Duly Noted

by H. M. Shander

  Breathe. She gave him the thumbs up.

  “Alrighty,” he said, putting the car in gear. “First stop, Tim Hortons.”

  Building up to sit in a car and then drive around in one – without the need for drugs – was a tough pill to swallow. She wanted to do it so badly, but her first few times were exhausting, and terrifying experiences for both her and Lucas. However, the more she did it, and the harder she focused on Nate, the more tolerable it became. Thankfully, Lucas was a patient partner and willing to try as often as she was. Aurora knew he enjoyed being part of the plan.

  The first part of the trip was doable. Unable to look out the window, she instead focused on a phrase Lucas printed and taped to the dash. It was a long passage on faith and hope, and she focused on every letter, every word and every breath she took in between. At the Tim Hortons they stopped and stretched.

  “You did great.”

  “Thanks,” she said, unsteady on her feet. Driving was such a different feeling than walking. And she much preferred walking.

  She paced around the parking lot, shaking out her limbs and wiping the sweat off the back of her neck, her palms and the back of her knees. At this rate, she’d need a shower before she even arrived. She bought Lucas an Iced Capp, and they leaned against his car for a few minutes. Breathing hard, she shook out her hands. “I’m ready for more. Let’s continue.”

  “Alrighty then,” he said as he once again opened the door and patiently waited for her to make the first move. He never lost his smile. So much like Nate. God she missed him.

  After patting his arm, she folded back into the seat, heart racing as she clicked herself in.

  Lucas waited for the thumbs up. “Great. We’ll stop in Leduc and watch the airplanes, okay?”

  “That works.” She looked at the clock on the dash. It was approaching 3:30 – two hours until race time – and they still had at least one more stop and a good thirty minutes of drive time ahead of them.

  They were approaching the turnoff into Leduc, and a memory of that night floated in when she chanced a glance at Lucas. That night, when the last time she saw her strong and beautiful momma, she was sitting motionless beside her. Her breathing increased, her heart raced and her palms became little sweat generators. Wiping them harshly on her pants, she started huffing.

  “Aurora?”

  The breaths grew shallower and shallower. “It’s sneaking in. It’s sneaking in.” Her fists clenched as tight as her eyes.

  “Okay,” he said with a calmness in his voice. This had happened before. “I want you to think of Nate. Right now.” His voice edged with firmness. “Tell me what you see.”

  Her nails dug into her palms. “I see Momma beside me.” An inhale of air.

  “Where’s Nate?”

  “He’s not there.” The memory changed shape. Instead of sitting beside her, a ghostlike version of her momma, stood alone in a long, wispy dress, stretching out her hand towards her. So beautiful and youthful. The air around her dark and swirly.

  “Look harder, do you see him? Is he in the background somewhere?”

  She searched and searched, looking beyond the spot where Momma stood. Faintly in the background, there was another shape. But it was far away from her. Too far to reach out and touch. “It’s too dark.”

  “Keep looking. I’m sure he’s there. Take a few more steps.”

  In her mind, she did just that. Left foot first. And the image became a little clearer. Her momma faded off to the side and when she reached to touch her, she’d disappeared. Facing towards the image, she slid her right foot forward. A smile broke out across her face. “I found him.”

  “What’s he doing?”

  “He’s looking at me, but he’s smiling and seems very happy.” The Nate in her mind reached out his hands for her, pulled her close to whisper in her ear. His breath tickled her and made her giggle. But she wasn’t going to share that with his eighteen-year-old brother. Acutely aware she was no longer moving, she popped open one eye when a blast of fresh air came from her right side.

  “I figured you needed some air,” he said.

  “I thank you for that,” she said, escaping the confines of the car and wasting no time stepping over to a picnic table. Leaning against the edge, she stretched out. “One more leg and we’ll be there.” A loud sigh blew from her lungs and her hands shook off their restless energy.

  “And you’re doing great.”

  “I was worried there for a bit.”

  “I gathered.”

  As he eclipsed the sun, she thought of Nate. Handsome and rugged. She missed him so much and reminded herself she was only twenty minutes away from seeing him.

  Lucas interrupted her thoughts. “What was she like? Your mom, I mean.”

  “Beautiful, wonderful, smart. Kind-hearted, but firm. She’d be the first to scold us, and the first to tell us how proud she was.” She stretched out her arms above her head. “What about you? What was your dad like?”

  A gentle shrug. “I don’t remember as much anymore. But I remember little things. The way he adored my mom and was always such a gentleman.”

  “A trait he passed on well to his boys.”

  Lucas blushed, and the colour flooded across his face and into his strawberry-blond hair. It was cute to watch. “Thanks. We try to keep him smiling… wherever he is.” Lucas looked up.

  Watching the cars zoom by, she asked, “Is this going to work out? Our big plan?”

  He stepped closer to her. “It has to. You’re meant to be together. He wasn’t happy with her the way he was with you.”

  Marissa Montgomery. Nate’s girlfriend for a few weeks.

  “Maybe.” She shrugged. “Part of me wishes I hadn’t found out.”

  “Well, part of me wishes you hadn’t asked why he’d suddenly stopped texting you, because then I wouldn’t have found out either.” Lucas smirked, a look of amusement on his face.

  “Touché.” While it pained her to see the same mischievous expression on Lucas’ face that Nate sported, it was also comforting. She knew she’d chosen correctly when she picked him to help with her plan.

  “You need a hug?” he asked but didn’t wait for an answer as he wrapped his arms around her. “It’s all good. You’ll see.” Lucas let go, grabbed his Iced Capp and offered her a sip.

  She shook her head. “Remember last time?” During one of their training events, she had foolishly eaten before they attempted a ten-minute drive, and regretted it as soon as they stopped. She’d covered the parking lot in her partially digested supper. After that, every lesson was on an empty stomach. “Well, shall we go? My destiny awaits.”

  “Yeah, and he doesn’t know you’re coming. This’ll be so awesome.” Buckled in and ready to go, Lucas asked, “Are you sure you’re ready? This is the longest leg.”

  “I think I can handle it. I’ve made it this far.”

  “Yes, you have,” he said. Within minutes they were flying down the highway. “Music?”

  She had clenched up tight again, as if in doing so, it would keep out the memories, flashbacks and trauma. Her legs pulled tight, her arms rigid, and her muscles stiff as a board. “Yeah, sure. Something to focus on.” Think of Nate. Handsome. Imagine his hand stroking your cheek. Her breath moved from deep to shallow in a few heartbeats. Her eyes shut to the peripheral visions of movement flying by.

  He fiddled and inserted a CD. When it kicked in, the most amazing symphony surrounded her and she listened to pick out the instruments. A violin, a clarinet, a harp in the distance. The most beautiful high-pitched voice she’d ever heard started singing in a foreign language.

  She laughed slightly. “What is this?”

  “Italian opera.” He turned it up a notch. “I have no idea what she’s singing about, but I can make up my own ideas based on the sound of her voice.”

  Listening harder, she allowed herself to be consumed in the music. Not knowing a word of Italian, she did as Lucas did, and tried to imagine what she was singing of. Most likely l
ove – true and powerful. She pictured the singer standing on the edge of a stage, her hands once close now thrust towards the sky in declaration of her love. She was so engrossed into something so completely foreign, time slipped away and before she realised it, Lucas rubbed her hand.

  “We’re here.”

  “What? We’re here?” Carefully she opened her eyes, checking out her surroundings. Dozens and dozens of cars occupied the many stalls. Lucas parked outside the main entrance where a few people mingled. “Oh my god, I did it. I really fucking did it.” She unlatched herself and climbed out of the vehicle, racing over to him before he stepped out. “Thank you, Lucas.” She jumped and gave him a big hug. The background roared to life with the sound of a racing car. Probably a late qualifier or something.

  “My pleasure.” He set her on the ground. “Thank you for listening to the opera with me. No one likes opera.”

  “Nate does.” She remembered hearing it once in his car.

  “’Cept him. Mom hates it.”

  “Really? I’m going to listen to it more, it was fascinating.”

  He beamed. “You go in through there.” He pointed at the main gate. “Sit up near the announcer’s booth and I’ll come back after I go say hi to the family.”

  “You won’t say anything, right?”

  “Not a word, promise. They know I’m not racing tonight, obviously,” he cracked a grin, “so it would be weird if I didn’t at least drop in and say hi.” She nodded, and he opened the trunk. “Your things.”

  With a last glance towards the car, she held her gear and approached to the main gate.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Like a girl on a first date, Aurora was nervous. Beyond nervous. She bought her ticket and ambled her way through the small gathered crowds. Searching for the announcer’s box, she spotted it and made the slow climb up, her hip giving her a pinch of grief over it. I can do without the drugs. They don’t help me; they hurt me. A motto she’d learnt over weeks of unrelenting therapy. If it wasn’t a session for the PTSD, then it was one for the drug abuse. The pain reminds me I’m still alive and I can survive.

  As she sat on the bleachers, she glanced into the pit below, her heart jumping in place when she spotted the white #15 sparkling in its spot. Today was the final race of the season, and it appeared every racer was in the pit. Similar to a live version of ‘Where’s Waldo?’ she tried to locate Nate.

  The September day was mild and perfect, so she enjoyed soaking up the autumn sun as a few cars made their qualifying laps. She wondered how Nate did, and where he’d be in the heats. She looked for Brenda and Chris, but they were invisible amongst the crowd. With divine intervention, the crowd parted like the Red Sea and she saw him. Nate. And he was talking to her – Marissa Montgomery. Her blood boiled instantly although she had no right to be upset. He’d run to Marissa after catching Matthew’s lips on her. Too bad he missed the terrible right hook she threw at Matthew. If he saw it, perhaps he wouldn’t have caved to the bitch.

  But seeing them together in the pit fuelled her goal. Desperate to be a part of his life, to make things up to him, she practised and did car homework daily. Once she heard he wanted to retire, she tested her limits, pushing herself to the edge of her breaking point.

  She knew Nate still loved her as he often told Lucas. The guys were close, so how Lucas managed to keep a straight face and not spill the beans about the plan was a mystery to her. She guessed this secret was worth keeping. And Lucas told her most challenges were worth overcoming.

  She only needed to wait a touch longer to put the rest of the plan into motion. There was a time for everything. But seeing him with Marissa made her want to run to the pit and jump into his arms. Screw waiting for a big reveal. However, after watching Nate and Marissa talk for a few minutes more, she saw them drift apart.

  As her heart smiled, two heads bobbed through the pit and sprinted onto the track. Lucas and a friend bounced over the wall. Spotting her, he nudged his friend and took the bleachers two at a time.

  “Aurora, meet Ian, my decoy.”

  “Decoy?”

  “They’d think it weird if I was going to sit up here by myself. So I brought a buddy.”

  She leaned over and shook his hand. “Pleased to meet you, Decoy Ian.”

  Ian, a tall lanky individual sporting a baseball cap that seemed to tame most of his wild hair, pumped her hand. “Pleased to meet you. I’ve heard all about you.”

  Shame caused her to cover her face and turn away. “I can only imagine.”

  Lucas smacked him. “Don’t be a jerk.”

  Ian said, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to upset you.”

  Lucas sat between her and Ian. He passed a water bottle her way. “Figured you’d be thirsty. You haven’t had anything to drink since we left your place, and it’s starting to warm up.” He discussed how Nate did in qualifications, and which class of cars raced tonight and in what order. Nate’s group would be the second to last race of the night.

  She tucked herself in for a long night, however, Lucas and Ian proved to be good company. The men never excluded her from conversations and helped explain what she didn’t understand, which was plenty even with the reading she found time for.

  As Nate drove in his heats, she only focused on the board, counting down the remaining laps and order of the cars. Nate’s number moved into fifth, disappeared for a few laps, only to reappear with three laps left. He finished in fourth for the first heat, and didn’t make it into the top five for the second heat. She guessed Lucas was right when he said his heart wasn’t in it anymore.

  At intermission, the trio snuck over to the concession for supper.

  Lucas stepped back. “I need to hop into the pit for a bit. You know, check in with Mom and Nate. But I’ll be back before the finals start.” He gave her shoulders a squeeze and to Ian he said, “Don’t embarrass yourself.”

  Ian’s ears glowed with that comment, but he nodded anyways.

  After grabbing their food, they found shade under the awning, getting much needed relief from the heat and the sun. She dropped the tray with burgers and cold drinks onto the table furthest back and sat facing toward the track. A bite into her burger, she saw him standing in line. Nate.

  “Quick, loan me your hat.” She gestured to Ian.

  He looked around, confusion written over his face, but passed her his cap anyways.

  She pulled and twisted her hair, pulling the baseball cap overtop. “He’s standing in line,” she whispered, cocking her head in that direction.

  Ian turned and looked. “Oh,” he said, understanding. He gave his rowdy hair a tussle. “So it doesn’t look like I gave you my cap.” His hair flew in many directions as he gave it another shake.

  “Thank you.” She lowered her head and tried to be out of Nate’s line of sight. His gaze darted all around, but thankfully never reached the back where she peered over Ian’s shoulders. Would the sunglasses in the shade make her stand out? “Did Lucas fill you in?”

  “Sort of. He said you’re here to prove something to Nate, but Nate doesn’t know you’re here?”

  She shrugged. “Yep.” That’s basically it in a nutshell. She stared at Nate as he moved through the busy line. Damn he looked good. The fire suit rolled down to his hips, the arms tied at his waist. His tank top hung on him as though he’d lost a little weight, his hair was longer, and he sported a sexy five o’clock shadow. Desperate to touch him, or at least call out his name but it wasn’t time yet.

  Ian interrupted her ogling. “Did you want to stay here and stare at him, or should we sneak out? I know another way out of this area.” She looked at him. “It’s not my first time at the track.”

  Right. Lucas had mentioned Ian raced here a few years back. Not wanting to leave, but not wanting to spoil the surprise, she nodded and pulled the ball cap low enough to touch her sunglasses. They grabbed their food, and Ian escorted her to the fence behind them, slipping through the gate he unlatched. Quietly, so as not to get caught, he re-latc
hed it and they walked back to the main gate unnoticed. Flashing their wristbands, they walked back through the gate and up to their seats.

  Once sitting, she texted Lucas. Nate showed up. Moved back to our seats.

  Lucas responded. That’s why I can’t find him.

  Aurora: LOL. Hope he didn’t see me.

  Lucas: Hope not. But I wonder why he went up there for food.

  Aurora: Better selection? LOL

  No further texts from Lucas and she saw him sprint across the track, meeting Nate at the gate where they exchanged words. Unable to read their lips, she couldn’t figure out what they said. Suddenly they both glanced over in her general direction. Not yet, not yet. Hoping with Ian’s hat pulled low and the sunglasses on he wouldn’t recognise her, she watched him carefully. His head tipped sideways and studied her for a second before he shrugged and walked away. She didn’t know who was more relieved, her or Lucas.

  He dropped beside her a moment later. “Shit, that was close.”

  “You don’t need to tell me.” Aurora sighed as she breathed again. “Do you think he suspected anything?”

  “Nah. He thinks you’re Ian’s girlfriend.” Lucas smirked.

  Her eyes grew bigger. “What? Why would he think that?”

  “Because I told him that.”

  She playfully smacked him across his arms and took off Ian’s hat, letting her hair fall back over her shoulders. “Thanks for the hat,” she said, passing it to him.

  “Anything for my girrrrlll-friennnnddd,” he sung out and laughed. “So do I get to hold your hand?”

  “Not a chance.” She stared back into the pit. There was Marissa again, and it looked as though she had her hand on his arm. “You never mentioned they were back together?”

  Lucas piped up. “Don’t worry, they’re not. She wants to get back together, but he told her no. Persistent little thing. Reminds me of someone I know.” He rubbed his chin in mock amusement.

  “Oh, shut up,” she said, smiling.