Sorry, I'm Taken

by Achuth Mohandas

  ‘She fought with me over something silly and we are no more friends.’

  “Bitch” was the first word that came into my mind when she said this because that word suited her the best as she started bitching about Namratha for those silly fights in-between them.

  As I was keeping silence, she continued – ‘I wanted to tell you everything from the very first day itself, but I couldn’t. Do you mind if I tell you something about her now?’

  ‘I want to know everything about her irrespective of the person who gives me the details.’ – I said, with hope.

  ‘She was cheating on you.’ – She said, making me feel like an asteroid had just fallen on my head.

  ‘What the hell are you talking about?’ – I shouted.

  ‘Arjun, please be calm. Listen to me completely and decide what to do.’

  ‘Okay.’ – I said, taking deep breaths.

  ‘She broke up with you for another guy.’

  ‘Will you stop this bullshit?’ – I shouted again.

  ‘If you don’t want to know, it’s okay. I can stop.’

  ‘No. Tell me in detail. I am not saying anything.’ – I promised.

  ‘Sometimes a girl bitching on another girl can be extremely informative.’ – I said in mind and kept on listening to Anushka’s words.

  ‘She was in a relationship with a guy who was her classmate. That’s why she kept you at a distance. She thought you will withdraw yourself in some time, but you didn’t. You always wanted to be with her and that made her ask for a break-up.’ – She explained.

  ‘What’s his name?’

  ‘His name is Nishan; Nishan Thomas.’

  ‘We were deeply in love. Then how could she do this to me?’ – I asked, impatiently.

  ‘Usually, girls are the ones to possess such hurt feelings and I am surprised to see a guy who is hurt for that. If she doesn’t care, why do you care?’ – She said, laughing.

  ‘Don’t laugh at me. We always made a good match.’

  ‘Who told you that girls choose one person over another only by considering the match factor? It could be something else.’ – She said, provoking my thoughts.

  ‘Like what?’ – I asked in an interrogative tone.

  ‘He is from a rich Catholic Christian family and they have businesses in India and abroad. He is good looking and he is going to be an architect like her. Her family is also going to be very happy with this relationship. Does she need any other reason to choose him over you?’ – She asked and I went speechless with that question.

  I didn’t need much explanation, but she continued. – ‘She moved out from our hostel to an apartment outside the campus where some of her friends were staying. He was also living in another apartment, which is adjacent to hers. You know what usually happens after that.’

  ‘What?’ – I asked, aghast.

  ‘She sleeps in his apartment almost every night.’ – She said and a lightning passed through my spine.

  ‘Do her parents know about this?’ – I asked in a very calm voice.

  ‘No. When they look at it, she is staying in her apartment and they don’t even know that there is a guy next door for her to sleep with.’

  ‘Anushka, leave that sleeping together thing and all. Tell me if you have anything else to say.’

  ‘Okay. Yesterday I went to Marina Beach with Vinayak and I saw them there. I didn’t want to reveal these things to you, but I can’t hide this from you anymore. That would be the worst thing that I am doing to you. With my own eyes, I saw them kissing on the beach.’ – She said.

  I didn’t say anything, but I was trying to hold tears in a much pathetic way.

  ‘I know you won’t believe me. Vinayak is with me and if you want, you can ask him too. You remember him, right?’ – She asked.

  ‘Yes, I do.’

  ‘Do you want to talk to him?’

  ‘No. I believe you.’

  ‘Thank God! I thought you will not believe me and come here to slap me on my face.’ – She said, gasping.

  ‘If I come there, can you help me find her?’ – I asked with expectation.

  ‘No Arjun. She fought with me, but I didn’t. She is still my friend and I can’t cheat her.’

  ‘Okay. I shall ask for someone else’s help.’

  ‘If you want to destroy her good image in her circles, go on and do it. Otherwise, leave her as she is.’ – She said, dragging me off that idea.

  ‘A good boyfriend is the one who wants his girlfriend’s happiness even when she turns his ex-girlfriend, not the one who finds and hurts her.’ – She continued and her words were enough to transform my thoughts and acts.

  ‘She had selected her life and moved on. I suggest you get over the past and find a girl of your dreams. You have a good heart and the one who gets your love will be the luckiest person in the world. I can say this because I know you very well.’ – She tried to open the ways to light for me.

  ‘But, Namratha wasn’t lucky enough. Is that what you want to tell?’

  ‘Exactly. She’s not lucky enough to live with you. For all the beautiful memories she had given you, thank her. Get married to someone else and enjoy your future.’ – She advised and that conversation ended right there.

  ‘What Anushka said is right. I shouldn’t be a boyfriend who spread rumours about her. All I need is her happiness. Let her be happy with whoever she wants to be with. I don’t have to think or feel bad about it. I am no more going into this deep depression. I will come out of it and I will start working again for my own good. But, before I stop thinking about her, I have to meet her for one last time. I want to know the real reason behind our break-up. After that, she’ll be out of my life and vice versa. I will wait outside her church until I meet her for one last time.’ – I decided.

  ‘Congrats Nishan Thomas, for winning my love.’ – I whispered as I fell over my bed.

  ●

  A MONTH LATER: JANUARY 2014

  ‘You are not a person to live like this.’ – Said “Bhoomi”, an old friend of mine.

  Bhoomi was a woman entrepreneur who owned an Advertising Company in my city. I met her when I was working as an RJ and I was the one who used to prepare scripts for her company’s radio advertisements. After a long time, I met her on my morning walk when my personal and professional situations were not so good.

  ‘Arjun, I really don’t understand how you could bury your passion and try for jobs which aren’t your favourites, but I do understand that love makes us do things which we won’t ever do when we aren’t in love. You have the potential to write. Why don’t you start writing again?’ – She asked.

  ‘What should I write and for whom?’

  ‘Write for me.’

  ‘I didn’t understand.’

  ‘You used to write scripts for me and if you are willing to continue that, I can give you assignments.’ – She said.

  I stayed silent and she continued – ‘And don’t think that it’s a job and you’re working under me. I will call you and hire your service whenever I need your help. You just have to conceptualize the advertisements and then produce them.’

  I had no other way than accepting her offer; I was badly in need of a job, money and something to keep me engaged. I found my happiness, engagement and daily living in writing for various advertisements. It included consumer products, services and even corporate films. It was really a new phase of my life, which glued me more into words.

  The Confession

  NINE MONTHS LATER: AUGUST 10, 2014

  Like every Sunday, that Sunday also started with me waiting outside Namratha’s church expecting to see her coming out of the church after the prayers. Waiting for her was never a waste of time for me and I never broke that waiting routine since the day I started waiting for her.

  As every other day, everyone left the church, but I couldn’t find the people whom I wanted to find. Suddenly, I saw someone waving hands at me from the church. I walked towards the entrance of the church and took a c
loser look. It was the priest of that church who waved his hands at me. Seeing me at the entrance, he beckoned me and went inside the church. I followed him like a lamb following the shepherd.

  ●

  ‘I’ve been seeing you for the last several months outside the church. What were you doing there?’ – The priest asked me.

  The priest was a man in his mid-thirties. He was tall and had a good physique. His long hair was making waves in the wind from the ceiling fan and we were sitting opposite to each other in his office room.

  ‘Are you a terrorist or something, making plans to blast this church?’ – He asked, with a smile.

  ‘No father. I was waiting for someone.’ – I said.

  ‘For whom?’

  ‘My girlfriend.’

  ‘Why were you waiting for our girlfriend outside the church? Why didn’t you come in at least once?’ – He asked.

  ‘I’m not Christian. And I didn’t want people to notice me.’

  ‘Okay. Tell me, who’s that girl?’

  ‘No father. I don’t want to reveal her name.’

  ‘If you are not revealing her name, how can I tell you if she belongs to this church or not?’

  ‘Her family belongs to this church. I know that.’ – I said with a deadpan expression.

  ‘Okay. Do you want to confess something?’

  ‘No father. I am not a Christian, and I don’t remember my sins.’

  ‘All religions are meant for the betterment of the society and its people. I see no Christians, Hindus or Muslims in the society; I see only humans. Moreover, Confessions are not just about sins. It’s about opening up yourself to the Almighty. Tell me what you want to say and feel some relief.’ – He explained, impressing me with his views.

  I kept silence because I neither have confessed nor thought of it in my weirdest dreams before.

  ‘I am considering your silence as a “yes”.’

  ‘Do you want me to come to the confessional?’ – I asked.

  ‘Not really. It’s just about opening up your mind. You can do it anywhere. If you are fine, you can tell me everything now itself.’ – He said and waited for my words.

  I looked around. The priest’s office room was a large one with some paintings on the wall and bookshelves on all the corners. The church was an old and beautiful one, which was built when the British ruled India. The construction of it was amazing and the atmosphere made me relaxed like never before.

  ●

  I told him my story. He kept on asking doubts and I kept on clearing them. After almost an hour, the confession was over.

  ‘So her name is Namratha and you are waiting for her outside this church for the last one year.’ – He asked, coming out of the confessional box.

  ‘Yes, father. At last, you managed to know her name.’

  ‘Wait. I have to check something.’ – Saying this, he went to a huge bookshelf, which was there in his office room.

  He searched through several books that were kept in that bookshelf like he was searching for a particular book. At last, he took a big register and opened it. He ran through the pages and got stuck on one particular page. I could see his eyes running over the contents of that page and the expressions on his face changed constantly making it visible, that something really bad had happened. I had seen in movies that churches keep the details of all the couples who get married at the church and record it in a register.

  ‘Is he looking at the marriage register? Did Namratha get married? Was that why she and her friends didn’t attend the classes for one whole week when I went to their college? Were they celebrating her marriage?’ – Many thoughts and questions ran through my mind randomly. I stood there praying for the best and preparing for the worst. I was totally into my thoughts and even forgot the surroundings. I felt a dark screen, appearing in front of my eyes.

  ‘You could’ve come to me before.’ – The priest said, placing his hand on my shoulder.

  ‘What happened father? Is there anything wrong?’ – I was breathing heavily.

  ‘Come with me.’ – He said and walked out of his office room. I followed him.

  ●

  The priest stopped in front of an old gate and I stood behind him. He opened that gate with a creaky sound and entered that wide-open space. I followed him and I was shocked to see so many crosses on the ground looking at me. It took me almost a minute to understand that it was their cemetery.

  ‘Father, why did you bring me here? What are you trying to say?’ – I shouted at him in a trembling voice, holding his hand.

  He placed his other hand on my shoulder and said – ‘Stay calm and come with me.’

  I had no clue what he was trying to say or going to do with me, but I followed him as he started walking again. He stopped after a few metres in front of a tomb and started removing the creepers around it. It was a wide tomb made of white marble. The colour of the white marble was in fact changed to light brown with dust and sand.

  “The world is a richer place. She once lived here.” – I read the epitaph and moved downwards reading the rest of the text written on it.

  “NAMRATHA PRAMOD, 1992-2013” – I had strength in my body and mind only until I read that name on the tombstone. I felt the surroundings getting blurred and I felt something burning deep inside me.

  I had no strength left on my knees. I sat down on my knees and asked in a trembling voice – ‘What’s this father?’

  ‘God’s wishes are sometimes unexplainable.’ – He said, very calmly.

  ‘I can’t believe this father. I just can’t.’ – I murmured.

  ‘You have to, son. It’s history. She is no more in this world. She’s safe in god’s hands.’

  I screamed and started crying like a kid. I cried, screamed and hit my head several times on her tomb. At last, the priest managed to pull me away from there. I didn’t want to stay away from her, but I had lost all my strength to defend the priest and run back to her.

  ●

  ‘Son, I wonder how her friends could hide this from you for so long.’ – The priest said.

  I was sitting on one of the wooden benches inside the church with the priest sitting near me.

  ‘I trusted them. I trusted everyone; unconditionally.’ – I said, wiping my tears.

  ‘Now what are you going to do?’

  ‘I need to get out of here.’ – I said, getting up from the bench.

  ‘Wait. You can’t go now.’ – He said, but I didn’t bother to respond and walked out of the church immediately.

  ‘Anushka, where are you?’ – I called Anushka on the phone as I walked out.

  ‘I’m in Chennai. What happened?’ – She said, answering my call.

  ‘Text me your address. I’m coming there.’

  ‘Why Arjun?’

  ‘Text-Me-Your-Address. Don’t ask questions. If you are not sending me the address, you know what’s going to happen.’ – I shouted and hung up the call.

  I turned around and saw the priest standing there at the doors, looking at me.

  ‘I will be back.’ – I said loudly and ran out of the church premises.

  The Truth

  NEXT DAY:

  ‘Long time since we last talked. Right?’ – Anushka asked.

  ‘Long indeed.’ – I said, sipping tea at Anushka’s apartment in Chennai.

  Anushka’s new apartment in Chennai was a very beautiful one and she lived in that apartment with her friend Neethu. Neethu was a girl of her same age and she was looking at our faces, questioning our motive of the meeting.

  ‘Why did you want to meet me now?’ – Anushka asked, smiling.

  ‘When did you meet Namratha the last time?’ – I asked, calmly.

  ‘Arjun, please don’t start this again. I told you everything when I called you last time, I guess. We never met after that.’

  ‘Can you call her now?’ – I asked.

  ‘Why are you still after her? She ditched you for another guy and they might be living happily. M
ore than that, I don’t want to talk to her.’

  ‘Don’t talk. Just call. When she says the first hello, disconnect the call.’

  ‘No. I can’t.’ – She said, taking the teacup from the table.

  After a few moments of silence, I said – ‘I saw her yesterday.’

  I could see her hands shuddering and fear in her eyes. I looked at her face for some moments to see if her expressions convey something to me and it did express that everything that she had told me was cooked up.

  ‘I saw her yesterday at her church.’ – I broke the silence and Anushka remained silent.

  ‘Why did you hide everything from me?’ – I continued as tears rolled down from my eyes.

  ‘Come with me.’ – Anushka said, pulling my hand and Neethu was still looking at us.

  ●

  ‘It’s been more than fifteen minutes since we reached the terrace. Are you going to say something?’ – I asked.

  ‘Now you know what happened.’ – She answered.

  ‘I do. But, I want to know why I was kept away from the truth?’

  ‘She wanted to keep you away from that.’

  ‘But why?’ – I asked, impatiently.

  ‘Because she loved you, she loved you more than anything else in the world.’ – She yelled and I kept silent.

  ‘Namratha left us in a hospital in your city. I don’t remember the name of that hospital, but they claim to be the best in treating all kinds of cancers.’ – She continued.

  ‘You mean to say that she died of cancer?’ – I exclaimed.

  ‘Yes. Doctors call it Intracranial Neoplasm. Commonly explained as Brain Cancer or Brain Tumour.’

  ‘I am not getting the point. Why did you hide that from me?’ – I asked, but Anushka didn’t speak for the next five minutes.

  ‘Okay. Don’t tell me. I shall go and ask her parents.’ – I said.

  ‘Don’t do that. They’re already heartbroken with all these and don’t cause more problems for them. I can tell you what happened.’ – Anushka said, holding my hands.