Vynn (War Cats Book 4)

by Grace Brennan

  Maybe now that you know your own truth, you can forgive Vynn. He’s right about your dad. And he was right about you regretting getting revenge on your brothers if you’d been truly finding them for what you said you were.

  Ashley frowned uncertainly. No. The reasons why I was seeking them out to begin with might have changed, but it doesn’t change what he did. He still went behind my back and told them. That was still a betrayal.

  Her fox harrumphed inside her but didn’t press the point. Still, Ashley kept feeling that uncertainty. She told herself she still felt betrayed, but did she truly? She honestly wasn’t sure.

  Hell, how was she supposed to know whether anything she felt was genuine now? She’d fooled herself so long and so vigorously about her reasons for seeking her brothers out. How was she supposed to know whether what she was feeling was really what she felt?

  Sighing, she pushed herself up and walked to the door, trying to compose herself enough to be around people without them noticing that she was internally freaked out. She’d stay holed up in her bedroom forever if she could, but her stomach was growling loudly with hunger, so she had to get something to eat.

  She was walking down the hall to the kitchen, lost in thought, when someone turned a corner and bumped into her. She let out an oomph as hands reached out to steady her, and she looked sheepishly up at Zane.

  “Sorry. I was lost in thought. I should have been paying attention.”

  “No, it’s okay. Same for me, so don’t worry about it.” Pausing, he studied her closely, his green eyes intent. “Thinking about what you’re gonna do about Vynn?”

  She shrugged, not wanting to get into it. Apparently, she didn’t have as much control over her expression as she’d hoped. “Thinking about lots of different things.”

  His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say anything else for a long moment. She grew uncomfortable under his piercing stare and started to go around him, but he stopped her.

  “Wait. I really think you should talk to him. Give him a chance. I think he really did mean to help you.”

  She felt her eyes widen as she looked at him. “Are you really advocating for Vynn?”

  One side of his mouth quirked. “Pretty unbelievable, right? He just said some things that made me think last night. I might—might, mind you—have been wrong to judge him so harshly lately. I know you’re hurt. I know you feel like he betrayed you. But I think his intent was to help. And Vynn… well, he’s had a rough go of it. And there’s something he’s hiding from everyone, and I feel like he might be on the path to self-destruction.

  “He needs you, Ashley. I know, as mates, you have to be feeling this pull, this need, for him. And needing him might be worrying you. But trust me, he needs you a lot more than you need him. And I hate to think that he just tried to do the right thing for the first time ever maybe, and it ends up costing him his mate. Just think about it.”

  Nodding to her, he walked down the hallway, and she turned to stare after him. His words were resonating with her on a level she wasn’t sure she’d felt before or was comfortable with.

  But one thing was true. She was going to be thinking about his words all damned day.

  The doorbell rang and Vynn glanced over at the door from his spot on the couch, surprised. Not a lot of people visited his house. None, really, come to think of it. Damn, his life was as lonely and pathetic as it got.

  Where the fuck had that thought come from? He’d always thought his life was perfectly fine. And he tried to convince himself he still did, but the thought fell flat.

  Because life is lonely and pathetic without our mate, his tiger said inside him.

  Hell, maybe he had a point with that. Shoving those thoughts away, he glanced at his phone, wondering if a warrior had called and then decided to drop by when he didn’t answer, but he didn’t have any missed calls. The doorbell rang again, and he shoved to his feet, putting his tumbler glass on the table.

  Opening the door, he froze when he saw Ashley on his doorstep. She half smiled, uncertainty shining from her gray streaked green eyes.

  “Can we talk?” she asked softly.

  Fuck, he was an idiot, just staring at her while she shivered in the cold. Hastily stepping back he gestured her inside. “Of course. Come on in.”

  She walked past him into the living room, unzipping her—his—coat and handing it to him when he held his hand out for it. He hung it up, feeling nervous as fuck. Nervous. Jesus, who was he? He never felt nerves.

  “Have a seat.”

  She nodded and walked to the couch, looking up at him as she sank down onto the cushion. “I had a revelation this morning.”

  He looked at her curiously as he sat down on the other end, careful not to sit too close. He didn’t want to spook her. “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah. I realized that my reasons for looking for my brothers weren’t what I thought they were. I do have questions, and I did plan on revenge if I didn’t like the answers. But not because I thought they killed my dad. Because I wanted to know why they left me with him for so long without rescuing me.”

  Stunned, he stared at her, mouth opening and closing like a fish. “I’m not even sure what to say to that. Are you realizing that your dad wasn’t a good man?”

  She exhaled, nodding. “I always knew it. I just repressed it. I repressed all emotion, really. I never let myself feel things. My dad was a drunken bastard, and that’s the truth of it. He was mean sober, and vicious drunk. He slapped me around regularly and made me feel completely worthless. I worked myself to death, trying to make enough money to buy groceries with what he didn’t use to buy more alcohol. I cooked and cleaned tirelessly. I killed myself to please him.

  “But it wasn’t possible. No matter what I did, I couldn’t please him. And he treated me like shit. Worse than shit, really. And when I found out about my brothers, I was mad and hurt that they’d left me with him. Pissed as hell that they’d gotten out and left me there. But I don’t like feeling things, so I suppressed the emotions and pretended I didn’t feel them. So much so that I blinded myself to the truth of why I wanted to find them.”

  Fuck. So many different emotions crashed over him. Relief that she wasn’t in denial about the kind of man her father was. Sadness for the little girl who’d had to grow up with that kind of father. And rage at a man who’d treat her like that. If he wasn’t already dead, he’d find him and kill him. Rip him to shreds with his bare hands.

  Struggling to control his anger, he looked at Ashley where she was staring at the fingers she was twisting together on her lap. Reaching over, he placed his hand over them, squeezing gently and smiling reassuringly at her when she looked at him.

  “We all fool ourselves from time to time, Ash. You look like you’re embarrassed about that, but you shouldn’t be. You went through a trauma, and that was just you reacting to it. It’s a coping mechanism. We all have it, and we’ve all done it.”

  She looked at him intently, her fox clearly shining through in her eyes. “Even you?”

  Startled, he frowned, cocking his head. “What do you mean?”

  Exhaling lightly, she turned to face him on the couch. “I talked to Zane today. He told me not to be so hard on you. To talk to you. That you’ve had it rough, and you’re planning something that could destroy you. What did he mean by that?”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Zane said all that?”

  “He did.”

  Blowing out a breath, he rubbed his hand over his spiky hair, uncaring of whether he messed it up or not. “I’ve told you about my upbringing, Ash. You know it wasn’t the best.”

  “But what did he mean about you planning something that could destroy you? Don’t hide it from me, Vynn. Let me in. I’ve let you in. Literally and figuratively.”

  Her eyes twinkled as she added the last part and he chuckled. When it died down, he turned so they were completely facing each other on the couch.

  “You’re not the only one who has plans for revenge, Ash.”

  She f
rowned. “What do you mean by that?”

  He gestured toward the scars on his cheek. “I want revenge on the shifters responsible for this.”

  Her eyes narrowed, sparks of ire burning bright. “You hated my plans for revenge, Vynn. You did what you could to derail them.”

  “Because you wanted it for all the wrong reasons.”

  “What if I told you your reasons are wrong?”

  “They aren’t—”

  “But you think that’s up to you to decide, don’t you?”

  He frowned. “Well, yeah. I was the one who was marked. I get to decide if I want revenge.”

  She reached over and smacked him on the chest. A current of electricity slammed into his chest and he flinched. “Fuck, that hurt.”

  She looked at him sheepishly. “Sorry. I’ve learned I do it when I get all worked up, especially with anger. But that’s fucked up, Vynn. Don’t you see that? I was the one hurt by my brothers, even if it wasn’t for the reason I thought. So it should have been me who got to decide if it was worth revenge. How would you feel if I tried to derail yours?”

  “No one can derail it, baby. You can bet on that.”

  She growled and reached over to smack him again, and he grabbed onto her wrist, surprised when it didn’t shock him. But maybe her gift was just through her palms. She tugged, but he didn’t let go.

  “You’re missing the point, asshole.”

  His lips quirked. “You don’t have to shock me to get your point across. And there’s something I need to tell you, but I just want to tell you first that there are better ways of getting your anger across other than shocking me.”

  Her eyes darkened and she wet her lips as she glanced at his. He nearly groaned as he watched it, and then she surprised him as she lunged across the couch, sealing her mouth to his. Fuck, his body instantly caught fire, and he yanked her in as he thrust his tongue in her mouth, needing to taste her.

  She moaned, tangling her tongue with his. She moved higher on the couch, and the heel of her foot knocked into his glass, sending it spilling to the floor.

  She yanked away, glancing down as her nose wrinkled, and when she looked at him again, her expression was horrified. Pulling away, she said, “You drink?”

  He frowned, wondering why the thought disturbed her so much, then nearly smacked his forehead when the realization came to him. “Ashley, baby. It’s not what you think. I rarely drink, but even if I did, I promise it wouldn’t matter. Alcohol doesn’t affect shifters. You’d have to drink massive amounts to get drunk, and that’s not anywhere close to what I do. I just have a glass every once in a while because I enjoy the taste. That’s all.”

  Her expression was uncertain, but it finally eased as she realized he was telling the truth. “Whew, that’s a relief. Okay, where were we? I promise I’ll clean it up later.”

  She leaned in, and he almost gave in, but he stopped her right before their lips touched. “There really is something I need to tell you, Ash. We should probably talk.”

  Shaking her head, she leaned in and nipped his bottom lip, sending desire rushing through his body. “Talk later, too. I fucking need you right now, Vynn.”

  Well, shit. It would take a shifter with superhuman strength, even beyond what they were given naturally as a gift to resist that. Giving in, he sealed his mouth to hers, plundering with his tongue. She moved to straddle him, returning every bit of his intensity and amping it up a notch.

  Tangling his hands in her hair, he pulled her head back, kissing down her neck and sucking on her sweet skin every other kiss. She moaned, grinding on him, causing his dick to strain even harder toward her. He reached her shoulder, groaning in frustration at the cloth barrier of her shirt.

  “Fuck it. I’ll buy you another.”

  She raised her head, eyes questioning, but he just grasped the neckline and tore it down the center. She gasped, giggling as she let it fall off her arms.

  “Was that really necessary?”

  Fire was racing through his blood as he drank her in, and he nodded. “Hell fucking yes, it was necessary.”

  He raised his hands, cupping her breasts through her bra, finding her nipples with his thumbs and rubbing them through the lacy fabric. She moaned, her hands clutching his shoulders, as she ground down hard on him.

  “Have you noticed that this is exactly where we started out two nights ago?” she asked breathlessly, her grayish green eyes glazed with desire.

  He paused, looking around him, feeling like he was in a fog of desire and lust. “So it is. Let’s move this to the bedroom.”

  Setting his hands on her waist, he picked her up and made sure she was steady on her feet as he stood. He turned to lead the way, pausing when he heard her voice from behind him.

  “Or maybe we just stay here.”

  Turning, he froze when he saw her kicking her boots off, her jeans already unbuttoned and unzipped. Mouth drying, he watched as she shoved them and her panties down to the floor, stepping out of them. He ran his gaze over her, eyes darting all over her body, trying to take her in.

  Fuck, his mate was gorgeous. All that creamy skin was on display, her legs looked a mile long, and she had bright red curls guarding her entrance. As he watched, her arms went behind her and she unhooked her bra, letting it drop to the ground beside her. Looking up at him, she bit her bottom lip, her eyes full of heat that made his skin feel like it was sparking with electricity.

  “Are you going to leave me the only one naked?”

  Her husky voice snapped him out of his daze, and he reached for the hem of his shirt so fast, his arms blurred. Yanking it off his head, he tossed it to the ground and reached for the button of his jeans, thankful he didn’t have shoes on. He pulled the zipper of his jeans down carefully, hissing as he got it past his throbbing dick, and then shoved them off. Stumbling in his haste to step out of them, he cursed, and as soon as he was free, he yanked her to him, reveling in the thud of her hot, naked body against his.

  He kissed her at the same time his hands cupped her breasts again, and he caressed and squeezed as she writhed against him. Fuck, she was going to be the death of him, and they’d barely started. Wrenching his mouth from hers, he bent over and licked at one of her nipples before sucking it into his mouth. Suckling hard, he flicked the other nipple with his fingers and then plucked and gently twisted it.

  She moaned, her hips undulating against his leg, and he trailed one hand down past her waist, his fingers finding the thin layer of curls over her core. They were already wet from her desire, and he groaned, his dick thumping as his fingers easily slid inside.

  He quickly found her swollen clit, and he ran a finger directly over it as she gasped. Rubbing a slow circle around it, he increased his speed and strength with every pass as he switched his mouth to her other nipple, sucking it hard into his mouth.

  Ashley moaned, her fingernails digging painfully into his shoulders, but it was a sensation he loved. She writhed against him, her hips moving in time with his fingers, and he bit gently down on her nipple before releasing it, standing to take her mouth in a blistering kiss.

  He eased his fingers inside her, pumping them in once, twice, then moving back to her clit, speeding up. She bit down on his lip, one of her soft hands finding his dick and stroking it in a long pull before squeezing.

  “Fuck, baby. Stop that. I’m gonna come if you don’t.”

  She smiled against his lips, shaking her head, and he doubled his efforts on her swollen nub. He wasn’t joking about coming, and he sure as fuck didn’t want to come in her hand. Not this time, anyway. He needed to be inside her again.

  He pressed his finger directly over her clit and she gasped, her body shuddering against his. Letting go of his dick, she clutched the backs of his arms, her fingernails drawing blood, as she came apart in his arms. Her body shook and jerked in his arms, and he reveled in it, unable to hold his grimace in. His dick was so hard, it was painful, and he needed to get inside her.

  Like she was reading his
mind, she pulled back, her body still shuddering, and gasped out, “Condom and inside me. Now.”

  Nodding, he nipped her bottom lip before turning and fumbling in his jeans for his wallet. Fishing a condom out, he ripped it open and started to put it on, turning before he was finished. When he looked back up, he froze, hands still on his dick.

  Ashley had her back turned toward him, leaning over with her elbows propped up on the arm of the couch. Her head was turned toward him, her eyes heavy lidded with satisfaction, but still gleaming with fresh desire. Her pert ass was in the air, her dripping center on display, and his balls tightened at the sight she made.

  “Come on, Vynn. Fuck me.”

  Holy. Shit. Moving forward, he slapped her ass lightly, unable to help himself, watching her cheek jiggle with the aftereffects. She gasped, arching her back, bringing his attention back to her core. Squaring up behind her, he rubbed his dick through her folds, coating himself with her wetness, before lining up at her entrance.

  He eased inside, his breath hissing out of his body as her walls gripped him tightly. He went slowly at first, gaining speed with each thrust, and soon he was pounding into her, his hips slapping loudly on hers.

  Ashley moaned, her fingers digging into the couch arm, her hips moving to meet his every thrust. A haze was coating his vision as he pumped into her, his balls drawing up tight to his body as his spine tingled, and he knew he was close.

  Keeping one hand on her hip, he leaned over, placing his lips on her neck at the same time his other fingers found her clit again. He rubbed in fast and hard circles as he thrust into her, his teeth biting down gently on her neck.

  She gasped, her head dropping down as her body shook, her fingers turning white with the force of her grip on the couch. A few more passes of his fingers, a few more thrusts inside her, and she was coming, her walls spasming around his dick and causing his vision to go white.