The Unauthorized Autobiography of Ethan Jacobs

by Dan Dillard

  Chapter 7

  For Ethan, frustration with his boss and his job caused insomnia. His mind danced all around the paranormal, but without a decent night's sleep he had a tough time focusing his energy. His brain jumped from one idea to the next with little cohesion. Saturday was his day. Hung over, he had slept in that morning and left his journal and all of his paranormal thoughts unattended. He was getting claustrophobic, and he needed to bounce some of his ideas off someone. He knew the subject was hardly new, the ideas weren't his alone—some of them had been around for close to a century, but the idea of an 'electric soul' seemed so simple, and yet so unexplored.

  He considered trying to work the topic into conversation that evening and see if anything clicked. He felt the topic should be approached gingerly, so as to not startle Emily, or maybe scare her off.

  Maybe a conversation about vampires? They're all the rage these days, he thought.

  But how to be subtle without whipping out his big wooden stake and waggling it around the living room was the crux. 

  He and Emily had spoken by phone several times that week and had a great time together at lunch. They made plans for Aaron’s house that weekend without Aaron’s knowledge. Both figured it would be fun to show up with an agenda that he knew nothing about. It would make his obsessive compulsive genes squirm, deep down in his DNA.

  Ethan and Emily were bringing steaks for the grill. Aaron’s only job was to provide the alcohol. It was Saturday and once those spirits started flowing, maybe he would loosen up. Ethan thought it was only fair that Emily see Aaron's looser side.

  ..ooOOoo..

  Ethan arrived, not caring if he was late. Aaron would have some smartass comment, but that night was all about Emily. She’d beaten him there again. There was another new car, as well, and when he rang the bell, an unfamiliar woman answered the door.

  “Hello,” she said, looking him up and down.

  Had he somehow gone to the wrong house? He looked around to make sure and replied with a puzzled look. “Hi.”

  “You must be Ethan! I’m Karen, call me Kay. Aaron, Em and I work together. Come on in. Everyone else is here.”

  Kay had been the phone call. She was also the reason Aaron wasn't after Emily. It all made sense now.

  Nicely done, bro! 

  Bouncy personality, black hair, green eyes. She had a sexy walk, and as she moved toward the kitchen he paid close attention to the way her jeans fit.

  Maybe a little too closely. 

  “Aaron, you didn’t tell me anyone else would be here,” he said, and Kay smiled.

  She leaned over the counter, givingAaron a quick kiss. Then she headed to the deck, where Emily was looking out at the back yard. The two made small talk and the guys hoped it was about them. Ethan looked at his bud with some contempt.

   ”So, how long has this been serious…buddy?”

  The question was punctuated with an audible sniff. Aaron went into a defensive posture. 

  “About a month. I didn’t want to jinx it by talking about it.”

  Ethan cocked his head, squinting, eyebrows raised. “I figured after the third date. You usually don’t get that far.”

  “You’re funny. Hey, sorry about spending the last dinner on the phone.”

  “It’s fine. Em and I made friends,” Ethan said.

  “You mean you haven’t scared her off with your film collection?”

  “Nope, not yet.She hasn’t been to the apartment yet. We did go out to lunch, though, and I think she likes me.”

  “Really? Weird,” Aaron said.

  Then he smiled, breaking the sarcasm.

  “Yep. Normally, I don't bring up the film collection until after we’ve had sex.”

  “Maybe she just likes free food,” Aaron said.

  “Fuck you, buddy. Continue with your bullshit story. How did you meet?”

  Aaron looked to see if Kay was still outside with Emily and gave the quick and not-so-dirty version while monitoring her location.

  “She called a few weeks back when we started this project. I asked her to meet the next day so we could finish it up.”

  He checked the window again.

  “She came over and we ordered some Chinese food. A couple drinks later and she…well, she relaxed.”

  Kay snuck in quietly, smiling from earring to earring, and startled him by grabbing him from behind. She clasped her hands around his belly and rested her chin on his shoulder.

  “Is he telling lies about me? Aaron, are you telling lies about me?”

  Aaron looked a bit embarrassed and tried to squirm free. She fought her way through it.

  Ethan played goalie with a nice deflection. “No, no, just about how you two met.”

  “Didn’t mention the pickup line, did he?”

  She made finger quotes and lowered her gaze like a cat about to pounce.

  Aaron reddened a little deeper.

  “Do tell,” Emily said.

  “Well, he called me with some lame excuse to get me to come to his house, some project that didn’t matter. When I got here, he had food and wine all ready.”

  She smiled and continued, really playing up the sarcasm.

  “The huge project didn’t get mentioned, but we ate takeout on his living room floor. Next thing you know, the wine was gone, shirts were untucked, ties loosened—all big steps for him. I was sending signals like mad.”

  She glanced at Emily who nodded, fully up to speed.

  Ethan appeared confused, “Wait, there are signals?”

  Kay winked playfully, “Uh huh,” she said. “So as we’re opening another bottle of wine, he says…”

  Aaron finally wriggled free of her clutches and clamped a hand over her mouth. She giggled and peeled it off. They grappled like a couple in love.

  “Kay,” he pleaded.

  She hugged him tightly and gave him a warm kiss on the cheek.

  “Relax, honey. I was just going to say that a perceptive guy would’ve known sex was a huge probability. He should’ve at least tried to kiss me. I guess he needed to sweep me off my feet with some crappy line about...”

  Aaron reapplied the hand clamp. She giggled and raised a hand in concession to his embarrassment and he let go.

  “Okay, okay. Just between us.”

  “So whatever did you do?” Em asked, wide eyed.

  Straight-faced, Kay answered, “I fucked him like I was starving and he was Thanksgiving dinner. We’ve worked together for two years, it’s not like we’re strangers, and besides, if I want to whore around, it’s my business.”

  Emily laughed out loud, covering her mouth. Kay popped a chip in her mouth and crunched loudly without so much as a smirk.

  Ethan said, “Dude, I picture her, mounted on top of you, barking out orders and telling you to call her ‘Momma.’”

  The fictional scenario turned him on, just a little.

  After the three of them picked their jaws up off the floor, the laughter was loud and long. Kay even dropped the straight face and joined them. The ice was not only broken, but smashed to pieces. 

  “It was quite athletic,” Aaron added, and they roared once again.

  Ethan looked at Emily and immediately wished he hadn’t, as the action seemed somehow over eager, but she was looking back and smiling. Not come hither, but more like old friends, glad to be enjoying the same joke.

  He really liked this girl.

  With the first bottle of wine open, Ethan proposed a toast.

  “May there be many happy Thanksgiving dinners for all!”

  Each shouted his own affirmation, smiles all around. Ethan let himself relax and sink into the evening. They had drinks on the deck and talked about life, college, and family while taking turns tending the grill. The four fit together nicely. 

  “So Kay, where are you from? I detect a little…” Ethan said.

  “Ya do? Whe-ah? Youse tink I tawk funny?” she responded, emphasizing the accent.

  She punc
tuated each question by getting closer and closer to Ethan's face. Aaron playfully held her back while Ethan covered his face.

  Peeking through his fingers, he said, “New York?”

  She wrinkled up her face as if disgusted by the notion and then sat back down on the wicker loveseat next to Aaron.

  “Jersey, but close enough.”

  “What brought you here?”

  “Scholarship. Turns out I'm pretty freakin' smart."

  Aaron added, “Brilliant. She really is brilliant.”

  Kay looked at Emily, who was busy soaking everything in.

  “How 'bout you, Em? You from someplace exotic?”

  Emily smiled and shook her head, “Yep. Michigan—Go Blue! I moved here about three months ago for work.”

  “You like the job so far?” Aaron asked.

  “It's a little intimidating at times. The government is so demanding and they seem to hate contractors.”

  “Filthy, stinking contractors,” Aaron added, pointing to the three.

  “Exactly,” Emily said. “They take what we do for granted.”

  “See,” Aaron added. “And she's only been here a few months.”

  Emily shook her head, “I don't mean to whine. I actually love my job. It's just challenging.”

  “She's a fantastic engineer, Ethan. You should let her design you a new personality,” Aaron said.

  Ethan smiled. He had wondered when the ribbing would come and there it was. Emily put an arm around him and gave him a quick hug.

  “I think he's sweet,” she said.

  Kay waved a hand to get everyone's attention, “That's precious. There's more booze, right? I think this might turn into a party after all.”

  As the second, and then third round of drinks was poured, the laughter increased. Ethan's earlier preoccupation vanished like the ghosts he was beginning to obsess over. He relaxed so much, in fact, that it took a minute to notice Kay was staring at him. He almost had time to feel awkward about it when she turned to Emily and said, “Em, you look cold.”

  Wise to the opportunity, he reached to put his arm around her as Aaron clumsily interrupted, “I’m a bit cold, myself. Why don’t we all head in?”

  An evil sneer from Kay let Aaron know he’d foiled her plan. She stood and walked inside.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” he half whispered, sounding like a scolded lad, and hurried to follow.

  Emily was a trooper, smiling and acting as if she had no idea she was the target of such a fiendish plot. 

  Before they entered the house, she grabbed Ethan’s hand and spun him round. She smiled for a second, studying his features. After a moment, she kissed him, pressing his body up against the door. She was warm in the brisk night air. He smelled light perfume and just showered hair as she placed her hands on his cheeks.

  Then she said, “Three reasons for that. I didn’t want that awkward moment later on. I don’t need her picking our moments for us, and because I really wanted to—nice lips.”

  If one listened closely, in between the chirps of the crickets, one could have heard Ethan's knees buckling. He had not prepared for that moment and was not good with surprises, even happy ones. His face warmed. She kissed him again and they walked into the house. 

  Emily, trying to liven things up, announced a challenge as she walked into the living room. 

  “Tell me the craziest thing that’s happened to you. We’ll go around the room.” 

  Aaron raised his hand, “I got one! I got one!”

  Everyone else quieted down and paid close attention.

  “I was about twenty-two or twenty-three and we were in this bar.”

  Ethan laughed—instantly recognizing where the tale was going—and gave a knowing look. Aaron continued.

  “So, Ethan and I walk into this campus bar and there’s this giant woman there. I mean, six feet tall and like two-fifty. She’s staring at me like a dog watches a piece of raw steak.”

  “Maybe she was hungry,” Kay said. 

  “She was horny,” Ethan corrected, raising one finger.

  The women giggled as Aaron set the scene.

  “So she walks over to me, stinking like cheap-ass whiskey and unfiltered cigarettes, and says with her three teeth, ‘I love you and I want you’. No shit! First thing outta her mouth.”

  “Yeah…no ‘Hi, I’m Queen Kong’…nothing,” Ethan added, in a gravelly man’s voice.

  “Right,” Aaron continued. “Then she starts talking about how she’s gonna take me home and fuck me all night long. Pardon my language, I’m paraphrasing.” 

  Aaron’s face blazed with embarrassment and he laughed in between words. The girls waved him on.

  “No worries, I’m dyin’,” Kay said.

  Emily couldn't speak as tears rolled down her cheeks.

  Ethan took over as a witness. “So, Chickzilla grabs him and picks Aaron up and starts to carry him out of the bar. She’s got him tucked like a football and she's goin’ for the end zone, right?”

  He waited a beat or two while the others gasped for breath. Ethan continued while Aaron laughed at his own story.

  “Luckily she stumbled and fell, but landed on top of Aaron.”

  Aaron gained his composure, “We ran. All I got for my trouble was a broken nose.”

  “I didn’t even get to drink my beer. We wound up at the emergency clinic,” Ethan complained.

  “Poor baby,” Emily said, and stroked Ethan’s cheek.

  “Yeah, I told the doc you punched me. They never would’ve believed the truth!”

  “Yeah, when they asked him if he wanted to press charges, I wanted to hit him for real. You should’ve gone home with her, buddy, you might be living in a different world today.” 

  Although it had obviously taken Aaron a lot of private, personal therapy to get over the embarrassment, he joined in their laughter. The foursome continued to find new, sarcastic ways to tease each other with the lack of tact that only a good buzz can provide. Then, after a long pause for everyone could catch their breath, Kay spoke.

  “When I was seven, I saw a ghost.”