly admiring spark in his blue eyes, 'you are the princess.'

  What do you think of that?

  Tuesday, 22nd November, late.

  I have just returned from a very pleasant evening at the opera, where we went to see Gluck's 'Alceste' which I have seen several times now but still absolutely love. I am so proud to be taught by such a talented man and hope that he is pleased with me.

  I went with Amalia and Joseph, who were both in very high spirits indeed and spent much of their time waving at members of the audience or blowing kisses to their friends. Joseph very kindly invited Abbé Vermond to accompany us and sit in the royal box, which is a great honour. It is the first time he has been to the opera with me and I was pleased to be able to show him how much I love the music and how intently I listen and pay attention.

  At the end of the first act there was the usual mad scramble to leave boxes and meet up with friends for some chat. Joseph and Amalia were immediately besieged by several people who all crowded into the box and laughed and chattered very loudly about all of the latest Viennese gossip while helping themselves to the sweet cakes and champagne that the footmen were serving. I could see Amalia anxiously peering over her shoulder into the pits every so often but there was no sign of Karl.

  'I hope that you are suitably impressed by how long I managed to sit still!' I remarked to the Abbé with a laugh.

  He gave an appreciative grin and waved away a hovering footman who was standing over him with a
plate of cakes. 'I am indeed, Your Highness.'

  'And how did you like the opera?' I enquired, waving my peach silk and lace fan slowly in front of my face and sipping from a glass of lemonade.

  The Abbé considered this question for a moment. 'I am enjoying it very much,' he said at last. 'Unlike Your Highness, I am no great judge of music but I think it very beautiful indeed.' He smiled. 'I am pleased to find that Herr Gluck is as good a composer as he is a teacher.'

  I allowed myself a grin, delighted with his answer as Herr Gluck is a great favourite of mine. 'I am very fond of him.' I leaned out of the box and espied a familiar face in another box in a lower tier. 'Oh, Monsieur, there is someone here that I would very much like you to meet! Would you care to come with me?' I impulsively stood up and stretched out a hand to him.

  The Abbé smiled and lightly touched my hand. 'I would be honoured.'

  We left the box preceded by a royal footman who shouted and pushed his way ahead of us down the crowded corridors and staircase to the next level. He smartly rapped on the door of the box for us and then pulled the door open for us.

  'Antonia!' It was my dearest old wet nurse, Frau Weber, looking as magnificently plump and beautiful as ever. She immediately jumped to her feet and ran to embrace me, surrounding me with her familiar scent of roses and lavender. 'My own dear little foster daughter!' We both laughed at this and she kissed both of my cheeks. My mother did not nurse me herself and so I was turned over to the care of Frau Constance Weber, the lovely wife of a Viennese magistrate almost from the very hour of my birth and with her I remained until I was weaned.

  'May I present to you my tutor, Abbé de Vermond?' I said with a smile, keen for them to like each other. 'This is his first ever Gluck opera! Fancy that!' The Abbé smiled and bowed.

  'I think that the Abbé must be new to Vienna then,' my nurse said with a laugh. 'I have not seen you since your birthday and you look even prettier than ever!' She turned and beckoned. 'And here is Joseph as well! Come now boy and say hello to your foster sister!' Mama has always encouraged me to show proper gratitude and regard Frau Weber as my foster mother and her numerous children, but especially Joseph, who is only three months older than myself and was therefore raised beside me, as my foster brothers and sisters.

  I clapped my hands together in delight. 'Brother Joseph!' The awkward, grinning boy came forward and enclosed me is a very welcome and very affectionate hug. 'Oh, Joseph, how tall you are!' I stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek.

  'You look very pretty tonight, Antonia,' he said, exchanging bows with the Abbé. 'These new French fashions suit you.'

  I laughed and twirled for him. 'Do you really think so, Joseph?' When we were very little, Joseph and I had vowed to marry when we were all grown up. I wondered if he remembered this now as I danced about in front of him with the King of France's miniature pinned to my peach silk sleeve. 'I hope that I have not turned out so badly after all.'

  He blushed then and looked thoroughly embarrassed, which made his fond mother tsk and roll her eyes in amusement. 'No, I think that you have turned out very well.'

  Sunday, 27th November, first Sunday of Advent.

  Tonight my family and some favoured courtiers all gathered together in the blue and gold drawing room to light the first candle on the large holly and red ribbon swathed Adventkranz. This year it was my turn to skip forward with a long wax taper and light the candle as everyone applauded and cheered. I looked at Amalia and we smiled at each other, remembering that last year it was Carolina who lit the first candle and the year before that it was Josepha, both of whom are gone from us now.

  After this, we all sang carols while Amalia and Marianna took it in turns to play the harpsichord and Elizabeth accompanied them with her harp. Then I played on the harpsichord while Herr Gluck himself turned my sheets of music over for me and Ferdinand and Maximilian sang together. It was all very lovely. I felt shy at first to be playing before everyone but then after a while I was able to look up from the keys and observe my family. Mama was sitting with the French ambassador, Durfort and my dear Abbé on either side of her and was talking to them both with great animation and amusement. Joseph and Amalia stood a small distance away and were whispering together; Joseph looked irritated and Amalia had a sad expression on her face so I guessed that they were talking about Karl, who was standing on the other side of room and pretending to ignore everyone. Elizabeth was wearing a cream lace veil and sat a little apart, feeding her little spaniel chocolates and broken pieces of gingerbread while Marianne stood by a window with one of the ladies in waiting and was happily tapping her feet to the music as they chatted. Christina and her husband were there as well, sitting cosily beside the stove with their fingers interlaced and their heads bent together fondly.

  'You play beautifully,' Herr Gluck said with a smile when I finally stood up from the harpsichord and curtsied to everyone as they applauded. 'I am very proud.'

  The court musicians entered after this and struck up a merry tune while we all prepared to dance and the footmen carried Mama's chair next to the stove, so that she could watch us in some comfort. I was partnered by Ferdinand, who is a very fine dancer although he finds it impossible to keep a straight face and likes to make fun of the other dancers. 'Only look at Amalia and Karl mooning over each other!' he whispered to me with a grin. 'How embarrassing.'

  I did not reply for my attention had been caught by a conversation that Durfort and Vermond were having behind me. I had my back to them and so could not see their expressions but I immediately recognised Durfort's aristocratic whine.

  'It is really quite undignified and lacking in any decorum or finesse,' Durfort was complaining as usual and I could imagine his disdainful expression as his little piggy eyes swept over the dancers. 'One cannot imagine such a thing happening at Versailles!'

  'No, indeed,' the Abbé agreed in bland tones.

  'I hope that the Archduchess leaves her Viennese manners behind if she comes to France,' Durfort continued. 'I shudder to imagine such indecorous capering in the marble halls of Versailles and frankly, Abbé, the prospect of their revolting knoedels, strudels and bratwurst being served at dinner there makes my stomach recoil. Can you imagine such an outrage? How can you bear it, my dear Abbé?'

  I heard the Abbé give a cough. 'On the contrary, Monsieur, I believe that the Archduchess' informal manner will provide a breath of fresh air to those hallowed marble halls. Do not you? Versailles is so stuffy, so obsessed with etiquette and precedence that I find myself quite impatient to see what Her Highness makes of it and what changes she will make.'

  'Changes? Perish the thought! I dread the day that that...' I heard no more, however, for Ferdinand seized my hands and danced me away.

  How I dislike Durfort. What a mean, poor spirited little excuse for a man he is. I hope that not all the French are like him.

  Saturday, 31st December, New Year's Eve.

  It is the last night of the year. How strange this year has been, not just because my dearest and most beloved sister Carolina went away but also because of the changes it has wrought in myself, thanks in part to my dear Abbé Vermond. I started the year 1768 as a little girl but now I feel like I am almost at the very brink of womanhood.

  I am going now to the state ball in my brother Joseph's rooms, where we are all going to dance and make merry and wait together for the palace clocks to strike midnight.

  Happy new year, Carolina, wherever you are.

  Chapter Five

  1769

  Sunday, 1st January 1769, late.

  We had such fun last night. Joseph's footmen served champagne, schnapps and cakes all night long and we danced so much that I actually began to feel quite exhausted. Karl was there, which I thought was kind of Joseph, and he and Amalia danced together for most of the night. I think that Mama would have liked to have said something about it but it was such a happy occasion that she remained silent and looked the other way.

  This morning we all went by carriage to
Schönnbrunn where as a special treat Mama had arranged for snow to be brought down on carts from the mountains so that we could be pulled by horse drawn sleighs in the park. It was absolutely delightful and so much fun, until Ferdinand and Max decided to pelt everyone with snowballs, at which point everyone, even Amalia started to have a big snow fight, leaping from their sledges and plunging their hands into the snow and then flinging it at each other with whoops of glee. I discarded my thick fur lined gloves because they made it difficult for me to properly grasp and shape the snow into balls and after a short while my hands were red and sore from the cold, my big fur hat was lying abandoned and soggy on the ground, my hair was hanging in damp tendrils about my shoulders and my cheeks were bright crimson from laughter and exertion.