Vynn (War Cats Book 4)

by Grace Brennan

  The argument between Kian and Zane ended the moment Jameson spoke, and they both looked at Vynn incredulously.

  “Is that what’s going on?” Kian asked, a wealth of shock in his voice. “She’s your mate?”

  Fuck, fuck, fuck. Inhaling deeply, he nodded. “Yes, she is.”

  Zane snorted. “Your mate’s a fox? Oh, that’s rich. Poetic justice, right there.”

  Kian jammed his elbow into Zane’s gut. “I told you once to cool it. Now I’m saying shut the hell up. Vynn, why the hell didn’t you say so to begin with?”

  He glanced at Zane pointedly. “That’s one reason. And because I haven’t figured out how I feel about it yet.” Hell, why was he even explaining himself? He never did, and he didn’t need to be starting now. Ashley wriggled in his hold, still straining to bite the others, lips curled back to show razor-sharp teeth. “Can I get her back to my place now? Before she gets loose and bites someone other than me?”

  “Yeah, get her home. Don’t worry about attending the meetings today. Focus on getting her calmed down enough to shift back. I’ll fill you in later.”

  Jameson nodded toward Ashley’s things. “I’ll gather her stuff together and bring it by in a little bit.”

  Vynn nodded at him, feeling a little grateful, but unwilling to express it. He wasn’t sure what all she had in her pack, but chances were, whatever it was, it was all she had.

  Turning, he walked quickly to his house, holding his little fox firmly as she struggled. But not too tightly. He didn’t want to hurt her.

  His little fox. Shit. The truth washed over him as he firmed his mouth with resolve. Yeah, that’s what she was. His. His fox, his mate. And he wasn’t letting her go. He was going to do everything in his power to win her over and make her want to stay.

  The truth was, Vynn was a selfish bastard. He only looked out for himself, only thought about himself. His world view had shifted enough to include Ashley, but even that had a thread of selfishness in it.

  Because he already knew, letting her go would hurt. And he was going to avoid that at all costs.

  Maybe you’re finally getting it after all, his tiger said with satisfaction, slowing his pacing as Vynn’s house came in view.

  I doubt it. This is still about me. Still about getting what I want. That what I want just happens to be my mate means nothing.

  His cat didn’t reply, but even his silence was telling. He was calling bullshit, and Vynn had to agree. That was a total load of bullshit.

  The fox looked warily around the room. It was nice, much nicer than the hovel her stupid human lived in, but she still wasn’t sure she liked it. It wasn’t the outdoors, and that’s where the fox was most comfortable.

  The man—Vynn—came into view. Hers. He was hers. This was his den, and since he lived here, maybe she should consider this her den, as well. She didn’t think she could convince him to live outside with her, which was a shame.

  Humans were such idiots.

  But he was her human, so she’d have to go along with what he wanted, for now. Since he brought her here, apparently this home was where he wanted them.

  Let me out now. Please.

  Pitiful, weak human. No.

  The threat is gone.

  The threat surrounds us. You would have led us right into it.

  You call Vynn yours. Do you really think he’d let anything happen to us?

  That made the fox pause. Maybe he wouldn’t. But she didn’t trust the human who shared her body. She fought to keep her suppressed. Buried so deeply, the fox could hardly see light. And she was tired of the dark.

  If she gave her the body back, she wouldn’t be able to see. Again.

  “You’re still a fox, I see. That’s okay. I can wait until you feel safe enough to shift.”

  That startled her enough to make her pause. He wanted her to give the human her body back? It felt like he just betrayed her, in a way.

  But the distraction was enough to make the human’s next push successful, and everything faded.

  A moment later, she existed no more.

  Ashley knelt on the floor, panting, her arms and legs trembling. A moment later, a blanket settled around her shoulders, and she jumped, startled. Gathering it around her, she moved into a sitting position, resting her back against the couch.

  Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back, trying to catch her breath. She was just getting it evened out when she felt movement beside her. Opening her eyes, she looked over, surprised to find Vynn sitting on the floor beside her.

  It shocked her, actually. He didn’t strike her as the type to lower himself to sitting on the floor, for anyone.

  But he had for her. Whoa.

  “You okay?” he asked, his deep voice sending a shiver dancing up her spine.

  Fighting to look casual, she shrugged. “I’ve been better, but I’ve been worse, too. How long was I a fox that time?”

  His brow furrowed as he looked at her. “You don’t know? Do you black out, or something?”

  “I don’t know if black out is the right term. Hell, maybe it is. I do sometimes get lost in the darkness when she takes over. Don’t you, when you shift?”

  “Hell, no. I’m right there in the moment.”

  Eyebrows rising, she tightened her grip on the blanket as she shifted sideways to look at him. “How is that possible? Doesn’t your animal push you into oblivion when he wins the fight?”

  He frowned. “What fight? Tell me, what happens when you shift, Ash?”

  “Ash?” she asked, looking at him in surprise. “No one’s ever called me that. I’ve never had a nickname at all. I like it.”

  Well, no nickname unless she counted Little Shit, Girl, and Bastard Girl, but she chose not to. Count them, that was.

  His dark brown eyes seemed to warm even as they lightened a shade, his lips curling into a smile. “I’m glad you like it. Now what’s this about fighting your animal?”

  She frowned. “I don’t know why I need to explain it to you. Don’t all shifters fight their animals? Maybe you’re an anomaly.”

  He shook his head slowly. “I assure you, I’m not. The majority of us don’t fight our animals for our bodies. We share. We work as one. Our animals are important to us. A part of us.”

  “You get along with yours?” she asked, unable to imagine that.

  “Of course. I don’t always agree with him, and he doesn’t agree with me, but we know we need each other. My tiger can be a know-it-all dick, but I trust him, for the most part. Trust is important.”

  She gaped as she stared at him. “Y-you’re a freakin’ tiger? Is everyone in this town a tiger?”

  “Well, yeah. Does that bother you?”

  “Not me, but it explains why my fox was freaked out. When I was able to surface, she kept talking about apex predators all around her.”

  His expression cleared as realization passed over his face. “That’s why you shifted. You sensed the tigers and wanted to protect yourself.”

  She shook her head, brow furrowed. “I didn’t shift. My fox sensed the other animals, ones that were bigger and badder than her, and I was distracted. I didn’t have the control over her I usually have, wasn’t pushing her down deep enough, and she took my body.”

  Cocking his head, he studied her, eyes roaming over her face before he locked gazes with her. “What do you mean, pushing her down deep?”

  She shook her head, words failing her. She wasn’t even sure she should talk about it, even with another shifter.

  Vynn reached out and gently touched one of the hands she had tightly clenched around the blanket. “Hey. You can talk to me. I won’t judge, and I won’t say anything to anyone else. I just want to help, and I can’t do that if I don’t understand.”

  Pursing her lips, she stared at him. She heard the truth in his voice, just like he taught her, but… “Why do you want to help me?”

  Surprise and uneasiness flitted across his face as he repositioned himself on the floor. Almost like he was squirming. B
ut a man like Vynn didn’t do shit like squirm, she knew that after only meeting him a couple of days ago. So what was it about her question that could inspire it now?

  “Can we just say I do, and leave it at that for now?”

  She nodded as she contemplated him. “Okay. But I’d like to come back to it before I leave.”

  “Okay. Now tell me what you meant a minute ago.”

  Blowing out a breath, she shrugged. “Just that I was taught that there’s nothing good about having an animal. It makes you abnormal, and, well, bad. The animals are bad. My dad said to push that part of my nature down deep and never let it out. So that’s what I do. What I’ve always done.”

  Vynn frowned as he shook his head, the scar on his cheek catching the light. “Your dad? Clearly he doesn’t like shifters, so does that mean he wasn’t one himself?”

  “No, he was human. My mom was the shifter.”

  “And she didn’t teach you differently?”

  “She died when I was five. That’s when the state found my dad and sent me to live with him. I’d never even met him before then.”

  Vynn moved around until he was facing her completely. “Ash, there’s nothing wrong with having an animal. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, and our animals aren’t bad. Sure, there are some bad seeds out there, just like there are some bad humans. But it doesn’t mean all of us are bad.”

  Chapter Five

  Ashley stared at Vynn, a frown on her face. What he said actually made sense, but surely it wasn’t that easy. She looked down at her hands, wondering if maybe she’d been too hard on herself. No. No, shifter animals were bad, and she wouldn’t let a man she only knew for a couple of days, one she was just now interacting with, tell her differently.

  “I’m not sure I believe that, but regardless of whether that’s true or not, mine isn’t one of the good ones. She’s vicious. She always tries to take my body, and then she refuses to give it back. I have to fight her for it every time, and I never know if I’ll ever be a human again.”

  “All of us need to shift every now and then, Ash. That doesn’t mean our animals are going to steal our bodies from us. How often do you willingly let her out?”

  Frowning, she shrugged. “Never.”

  His eyes widened. “Never? Not even when you were a kid?”

  “I was sent to my dad around the time I started shifting, and he beat into me that I should never let her out. That I was disgusting for doing so.”

  Eyes narrowing, his jaw clenched as he studied her. “Beat it into you, how?”

  She shrugged again. “The usual way, I suppose. His hand, the belt, a switch. Whatever was handy.”

  He cursed softly, his eyes turning whiskey brown before he looked away, inhaling deeply. When he looked at her again, his expression was calm, though his eyes remained lightened. “You know that’s not normal, right? Not all parents beat on their kids. In fact, most don’t. The fact that your dad did means he was unstable, and you can’t trust the words from a person like that.”

  “Did your dad beat on you?”

  A muscle in his jaw jumped before settling down. “Yeah, he did. But he was also a crazy motherfucker. I promise you, that shit’s not the norm.”

  She exhaled, shaking her head helplessly. “Regardless of why I started suppressing her, it was still a good thing I did. She’s one of those crazy ones, clearly. She likes to pretend I don’t exist.”

  “You mean the same way you pretend she doesn’t exist?” he asked gently. “You’ve kept her buried deeply for so long that she probably feels the same way about you. You have to let her out once in a while. Talk to her. Get to know her, and let her know you. Establish a bond, generate some trust.”

  She pursed her lips, tentatively opening the connection. Not a lot, because she was still weak and wouldn’t be able to fight her animal off if she tried to take her body. But that was enough for her fox to lunge up inside her, already fighting her for her body. Ashley immediately shut down the connection and pushed her animal back down deep.

  “No, it won’t work. I just tried and she immediately started fighting for my body.”

  “Because she thinks she has to. You need to go slowly and cautiously, but work on it a little every day. Besides, I know it hurts when you don’t shift. It hurts every shifter who goes too long.”

  “I can handle it. It doesn’t get too bad until a few months go by,” she replied with a shrug.

  His look turned incredulous. “Months? Jesus, Ashley.”

  “I know. I should be strong enough to go longer.”

  “That’s not—no, it’s—most shifters can only go a week or two, tops. That’s as long as you should give it.”

  She shook her head, not willing to do that, and not wanting to argue about it. “So how long was I the fox?”

  “All day.”

  Brow furrowing, she glanced at the window to see that it was almost night outside. “Shit. And you stayed with me the whole time, didn’t you? You missed your meetings. I’m so sorry. Don’t worry, I’ll be out of your hair tomorrow, and your life can get back to normal.”

  He looked hesitant for a moment, running his hand through his hair and messing the spikes up. “I think it might be a few days before I can take you to Denver, Ash. The snow started earlier than anticipated, and it’s been coming down heavily all day. They reported that they were closing the highway down at dusk.”

  Her eyes widened, and then she scrambled to her feet, tripping over the blanket in her haste. Righting herself, she walked to the window, looking out with dismay. There was probably half a foot of snow on the ground, maybe more, and it was coming down so heavily, visibility was virtually nonexistent. He was right. They couldn’t drive in that.

  “Maybe it’ll clear up by morning.”

  He came to stand beside her, and she could see him shaking his head in the reflection from the window. “Maybe, but I don’t think so. Forecast said the snow’s gonna fall for about three days or so.”

  “Shit.”

  “Is there a reason that urgent that you need to get to Eagle Creek soon?”

  She shook her head. “No, I just want to get this over with.”

  “Get what over with?”

  “Finding my brothers, asking my questions, and then getting my revenge.”

  Vynn’s head whipped toward Ashley, his eyebrows high as he stared at her. She just said that so easily, like saying she wanted revenge on her brothers was the most natural thing in the world.

  And then what she said sunk in. Her brothers. She had family there. In Eagle Creek.

  He’d been looking for a way in, a reason to go back there and find Ian, for so long, and now here she was, standing in front of him and offering him that reason on a silver platter. He could go with her to help her find her family, and while he was there, do what he needed to do to repay Ian for his scar.

  His tiger stirred uneasily in his chest, and Vynn prepared to tell him to stay out of it. That this was what he’d been waiting on for so long. But the words died before they could form, and his shoulders slumped.

  He couldn’t use Ashley like that. She deserved more than to be a pawn in his slightly twisted plans, and besides, he was trying to help her. Taking her there in the guise of giving her what she wanted while he went about his own plans wasn’t helping her.

  She had a ton of baggage. A not so good past. She was doing everything she could to pretend her fox didn’t exist, to push her animal down deep, and she was doing irreparable harm to both of her halves by doing that. She couldn’t possibly feel whole when she was so at odds with herself and her nature. And he needed her to feel whole. To feel happy.

  He needed that more than anything, and helping her was way more important than his quest for revenge on Ian and Luke.

  He wanted to track her dad down and kill the motherfucker for hurting her like he had.

  For daring to lay his hands on her, for teaching her that her animal was disgusting and something to be ashamed of. For taking her hap
piness away before she even had a chance to truly find it.

  Finally. You’re finally thinking of someone besides yourself, his tiger said with satisfaction.

  Shut up, he replied absently, stilling as what Ashley said finally sunk in.

  He’d been so focused on what her going to Eagle Creek meant for him that he hadn’t paid attention to her words. She said she wanted to find her brothers and get revenge. His gut coiled. The thought of her thirsting for revenge, on her family of all people, didn’t sit well with him.

  Pot calling kettle. All you’ve wanted for the past year was revenge.

  That’s different.

  Is it really?

  Frowning, he tried to shake his tiger’s words off. It was different. But this wasn’t about him, it was about her. He studied her, taking in her serene profile as she watched the snow fall. The blanket was still pulled around her shoulders—he really needed to find her some clothes—and her bright red curls were in tangles as they fell around her body. She looked so sweet and innocent standing there that it was hard to believe she was talking about revenge.

  “I didn’t realize you had any other family. What did they do that you feel you need to hurt them in some way?”

  “They’re not family in the sense that they’re people I know. I’ve never met them or even talked to them. My dad told me how awful they are, though. And then he left to talk to them, to let them know about me. Said he wanted me to have all my family. But he never came home. I’m sure they hurt him or got rid of him somehow. From everything he told me, it sounds like something they’d do.”

  His frown deepened. “Are you sure they’re bad? I’ve met the shifters in Eagle Creek, and your brothers were probably among them, and I didn’t get that vibe from any of them. And from everything everyone says, they’re good people.”

  Fuck, what alternate universe was he in that he was actually speaking up for those bastards over there? But hell, it was what he’d heard, and he didn’t want her to run off and do something she’d regret, all based on the word of an abusive asshole who clearly hadn’t had her best interests at heart.