APOCALYCIOUS: Satire of the Dead

by K Helms

  Mick nodded. “How ‘bout it Reg, am I correct?”

  The knight looked shocked “No M’Lord! The Nephilim are not descendants of the fallen ones. We are the offspring of angels and men, not demons and men. Yah gives us all a choice and I have chosen His path.”

  Who the hell is Yah?” asked Daniel completely confused.

  “God,” answered Mick absently.

  Mia watched Mick’s face. He stared at the knight enraptured and she could take no more.

  “Mickey, why would God, if there is a God, would He let all this happen?”

  Mick blinked at her, surprised. “What?”

  “You heard me. I get so tired of hearing you talk about God. So tell me, Mickey just where exactly is this God of yours?”

  Mick sighed. If there was ever any contention in their marriage it was this; God and religion.

  Shocked, Regeliel asked, “M’Lady, you do not believe in Yah?”

  Mia’s sharp gaze softened somewhat. “No, Sir Regeliel, I don’t. I don’t mean any offense to you, but I believe in science not magic.”

  “You do not believe me?” asked the knight looking crestfallen.

  “Regeliel…you were driving a van when we met you, not riding a horse.”

  “I liked that van,” said the knight with a wry smile. “Besides, M’Lady, there were no horses in that hamlet.”

  “Do all knights drive Chevy vans?” she asked pointedly.

  “Only I, that I know of,” Regeliel answered, but didn’t seem to be all that offended. “What if I can prove it to you?”

  “Proof would be nice,” she admitted “How?”

  “What if I took you to the Plane of the Ark?”

  Death Wagon ushered Nan behind him. “I think you need to stay away from us. You aren’t taking anyone anywhere; so why don’t you get your shit and leave?”

  Nan pushed his arm aside and stood in front of the knight. “Death Wagon, you put that gun away. Sir Regeliel is a friend.”

  “It’s alright M’Lady. He is just trying to protect you.” The knight gestured for everyone to sit at the table. “Because this affects everyone here, let me tell you my story. Please, I beg you.”

  The six of them resettled in their seats. Daniel looked at Bodie and said “C’mon, man, let’s get outa this nut-house; we really don’t need this shit.”

  Bodie held up a hand. “Let’s hear the man out; if, for nothing else than I haven’t heard a good story in a while.”

  Daniel settled back into his chair. “OK, man but this had better be damn good.”

  Sir Regeliel began. “My world is another dimension that overlaps this one. When I crossed over I changed in form and appearance.”

  “What did you use to be, then?” asked Daniel irritated.

  “My true Nephilim form is not what you see before you.”

  “Which means what?” asked Bodie

  “We are diverse, but my clan is giants.”

  “Giants, huh?” asked Daniel, rolling his eyes “Hey Bodie, Reg here is a Giant.”

  “I do not blame you for your disbelief but if you crossed over into my dimension you would all change as well.”

  “So we would all be giants, huh?” Daniel asked and then gave a fake cough into his fist, “Bullshit.”

  “Dude, shut up and let the man talk for a minute, would ya?” asked Bodie with minor annoyance.

  Sir Regeliel replied. “It is actually a valid question.”

  “Fuckin’-A right it is,” Daniel interjected.

  “The truth is when you cross over you don’t know what you might change to. It would be based something along personality traits, but no one knows for sure until after they cross.”

  Bodie looked at Daniel. “So Danny would probably be a chick.”

  “And you'd be a giant penis,” Daniel said and glowered.

  “No, no nothing like that, you would still be you…essentially,” explained the knight with a puzzled expression on his bearded face.

  “That big word at the end is the part that bothers me, baby,” Bodie said good-naturedly.

  “Yeah, me too,” agreed Mick. “It really bothers me because; I think Sir Regeliel is asking us to cross over to his dimension, not just to show us. Am I right Reg?”

  “I would be in your debt, my friends,” answered the knight.

  “Why do you want us to cross over with you, Sir Regeliel?” asked Mia, momentarily forgetting her atheistic arguments.

  “Because his kind started this shit and he wants us to finish it!” Death wagon interjected.

  Mia looked crossly at the long haired musician. “How do you know that?”

  Death glared at the knight, “Call it a hunch, why don’t you ask him?”

  Mia shot the knight an uncharacteristically suspicious glare and demanded, “Did your kind do this to my world?” Her mind was flooded with pictures of her father chasing her mother through their living room and sinking his teeth into the woman that bore her. She shivered at the memory.

  Regeliel dropped to a knee with a clatter as metal armor banged against concrete. He slammed a gauntleted fist to his steel covered chest. “Never, M’Lady, this I swear. The Lich…” he paused trying to find the right word for them, “…the sorcerer is Nephilim, but he is not my kind. My clan serves The Path.” His eyes swam as he blinked back tears.

  She’d never heard of The Path before, but she figured it had something to with Yah or God or whatever else He was called. “A Lich? I’ve never heard of that before.”

  Regeliel smiled wanly. “A Lich is a Nephilim that doesn’t die; instead they trade their mortality for knowledge of the blasphemous magic of ‘The Fallen Ones.”

  “Hey, if this dude is so damn powerful why doesn’t he just kill us instead of going through this whole elaborate scheme of creating a bunch of zombies? Who is he Dr. Evil?” Daniel asked.

  “He doesn’t create anything, my friend, and he wants humans to die at the hands of other humans so he can shame them and show Yah that he can make His creations destroy each other,” Regeliel explained.

  “That is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard,” Daniel said, and looked over at Bodie who shook his head, amazed at his friend’s lack of tact.

  Mia’s earlier fury was forgotten and her expression became pained as she saw how her accusation had cut her friend. She pulled away from Mick’s side and moved to join the knight. She knelt beside him and ran a hand over his war ravaged cheek. “I am so sorry, Sir Regeliel, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I know that you are a good man.” She lightly smoothed his scarred forehead with her fingertips.

  “I don’t mean to break up this Hallmark moment, but what exactly is waiting for us in this other dimension?” asked Daniel.

  Bodie looked at him and said, “Go easy, baby.”

  “Quit calling me baby, you sound gay.”

  Regeliel and Mia rose together, again composed.

  “For me, it is my wife and my clan, but there are many other clans, other races that could be destroyed if we do not help them.”

  “What other races are we talking about here?” asked Daniel

  “My dimension is called the Ark. It is called that for a reason.”

  “Which is…?” asked Mick

  “The Gatherers, the Anunnaki, brought remnants of Yah’s wonders to the Ark before the Great Flood of Genesis took place. There are great wonders to behold in The Ark.”

  “So how are we supposed to stop a dead sorcerer?” asked Mick.

  “With Yah all things are possible,” Regeliel said.

  “How ‘bout instead of all that faith bullshit we just fire a nuke into the gate?” Daniel asked.

  “Nuke?” the knight asked confused and looked to Mick.

  Mick shook his head. “It’s nothing, Reg. We aren’t doing anything like that.”

  “Why not?” Daniel said and shoved another piece of bread in his mouth; crumbs and gravy streaked down a long goatee that was twisted together at the end and was held in place by a small rubber band.
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  “Because we wouldn’t do that for one, and for two, we don’t know how to fire a nuke to begin with,” Nan said, placing her hands on her full hips.

  Mia looked over to Mick. He read her face and had not forgotten their conversation a few minutes earlier. “I’ll go with you, Sir Regeliel. And Mick will go because he loves me. You have become part of our family. Even though I doubt the Biblical spin that you and my husband share, you have offered proof and I would be ignorantly biased to refuse to examine the evidence”

  Mick felt stupid being told what to do in front of all these people but he didn’t argue the point. He was aware that he deserved a little dose of payback, whether that was Mia’s intention or not.

  Mick looked to Bodie and Daniel, “The two of you are welcome to the mine and all that we leave behind. Death Wagon, you and Nan will stay here until we return.”

  “That's bullshit! I’m going with you guys!” Nan said defiantly.

  Death looked at Nan, still angry at the knight, but the main thing he had come to tell them was still unspoken. “There is a radiation cloud creeping slowly toward this area. I don’t know how long it will take to get here…weeks maybe but I think you should abandon the mines for someplace more remote.” Death hated the fact that his news and Regeliel’s proof might lie in the same direction.

  Sir Regeliel interjected. “I believe we should wait until we have prepared ourselves before we leave. This way we can discuss what to expect.”

  “Yeah that’s a good idea,” agreed Mick.

  Daniel looked at Bodie. A perplexed look crossed Bodie Barnes’ face, and then he smiled a big goofy grin. “Hold the phone, baby. Do you have room in that party barge for us?”

  Daniel rolled his eyes toward the ceiling, throwing his hands up as he sighed. “Oh for the love of Pete…why not,” he said.

  “We can’t ask you to join in on this. It’s not like you signed up for a war.” said Mick.

  Bodies’ expression changed to one of great seriousness and he looked at Regeliel. “There is really only one question, baby.”

  “What is that, my friend?” asked the knight.

  “On your world…are the women hot?” his serious expression broke and he began to smile broadly beneath his thick brown beard.

  Daniel just shook his head for a minute then added, “Seriously, are they?”

  Bodie laughed out loud and clapped his friend on the back, “That’s the spirit, baby.”

  “I really do wish you would quit calling me ‘baby’,” said Daniel smiling. Then he looked back at Regeliel. “Well, brotha, what about it?”

  Regeliel opened his arms and regained his typical good nature. “My friends, the women of my homeland are the most beautiful in all the lands I have traveled, with the exception of the Ladies Mia and Nan, of course.”

  “That’s good enough for me.” said Bodie.

  “Why not?” added Daniel

  “As long as you know that the changes in you, when you cross, may be severe,” said the knight.

  “Worse than a mindless ghoul that loves to eat brains?” asked Bodie

  Regeliel laughed. “No. Not that bad.”

  “Did I mention that I am the King of Graylocke?” asked Regeliel.

  “No that must have slipped your mind, Reg.” said Mick.

  Chapter 42 - Malpractice Suit

  Eight months after infection

  Donley Woods, West Virginia

  Shere and Hito had spent the better part of two weeks teaching Annie everything they knew about weapons. Annie had never shot a firearm of any kind before, but Shere found that because of this she had also never picked up any bad habits that she had to eliminate. Annie was a blank canvas and she did surprisingly well. Shere gave them a crash course in everything from map reading to first aid, from improvised ordinance to what plants were edible. She taught the two of them everything she could think of from her Marine Corps training, and that was considerable. To Shere, Annie proved to be a girl with a tender heart and the Marine soon found that she had grown attached to her, like she was a little sister, a sort of slutty little sister that was banging the man that she, herself was interested in, but a little sister, none-the-less. In this strange family there was love, maybe not your text book version of what one may have considered it to be, but it was genuine regardless.

  It took them another three days to find the mansion. Annie’s confusion and fear during her escape had wreaked havoc on her powers of observation. After they found its location they saw that it was still an operating hub of illicit affairs.

  There was a barn about an eighth a mile away from the perimeter of the Doctor’s property and situated atop a hill. An electric fence surrounded the mansion, but Hito saw that it had been put up to keep the dead out, not necessarily the living. As dusk drew near they found the countryside strangely quiet. There were still thousands of the rotting dead lumbering about but maybe not as many as he was used to seeing. Shere returned to the barn and told them that she had set the claymore mines, and she left a clear path that Hito had designated. The bottom floor of the barn was lined in sandstone and would provide plenty of cover.

  “I want to go with you, Hito,” pleaded Annie.

  He shook his head adamantly. “Huh-uh, you two need to stay here until I find the Doctor and then I'll bring him to you. Once I’m in position I’ll radio for you to start shooting to draw the guards out. When they start to return fire, remember to take out the flood lights first, but wait until they get about halfway to your position; then you need to detonate the charges and start picking them off from your left side first. From my position I will start taking them out from the right and we will finish them off in the middle,” he explained to Annie.

  Shere nodded, it had been her plan, after all.

  Hito looked directly into Annie's eyes and reminded her, “You’ll do what I say, right?”

  She remembered her oath and nodded. She would not let her new family down. Hito winked at her. “Good girl. Shere will be right over there.” He pointed to the far end of the barn. “We want them in the best crossfire we can, OK?”

  Shere squeezed Annie’s shoulder. “We’re gonna kill every one of those sick bastards, remember?”

  Annie nodded. “What about the other girls? We’ll let them go, right?”

  Hito paused for a moment. It was against his original rules. He wanted everyone dead except himself and now the two women, but he had promised Shere that they would only kill those that deserved to die. There were still plenty of that type around and he could live with that. He nodded. “If that’s what you want,” Hito said. He thought that it was possible that even if they let them go, then they might end up having to kill them later.

  Shere narrowed her eyes. “I’m not sure that I like just leaving them on their own.” Shere said, remembering her oath.

  “No, it will be just us three. They’ll have to fend for themselves,” Hito said. Shere frowned at that decision. Hito didn’t like the idea of having a bunch of mentally scarred girls hanging on his coattails.

  They waited until dusk faded to darkness before Hito spoke again.

  “Strap on your NVG’s.” They looped the strap over their foreheads, but didn’t settle them in place over their eyes, “but don’t use them until the spotlights are shot out,” he reminded Annie. He put his own on and ran stooped over toward a flanking hill.

  When he arrived at his predetermined high ground, he found the stone fence that would give him cover. He planted some Claymores attached to trip lines behind him so that he would not be surprised by living or dead taking his flank. He returned to his snipers position, thumbed the mic key and whispered “Two shots each to get their attention, Ladies.”

  Without hesitation he heard the shots.

  The floodlights kicked on in their one million candle power brilliance and lit up the countryside. Hito noticed about six or seven zombies lumbering toward the fence on the opposite side of his position. The girls were in no danger from them though, and he
watched as armed guards poured from the front and side doors of the mansion. He keyed the mic again. “Two more rounds each then hold.”

  There was about two seconds of silence before he heard the first shot. He knew that it would be Shere. Her first shot took out the furthest enemy from her, turning the near albino’s head into a canoe. The next shot hit a fat red haired man, that ran at the front, square in the chest, he cried out with a whimper and collapsed onto the ground begging for help.

  The small pack of zombies at first turned to face where the shots had originated, but they soon caught the scent of fresh blood and turned their attention back to the fence. The zombies screamed for others in that loud shrieking moan that sent a shiver up Hito’s spine, but he smiled in spite of it. The enemy of my enemy is my friend he thought.

  He heard someone inside the house scream for the rest of the guards to get outside and help their comrades, and soon, another half dozen guards exploded from the house bringing the total up to twenty, counting the two already down. He waited and saw the next guard go down with half his face flapping on his shoulder as he pirouetted a half a second before he heard the shot crack. Then another one took a shot in the groin which elicited a long, high-pitched scream. He was willing to bet that shot belonged to Annie, a fitting little payback.

  The doctor’s mercenaries swarmed to the gate and flung it open wide. They clamored up the hill to where they had seen the muzzle flashes from the barn. They were already expending ammunition in a helter-skelter pattern. He keyed the mic again. “Heads down ladies, wait until they start reloading then we will each take out a flood light.”

  When he heard the shots die out he keyed the mic. “Take out the flood lights then put your NVG’s on and start from the right.”

  All three hit their mark and the country side went black again. As he had instructed, the guards were picked off one by one from either side. Panic broke their ranks and the remaining seven guards turned on their heels and ran back toward the mansion. “Trip the Claymores, Shere,” Hito said into the radio then began taking out the lead in retreat. All twelve claymores went up simultaneously; peppering five of them with double ought buck shot. He saw another guard collapse to the wet earth, his face exploding out in front of him before slamming into the ground. Hito peered through his night sight and took out the last of the guards.