Duly Noted

by H. M. Shander

  Fresh from a shower, she dropped her bag at the door and grabbed the box of homemade pastries she made the night before.

  Nate knocked on her door, and being so excited she opened the door rather harshly. It banged into the door jamb, and marked up the wall. “Easy, tiger.”

  “Rawr,” she said. “I missed you today.”

  “I’m here now,” he said, enveloping her in a long hug. “Ready to go?”

  “Yes and no. This part I’m not looking forward to.” Eyes locked on his, she lifted her trembling hand to him as she opened it.

  “I promise,” he pulled the bag free from his pocket, “to keep you safe. To protect you and watch over you.” Cupping her twitching hand, he poured one out.

  Her breath caught in her throat as she listened to the sincerity in his voice. She swallowed her fear. “I believe you.” With a quick movement, the pill slid down her throat. “Let’s go.”

  Nate grabbed her bag. “This it?”

  “And this,” she said as she snapped up a Tupperware container of pastries. “I made snacks.”

  “You carry that, I’ve got this.” Her lips quivered as he brushed them with his own. “I promise.”

  “Tick, tock.” Her empty stomach growled. She hadn’t eaten since lunch, hoping the Isa would take effect faster and last longer that way.

  “Right.” Locking up, they walked out the main entrance where Lucas stood beside a pickup truck with a trailer holding the white race car.

  “Hey,” she said to Nate’s little brother, surprise in her voice.

  “I hope you don’t mind,” Nate said, “Mom’s already out at the track, and Lucas needed the ride.”

  She looked between the men. “I don’t mind.”

  Nate set her overnight bag in the back seat of the extended cab. “Lucas will ride in the back, unless you think it would be better for you there?”

  The idea bumped around inside her brain. Would the backseat be better? It would be easier for the men to chat while she drifted away. She looked between the front and back seat. “I’ll take the back.”

  Lucas opened the passenger door and unlatched the back seat’s mini door, so she could enter. Nate walked around and held her hand as she apprehensively placed a foot on the running board. Yanking it off as if she’d been shocked, she said, “Nope, not ready.”

  Nate stroked the top of her hand. “Keep trying, and I’ll take good care of you.”

  “I know you will.” Her foot touched the running board again. “Send Dad a text, will you?”

  What the hell is that screeching? She stretched out her ears only to realise the awful noise was coming from her own lips. “What the fuck?” she said.

  “Hang on, Aurora. Keep singing.”

  “I was singing?”

  “I hope it was you or I just ran over a pack of wild cats.”

  She wanted to laugh, but she froze in place. Everything came into focus like a slap to the face. “Nate,” she whimpered as the unmistakable view of trees and grasslands passed beyond the boundaries of his truck. “I’m scared.” Her eyes slammed shut. “No, no, no.”

  “Hang on, we’re nearly there.”

  “I can’t do this, Nate.” A violent shudder rocked her body, and she threw her head against the front seat.

  “You are doing it. I promise.”

  She covered her ears as if that would help. “I can’t stop them,” she said as headlights blinded her view and a scream drowned out her thoughts. “They’re here.” Cold and wet, she choked on the metallic taste of her own blood, gagging as she did. It felt real and yet– it felt as though she were in a nightmare where a pinch would bring her out. “Stop! Stop!” Fighting against an unseen monster, she screamed and thrashed in her seat. Darkness descended up on her, dropping her into a pit of terror where the only way out was to let go.

  It was warm – uncomfortably warm – when she blinked again. Squinting and focusing, she took in her surroundings. It must be inside the Johnson’s trailer. A tiny space with a one-person kitchen across from a small table. Beneath her, a pull-out sofa. Her ears perked up as she heard two voices outside.

  “I like her, I really do, but how can you put up with this every time?”

  “We need to find a better drug. This one doesn’t last long enough.”

  “Drugs aren’t the answer and you know it.” Someone coughed. “Last time she was here she fainted, and today she screamed herself into a blackout while you were driving. You’re lucky Lucas was with you, otherwise– God only knows what could’ve happened if she’d been successful in opening the door.”

  She recoiled on the sofa. What the fuck had gone down? She’d tried to escape?

  Nate’s voice boomed. “It’s PTSD, mom, and she’s trying. I’m not giving up on her.”

  “That’s not what I’m asking. I’m concerned for you, Nate, just as much as I am for her.”

  “She’s come so far. If you only saw how bad it used to be.”

  “Nate, you can’t fix her.”

  “I have faith that I can.”

  The door to the trailer opened and slammed shut, shaking her. “Nate.” Her throat was raw as if she’d swallowed a cheese grater, but after hearing that, she understood why.

  “Sorry, did I wake you?”

  “No, I just woke up.” Fighting to sit up, his warm hands settled on her.

  He kissed her forehead and pulled out his phone. “I need to call your dad again so I don’t get in shit.”

  Okay. She closed her heavy eyes again, listening to his voice as he spoke. “She’s up… I’ll know more in when I talk to her… Yeah, I’ll keep you posted.” He sounded despondent.

  “Nate?” She shuffled over, giving him room to sit.

  He exhaled loudly. “Just rest.”

  “Want to tell me what the hell happened?”

  He shook his head and rubbed his face, looking years older than when they left her apartment. “I wish I knew. You came off the drug so fast, and early I might add.” A finger stroked her cheek. “Then you started screaming.” He curled into himself and stared at his hands. “The worst. I shouldn’t even tell you.”

  She whispered, “Please. Tell me.”

  His shoulders rolled. “It’s a good thing you chose the backseat. There’s no door handle back there. You yelled stop over and over again, and threw yourself against the door. Then you screamed and passed out. We pulled over to check on you, and thankfully you still had a pulse and were breathing. Then I called Chris and talked.”

  Waves of shame covered her. “And Lucas? How’s he?”

  “He’s shaken up, but he’s okay.”

  Unable to be more shocked by her behaviour, she pulled back. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  His eyes shut and his voice cracked as he said, “I don’t know how – how to get you home. There’s not enough time.”

  “How… early?”

  “Fifteen minutes.”

  She recoiled in her spot. “Oh, Nate.” How the hell was she going to get home if the Isa wasn’t lasting long enough? “Maybe Daddy could overnight another?”

  “If we want to stay until Tuesday. Maybe?”

  She pushed herself into a sitting position and rubbed her face. Surely, an idea would come to her if she could only think. She refused to be stuck here. But worse, she hated to see the scared desperation on his face. And all because of her. “What time is it now?”

  “Nine-thirty.”

  “Seriously?”

  “I wish I was joking.” She stroked his cheek to soothe him, but it comforted her more to touch his stubbled cheek. “But I know you had no control. You warned me, I didn’t think–” He sighed. “I didn’t think it’d be like that.” His forehead touched her arm. “And your blackout? You didn’t come out of it until now. I talked to your dad, and he said to wake you and shake you until you responded, and my sister said to give it time.”

  “Obviously you listened to your sister.”

  “Yeah, no offence to your dad, but she’s a do
ctor.”

  Shrugging, she agreed thankful that she was. “Your mom hates me, doesn’t she?”

  “Not in the least, so please don’t think that.” He raised his head and looked at her.

  Wishing she could erase his worry, she kissed him, but the kiss lacked intimacy. She shuddered.

  After a few breaths he passed her his phone. “Call your dad.”

  “I’ll text. It’s easier to avoid him that way.” She sat up and tucked her legs underneath her, throwing a heavy blanket off to the side. “Let’s go out. I don’t want to make things any more uncomfortable.”

  A quick glance to Nate revealed a man who looked spent and worn. His normal smile flipped into a frown, his forehead creased with tension. It didn’t matter how much he loved her, because her problem seemed to threaten his, and her, happiness.

  “I promise you they won’t be.” But he didn’t look sure.

  She took a deep breath and walked to the door, stepping outside ahead of Nate. Brenda and Lucas sat around a campfire where Lucas toasted marshmallows.

  Brenda was the first to notice her when the door opened and advanced to greet her. “Hi. Welcome back to the track.”

  “Hey,” she said as she was engulfed in a hug. “A million apologies for what happened on the way here,” she said in a self-depreciating tone.

  “We’re glad you’re okay.”

  “Yeah, I’m more embarrassed than anything. Guess I need to find a better pill to swallow.” Nate stood a few feet behind her.

  She patted Lucas on the shoulder. “I’m truly sorry you had to witness that.”

  With a shrug he pulled a chair out for her and passed her a roasting stick along with the bag. “You like marshmallows?”

  Plopping into the chair, she didn’t miss the silent exchange between Nate and Brenda as they took the other two seats. “Sure, who doesn’t?” She stabbed a round white puff onto the end of her stick and held it over the fire, unable to take her eyes off them, trying hard to be discreet.

  “So, Lucas,” she said, filling a need to put something in the air aside from her own nervousness. “Are you looking forward to university? Nate tells me you’re going into engineering.”

  “Figured I’d do okay in there.”

  “Okay?” Nate said as he chucked a marshmallow at his little brother. “You know more about cars and shit than anyone I know.”

  “So, you’re going into mechanical engineering?”

  “Yeah,” Lucas said, a smile sneaking out onto his face. “Sort of up my alley.” He looked at Nate. “Following his lead.”

  “I’m not in mechanical, Bro.”

  “Still, I’ll get to hang out with you on campus.”

  “In your dreams,” he said, but he was laughing, or at least trying to. “Like I’d let you hang out with me.”

  Their friendly banter relaxed her a bit. It reminded her of Carmen and how they used to be. She wondered if Nate and Lucas were best friends. She and Carmen were.

  They made small talk for the next little bit, but the tension in the air hung like a dark cloud over Brenda and Nate, refusing to blow over. Brenda said little to Nate. Mind you, she didn’t say much to her or Lucas either. Maybe she was one of those people more content to listen to the conversations than to actually be a part of them. Or perhaps she was one of those moms who never thought any girl her son brought home was good enough. And based on how things have started between them already, she banked on the latter. She wasn’t good for Nate and it didn’t matter how much she loved him.

  After a few burnt marshmallows, Brenda said good night to everyone, reminding Lucas to lock up when he came in.

  Aurora frowned, crinkling her eyebrows.

  Nate leaned closer. “We can go to sleep whenever you’d like,” he told her, keeping his voice low.

  She yawned. “You wouldn’t think I’d be tired after that nap earlier.”

  “I don’t think anyone would call that a nap.” Stuffing a chunk of white onto his stick, he held it over the fire. “We’re sleeping in Bill’s trailer. He’s not coming until tomorrow.”

  Relieved to not be bunking with Brenda, a slight flush warmed her cheeks. “I thought we’d be–” She cocked her head to the trailer Brenda entered.

  “Well, if you’d rather–” He pulled her chair close.

  She shook her head and squeezed his hand as her chest tightened. Maybe they would be okay.

  “And that’s my cue to say good night.” Lucas folded up his chair. “Need help with anything?”

  “Nah, we’re good,” Nate said. “Sleep well, Dorkus.” They high-fived each other in passing.

  After staring at the fire, and yawning a few more times, Nate declared it was bedtime. He turned off the propane and tucked it beside the trailer. She folded up the chairs and blankets. They walked behind the trailer, stopping to grab their bags from his truck before moving two trailers away to Bill’s.

  He unlocked it and waved her in, using the flashlight on his phone to light the space. “There’s no power to this trailer. No water either. You can clean up in our trailer in the morning.”

  “Bathroom?”

  Nate walked her over to the pit’s port-a-potty and when they finished, they sat huddled together on the edge of the wall.

  “I’m really sorry for what happened.”

  He turned his body, draping a leg on either side of the wall, and cupped her face. “I don’t want you to worry about it.”

  “But I can see it’s upsetting you.” She stroked his cheek as he closed his eyes.

  “It is.” His breathing was quick. “Because I failed.” His head tipped down.

  “How?”

  “I promised to keep you safe and to protect you.”

  “You did. I’m still here, right?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, but how do I get you home safely? How do I protect you from– You?”

  A million dollar question if ever there was one. “I don’t… I don’t know.” She leaned into him, relishing the warmth from his strong arms as they held her together. She had a feeling deep down she was going to self-destruct.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  The moment Aurora’s eyes opened, she was searching for her purse. Thank god, it was within reach. Her body desperate as she dug, finding and popping a perc after a painful stretch screamed from her hip. It would only take a few minutes for relief. That fold-out table was no five-star hotel.

  Alone in the trailer, Aurora dropped her jammies and dug out the fresh panties and bra from her bag. She’d just finished zipping her jeans when the trailer rocked and the door flung open. Shit! Instinctively, her arms covered her chest.

  “Coffee’s ready,” Nate said, his voice flat.

  She brushed the hair away from her eyes and looked up into his, hoping the strain from last night had disappeared. Although he seemed more relaxed, his eyes still held tension. “Hey, handsome.”

  He closed the distance between them in a heartbeat. “Mom’s making breakfast right now, and the coffee’s really good.”

  “Can I shower?”

  He laughed his warm, endearing laugh that melted her heart. Maybe things were improving. “Not here. But I can wet you a washcloth for a sponge bath.”

  Little daggers flew in his direction. “No, thanks.” Her arms fell to her side, and she batted her eyes. Does he still want me?

  “As much as I like what you’re wearing, you’ll need to get dressed and I’ll take you to the pit to clean up.”

  Well, there goes that. She pulled on a shirt, and a zip up jacket. “So what’s the plan for today?”

  “I need to tinker on the beast. When I drove her onto the track, I could feel her sticking.”

  The way he talked of his car as if it were a living, breathing entity amazed her. It didn’t have the same effect on her. “What should I do then?”

  “Make yourself comfortable? Maybe even learn about my car? It might make it less scary.”

  It didn’t sound like a fun way to spend her time, but what e
lse could she do. Essentially, she was trapped.

  “Let’s go eat before Mom sends out a search party.” He loosely held her hand on the way over to the other trailer.

  After eating and cleaning up, she and Nate wandered over to the pit, neither saying anything. The silence pained her, and made her heart ache. Worse was the distance between them. They walked hand in hand, but the intimacy lacked. Until she was back home safe and sound, the return trip hung between them. After tinkering on the beast, and getting in a few laps around the track, he seemed pleased with the fix and a small smile appeared briefly.

  Desperate to talk to him, she begged Nate to join her for a walk. Somewhere private, away from his family and the pit. Sitting in the grandstand, her mind swirled. So many questions and zero answers. First at the top of the list, she needed to make sure they’d be okay. “Nate?” she asked, as his phone buzzed.

  He held up a finger. “Hey… Great… I’m in the grandstand… Give me five.” He turned to her. “Chris is here and I need to go talk to her.”

  “If this is about me, I should come.”

  He rose as he held her hand. “I want to see her alone.”

  “Seriously?” She sulked and sighed. “I hate everyone tip-toeing around me. Breakfast was uncomfortable at best, and now you’re off to talk to Chris. About me. Yet it’s my problem.”

  “We’re trying to help you.”

  “So include me.”

  “I need to discuss–” His chin tucked into his chest. “How it’s been affecting me.”

  “Nate,” she said with panic in her voice, “talk to me about that. I want to know how this affects you, but you’re shutting me out. Like Dad does. I’m not so delicate that I can’t handle your emotions.”

  The chocolate brown eyes she loved to look at, closed to her pleading. “I won’t be long.” As he walked away, her hand fell onto her lap. Either he was excited to see his sister, or he was in a hurry to leave her, but no time was wasted putting more distance between them. He quickly disappeared from sight. Hurt and lonely, she texted Kaitlyn.