Finding You (Finding You Series Book 1)

by Amanda Mackey

  I moved to the bed and sat with my back against the wall, unwrapping my salad sandwich and taking a huge bite. I was going to miss the freedom of the island. Not having to do anything or worry about much. Having to provide emotional support to my mother was going to test me. I loved her more than anything but being in that mindset 24/7 was going to sap all my energy and put a strain on any reserves I had managed to build up while on holiday.

  The timing of everything couldn’t have been worse.

  After I’d finished my coffee and sandwich I grabbed a towel and went down to the ocean for a final swim.

  Puffy clouds dotted the sky and a calming, gentle breeze nudged me as I walked down to the water, dropping my towel before I reached the wet sand. It looked like the tide was on its way out, the waves receding that little bit further each time.

  The tepid, salty water was amazing as I dived in, submerging myself fully before rising to float on my back and bask in the contrasting lukewarm water and scorching sun.

  Oh to be able to do this every day. To forget life and just be present with nature. As I floated, I pondered. How had life become so out of control when all I really wanted was to just exist like I was here and now? I didn’t ask for much. Riches you could have. Status you could keep. All I needed was this incredible peace I was feeling, even in the face of adversity. The absence of all the soul-sucking emotions that came with my life. Experiencing joy like I have been recently gave me hope that things were going to work out. I could have the ‘happy ever after’ that I desperately craved.

  After a while of contemplation I felt ready to go indoors and change. I had a special evening with Kyle to look forward to and I wanted to look beautiful for him.

  Stripping naked in the bathroom, I left a small pile of sand on the tiles that I’d collected in my bikini bottoms. I switched the shower head to massage spray and stood under the invigorating jet as it pummeled my skin.

  I would miss everything about this place, right down to the floral scented soaps and shampoos. Everything on the island seemed richer and brighter. My senses had come alive. Maybe that’s what happened when happiness was found. Food seemed tastier. Flowers vibrant and more fragrant. People friendlier. It was like having awoken from a deep slumber. I was finding myself again.

  After managing to get all the sand off and washing my hair, I dried off, using the towel to wrap around my hair like a turban. I’d failed to bring in a clean set of clothes so walked through to the lounge area and yelled.

  “Crap! You scared me!” I clutched at my naked body, trying to cover up the important parts, not having expected company so soon.

  Kyle stood leaning up against the door frame with a panty dropping smile on his face, eyebrows lifted.

  “How long have you been standing there?”

  “Oh, long enough to see how striking you are without clothes.” He wandered over to the bed, throwing himself down facing me, propping himself up on his elbow.

  “Keep doing whatever you were doing. Don’t stop on my account.” His free hand, motioned around the room for me to continue on as if he wasn’t even there.

  The problem with that was, I was well aware of his presence and was finding it difficult to form a thought.

  “Sorry to scare you, by the way, but we’ve finished filming and so I thought I’d come and surprise you.” He spoke with a playful tone and had a sparkle in his eyes.

  “You certainly achieved that! I think I’ve just lost five years of my life!” I couldn’t be mad at him for scaring me, though. I was happy that the first thing he’d wanted to do after work was come to me. “Does this mean I get you all to myself for the rest of the afternoon and evening?” I liked that thought. A lot.

  Glancing at his watch, Kyle said, “There’s not much of the afternoon left but yes, I’m here at your disposal to do with as you please.”

  All I wanted to do was go to him and lose myself for the next while but because I could see he was in a playful mood and was teasing me with his words, I decided two could play at that game.

  Dropping my hands to my sides, I purred in the sexiest voice I could muster, “Actually, I was just about to get dressed.” I walked over to my suitcase which I had packed but left the clothes I’d be needing on the top. Opening it, I took out my sexy lingerie and swung the panties around my finger. “Hmm, I guess these will do. Oh and look, a matching bra.” I grabbed both and stood, cheering at myself for my bravado. I hadn’t looked to see Kyle’s expression but I swear you could have heard a pin drop.

  Bending down, I slowly and seductively stepped into the lace panties, pulling them up my legs and over my bottom which I tried to stick out a little.

  I heard the bed creak and knew Kyle was moving. Dare I risk a peek?

  I couldn’t help myself. Keeping my head down, I looked up through my lashes and found Kyle sitting on the edge of the bed, gripping the sides as if in pain. Raising my head slightly my line of vision sighted his face. The way he was watching me stirred my hormones. He licked his full bottom lip and then swallowed hard, his burning stare pinpointed on my butt.

  Looking away again, I pulled on my all in one lace crop top bra that just covered my breasts, cut low to allow some cleavage to show.

  I knew I was being a tease but it was fun, hearing his breath quicken and the mattress squeak under his movements.

  “Turn around.” It was uttered as a whisper that I couldn’t refuse.

  I turned to face Kyle fully, seeing him rise off the bed and step towards me, his expression indicative of his thoughts. “You’re exquisite! Like a rare flower and you don’t even know it. Look at you.” He stopped, close enough that I could see the pulse throbbing in his neck. His hand came up to the cleavage that was on offer, his fingers stroking my ripe flesh. His gaze followed the trail of his touch, both igniting my core to scalding.

  “So soft,” he muttered more to himself than to me as one of his fingers found their way underneath the lace. He looked at me then, my game of tease clearly over. This was real. The air crackled with sexual energy, both of us waiting to see who would strike first. One hand found my waist and gripped firmly, the other leaving my bereft cleavage to work its way up to my mouth, which I opened for him.

  “You’ve done me in. Shooting was a disaster this morning. All I wanted was to be here with you, like this, feeling what I’m feeling right now.”

  Taking his forefinger in my mouth and sucking using my tongue, I croaked, “And what’s that?” Would he say it? Would he admit to something far greater than both of us?

  “I feel like I’m me. You bring me back to myself. I’m not an actor who has expectations put upon him. I’m just plain old Kyle Rutherford. I haven’t been him in such a long time. You’ve reached inside me and pulled him out.”

  I couldn’t move. He wasn’t ready for me to speak as he continued, “That person that you’ve found again wants to give himself to you. I want to give myself to you. I don’t have a choice anymore, beautiful. You’ve already taken me. All of me. I’m lost to you and yet I feel like I’ve been found again.”

  Holy shit! If my arms had been working I would have slapped myself to make sure I wasn’t hearing things. I could feel my lips twitching as my heart sent all my emotions forth, my eyes welling up.

  I had been doing so well today too keeping it together in preparation for the following day. Now, I was about to cry like a baby. The first thing I felt was my legs go. And then firm muscled arms were around me, making sure I didn’t drop to the floor. I let a whimper go as the dam burst, Kyle pulling me tightly in to his chest, tucking my head in as his chin rested on top.

  “Shhh. I didn’t mean to upset you, baby.”

  “I’m…not…sniff…sad…I’m…sniff…happy.” And then I let myself go completely, crying into Kyle. I couldn’t help it. No one had ever said such things to me before.

  He kissed the top of my head over and over, rubbing my back. I don’t think he was game to ask me why I was a blithering mess if I was so happy.
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br />   He held me in silence until I finished my episode. God. What the hell was wrong with me? I cried when I was sad. I cried when I was happy, and sometimes I even cried in between. I was just about over shedding tears, period.

  When I felt I could look at Kyle without feeling ridiculous, I lifted my head to find a tenderness on his face I hadn’t seen before.

  I felt like I owed him some kind of explanation at my mood swing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry. It’s just, well, that is the nicest thing a man has ever said to me. I feel the same. I like who I am when I’m around you. You make me feel again. I’d forgotten what that was like. I guess the fears and anxiety about going home were stronger than I thought, too. These emotions I have for you make it even harder.”

  “We’ll work it out, I promise. Tomorrow isn’t going to be goodbye, though. Understood? This is just the beginning of something real and good. I know it is.” Bringing our mouths together, he brushed his lips over mine, slightly opening his mouth.

  He still held me up and I let him while I focused on his crazy soft lips working mine, no tongues, just mouths.

  I wanted this. It was everything I’d ever dreamed of. The stuff fairy tales were made of. My prince charming was going to take me away from the life I had known and give me one that I’d fantasized about since I was a child. It was almost too good to be true.

  “I want what you want. I need to know that when I finish my visit back home, I can come to you and spend time getting to know you more.”

  “I’ll be waiting.” He did a sweep of my face with his eyes as if photographing it and I did the same with his.

  “So…what have you got planned for our last night together?” I was an expert at changing the subject.

  “Just leave it to me. It will be special, don’t worry,” he hinted with a twinkle in his eyes before kissing me again.

  Shadows danced through the windows of the hut, letting us know that time was quickly passing whether we wanted it to or not.

  “Mmm. As much as I’d love to keep on kissing you, we have a hot date tonight and need to get ready. I’m going to go change and then I’ll come get you in an hour.”

  “Okay, that would be great. What should I wear?”

  “Nothing too formal. Something comfortable.” He kissed my nose and then made for the door, leaving me questioning our night ahead.

  Casual meant we weren’t going clubbing or to dinner. Not that I minded as long as we were together. Comfortable clothing I could do. Most of my outfits were casual. The more I thought about it, the more I decided that not being around too many people would be perfect. We could just enjoy each other’s company quietly. As much as I’d had a ball clubbing and dining on the island, I much preferred more intimate nights.

  With a bit of time to spare since I’d already showered, I did a scout around the hut to make sure I hadn’t left anything behind and pulled out one of the sundresses I’d purchased with a pair of sandals.

  I tied my hair up in a ponytail and applied some lip gloss, feeling like that was sufficient if we weren’t going anywhere too flash.

  Looking at the time on my phone and seeing it was only six o’clock, knowing I still had half an hour before Kyle came knocking, I grabbed a piece of paper from my bag along with a pen and settled on my bed to write a short letter.

  I was better at putting words on paper than expressing them verbally. This was a letter I needed to write. It was everything that I hadn’t been able to say but wanted to. I would leave it in the drawer until I left for the airport in the morning and would then set it on the bedside table so it could be found once I was gone.

  After penning the first sentence, the rest just flowed out of me like a river. It wasn’t too long but it was heartfelt. I finished off on the back page with my name and some hearts and kisses before folding it in half, writing the name on the front and placing it in the drawer of the bedside table. I just needed to remember to get it out before I left. Suddenly thinking of something else to add, I rose and got my expensive Balenciaga perfume that I’d treated myself in the duty-free shop and sprayed the note. There. Done!

  Fidgeting with my hands, I leaned back against the bedhead to wait, listening to my stomach grumble, remembering Kyle mention not to eat anything as we would be having dinner together. Almost like the last supper. Did that mean that we were going to a simple café for our last dinner together? I couldn’t think about where else it could be.

  Kyle finally arrived at my hut right at six-thirty and it was none too soon. Being alone meant over-thinking and that in itself was my downfall.

  “How’s my beautiful girl?” he asked, cheerily, entering through the door I’d left open for him, walking over to me and planting a kiss on my lips. He smelled good enough to eat. Maybe Kyle would be my dinner. Suddenly I was famished.

  “I’m better, now that you’re here. Getting a little hungry, though…” I wondered if he’d pick up on the double meaning. I knew he had when his eyes half-closed and he did a pouty thing with his lips that I had worked out meant he was definitely thinking lewd thoughts.

  “I’ve got plenty for you to eat, beautiful.”

  Thinking he was leaning in for the kiss of all kisses his mouth veered off to my ear where he whispered, “Follow me outside.”

  Okay. Not what I was expecting as I closed my parted lips, silently cursing at the lack of contact.

  He took my hand and pulled me off the bed, leading me out the door and down onto the sand. We turned left and walked about twenty feet. There, waiting just for us in semi-darkness, was a large rug beside a table that had two silver trays with lids. A wine cooler on legs stood off to the side with a bottle poking out the top. A portable CD player filtered out romantic music as he pulled me down onto the carefully arranged blanket.

  “I bet you’ve never had al-fresco on the beach before.”

  “Ahhh, no. I can’t say that I have. When did you do all this?”

  “It only takes me a few minutes to get ready so the rest of the time I was setting this up. I tried to be as quiet as possible so as not to reveal my surprise.”

  “Well, you succeeded. I had no idea.” It touched me to think he had gone to so much trouble. I really would have been happy with a burger at a café.

  The night’s first stars twinkled into the twilight, a purple hue painting the horizon as the evening beckoned.

  The fluorescent sand granules blanketing the shore enhanced the green of the palms. The coolness of the sand could be felt underfoot.

  It was like stepping into another world as night sounds differed from the day. A barn owl hooted hauntingly and a bat rose to start its day. Kyle’s voice snapped me to the present.

  “Hey, come and lie down here with me.”

  We sprawled out on our backs and looked up at the vast universe as the soft tones of Bon Jovi’s “Bed of Roses,” swept over us.

  “You remembered.” I turned to look at him, smiling brightly.

  “Yeah. I found the CD while browsing through a store in town the other day. I was going to play it for you as a surprise at some stage but now that you have to leave early, I thought this song would be perfect for tonight.”

  “It is perfect. It’s one of my favorites.”

  “And now it’s one of mine.”

  I’d loved the band Bon Jovi since I was seventeen and had been to two concerts. Maybe I was showing my age but some music just stuck with you for a lifetime.

  “Your eyes remind me of a thousand stars, all molded together and twinkling brightly. Whenever I look up at the night sky, I’ll constantly be reminded of you.”

  How could this man say such perfect things to me? I had yet to find fault with him.

  Hearing him utter those words helped strengthen my resolve. I could get through anything now. There was no changing our feelings for each other. They were what they were, plain and simple. Kyle would wait for me and I would go to him. There would be no other.

  My stomach let go again so Kyle sat up, laughing.
“I think we better get you fed.” He pulled the two silver trays down and pulled the lids off, handing me mine. It was warm to the touch. Silver cutlery lay neatly to the side.

  “You cooked this evening up with Ramah, didn’t you?” Where else would he have gotten silver service?

  “Guilty. It was my idea but Ramah came through for me as far as food went. They were having another buffet tonight so she gave me a bit of everything.”

  “Oh my God. This is so awesome!” I looked down at the platter of food, all neatly segregated to try and keep each dish separate.

  “Care for some wine?”

  “Mmm. Yes, please.” While wine wasn’t my favorite alcoholic beverage, it was fitting for the evening. Plus, Kyle had gone to so much trouble, how could I refuse?

  Instead of wine glasses, he had tumblers, which I was grateful for. I was able to set it beside me on the towel without it falling over and spilling.

  I looked over at Kyle, grinning. “You thought of everything, didn’t you?”

  “Uh huh. Plus, Ramah wasn’t too keen about giving me her best crystal to bring down to the beach. As it was I had to fight to get these trays.”

  I laughed as I dug in. “And here I thought you were just being practical.”

  After swallowing a mouthful of his food and taking a swig of wine he said, “Maybe I just wanted to get you drunk by giving you a bigger glass and then I can take advantage of you.”

  My eyes widened, “Why, Mr. Rutherford. I took you for a complete gentleman.”

  “What can I say? I guess you bring out the animal in me.”

  “Roaaarrr.” I couldn’t stop myself from giggling as I said it. I never was any good at doing impersonations.

  Kyle nearly choked on his food as he burst into laughter at my attempt at roaring. “Remind me never to get on your bad side!”

  “Haha. Very funny! I bet you can’t do much better.”

  Kyle looked at me with challenge in his eyes and leaned in close to my ear after placing his plate of food on the blanket. He let a guttural, husky growl go, igniting my blood and turning it into molten lava. I tingled all over and thrust my head back when his lips and tongue stroked the skin on my neck.