Unsuspecting Trouble (The Inscrutable Paris Beaufont Book 3)

by Sarah Noffke

  Uncle John sighed. “I couldn’t be recognized as a Mortal Seven to keep my new identity and keep you safe, and although chimera are good at disguising themselves as any animal—”

  “Pickles is a chimera?” Paris interrupted, nearly yelling, thinking of the passage she’d read in Magical Creatures on the strange animals. What had it said, she wondered.

  The words from Bermuda Laurens’ book instantly came back to her:

  “The chimera has long roamed the planet but is rarely seen. Incredibly powerful, these magical animals can take the form of any animal they choose. They’re known to shrink their incredible size to fit in a very tiny space. The reason for this is that they’ve long been protectors of special beings, but it’s believed they do their best job protecting when unnoticed by a potential threat.”

  Uncle John nodded. “Yes, you’ve heard of them then.”

  “You probably realize that having one in any form around John would be a giveaway,” Sophia explained. “So Pickles has been hiding.”

  “Hiding where?” Paris looked around as if the chimera might pop out of a bush and say, “Surprise!”

  Uncle John waved her off. “That’s not important right now. It’s reunion time.” He smiled at Sophia and Clark. “It’s wonderful to see you two. How have you been?”

  To hear that her Uncle John was this mysterious Mortal Seven and had a chimera protecting him was almost too much for Paris to handle, but she should be used to surprises at this point—although she wasn’t.

  “I’m great,” Lunis answered. “You know, the rotation of the earth makes my day.”

  Sophia groaned, but Uncle John laughed.

  “Things are pretty much the same,” Clark answered.

  To make things even stranger, Paris realized that Clark was married to Uncle John’s girlfriend, but the two were very happy to see each other still. All parts of this were weird.

  “Sorry to be rude,” Clark began, looking at Paris. “I didn’t mean not to greet you. I was so surprised to see John after all this time.”

  “Of course,” Paris stated at once.

  “What’s your excuse for ignoring my presence at every one of our meetings?” Lunis swished his tail back and forth.

  “I told my brother that if he ignores you, it’s hoped that you’ll not talk as much,” Sophia joked.

  Lunis huffed, smoke issuing out of his nostrils. “Fat chance of that.”

  Sophia strode over and hugged Paris, holding her tightly. “It is so nice to see you again. I hoped to get to the college soon to visit you, but you arranged this first.”

  “That would be so nice,” Paris said when they parted. “I have so many things to show you. Like, I have a talking squirrel named Faraday. Actually—”

  “Did you say, Faraday?” Clark interrupted.

  Paris arched an eyebrow. “Yes, why?”

  “That’s the name of a famous scientist who studied electromagnetism,” Clark stated, his eyes to the side like he was thinking.

  “Oh, well, Aunt Sophia, I wanted to ask your help with that,” Paris began. “I hoped that you could introduce or set up a meeting for me with Bermuda Laurens. I understand you know the magical creatures expert.”

  “I do.” Sophia also looked unnerved by the mention of Faraday. “I’m sure I can arrange that. Why do you want to meet her?”

  “Well, I have a friend at the college who thinks that animals shouldn’t be able to talk,” Paris explained, turning to Lunis. “But you can, and that’s not weird.”

  “I’m not an animal in the same way that your squirrel friend is,” Lunis stated, looking rather grumpy. “But thanks for likening me to a rodent.” The dragon looked around. “Anyone else starving? I’m craving fairy.”

  Sophia shook her head. “It’s an honest mistake. Paris, animals usually don’t talk. It’s very rare and strange magic that would make a squirrel be able to communicate like that, but Bermuda would be a good source to ask if you’re curious.”

  “Right,” Paris drew out the word.

  “Don’t worry for now,” Sophia said with a forced smile. “We’re all reunited, and I hoped we could celebrate. I’m sure you have lots of questions, so let’s sit down and dine.”

  “Sounds good.” Paris looked around the veranda in the distance, which was empty. She didn’t know where they were planning to do this dining since the expansive grounds were mostly empty.

  “I hope you’re hungry because I cooked,” Sophia stated.

  “By that, she means she ordered out,” Lunis corrected.

  “Exactly.” Sophia smiled.

  Again Paris didn’t know where this dinner was so she simply offered a small smile.

  Sophia looked around as if confused. “Now, where did I set us up? Oh, that’s right. Over there.” She pointed to a corner of the veranda. “The table is over there.”

  Paris blinked, wondering if she was missing something. From where she stood on the grass, the entire concrete slab appeared empty. “I’m sorry, but what table?”

  “Oh, you can’t see it yet,” Clark explained. “It won’t appear until you step foot on the veranda.”

  Sophia nodded. “I decided it was best for us to dine under an invisibility tent so we could have privacy. For one, I know we’ll be discussing private information, and also, there’s our guest who I know didn’t want anyone to know she’s here. The Rogue Riders can be so nosy.”

  “I don’t mind anyone knowing I’m here,” Paris argued.

  Sophia shook her head. “I don’t mean you. I’m referring to Mama Jamba.”

  “Mama who?” Paris asked.

  Sophia threaded her arm through Paris’ and led her forward. “Mama Jamba. You’ll meet her, although I know for a fact she’s already met you. You’re in for quite the treat.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  When Paris stepped across the threshold to the veranda, her mouth fell open. What had appeared to be an empty concrete area was covered in dazzling lights that draped over a long dining table. It was covered in flowers and filled with dishes in an array of colors. The smell of roasted vegetables and fresh bread was instantly tantalizing to Paris’ tastebuds.

  Sitting at the far end of the table was a small woman wearing a pink velour tracksuit and a cunning smile. She had a head full of short bluish-gray curls, reminding Paris of the hair the fairy godmothers wore. However, this woman was old, not merely supposed to look that way. She wasn’t sure how she knew that, but it seemed true as she stared at the woman with periwinkle blue eyes.

  In front of the old woman was a plate of pancakes, and she gave Paris a calm expression as she sat.

  “It’s nice to see you again, Guinevere Paris Beaufont,” the woman said in a southern twang.

  Paris blinked at her in surprise. “You’re Mama Jamba? We’ve met? I’m sorry, I don’t remember.”

  “No one ever does.” The woman picked up a fork and shook her head. “Yes, we’ve met many times, but you would remember it differently than me.”

  Uncle John bowed low to Mama Jamba before sitting next to Paris.

  “Jonathon Caraway, please don’t do anything to your back that I’ll have to fix with all those pleasantries.” Mama Jamba put a heaping bite into her mouth and chewed with delight.

  “Of course.” He looked around at the many delicious options on the table. “Everything looks great.”

  “Like I said,” Sophia stated proudly. “I cooked.”

  “She puts on an apron to order food and calls it cooking.” Lunis laid down next to the table, a huge tray of meat in front of him.

  “My name,” Paris began, the mention of her real name bringing a question to the forefront of her mind. “Why was I named Guinevere?”

  Clark and Sophia looked at each other across the table, a brief moment of hesitation passing between them.

  “You haven’t heard yet,” Clark muttered as he pulled a fluffy roll from a covered basket.

  “No, she asked because it’s part of your quiz session,” Lunis s
tated sarcastically. “Hurry, first one to answer gets ten points. Buzz in with the right answer.”

  Sophia shook her head, ignoring her dragon. “Again, I knew you’d have many questions about so many things. I’m so happy you asked for this meeting. It’s a delight and so nice to know we can speak freely without that silencing spell. There are so many things to tell you that I can’t figure out where to begin.”

  Mama Jamba pointed a fork in Paris’ direction. “I believe you can start with telling her about her namesake. That’s what she asked about.”

  “Yes, I was wondering why my locket’s initials changed after I learned the truth.” Paris retrieved the golden heart-shaped locket from the pocket of her leather jacket, holding it up for all to see the initials “GB” on one side. On the other, never having changed was the famous phrase she couldn’t figure out by the famous poet Rumi: “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”

  Uncle John almost spat out his drink of water. Clark’s mouth popped open. Sophia smiled.

  “There it is,” Sophia said with satisfaction. “You did give it to her.”

  “Of course I did,” Uncle John stated at once.

  “Give me this?” Paris asked, pulling the locket back to her. “I thought you said you found it in an evidence locker, Uncle John.”

  A look of shame covered his face. “Obviously, I had to lie a few times over the years, Pare. You know I never wanted to. The silencing spell prevented me from saying much, but when I could, well, they had to be things I might have to tailor.”

  “So if the locket didn’t come from an evidence locker, where did it come from?” Paris asked.

  “From me,” Sophia answered to Paris’ surprise.

  “You?” Paris asked.

  She nodded. “Yes, for some reason, I was told to give it to you. At first, I didn’t know why, but later the reasons seemed clear.”

  “Because of the identity spell?” Paris remembered what Wilfred and Faraday had told her about the locket and why the initials had changed after she learned the truth about who she was.

  “You know about that then.” Clark looked around the table with trepidation as if the food options made him nervous.

  “Well, yes,” she replied. “I mean, it used to say ‘PW,’ and now it says ‘GB.’”

  “You’re named for our mother, Guinevere Beaufont,” Sophia supplied. “I didn’t know her since she died when I was very young, but Liv loved her dearly.”

  “There wasn’t anything not to love about our mother,” Clark added. “She was the fiercest Warrior the House of Fourteen had ever known until Liv came along. Mom paved the way for much of the progress we’ve known. She and Father, who was a very skilled Councilor for the House.”

  Paris glanced at her uncle. “So you gave me the locket to help seal my identity?”

  He nodded, looking ready to choke on the bread he was chewing. “Yes, among other reasons. I’m glad you keep it with you.”

  “What are the other reasons?” Paris questioned at once.

  “You should keep it with you at all times,” Mama Jamba cut in before taking a bite of pancakes.

  Paris gave her a questioning look. “Why is that?”

  The old woman chewed and then smiled. “It matches your eyes.”

  “Mama, you’re always so complimentary.” Lunis chewed on a bone.

  “I love my children. What can I say?” The old woman took another bite.

  “I wish I could say the same,” Lunis offered. “You know today my son asked me—”

  “You don’t have a son,” Sophia interrupted.

  “Thanks for ruining the setup to my joke, Soph,” the dragon grumbled.

  “Continue,” she encouraged.

  “Well, today, my son asked, ‘Can I have a bookmark?’” Lunis began, a laugh in his voice. “I then burst into tears. I couldn’t believe it. My son was ten years old, and he still didn’t know my name was Lunis.”

  “Wow,” Sophia said over all the laughter. “That was bad.”

  “It wasn’t his best,” Mama Jamba added. “But I understand. Most of my children don’t know my name.”

  “You have many children?” Paris asked, interested.

  The gray-haired woman gave her a pointed look. “I’d say. Roughly seven-point-nine-billion children. That’s not counting the animals, insects, and whatnot.”

  “W-Wh-What?” Paris shook her head, thinking that she might have escaped from a mental hospital. “How do you have so many children?”

  “Oh, because I’m the mother of all,” Mama Jamba explained, having cleaned her plate and pushing it away. “Didn’t they tell you? I’m Mother Nature. I created everything on this planet—including the planet.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Y-Y-You’re Mother Nature?” Paris asked, the glass of water in her hands nearly slipping out. Her hand shook as she set it back down.

  Mama Jamba smiled wide, her pink lips turning up at the corners. “Not what you expected, am I? I get that all the time.”

  “Most probably expect you to have vines in your hair and bark skin,” Sophia related, spooning potatoes au gratin onto Paris’ plate without her asking. It was probably for the best because she was too overwhelmed to do it herself.

  “I tried that look for a few centuries, but it got old fast.” Mama Jamba rubbed her arms over her velour tracksuit. “I prefer comfort and big Dallas hair currently. Maybe in a century or two, I’ll go back to the punk rock look. I quite liked wearing fishnet stockings.”

  “You’re really Mother Nature?” Paris nearly stuttered again.

  “It takes some getting used to because she’s so down to Earth,” Lunis remarked with a laugh.

  Sophia shook her head and slid a few pieces of roast beef onto Paris’ plate. “What will it take to get you to stop with the bad puns?”

  “I thought you’d know by now that you can’t stop me,” Lunis replied.

  Uncle John chuckled on the other side of Paris and handed Sophia the green beans. She was standing at Paris’ back and had nearly filled her plate for her in a very motherly way.

  “You met Father Time,” Uncle John thoughtfully said to her. “He’s pretty normal-looking too.”

  “He could use a haircut,” Mama Jamba stated.

  “His assistant didn’t seem to like me,” Paris offered.

  “Subner doesn’t like anything or anyone,” Sophia stated, taking a seat, having served Paris. “And he especially wasn’t fond of Liv.”

  “Why was that?” Paris asked.

  “Jealousy,” Clark answered. “Subner doesn’t like that Papa Creola likes Liv.”

  “Yeah, he seemed to be fond of her when we spoke,” Paris offered.

  “Everyone pretty much was,” Sophia said. “Well, except the criminals she put away.”

  “Yes, and whereas I’m a ray of sunshine, Papa is about as grumpy as a volcano,” Mama Jamba stated. “He doesn’t usually like anyone.”

  “So you created everything on this planet?” Paris had to ask, totally overwhelmed by the idea that she was having dinner with Mother Nature.

  “I sure did,” she replied. “Well, not mosquitos or flies. I don’t know where those buggers came from. Probably some joke from one of the gods in another realm. They can never leave me alone. Never have.”

  “There are other gods in other realms?” Paris asked.

  “Well, of course,” Mama Jamba answered. “I mean, who do you think takes care of the dimension where your parents are? We of course don’t know where exactly they are, which is why we can’t willy-nilly open a portal and get them back, but there are Mamas and Papas all over this universe doing their thing. Well, not as good as here on planet Earth, but they try.”

  “I hear there’s a planet where time moves in reverse,” Lunis offered.

  Sophia nodded. “And their planet is flat.”

  Mama Jamba shook her head. “Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard of? I mean, really. As gods, we were supposed t
o create planets and mind time. Some of us took our jobs seriously, and some seemed to make a mockery of the whole thing. You all should be glad you got my planet.”

  “Wow, so there are gods, and you’re one of them, and there are other dimensions and planets.” Paris said all this mostly to herself while staring at her food.

  Uncle John patted her on the shoulder. “It’s a lot to take in. I felt the same way when I learned about all this.”

  “I do have so many questions,” Paris said, attempting to pick up her fork. “Like the solar system. Is that your construction? Our galaxy? Or is it only our planet?”

  “Don’t try to understand too much at once,” Mama Jamba answered. “But yes, the solar system is all my construction. I might have messed up with the other planets, but I got Earth right, which was all that mattered.”

  “Jupiter couldn’t be stupider.” Lunis continued to gnaw on a bone, having eaten all the meat from it.

  Mama Jamba nodded. “Don’t even get me started on Saturn. But you got to burn a few matches before you light a candle sometimes.”

  “Incidentally, I searched for a lighter on Amazon,” Lunis imparted, appearing quite serious. “However, all I could find was a hundred twenty-six matches.”

  A laugh popped out of Paris’ mouth. “That one was clever.”

  Sophia shook her head. “Don’t encourage him. He’s showing off for you.”

  “Speaking of the moon,” Lunis began.

  “We weren’t,” Sophia interrupted.

  The dragon gave her a pointed expression. She held up her hands as if in surrender. “Go on then.”

  “Well, did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?” Lunis asked the table.

  “I haven’t.” Uncle John grinned.

  “Great food, but absolutely no atmosphere,” the dragon replied.

  Many around the table laughed. Mama Jamba pointed at her empty plate and glanced at Sophia. “What does a woman have to do to get seconds?”

  Sophia snapped her fingers, and a short stack of fluffy pancakes appeared on the once empty plate. “I cooked up extra, knowing that you’d want more.”