Hannah's Blessing

by Collette Scott

  “When are you leaving?”

  Devlan chuckled, though his face appeared strained. “Not soon enough for you?”

  “No, no,” she said hastily. “It’s just that I’m trying to arrange a time for Hannah to see you.”

  “Why not now? She’s here, isn’t she?”

  “Actually, she’s with some friends.”

  “I see. How about tomorrow? When does she finish school?”

  Out of the corner of her eye she saw Brad returning with Hannah and Bryce. Her baby was howling at the top of his lungs, but when Brad saw her with Devlan, he quickly turned them around.

  In her desperation, she grasped Devlan’s lightweight suit jacket. “Tomorrow’s fine. Come around three or so?”

  “Three. Fine.”

  Diana smiled evasively. “I’ve got to run. I’ll see you later.”

  Though he appeared confused at her sudden change of heart, Devlan nodded again. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Diana quickly slipped into the crowds. She headed straight for the cries of the baby, leaving Devlan to remain where she left him, a frown marring his handsome face.

  Little Bryce had worked himself into a full frenzy when she at last met the frazzled trio. She managed a small laugh at Brad, who was gently bouncing the baby over his shoulder.

  “He’s hungry,” she explained.

  Brad rolled his eyes. “I can’t help him there.”

  “Give him to me.” She took the hungry baby and immediately he stopped fussing. He sucked furiously on his fist and continued whimpering in discomfort. “Can you drive us home? I’ll take care of him there.”

  Brad nodded, but he had a worried look in his eye. “He followed you here?”

  “No. He said he wanted to see the sights. I’m pretty sure I lost him in the crowd.”

  “Diana, when is this guy leaving? Things could turn very ugly if he finds out by accident. He’s going to think you’re keeping his son from him.”

  “I know,” she moaned. “I made plans for him to meet with Hannah tomorrow. I’ll figure this out by then.”

  She grimaced as she spoke, and Brad eyed her speculatively. “You don’t want him to go, do you?”

  She shook her head, but Brad pressed on.

  “You don’t. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you want to tell him how much you love him, don’t you?”

  She shook her blond head. “You don’t understand… you don’t know.”

  “Know what?”

  “He’s so powerful and can have anything he wants. It’s a whole different lifestyle. I’m happy here, with you and Jimmy.”

  “Because you think I’m safe. Hell, you think it makes you safe, but you can’t hide forever. Sooner or later you have to take a chance.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  He was unapologetic. “But it’s the truth.”

  “Just bring me home,” she said. “My head hurts from all of this.”

  She really did not want to think about things so far in the future. Besides, from the way he had sounded that afternoon, he had no intentions of seeking her out after they said their farewells. She heard from his own lips that he had just come to see that she was all right.

  Oh, how it hurt to admit how badly she had botched such a good thing. She had set her guard so high that she had run at the first sign of trouble. Despite her vows of protecting her heart, she had broken it herself – and his. It had been hard enough to move on with her life, let alone now seeing him again after all this time. Knowing she had hurt him too just seemed to make things so much harder.

  No matter how much she wished for it, she knew their time together was over. They had shared some beautiful moments, and he had truly given her the most precious gift of life and love. But she had been foolish, and she had trampled on that gift.

  “We’re home!” Hannah hollered.

  Diana returned to the present and smiled at her daughter. She would need to explain to her about Devlan’s return to the scene. The very idea saddened her. Once more she was teasing her firstborn with Devlan’s companionship when she knew it would only be fleeting, but how could she say no?

  “I’m going to go work out. I’ll bring Hannah with me, so you’ll have time to think and relax with Bryce.”

  Diana smiled her thanks to Brad and concentrated on getting Bryce in the house and fed. She retired to the rocking chair in her and Hannah’s room and tried her best to soothe the fussing baby. Outside her room she heard Hannah’s chatter and smiled. How she loved her two children. She had truly been blessed.

  Bryce’s avid sucking had quieted down to an occasional one as he fell asleep. She gently shifted him to her shoulder and began to pat his back. The overtired infant continued sleeping, even when three burps erupted from deep within his small belly.

  She carefully placed him in his small cradle and smoothed back the dark hair. What a joy her son was becoming. Just a few days before he had bestowed upon her a gas-induced toothless smile which was so like his father’s that her heart truly melted. She had to tell Devlan. He had to see his son. Hopefully they could be strong and provide him with the best upbringing possible.

  She covered the sleeping baby and exited the room, closing the door softly behind her. Then she strolled down the hall to the kitchen, only to find Hannah and Brad munching on tortilla chips.

  “Aren’t you going to work out?” she asked pointedly. She picked up their empty glasses and washed them, then began working on the rest of the dirty dishes in the sink.

  Flashing her a wry grin, Brad pushed aside the bag of chips. “You’re right. We’re going. Come on kid, I’ll take you to the workout room and you can help me lift weights.”

  “Promise?” Hannah asked, her eyes gleaming with excitement.

  Brad shrugged and tossed a towel around his neck. “Only if you’re nice. Come on, I’ll race you.”

  He allowed Hannah to beat him to the door, and her nimble little fingers hurriedly unbolted it and pulled it open. Much to their surprise, she revealed Devlan standing there with his hand poised to knock.

  “Uncle Devvie!” Hannah screamed.

  Brad’s eyes widened in surprise, and he glanced over his shoulder at Diana. “You’ve got company.”

  Too stunned to move, Diana watched as Hannah threw herself at Devlan with a squeal of joy. “Oh Uncle Devvie, we’ve missed you so much!”

  Devlan laughed and swung her into his arms. He spun her around and around until she laughingly begged him to stop. With a squeeze and a chuckle he set her down on her feet and squatted to her height.

  “Let me get a look at you,” he said, holding her at arm’s length.

  “I’ve grown,” she stated.

  “I see.” He nodded his head. “Yes, you have. And you’ve gotten even prettier.”

  “I have a loose tooth,” she announced. He watched proudly as she opened her mouth and began to wiggle her tooth.

  “It’s going to come out soon,” he said.

  Diana approached, drying her hands on a dishtowel. Devlan’s gaze met hers, and he regained his full height. He astutely took in Brad’s change of dress and impending departure.

  “Good evening, Diana. Are you on your way out?”

  Diana opened her mouth to answer, but Brad beat her to the chase. “No, Hannah and I are.”

  Brad stepped aside so Devlan could enter, and Diana watched as her former lover took in Brad’s painting supplies and canvases scattered in the living room. Sensing the direction of his thoughts, she stepped forward and came to stand between the two men.

  “Devlan, may I introduce Brad Vember. Brad, this is Devlan Doyle.”

  The two men eyed each other with newfound interest. She saw how Brad’s eyes widened in recognition. Not surprisingly, he had heard of Devlan before, and Devlan was meeting the artist who had painted her as a water sprite.

  To her surprise, Devlan continued to remain impassive. He held out his hand with a polite smile. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Vember. I admire your work.”
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  “And I yours.”

  Devlan cocked his head, and his eyes narrowed suspiciously when Diana’s sharp intake of breath reached his ears. Fortunately Hannah came to the rescue by throwing herself once more at Devlan.

  “Look, Uncle Devvie! I can dance now.”

  She did a clumsy pirouette for him, and then waited expectantly for his applause. Instead he reached forward to hug her tightly again. His eyes appeared suspiciously moist. “Goodness, I missed you, little one,” he breathed into her golden hair.

  “Well, we should get going,” Brad announced, scowling meaningfully at Diana.

  She watched with growing panic. If Hannah and Brad left, she would be alone with Devlan. There was no way of knowing how that would turn out. “Why don’t you stay and let Hannah visit with Devlan for a while? That way he can go home in the morning.”

  Devlan released Hannah and smiled at Diana. “No. That won’t be necessary. I’ve already got a time slot to leave tomorrow afternoon. I can still visit with Hannah after school.” He glanced down at the child. “Would you like that? Do you want me to visit with you tomorrow?”

  “Oh, yes!”

  “Then it’s settled,” he said triumphantly.

  Diana clenched her teeth. She could not understand why Brad was not helping her. Instead her traitorous friend took a hold of Hannah’s small hand and led her to the door.

  “We’ll be back in a little while,” he called over his shoulder.

  As the door shut behind the pair, Devlan advanced even further into the apartment. His keen eyes took in everything, from the scattered dolls to the numerous paints. The cluttered scene left no doubt that they all shared an apartment. Devlan’s mouth thinned as he glanced around.

  “I’m sorry for all the clutter,” Diana said as she came forward to clear off the small futon. “I haven’t been home long enough to pick up.”

  “Home,” he repeated, as if not wanting to believe it. “You all live here then?”

  “Yes,” she answered. “Brad took us in when we left California.”

  Devlan’s head inclined slightly at her words. She saw his fists clench by his sides, but he showed no emotion in his angular face. The silence that followed hung heavily in the air, and Diana busied herself by returning to the small kitchen and drying the freshly washed dishes. Remembering her manners, Diana grudgingly spoke up. “Can I get you anything? Water, soda, tea?”

  He shook his head in the negative, and silence once again fell.

  Thankfully there was nothing about that would indicate an infant in the house, and Diana felt relief at the reprieve. How she would approach the subject was still up in the air, and she wished she could have had the chance to call Thomas first.

  Devlan followed her in and took a seat at the small dining room table. He watched her work intently, and Diana felt his gaze burning her where it landed.

  “You do look good,” he commented.

  She gave him a sarcastic look. “I look chubby. Admit it, Devlan. I know I’ve put on weight. But it’s okay, I don’t mind.”

  He smiled, though it did not quite reach his eyes. “So where did you meet Brad Vember?”

  “I see,” she said. “Is this about Brad?”

  His brows lifted over falsely innocent eyes. “No. I was merely curious to know who it was that stole you away from me.”

  She threw back her head and laughed. But it was a nervous laugh, and she felt none of the humor she displayed. She could not understand how he could not see how much she still ached for him. “Brad is a friend of Allan’s. He sent me to him when I called for help.”

  “Called for help?” He frowned, his despair plain in his intense eyes. “Why is it you’ll ask anyone for help but me? A complete stranger? You would even go to a man you had never met, but you wouldn’t come to me?”

  Diana finished putting away the last dish before she answered him. “Look, Devlan, Brad is gay. He has absolutely no interest in me whatsoever. He’s been involved with Jimmy for as long as I’ve known him.”

  Devlan had the grace to look surprised before he chuckled. “Jimmy? The one at the gallery?”

  “Yes,” she said, unable to hide her own smile. “We’re all one, big happy family.”

  Devlan came to his feet and approached Diana. She backed away until she rested against the counter. Suddenly she was transported back in time to the day he had first kissed her. Unconsciously her mouth opened for his kiss, but Devlan stopped too far away to touch her.

  “Why are you here?” she asked, her tone revealing her irritation.

  Devlan sighed. “I don’t know, Diana.” He nodded in the direction of the coffeepot. “Maybe we could share a cup of coffee.”

  “You came here for a cup of coffee?”

  His face broke into one of his heart stopping smiles. The sight brightened up the room in addition to his face. Diana longed to reach out and touch his shadowed cheek. She wanted so desperately to huddle within the strength of his arms. But she did neither, and her hands remained by her side. As he watched her, Devlan’s smile slowly faded, and his eyes began to gleam. Diana saw the look, one she had seen before, and quickly turned away before she exposed too much.

  “No, I didn’t come for a cup of coffee.” His voice was warm, and he continued talking as she hastily filled up the coffeepot. “I don’t know for sure why I came. All I know is that all this time I’ve suffered, wracking my brain to figure out why you left without saying a word to anyone. I couldn’t figure out what I’d done to scare you away. And now you’re here, right in front of me, with such a simple excuse that I feel like I’m missing something.”

  She refused to look at him for fear he would be able to see the lie on her face. “Missing something?”

  “Yes, like there’s more to the story that I don’t know about. I mean, why run away so quickly, without even questioning me? What drove you to sneak off in the middle of the night without a word to anyone?”

  Finally she turned around to face him, her eyes again filled with tears. She wished so desperately that she could tell him the truth. Tell it all to him. About the baby, about Roxanne’s visit. But it would do no good. He made it plain earlier that his offer was no longer valid. She had already hurt him so much.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I never meant to hurt you. I was so scared.”

  “Scared? Of what?”

  She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter now, does it?”

  Devlan reached forward and took a hold of her arms. His eyes burned with urgency. “It does matter. I think it does.”

  “Devlan, please.”

  “I need to know, Diana. It does matter to me.”

  “There are other things to talk about now. We shouldn’t be looking at the past. We need to discuss the future,” she said quickly.

  “I’m still stuck in the past.”

  Diana struggled to catch her breath. Things were moving so fast. Devlan’s warm grasp was burning her arms, and he was so close she could smell the familiar scent of his cologne. It was the same scent that she had fallen in love with so long ago, and it hurt her so much to be so close to him again.

  “It shouldn’t matter anymore, Devlan. Please. I’ve tried to put you out of my life, to move on. Don’t make it any harder than it has to be.”

  Devlan inched closer in the small kitchen, and his breath fell heavy on her upturned face. It smelled like mint, like the freshness after the rain. “You’re so wrong. I will always be in your life, no matter what. We shared something that was very special. You can’t deny that.” His voice grew husky as his face lowered to mere inches from hers. “Or this…”

  He continued his descent, and Diana’s eyes drifted closed. She could not stop him, even if she wanted to. She felt the softness of his lips brush against hers just as the first cry went up. He froze where he was, his full lower lip just barely touching hers.

  The cry came again, and Diana squeezed her eyelids together. Well, she had tried. Devlan released his grip on her and took
a step back.

  “That was a baby.”

  Diana bit her lip as she nodded. Devlan continued to frown. “But I thought you said you and Brad…” His voice trailed off as he inspected her again. “You’re not chubby. You’ve...”

  Diana stood so still she felt she could have been molded from clay. Devlan continued to fight against the odds, obviously afraid to admit the truth. Throughout his inner debate, Bryce’s cries grew stronger as he became more fully awake. Suddenly Devlan turned and stumbled down the hall, one hand reaching out to guide him along. The door to her room was opened, and he approached the small cradle by the light of the night-light while Diana scooped the baby up. A small burp broke the silence as the child moved, explaining his sudden wakefulness, and Devlan’s mouth hung open as he stared at his very likeness. His face appeared pinched, and it was void of any color. It was plain to Diana that he did not know where to go from here.

  “This is my child.” His voice was soft, almost a caress.

  Diana nodded. “Yes, that’s what I was trying to tell you.”

  “And this child is the reason Thomas told me to contact him?”

  Again she nodded. How dubious she had been. How selfish. The pain mirrored on his face was second only to hers. Yet she was the cause of his pain. It was her actions that had hurt him so terribly. “I never meant,” she stammered. But she stopped speaking for she knew she would only lie.

  Handing him the small bundle, she watched as he took Bryce in his arms and held him close. Through her own tears Diana thought she saw some glistening in Devlan’s eyes. He held their child so close that Diana’s heart ached for them. They did belong together; she could not hide it.

  Devlan raised his face from Bryce’s silky black hair and glared at Diana. “How could you have kept this from me all this time? You were pregnant with my child and ran away?”

  She shook her head wordlessly. If only he knew how badly she had longed for him through it all.

  “You realize that I will change my will to include this infant.”

  “Bryce,” Diana offered.

  “Bryce.” He again kissed Bryce’s warm head and rubbed his cheek against the soft skin, but his voice was like ice. “And you realize that I will take custody of this child.”