by Alice Shaw
“No poison,” I said. “Just the good stuff.”
“Why are you here?” Brady said, taking a swig from the flash. He sighed as the alcohol burned the back of his throat.
“I want to squash things with you. I never wanted it to be like this,” I said.
My heart was racing. I thought that turning things around would be easy. The truth was that it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, especially since Brady was such an asshole to Holden and me.
But I had to let the past go. To be a father, I had to learn to be stronger than punches and crushing insults. I didn’t have to like the guy, but we didn’t have to be enemies either.
“I saw you on that night. Did you forget?” he asked.
I took the flask back. I took a swig, but it didn’t burn. I took another and answered him. “No. I didn’t forget. That moment is burned into the back of my mind forever. It haunts me, Brady,” I said.
“You and your friends… you all tormented me in high school,” Brady muttered. He looked away. I could tell how much the people around him had hurt him. He felt as low as I did.
“You’re right, Brady. I hung around the wrong people. I did the wrong things. And when we locked eyes before I went into that liquor store, I knew I was going to get payback for what we all did,” I said. I cleared my throat, feeling the tears about to come on.
“I deserve everything that has happened to me. I know that as much as you do. But I want to change my life around. I want to start a family and a restaurant. I want to earn an honest living. Can’t a man change?” I asked.
I gave Brady the most honest look in the world. All of the regret I was feeling at that moment came from the heart. “Is this some kind of a trick?” he asked.
I placed the flask back in front of me, passing it back to him. “No tricks,” I said. “Just clearing the air. You don’t have to like me. I know I fucked up, majorly. But I have an obligation to turn my life around. I’m going to be the best damn father to my child, and I’ll be an incredible husband.”
“The omega is pregnant?” Brady asked.
“Yep, and I fucked it all up. I let the past get in the way of who I was trying to become,” I said. “Can we be cool or what?”
Brady stared at me for a good fifteen seconds before taking in a deep, calming breath. I saw the look of understanding in his eyes reflect back into mine.
“Fuck it,” he said. “We’re cool.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “Wait. Really?” I asked.
“Don’t make me regret this, Riley,” he said. “Just do your thing and stay out of trouble. As for your food truck business, I’ve been hearing some good things. I’m sorry for what I said a few days ago. If you keep doing things right, I won’t hassle you any longer.”
I was stunned, but eternally grateful. Sometimes, being honest and apologizing was the right move, even when you felt like someone else was in the wrong. “Thanks, Brady,” I said.
I never thought I’d be there, saying those words to that man, but I’d do anything to get Holden back. I shook Brady’s hand and went back to the trailer. I should have been at the food stand, but I couldn’t bear to face the day any more than I already had.
I sat in my room with the lights off, wondering how I could have ever been so stupid. I was alone in Belleview Bay with nothing to look forward to. My restaurant idea meant nothing to me if Holden wasn’t by my side.
So, I called Holden for the tenth time that day. I sat still, listening to the faint ringing noises. I knew he wasn’t going to answer, but I had to keep trying. I had to finally tell him about everything. Yet, there was no answer.
I hung up, dropping to the bed. I closed my eyes and sobbed my heart out. The pain wasn’t going to end anytime soon. I would have to live with this for the rest of my life.
“I was so fucking stupid,” I said to myself.
“You’re damn right you were,” a voice said. Holden’s voice.
HOLDEN?!
I opened my eyes and shot out of bed. Standing in front of me was the man of my dreams. “You came back,” I whispered.
Holden’s eyes were blood red, and his cheeks were stained from crying. “I came here to say goodbye,” Holden said. “I’m going back home. I have to make amends.”
Again, I felt the slow and aching crawl of depression linger over me. “I understand,” I said. “But please… know how bad I wish I didn’t fuck things up. Please, sit down next to me. At least, give me the chance to make things right. Even if you don’t want me anymore, I want to tell you the truth about me.”
“About who you really are?” Holden asked.
He sat down next to me and took my hand. His fingers felt so cold against mine. Holden looked so beautiful, and for once, I felt confident enough to tell him everything.
“My past isn’t something I wanted anybody to know about. That’s why I came here in the first place. To escape,” I said.
His scent lingered in my nose. It was so familiar at this point. All I wanted to do was hold him and tell him how sorry I was, but I knew that now wasn’t the time.
“When I was young, I wanted the world. I was cocky. I thought I was better than everyone around me. I was delusional, Holden. I can’t explain why I thought that way back then. I just did,” I said. “I was jealous of the people around me.
I hurt my family, my friends, and plenty of innocent bystanders. I was a fuck up, a low life, a—”
I lost all my strength, but Holden grabbed my trembling body. He pressed me close and whispered, “It’s okay. We all make mistakes, Riley. I just wanted you to be honest.”
I took in huge inhales of air. A lot of this trauma was hard to face, but I knew I could face it with him by my side.
“My uncle gave me the gun. It was the first time I ever held a pistol. He set me up for failure. I walked into an old liquor store. I pointed the gun, waving it everyone in sight. I was seething with envy.
Then, I felt someone take me down. A metal pipe hit the back of my skull. Next thing I knew, I was in the back of a police car. My life was ruined,” I said.
“It’s not ruined,” he said. “You met me. That’s something, right?”
“Yeah, well. You’re leaving. All of that is over now. You said it yourself,” I said.
“Maybe I can stay a little longer,” Holden whispered. He leaned his head against my chest. Suddenly, I felt strong again. “I know it’s stupid, but I wanted to go back to get my horse. My parents sold him to a family friend.”
When I heard him say those words, I felt disheartened. I knew how much he loved that horse, and it was always a goal of his to reconnect with his animal.
“Are you serious? They just… sold him?” I asked.
Holden nodded and looked away. “Guess so. It’s too late. Even though we patched things up on the phone, there was no way to get Sonny back. The deal is done. I guess he’s just gone forever now,” he said.
“No, he isn’t. We’ll get him back. We have to,” I said, feeling my heart start to race. I felt for him so much that I was determined to get that horse back.
“It’s okay. I don’t want to blame anyone anymore. What’s done is done. I just want things to change,” Holden said.
There was an uncomfortable heaviness between us. The silence was nearly deafening, and I didn’t want it to linger on. Finally, Holden kissed the top of my shoulder and sighed.
“You don’t think I’m a piece of shit?” I asked.
Holden shook his head and bit his lips inward. “It’s like I said. We all make mistakes. It’s how you handle it afterward that counts,” he said.
“I was so afraid of telling you the truth. I didn’t think someone like me would ever make a good father. I’m a felon. I can’t get a job, a loan… I don’t even have a bank account,” I said.
“You don’t think you can lean on me for support?” Holden asked.
“I’m an alpha. I’m supposed to be strong,” I said.
Holden laughed and wiped the tears f
rom my eyes. “Not all the time, dummy,” he said. “You’re also human. You can have emotions.”
I nodded my head with understanding. I just wanted this chapter to end. I wanted to get on with our lives again, to live out our dreams, and conquer the world. Together.
“Your parents… they’re not expecting you?” I asked.
Holden sighed, but then, he laughed to himself. “I talked to them for the first time in a long time,” he said. “It was weird, to say the least. But necessary.”
“What did they say?” I asked him.
Holden clutched my hands together. “I just told them everything. I told them about the pregnancy. I was terrified, Riley. I thought they would disown me forever,” he said.
Something good happened between his parents. I could tell, judging by the way he was looking at me. It was probably the biggest reason why he came back. “But they didn’t disown you. The accepted you?”
“It was the first time I ever heard my parents cry. I have heard them scream and yell, but I had never heard them cry. It was heart breaking,” Holden said. “But in the end, it was cathartic.”
This was a huge breakthrough for Holden. I wanted to hear everything about it, so I let him talk. “We talked for hours. I told them about you, of course. They wanted to know everything about you. And then, we talked about my grandma. We got a lot out on the table,” he said.
“You told them about me?” I asked, feeling my heart flutter. I felt so fucking good that I just wanted this moment to last forever.
“They’re the ones who told me to come back to you,” he said. “I was going to skip town and keep driving until I figured something else out. But they knew where my heart was.”
“I’m sorry for ever hiding something from you. I never wanted to hurt the person I fell so deeply in love with. All I could do was think about our first moments together. I kept picturing your handsome body, running into the bay water. I saw that effervescent shine in your eyes, and it broke me to think that you were never coming back,” I said.
“I love you, Riley. I just want you to tell me the truth,” Holden said.
I closed my eyes and bent my neck forward. I felt our lips crush together. I could taste him again. God, that taste. And his smell. Fuck. Everything felt perfect again. Everything was finally back to normal. Only, this time, it was better.
“I want to make a promise to you, Holden. From here on out, you’re only going to get the real me,” I said. “I did a lot of fucked up things when I was younger. I’ll have to live with those things for the rest of my life. But I know that if I’m honest about changing, I can do anything. I won’t run away from the past any longer. I’m yours.”
I felt the fabrics of our relationship begin to mold together. We intertwined our fingers and held our hands in between our chests. We kissed again, feeling closer than ever.
“I’m yours too,” he whispered.
I told Holden everything that night. I told him about Brady, about all of the beatings I endured in that jail cell, and about all of the shit I had to go through to get to this moment. And when I was done, he confided in me too.
Holden was a man who dared to dream and go on adventures. He was someone who wouldn’t take life for granted. It took a long time for some people in his life to understand the real side of him.
But I knew the day I met him that he was the one for me.
Chapter Thirteen
Holden
“Babe. Are you awake?” I felt Riley’s thick lips brush against the backside of my neck. I groaned and turned over to the other side. I opened my eyes and stared into his strong eyes.
“I am now,” I said.
His hand caressed between my legs for a moment, gripping lightly around my morning wood. “Mmm,” I moaned, closing my eyes. “Is this my room service?”
“Can you believe it has been three months,” he whispered.
I shook my head. Every single morning, I thought about it, but it was hard to even believe. I was with Riley again, and since our fight, everything came back together. “Can you believe we’re having a baby?” I asked him.
“I can believe anything as long as it’s with you,” he said.
“You’ve been good to me,” I said, kissing the top of his forehead.
Riley had been working so hard on getting the food truck’s name out into the world. As of last week, he had been featured in a few of the top, local food magazines. I was proud of him, and so grateful that I could be by his side for the whole thing.
I had a dream last night,” he said. “We were with the baby. We had a big house, and he was playing in the backyard on the swing set.”
“Stop. You’re going to make me tear up,” I said.
“I’m serious. I woke up wanting to be there, in that moment. I know someday we can have that. We can have anything if we work hard enough at it,” Riley said.
“There was a line down the boardwalk yesterday,” I said. “Remember how it was when we first met? We’ve come so fucking far.”
“I know!” Riley exclaimed. “It felt so fucking good. And I couldn’t have done it without your patience.”
I felt Riley’s hand grip harder. He started to rock his wrist back and forth, whilst staring into my eyes longingly. “I want to celebrate,” he said.
“Yeah? What do you want to do to me?” I asked, closing my eyes. I pressed my hips forward as the rising desire flooded toward my cock.
I kept thrusting my hips lightly as he rocked his wrists in time with my movements. His eyes traced every slim curve of my body. Finally, his hand moved below my crotch, feeling my ass.
I moaned as the breath slipped from my lungs. I fell into a deep trance of emotional love and lust, all combined into one feeling that I had never felt before.
The pregnancy was changing me. Some of the effects caught me off guard. I hated feeling sick at random moments of the day. It was bothersome to feel the minor back pains and cramps. Sometimes, I felt a bit sad, and other times, I felt incredibly hopeful.
Somehow, I didn’t focus on the negatives too much these days. After our breakup, I thought the worst was going to happen. Soon after, I learned to appreciate the good things in life. Most of all, I learned how to be an adult and move on.
“I want to do everything with you,” Riley whispered.
“To me, or with me?” I smirked and licked my lips.
“Both.”
Riley slowly took off his shirt. He began fumbling at his belt buckle, eager to rip his clothes off and get to bed. I lifted up my shirt, quickly glancing down at my growing stomach. My eyes flickered up to his to see his reaction.
I used to be slimmer than I was now, but I was turning into a dad. Part of me felt saddened by this reality, of course. Another part of me was excited to see what I’d become.
Riley didn’t mind my body changing. He just wasn’t one of those guys that focused on looks. He cared about who I was. I had no doubts about that. I trusted him now more than ever. He was my man, the guy I would put all of my faith into from here on out.
“God, you’re sexy,” he grunted. His teeth eagerly bit his lips before he dropped to his knees. He pinched my nipples, and dragged his lips toward my stomach. He kissed me, tongue connecting against my glistening skin, tasting me before he went down further.
“Mmm,” I moaned. “Suck it, alpha.”
“Yeah? You want me to throat that cock?” he asked.
“Fuck!” I groaned. That really turned me on.
Riley winked. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he said.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, thrusting my hips forward. His thick and masculine lips leveled over my firm cock, steadily dragging down. The hot breath wrapped around me, sending me to unknown zones of pleasure. Finally, his tongue slowly wrapped and pushed me down his throat.
I jerked my eyes open to see my cock disappear into his neck. My balls instantly jutted up into the air, turning hard to the touch. He quickly moved back up, before taking my cock back into hi
s hands.
“Fuck. I almost just blew my load right there.”
I had to catch my breath for a moment, to picture other images that would suppress my desire for Riley. It was too hard. I forced him to let go. Then, I spread my legs.
“Put it inside me,” I said, exhaling sharply. “I’m ready for you now.”
“Already?” Riley’s have a look of surprise as I nodded confidently. Just to check, he placed a finger lightly against my rim. “Whoa. You are ready. You’re practically wet. How?”
I pushed my tongue against the side of my cheek, playfully. “Because I need you, Riley.”
Riley took off his underwear. His cock sprung out, thick as a brick. I felt my body heat up my core.
“I never read that in any of the books, but I’m not going to ask any questions,” he said.
“Good. No need. Just fuck me, daddy,” I said. I longingly looked into his eyes.
“Yes, sir,” he said, pushing my thighs close to my head. He closed my legs together and kissed my ankles before sliding that thick cock of his inside me.
After one second, I felt the pleasurable pressure begin to rise in my body. “Oh, fuck,” I said. Then, as the deep satisfaction only continued, I let out a shocked grunt. “Oh, fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”
Riley moaned. “You feel too good. I need to open that hole up some more. I think I can fuck you much deeper than this.”
My jaw dropped and my head began to rock back and forth. My eyelids fell, half closed. I fell into every bit of indulgence he could give me.
He started to pick up speed, thrusting with more intensity. “This ass is mine.” Obviously, he had been waiting to fuck me for weeks now. “Do you hear me, babe? Mine.”
Riley spanked my ass. “More. I need more,” I moaned.
He spanked me even harder. “You like that? Is this what you’ve always wanted?”
“Yes!” I groaned.
I loved it when he got this intense. Clearly, he did too. “You’ve always wanted me to take advantage of your cute ass. Haven’t you?”