The Blame

by Park, Nichola

  “But you haven’t even played with me yet because you arrived home so late!” she whined.

  “Oh, I thought you were picking her up from school today, Laura. Did she come home on the bus, then?” asked David, surprised.

  “Yes, that was the initial plan but then something came up and I couldn’t get away in time to pick her up. Come on, Vanessa, let’s go!”

  “But it’s Friday and I always stay up late on Fridays. There’s no school tomorrow!”

  "Why don't you turn in and I'll put Vanessa to bed in a little while?"

  "Would you? That's great. Thank you, David." She scooped Vanessa up in her arms and kissed her.

  "Don't stay up too late, you two." She rested her hand briefly on David's arm as she brushed past him.

  He stared pensively after her as she walked upstairs. Something was off. But he wanted everything to be fine, to be more than just fine. So he squashed the feeling, brutally, viciously until it had totally disappeared.

  Chapter 21

  Laura felt mentally and physically drained, as if she were single-handedly responsible for dealing with some catastrophic event, like steering refugees through a minefield. Or brokering peace between two perpetually warring factions. Or reconciling with her husband while her new (and now unwanted) lover kept texting her all weekend long, despite her protestations.

  Now that it was Monday morning she’d be seeing him and would have to put an end to this affair before things really got out of hand. He’d called her just as she’d turned into the underground parking garage, but as there was no reception down there the call had been cut off before they could say much.

  As she rode up in the lift, she felt her stomach tighten and her shoulders tense up. Just as well it was the last day of the contract, otherwise things would be tricky indeed. Fortunately others would be present at the meeting too, so that would buy her some time till she had to talk to him alone.

  When she reached the conference room, she saw that Sandra and the heads of department were already there. Good. That would avoid any personal stuff for a while.

  Greetings out the way, they got down to business, and for the next two hours Laura put all thoughts of Hugo and David out of her mind.

  Sandra air kissed Laura as the others filed out of the room.

  “It was great working with you, Laura. I look forward to the next time.”

  “Thank you, Sandra, for all your support. And if you need anything else, please know I’m at your disposal.”

  Sandra squeezed her hand and left the room, leaving her alone with Hugo. He waited till Sandra’s footsteps had faded and then he shut the door quietly.

  Two brisk strides and he had her in a crushing embrace, his hands roving over her body, his lips hot on her neck.

  Despite her best intentions, Laura felt her body respond—her core was turning to molten lava.

  “No, Hugo,” she pushed him gently away. “not here.”

  “Okay, then let’s go to my hotel,” he said hoarsely, his desire evident.

  “No, Hugo, we have to talk.”

  “Yes, of course we do. We can talk there.”

  Laura took a step back. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Hugo frowned. “Laura, what’s wrong?”

  “Hugo, I can’t do this. It’s too complicated and..”

  “No, Laura, it’s very simple. I love you and I want you,” he interrupted her. “We can do this; it’s not as difficult as it may seem now.”

  “That’s easy for you to say; your children are all grown up, they don’t need you like my daughter needs me.”

  “Laura, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We can take it nice and slow, one day at a time.”

  “Yes, I need some time, Hugo, but away from you.”

  “What do you mean away from me? Laura, I’m not letting you go now,” he said, taking her hand. “I’ll give you time, of course I will, but we’ll think this thing through together. I’ll stand by you, you know that.”

  She snatched her hand away. “I know, Hugo, you’re a wonderful man, but this is putting an unbearable strain on me and on my marriage.”

  “So leave him, Laura. I’m here for you.”

  “I can’t, Hugo. It’s not that simple.” Her voice was starting to rise and she made a conscious effort to speak softly in case someone overheard them. “I can’t just throw my marriage away like that.”

  “You can, Laura, if you love me, you can,” he said softly. “After all, I did.”

  “Oh, Hugo, I’m so sorry, but…”

  “Shh,” he placed a finger on her lips. “Don’t say anything now. I’ll give you some space, some time to think, but I’ll be right here waiting for you, okay?”

  She nodded mutely, her eyes moist.

  Hugo placed a soft, gentle kiss on her lips, opened the door and left the room.

  ***

  For the next two weeks Laura and David limped their way along till they reached a state of normalcy. The first few days had been excruciating; both wanted to make their marriage work and had gone out of their way to be courteous, to show the other just how reasonable they really were. Like two political opponents at a debate where neither wanted to be accused of derailing the discussion.

  All the while Laura was having to fend off calls and emails from Hugo, who demanded to see her. Her resolution to end things with Hugo hadn’t wavered, and she’d told him so. However, he hadn’t taken it well. He had begged and pleaded with her to give him a chance to show her how it could be for them.

  In the end, he had threatened to call on her at home if she didn’t go to him. Angry, but afraid he would do as he said, she’d promised to arrange a meeting with him soon. But she knew that wouldn’t appease him for long.

  Chapter 22

  The Vasco da Gama Shopping Centre was undoubtedly Lisbon’s most beautiful mall. Situated in the heart of Parque das Nações, it opened up onto the walkways and gardens that lined the Tagus River. It was a light, airy structure of glass and steel that was designed to resemble a cruise liner on the inside. The whole interior decor had a nautical theme, from the sea shell-encrusted toilet seats to the water that flowed across the glass ceiling.

  Laughing, shouting and the occasional bark could be heard as families and tourists flocked to the area to enjoy the fine weather. The arrival of spring had finally made itself felt, allowing cardigans to be discarded.

  David and Laura strolled hand in hand along the promenade, dodging rollerbladers and kids on bicycles. Vanessa was spending the weekend at Mariana’s place and so, for once, they had some time to themselves.

  “Let’s go for a ride on the cable car before we go and do our shopping,” suggested Laura.

  “OK,” replied David, “but let’s get some ice cream cones first.”

  The 16-minute round trip over the Tagus at a height of 30 metres afforded a magnificent view of the waterfront, especially of the hallmark contemporary buildings such as the Vasco da Gama Tower, the Atlantic Pavilion and the San Gabriel and San Rafael twin residential towers.

  Laura and David had a car to themselves, which allowed them to freely enjoy the view, as well as laugh at each other’s feeble jokes. Laura hadn’t felt so relaxed in ages; she was grateful that the recent upheaval in her life seemed to finally be behind her.

  “I hope everything goes smoothly tonight otherwise Vanessa will never try another sleepover.” Worry puckered her brow.

  “I’m sure it will. Sara has set the alarm clock for two-thirty so she can take her to the bathroom. And she’s not going to let them get overly tired so that should reduce the risk of night terrors.”

  Laura squeezed his hand. They were getting their life back.

  When the ride was over, they made their way to the shopping centre to make the most of the sales and promotions that were underway in most stores. As the formal clothes they needed for work were usually so expensive, David and Laura tended to only buy them when they were on sale, which allowed them to save a substantial
amount of money. Besides, nothing was quite as good for the soul as chocolate and shopping, Laura always said. In moderation, of course. So, instead of trawling all the shops, they headed straight for one of the more exclusive stores that carried the men’s and women’s wear they required. Two hours later, they had renovated their wardrobes.

  “I can’t believe you managed to get all these clothes at a discount of 60%!” exclaimed David as they left the store.

  “Amazing, isn’t it? At least this is one advantage of the country being in recession—special promotions all year round. You did well to buy those suits, they’re gorgeous.”

  “So, are we sorted or do you need anything else?” asked David.

  “Well, maybe if I can find a nice pair of sandals at a reasonable price, I might be tempted. Let’s have a look-see first.”

  They made their way through the throng of people that shuffled along the various corridors.

  “This is getting too crowded for me,” said David, turning to Laura. I think it’s time...hey, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “It’s nothing. I’m just feeling a little faint, that’s all. Perhaps we should get something to eat.”

  “Ok, where would you like to go?”

  “We’ll see in a minute. I’m just going to the loo first. Wait here for me.”

  Laura turned round and walked back the way they had come. David leaned against the chrome railing and watched the shoppers walk by on the level below. Not many were actually carrying shopping bags, and the ones that were, had low-end chain store name brands on their purchases.

  After a couple of minutes David decided that there was no point in waiting around for Laura. He might as well go to the toilet, too. He picked up all their carrier bags and headed after her. As he turned into the corridor that led to the lifts and toilets, he saw a stranger talking earnestly to Laura, his hands on her shoulders. He was an older, distinguished looking guy dressed in beige chinos and a light blue shirt. Laura was looking down at the floor and shaking her head slowly. The man tilted her head up and said something to her. Then to David’s amazement, he took her in his arms and held her in a tight embrace, burying his face in her hair.

  What the fuck was that all about? His first reaction was to dash forward and demand to know what the hell was going on. Take your hands off my wife, you jerk! But instead, he held back. No point in making a scene in public. He retraced his steps and waited for her in the main walkway. This was totally unbelievable! Surely there had to be a perfectly good explanation for what he had just seen. Perhaps he was being too hasty, perhaps ..... Who am I trying to kid? he chided himself. I know intimacy when I see it, and no way was that a brotherly hug.

  He’d confront her later, he decided grimly, take her by surprise and see what she had to say for herself. He shook his head in bewilderment. Jesus, was she having an affair? The suspicions he’d assiduously been ignoring, suddenly reared their ugly head. Who the hell was that suave-looking character? How long had this been going on? The questions raged through his mind.

  Ten minutes later they were getting into David’s car in the underground parking lot. Laura had appeared shortly after and had immediately agreed when David had suggested skipping lunch and going directly home.

  David slipped the key into the ignition but instead of starting the car, he sat staring straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

  “So, do you want to tell me what’s going on?” he asked, his voice colder than an iceberg.

  “What do you mean?” she replied, fiddling with her seatbelt. She was still so rattled at having run into Hugo that she didn’t notice how drawn and pale her husband’s face was.

  “Cut the crap, Laura. I saw you! Who is he?”

  Damn she thought, he must have followed me. “What? Oh, you mean Hugo?” she asked, her thoughts racing to find a plausible explanation while her heart hammered wildly in her chest.

  “Hugo? Who the bloody hell is Hugo and why was he holding you like that?”

  “It’s nothing,” she answered, fussing with the shopping bags at her feet in order to hide her flushed face and avoid his blazing eyes. “It’s just someone from work who’s going through a bad spell, that’s all.”

  “Oh, yeah? And what are you? An agony aunt? Give me a break, Laura! I’m not a fool. Even if you are trying to make one of me.” A muscle twitched at the corner of his eye.

  Laura realized she wasn’t going to be able to bluff her way out and suddenly felt drained. As neither flight nor fight seemed to be an option, she capitulated.

  “I’m sorry, David. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I really didn’t,” she said softly, eyes downcast and nails digging into the palm of her hand. “It was just a silly flirtation that got a bit out of control, that’s all.” Her eyes glistened as she fought to keep her voice steady.

  “A little out of control? You don’t say. And what’s that supposed to mean exactly?”

  Laura heard the ice in his voice and looked up at him. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the look of contained fury on his face. He’d never looked at her like that before—not even during their most heated arguments.

  “Well, basically what you saw,” she mumbled. “He’s in love with me.”

  “Ah, isn’t that sweet? He’s in love with you,” David said sarcastically. “In lust with you, is more like it! How can you be so bloody naive?”

  “Why is it so difficult for you to believe that another man could honestly be in love with me? That he could actually be interested in me as a person?” His words had stung and she started to feel indignant.

  “Oh, grow up, Laura! How much older than you is he? This is every middle-aged guy’s dream come true, a bit of young ass on the side!” he said spitefully, wanting her to hurt as much as he was. “Couldn’t you have been a little more original?”

  She remained silent, looking down at her lap and twisting the wedding band on her finger.

  “Did you go to bed with him?” His voice was quiet and controlled, as though he were asking if she’d remembered to pay a bill or pick up his suit from the drycleaner’s. “Well? Did you? Did you have sex with him?”

  Laura flinched. Hearing David spell it out in broad daylight drove the truth home, made it real, made her feel the enormity of her actions. Much as she had wanted to kid herself, you couldn’t just take time out and live a separate fantasy life for a while, and then return seamlessly to your real one as though the two would never collide.

  Part of her wanted to wipe the slate clean, to tell him the truth and start afresh with no lies and no secrets between them anymore. But then she saw the hurt in his eyes and wanted desperately to make it go away. “I, uh, no, no, it was just what you saw.” Her eyelids fluttered a couple of times like shutters preventing an unwanted scrutiny.

  In contrast, David stared unblinkingly at her for a long moment. Not liking what he saw there, he screwed up his face and shook his head in disbelief. “Damn it, Laura! Don’t lie to me!” He grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. “I can see that you’re lying!” he accused, abandoning all attempt at constraint.

  Her silence confirmed his suspicions.

  “Christ, I don’t believe this! I don’t fucking believe this!” He released her and rubbed his face with his hands, as though washing it. He muttered something under his breath and shook his head.

  Silence filled the car.

  “So, do you love him?” His ragged voice belied his apparent calm.

  “No, David, I don’t,” she replied earnestly. Now that it was out in the open, she wanted to explain it away, put it into perspective, and show him it wasn’t really such a big deal after all. “It was sex, that’s all, only sex. It didn’t mean anything. And it wasn’t even particularly good.”

  “Only sex?” David asked bitterly. “Well, that’s all right then, isn’t it?” Sarcasm dripped from his voice.

  He got out of the car, slammed the door shut and started
pacing. Laura could hear him muttering to himself and felt helpless. She didn’t know how she could fix the situation, or even if she could fix it at all. David was obviously devastated by what he had learnt. No wonder, of course. Had she really thought she could make light of this? Pretend it was just a little hiccup in their path that could easily be swept under the carpet in one fell swoop? He’d probably never be able to forgive her.

  Perhaps she should have lied more convincingly, not been quite so quick to admit the truth. Yes, she was naive to think that the truth redeems. Damn it! She should have looked him in the eye and lied through her teeth. After all, what he didn’t know didn’t hurt him, just as Sara had said. She was just being selfish by telling him the truth, trying to assuage her own feelings of guilt.

  David got back in the car and turned to her. “Why, Laura? Why did you have to do it?” he demanded. “It’s not as though I don’t give you everything you need.”

  That hit a nerve. “As a matter of fact, you don’t. If you did, this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.”

  “Sweet. Now it’s my fault you’re screwing some guy. What is it exactly he gives you that I don’t? ”

  “Understanding!” she spat out at him, angry now. “He listens to me and respects my opinions and he doesn’t criticize or blame me all the time.”

  “So that’s why you had to jump into the sack with him? To talk?”

  “That was a mistake. I was just flattered by the attention he gave me; it made me feel young and attractive again.”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t go around screwing every woman in sight just to inflate my ego. And believe me, there’s no shortage of sexy young women who are more than willing.” And with that he fired up the engine and roared out of the parking garage.

  Chapter 23

  By the time they got home, Laura had a raging headache. The ride home had been unbearable. She had never seen David drive so fast nor so recklessly before. Fortunately, there had been little traffic and they had made it home in record time. He had maintained an icy silence all the way, and she had soon given up on further explanations.