Finding You (Finding You Series Book 1)

by Amanda Mackey

  The director’s call cut my retort short.

  “Hey Gina, you’re on!”

  With that, the actress turned on her heels and walked away, leaving me a little miffed. Who the hell did she think she was? Obviously someone far better than I.

  Trying not to let her get to me, I followed her to where the cameramen were set up. I watched the woman walk down to a small lagoon and wait for another call.

  “Action! Scene 12, take 1!”

  At the director’s cue, I spotted Kyle already in the lagoon, treading water. His face was wet and he looked sexier than ever. A yearning to get his attention washed over me but I didn’t want to interrupt the filming so I hung back in the shadows to watch the scene unfold.

  Suddenly, my smile turned to a frown. The pompous mutton-bird that I’d just met only seconds ago, dropped her skimpy outfit and walked stark-naked into the water and swam over to Kyle. She’d been in full view of him and he had watched her intently. They grabbed each other and kissed passionately. Kyle’s hands moved over the woman’s breasts with fervor. I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them to make sure I was seeing clearly but when nothing changed, my head spun out of control. He was kissing this woman as keenly as he’d kissed me and he darn well looked pleased about it! I tried to tell myself that it was just a movie but then remembered how the woman had sneered at me earlier.

  Did she like Kyle? Did he like her? Had they shared a history? They certainly appeared comfortable with each other.

  Clouds of jealousy welled up inside me that had no right being there in the first place as the two actors pretended to make love in the water. They looked pretty darn convincing.

  The director called “Cut!” and their lips parted. The woman whispered something to Kyle that made him smile. He still had his hand around her waist and she made no effort to swim back to shore. They were in the zone.

  I hadn’t come up here to watch Kyle film a love scene. He must have known what part of the movie they would be working on when he’d left me the note this morning. Did he assume I wouldn’t be bothered by it? I felt sick.

  I couldn’t watch any more. I didn’t want to be the third wheel and I’m sure Gina wouldn’t be letting Kyle out of her sight while I was hanging around. The more I looked around at the people on set, the more I believed that the woman in the water belonged in Kyle’s world. I didn’t. I was so far out of his universe that we weren’t even on the same planet. How would I ever fit in? I certainly didn’t have enough money to keep up with the lifestyle that came with Hollywood, or the upbringing. For God’s sake, I still lived with my parents at thirty-two years old.

  Not being able to think straight and not wanting to witness any more, I turned and ran. It didn’t matter where to but anywhere was better than staying to watch Kyle fawn over the bleached blonde, big breasted starlet.

  The tears came, stinging my eyes, causing my mascara to run. I knew I was being overly dramatic but I couldn’t help it. The feelings of lost beginnings seized me. An end of something that had barely started. It shouldn’t have hurt so much, or more to the point, I shouldn’t have let it. Maybe that’s how pathetic I was. I’d come up here to have Kyle hold and kiss me and tell me how much he missed me, not to witness a porn movie. I really didn’t need this.

  It was all new. We didn’t know each other well enough yet for it to be called anything other than a hook-up. I needed to accept that and forget about the sensations of his lips on mine. The desperate need to have a man care about me for reasons other than sex.

  My heart weighed heavy like lead. This roller-coaster of emotions was sapping me already.

  I slowed down to a walk and gasped for air as a result of the running and crying, when a van drove up and slowed down. I looked up to see a cleanly shaven man maybe in his forties wind the window down.

  “Can I give you a lift, Miss?” the voice offered in a strong Southern American accent.

  “Thank you, but I’m fine,” I lied to the man, who could obviously see through the charade.

  “Well, you don’t look fine to me. I don’t mean to pry or nothin’ but you look like your heart’s achin’. This sun beating down on you will dehydrate you in no time, but if you don’t want a ride, that’s okay. I’ll just be on my merry little way.”

  He started to rev the engine to take off and I thought that maybe he was right. I hadn’t brought any water with me and already felt thirsty. Getting back to the security of the resort seemed like the best idea.

  Just as he was taking off, I yelled out, “Wait! Don’t go! All right, you may give me a ride.”

  The tires screeched to a halt again and he waited for me to run over and climb in. It was a stupid thing to do, getting in a stranger’s car, but he’d come from the movie set so I assumed he could be trusted.

  “What’s a pretty lady like you doin’ all the way out here, anyways? You ain’t part of the movie crew, are you?” he drawled.

  “I was here to visit Kyle on the set but I saw he was busy, so I decided to walk back to the resort.” That’s two lies in the space of as many minutes.

  The driver eyed me for a while as if seeing right through me and then added, “Honey, if you’ve got a romantic interest in Kyle, forget it. He’s been seein’ Gina now for a while. They did split up recently but word around the set is that they’ve been gittin’ closer again. In fact Gina has been goin’ around tellin’ people that they’ll be engaged before the year is out.”

  My mouth dropped wide open as I spun my head around to glare at the large man with what I could only imagine would be raccoon eyes as I struggled to absorb the stinging lash of his words. He continued to ramble on and on about the movie, barely stopping for a breath but it was met with deaf ears. I’d heard all I needed to.

  What the fuck? Engaged? Jesus! He lied to me. All of it was lies! What a jerk!

  Inside I was seething.

  To hell with everyone! I didn’t need Kyle. I didn’t need anybody. I had myself.

  Winding down the window, I turned my head into the breeze and sucked in air, feeling like I was cursed. Maybe happiness was reserved for others. It sure appeared that way. I acknowledged the familiar pain. It had almost been expected.

  How could he have lied to me while being so sweet?

  All had seemed perfect. He’d told her me I was beautiful when all the while he’d obviously been thinking of Gina. Betrayal cut deep.

  The journey back to the resort felt like it took a week. I totally blocked out the ramblings of my driver but managed a meek, ‘thank you” as I stepped out and trudged through reception.

  Back in the confines of my hut, a thousand teardrops soaked my pillow and any residual mascara bled into the puddles. Sapphire Island had squeezed every emotion possible out of me in just a few short days. My vulnerability had ensnared me in a passionate moment with a stranger. It was too sudden. Now things had come full circle and my fragility was expanding.

  It suddenly dawned on me that the reason I was feeling so hurt was because I really liked Kyle. I mean, really liked! I’d thought he felt something too but obviously that assumption was false.

  Day merged into evening in a flurry of regret. How quickly events could morph. The love scene from that morning turned over and over in my mind until it nearly drove me crazy. I analyzed it from every angle, overthinking it. The old withdrawn Dakota was poking her head through, trying to distress the new, more confident one, so as a distraction, although I wasn’t the least bit hungry, I ordered dinner.

  When Ramah arrived, the first question she asked was, “Why Dakota, I thought you’d be going out with Kyle tonight?”

  “Well, it’s kind of a long story, but if you’ve got a moment to come in, I’ll tell you.” The caring woman had offered good advice before, so maybe she could do so again. Ramah appeared only too glad to try and help.

  “We had such a wonderful time last night,” I went on. “Everything seemed perfect and he made me feel like I was special. He suggested I go up and visit him on t
he set today and when I got there I found him doing a love scene with a very attractive blonde woman. He appeared to be enjoying it, too. When I left, because I couldn’t watch anymore, one of the crew offered me a ride back to the resort. On the way back he told me that Kyle and the woman are practically engaged!” My voice cracked but I managed to pull it together.

  Ramah set the tray down on the table and turned to me, a look of compassion spreading over her features. “My dear, you may be listening to a lot of gossip. The movie industry, from what I’ve heard, can be very fickle. I think you need to talk to Kyle and find out firsthand what’s going on. If you two got on as well as you say you did, then maybe this Gina woman is trying to cause trouble. As for them making love in the lagoon, it’s only a movie. That’s something you’ll have to get used to if this friendship blossoms into anything more. They’re both actors and very good ones, by the sound of it. They’re supposed to make the scene look as real as possible. I’m sure you’ve worked yourself up into a state for nothing. Now have something to eat and then go soak in the hot tub. You’ll surely feel better. But you must talk to Kyle. Don’t listen to any gossip unless he tells it to you himself. You two look so good together, it would be a shame to throw away something wonderful.”

  Talk about emotional turmoil. I came here to get away from all that and since arriving it’s been worse than ever before. Maybe I am being a little too harsh. At least I owe Kyle the decency to explain. I’ll just have to be prepared for the outcome. I came to this island with nothing, so I need to be prepared to leave with nothing.

  “Thanks, Ramah. I guess I owe him the chance to explain.” Like that would make any difference.

  “Are you sure you’ll be all right?”

  “Mmm, thanks.”

  Alone again, I sat and took the lid off the tray of food, revealing a burger and some fries. I knew I’d never finish it but popped a few fries in my mouth before taking a bite of the burger. I went over in my mind what Ramah had said. Her advice had been sound. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding with Kyle. Could I hope that to be true? God, I didn’t even want to go there. I needed to remain quietly cautious.

  Feeling more confused than ever, I shunned my dinner and decided to soak in the tub in the hope it may bring me some comfort. Turning the faucets on full and squeezing an ample amount of bubble bath in, the aromatic suds were soon fizzing and popping everywhere, threatening to spill onto the bathroom floor.

  I stripped off and sank down low, letting the little bubbles of bliss swallow me up. It felt heavenly as I submerged down to my chin. A throaty sigh escaped as the hot water penetrated my skin. Lavender and patchouli filled the air.

  Suddenly, everything didn’t seem so bad. I felt a little stupid at getting so worked up today. What was I? Fifteen? I had reacted like a jealous teenager. I’d never been that type of woman. Kyle didn’t owe me anything. It’s not like we were a couple. Maybe my hopes had been raised a little too high. I needed to step back and just accept it for what it was, a bit of fun while on holiday. I could live with that, couldn’t I?

  What seemed to sting more than anything was that he’d never mentioned Gina. He’d kissed me and said nice things. One didn’t normally do that when you were practically engaged to someone else. I would call him on it when I saw him next. If I saw him again.

  The effects of the hot, bubbling water had me dozing on and off and dreaming that someone was knocking at the door. It seemed to be getting louder and louder. Groggily looking around the misty room, the knocking continued. Someone was actually at the door.

  Dashing out of the bath with soapsuds all over me, I threw my bathrobe on and flung open the door without so much as a second thought.

  For the second night in a row, there stood Kyle. This time he was dry and holding a single, long stemmed white rose. It was I who was making puddles on the floor.

  “Hey there, gorgeous! Gina told me that a woman had arrived looking for me today so I figured it must have been you. I looked everywhere. Where did you go?”

  For a moment all I could see was his glorious straight, white teeth as he smiled and the gleam in his eyes. It did something to me that almost had me let my guard down and hurl myself at him but then I torpedoed back to reality.

  I turned my back on him, giving him the cold shoulder. I wasn’t going to pretend as if nothing was wrong.

  “Hey! What’s wrong? Is something bothering you?”

  What a great actor! He almost sounded sincere. I couldn’t look at him and risk drowning in his eyes so I moved over to the bed where I sat down facing away from him. My throat tightened and I squeezed my eyes shut as I anticipated how the conversation would play out.

  Kyle approached and stood close, waiting on me to say something but I didn’t know what the hell to say. I hated confrontation.

  “Please, tell me!” A sliver of panic laced his words as he bent down to my level.

  As if he didn’t know what was wrong! Was I going to have to spell it out for him?

  He couldn’t see the tears that were pooling in the corner of my eyes or the quiver in my lips.

  “Why did you leave the set today? I wanted so much to see you. Where did you go? I waited for you.”

  Was this guilt talking? Playing the innocent victim to the hilt? Seriously? Did he think I was stupid?

  Swallowing back my tears, I found my voice. “I started to walk back to the resort. One of your crew members was passing and drove me back here,” I blurted with a hint of malice that I couldn’t seem to hide.

  “But why? Why didn’t you wait to see me?”

  Oh yeah. He’s good. He’s still acting like he doesn’t know.

  “Well, I saw you and your future wife together in a love scene and I couldn’t handle it. It’s not something I wanted to watch. I’m sure you can understand.”

  Anger was sabotaging any rationality by this stage as I remembered how hurt I’d felt at having gone all the way up there to see Kyle, only to be confronted with him in a love scene with the buxom blonde who made no effort to hide her feelings or her breasts.

  Kyle sat down next to me on the bed and spun me around so that I faced him but I averted his gaze.

  “What do you mean my future wife?” His voice cracked as it raised an octave.

  I stuck to my guns and didn’t look at him as one hand twisted the sheet on the bed. “Well, the driver of the van told me that Gina has told everyone that you’re going to propose soon.” In barely a whisper, I added, “Why would you not tell me?”

  A soft hand found its way to my chin, using slight pressure to raise my head. There was no option but to make eye contact. As I did, I swear a small meow escaped my lips at the intensity of his dedicated stare.

  “Everyone has got it all wrong, including Gina. Sure, we were going out for a while back in the States but that ended and we’re definitely not getting back together. Gina can’t accept the fact that I don’t love her anymore and I don’t want us to be a couple. She won’t accept the truth so she makes up lies all the time so she doesn’t have to face reality. She has half the crew believing that we’re still going out, but I don’t really care what they believe because they’re only work associates, not close friends. I’m so sorry. I’d never hurt you. That’s the absolute truth. I’m not interested in some money-hungry gold digger like Gina. Please don’t worry about her. This movie will be wrapped up in a few weeks and then I’ll never have to see her again. The love scenes are hard for me, because today I was wishing it were you I was touching and caressing. Gina and I have had fun times together and I don’t harbor any resentment towards her, but I’m no longer attracted to her. I’m attracted to you. After I found out you were on set today and I had missed you, I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing. That’s why filming took so long. I’ve only just finished now and then came straight here to see why you left without saying hello.”

  It took a moment for my brain to catch up with my ears. When everything registered, I suddenly did feel silly. He sounded hon
est enough. His eyes had remained firmly on mine as he spoke. There had been no hint of trickery or deceit emanating from him. Could it all be the truth? Had Ramah been right after all?

  Well, ah, this was awkward. I truly didn’t know what to say. Maybe I had misjudged him when I shouldn’t have.

  Kyle saw my hesitation and continued, “It’s just a job for me. I’ve told you, these women might be pretty but they aren’t down to earth. They don’t have the same priorities that you and I have. I guess I’m lucky to have been raised in a normal, loving home, with good old-fashioned values. My family means everything to me and we are very close-knit. I think that’s important, especially in this business. It’s so hard not to get caught up in all the glitz and glamour. I’ve seen a few close friends get swept up in it all: one guy ended up in a drug rehabilitation center and the others I don’t really have much to do with now because they only care about booze, parties, and women. I went through that stage for a while but came to realize that it wasn’t the lifestyle I wanted to lead.”

  His fingers caressed my face, his explanation giving me a measure of respite. I wanted to believe what he had just told me. He sounded genuine and honest. Why should I believe a bunch of gossip? It had all been a ridiculous misunderstanding.

  “Please, Dakota, you have to believe me! I really feel a connection with you and I don’t want it to end. I want to keep seeing you for as long as you’re on the island. Let’s see where this thing takes us.”

  The throaty rumble of his voice was music to my ears. This connection pulling us together was too mighty to stop. Fighting it was useless. It defied everything I had ever known.

  “I’m sorry for doubting you. I just couldn’t stand the thought of seeing you kissing anyone else when it was so close to what we had shared. I’m not used to your world and I guess I was a little doubtful as to what you wanted and if you wanted to see me again.”

  He pulled me into his strong arms and kissed me the way I yearned to be kissed. The suds that had clung to me earlier had dissolved, leaving my hair wringing wet.