by E. L. Todd
He turned his hand over and squeezed mine. “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
Mr. Gorgeous came in again a few days later.
This time, he looked even sexier than last time. He’d ditched the suit and wore workout clothes, a gray t-shirt that fit snugly across the muscles of his arms and chest. His shirt wasn’t damp, so it seemed like he was going to the gym after he picked up his next piece of lingerie. His running shorts showed off his toned legs and nice calves. He was over six feet of masculine beauty.
The bell rang overhead, and he moved past the hangers of lingerie and the tables with lacy thongs and panties. He didn’t stop to look at anything, probably trusting that Lacey had picked out the perfect thing to wear.
I was so obsessed with those green eyes and muscular physique that I nearly forgot to greet him when he stopped right in front of me. “Uh, hi.” The words stumbled out of my mouth without a hint of confidence, and I wanted to smack myself right across the forehead. Shyness was not sexy at all.
“Hey.” He made eye contact with me and flashed me that pearly white smile. He had full lips that I could picture right against my mouth. My lips could practically feel his softness without even touching him. My mind continued to slip away into erotic fantasies with unbridled freedom. It was probably because I hadn’t been intimate with a man in so long, and even my last screw was questionable. Now, my body was going crazy.
“Hi.” Ugh, I already said that.
Instead of brushing me off or rolling his eyes, he smiled wider. “Hi.”
At least he was nice about it. “Another pick up for Lacey?” Now that I thought about it, I realized I hadn’t seen an order for Lacey. I had an order for Brenda, but that was it.
He rubbed his hand across his smooth jaw, probably checking the closeness of his morning shave. “No. It’s for Brenda.” He lowered his hand, his soft smile stretching once more.
There was another woman? Then he definitely didn’t have a girlfriend. He was the player Stella pegged him as, buying lingerie for different women and enjoying every moment of it.
And that meant he was single.
I could totally go for him.
All I wanted was sex anyway, so this was perfect. I could even bring my own lingerie.
I grabbed the bag from under the counter and placed it in front of him. “There you go. Did you need anything else?” How did I even ask a guy out? Did I just invite him over to my place? Did I just blurt out that I wanted to have sex with him? Man, I had no game at all.
“Thank you.” He grabbed the bag by the handle and held it at his side, but he didn’t walk out right away. He continued to stand there and look at me.
Maybe he would ask me out and I wouldn’t have to worry about it at all.
“Is this your store?” he asked.
Not the question I was looking for. “Yes, it is. I’ve been running it for almost five years.”
“That’s awesome,” he said with sincerity. “Do you offer any special events? Like bridal showers?”
Maybe I’d made the wrong assumption about this guy. Maybe he wasn’t straight at all. The hot ones were usually gay, so that wouldn’t be surprising. When it came to reading orientation, I already proved how bad I was at it. Maybe I was completely wrong about this guy. “I do, actually.”
“Thanks.” He spotted my business card sitting on the counter, so he placed it in his pocket before he turned away. “Have a good day.” He walked to the front door, his rock-hard ass tight even in running shorts.
Whether he was straight or gay, nothing was going to happen with this guy. “Yeah…you too.” If he was straight, he wasn’t interested in me. And if he was gay…he still wasn’t interested in me.
My return to dating life was getting off to a bad start.
A knock sounded on my door.
I was sitting on the couch with a glass of wine in my hand. My hair was pulled back into a bun, and I was looking over my bookkeeping while the game was on in the background. Instead of going out or to the gym, I decided to stay in—and forget about my uneventful afternoon. “It’s open.”
Colton opened the door. He was in his gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt, clothes I bought him for Christmas a few years ago. “What are you up to?”
“Watching the game, eating dinner, and working.” I turned back to my notes.
He eyed the table and only noticed my bottle of wine. “So what are you eating for dinner?”
I held my wineglass. “This.”
He chuckled. “I have some leftover enchiladas. You want some?”
I missed his cooking. He used to take care of all the meals when we lived together. The only thing I could cook with was a toaster, and even then, I burned everything. “No thanks. I had a big lunch today.”
He stood behind the couch and watched the TV. “How are the Maroons doing?”
Maybe I should have figured out he was gay a long time ago since he had no interest in sports. He couldn’t even remember the team names. I loved baseball, basketball, and football, so sports were on all year for me. Whenever I watched a game, he usually found something else to do. “The Mariners.”
“Oh yeah. Sorry.”
“They’re winning, thankfully.”
He helped himself to an empty glass in the kitchen before he filled it with wine. Then he sat beside me on the couch and put his feet on the coffee table.
I didn’t mind because my feet were always on the coffee table.
“Brought work home today?”
“Yeah, I had a lot of customers today, so I didn’t get this done in the office.”
“Being busy is a good thing.”
“It is. I’m not complaining.” I took another sip of my wine then glanced at him on the other side of the couch. It seemed like there was something he wanted to talk about, but he was taking a long time to get to the point.
“Mr. Gorgeous stop by?”
“Actually, he did.”
He turned his head my way, interested. “Did you go for it?”
“No. I chickened out.”
“Why?” He ran his fingers through his short blond hair, naturally magnetic without even realizing it. I used to notice all those little movements he made when we were married. I still noticed them now, but I didn’t want to jump his bones anymore. “Pepper, I know I’m gay, but trust me when I say you’re gorgeous. If you throw yourself at any straight man, he’s gonna say yes.”
“That’s nice of you to say, but I really don’t have any game anymore. It’s been so long since I’ve been single, I don’t even remember how to be single.”
“You don’t need game,” Colton said. “I’m serious. Just ask him out. You don’t need to jump through any hoops like men do.”
“I don’t even want to ask him out. I just want sex.” It was an awkward thing to say to Colton, since he was the man I used to sleep with, but he was probably just as frustrated with his dry spell.
Instead of being uncomfortable, he grinned. “If you say that, then he’ll definitely, absolutely, say yes. That’s every man’s fantasy, listening to a woman ask for sex point-blank.”
“I might have pulled that off years ago, but not anymore.”
“Why not?” he asked. “You’re even more beautiful today than the day I met you.”
We got married when we were twenty-one. We were young at the time but in love…or so I thought. Now I was twenty-six, and I still had time to play the field before I really thought about having a family. “You’re sweet, Colton.”
“Well, I mean it.” He scooted closer to me on the couch and rested his hand on my thigh. “I want you to have everything you want. I know you’re going to get your happily ever after, and that guy is gonna be much better for you than I ever was.”
My eyes softened. “I don’t know about that…”
“I think so. And the nice part is, I won’t be losing you. I’ll be getting another friend, another family member.”
I guess I felt that way about him, whenever he fo
und someone he really liked. “That’s a good way to put it.”
He turned to the TV and watched the game for a bit, sipping his glass of wine as I returned to working on my books. “I don’t see how you follow this. It’s so boring. So much waiting around. At least with basketball, there’s always something happening.”
“Each sport has its perks.”
“I guess,” he said. “Baseball players wear those supertight pants, so that’s nice.”
It was the first time I’d heard him say something like that, and surprisingly, it didn’t feel strange. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.” He didn’t take his eyes off the TV.
“When did you know?” I didn’t need to specify exactly what I meant. We’d never talked about this before because I didn’t have the heart to ask. Now that I’d had enough time to get over Colton, I could finally ask these questions.
He shrugged. “I guess I kinda always knew. I just always felt like something was missing. I had the perfect wife and the perfect marriage…but it didn’t feel complete. I found myself aroused in the locker room at the gym. It kept creeping up, and the more I fought it, the more difficult it became. Then I started having really vivid dreams, and there was no hiding it anymore. I wanted to make it go away because I was so happy with you…but I couldn’t.”
“I’m glad you didn’t, Colton. Everyone deserves to be in love and to be happy. If you weren’t in love…that’s okay.”
He turned to me, sadness in his eyes. “I wanted to be.”
I grabbed his arm and rubbed it gently. “I know you did. But you’re going to find exactly what you’re looking for someday. And the same thing will happen to me.”
He nodded. “You’ve been so easy on me, Pepper. Not very many women would be so understanding.”
“Well, I really love you, Colton. No matter what.”
A ghost of a smile formed on his lips. “I really love you, babe.” He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. “I really like what we have. I feel like we have everything we had before…and now we have a better relationship.”
“Yeah, me too.”
He released my hand and relaxed back into the couch.
“So, when are we gonna talk to your parents?”
“Well…I have some news on that front. My brother called me this afternoon.”
I’d never met his older brother, not once. He didn’t come to the wedding or a single holiday. He’d been in the military for the past decade. He was constantly overseas, working on things he couldn’t talk about. Every time he was home, I’d managed to miss an introduction. “How is he?”
“Not really sure. He left the military, and he’s moving to Seattle. He asked if he could stay with us until his place is ready.”
“So you didn’t tell him about us?”
He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed at the same time. “We don’t talk very much, so I didn’t want to spoil the conversation talking about that, you know?”
“Well, when he comes over, he’s going to wonder why I’m living across the hall from you.”
“I’ll explain it then.”
“The second he walks through the door?” I asked incredulously. “He just left a stressful life in the military, and you’re going to drop this on him? Yeah…welcome home.”
He chuckled. “My brother and I aren’t super close because he hasn’t been around much for the last ten years, but I think I can talk to him about this. It’ll probably make it easier to tell my parents when he already knows. Have another person in my corner.”
“Your parents aren’t going to gang up on you, Colton.”
He shrugged. “You never know…”
“Don’t forget how much your parents love you. Nothing is gonna change that.” I placed my hand on his muscular back and rubbed it gently. “So, when does your brother get here?”
“Two weeks. He’s doing some therapy before he’s officially discharged.”
“Therapy?”
“He said it’s mandatory.”
Then he must have seen some pretty gruesome stuff.
“He said he already has a job lined up here. He just needs a place to crash until his new place is set up.”
“That’s nice he’s going to stay with you. You guys can spend some time together.”
“Yeah, it should be good.” He turned his eyes back to the TV, but he really didn’t appear to be watching it. His thoughts seemed to be elsewhere, thinking about the mound of issues he had to tackle when he couldn’t procrastinate any longer.
3
Pepper
It was only a matter of time before people who knew us figured out why Colton and I separated. I kept the information to myself because Colton was really private about his newly acknowledged sexual orientation, but I also just didn’t want to talk about it.
I knew what people would say.
That I turned him gay.
That I wasn’t good in bed.
Wasn’t woman enough.
I didn’t care what people thought of me. They didn’t understand how much love there was between the two of us. They didn’t understand how complicated it was. Being judged and ridiculed was difficult, but I refused to let it get to me.
I refused to let it define me.
But then I saw some terrible things on social media.
Candace, a woman Colton and I used to hang out with, had a few things to say about it. She may have a nice body, but she obviously doesn’t know how to use it. She made a hot man gay, like we don’t already have enough hot gay guys in the world. A few other people chimed in, people who didn’t even know me. She must be bad in bed. Really bad. The comments went on and on, and I was almost tempted to jump in and defend myself.
But that would just be an admission that I cared what they thought of me.
I shut my laptop and tried to erase the comments from my memory.
How could people be so cruel? I’d lost the love of my life. It wasn’t something that should be mocked.
I did my best to control my emotions, but I felt the buildup of tears behind my eyes. I hadn’t cried in months, and I didn’t want to start the healing process all over again. At least when I was crying then, it was because I was heartbroken over Colton.
I wasn’t gonna cry over them.
I took a deep breath and stilled my tears. Then I did what any other woman would do.
I told my friends we were going out for a drink.
“Forget that cunt.” Stella got fired up the second someone crossed me. She was that loyal friend who wasn’t afraid to rip someone’s hair out of their scalp. She would even shove someone’s head in a toilet. “Candace was always such a bitch.”
I’d seen Stella do it.
“She wanted Colton’s nuts,” Tatum said. “She was pissed when you got him, and now she’s using this as revenge. Sad people like that do whatever they can to make themselves feel better.” Tatum had bright blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes. She was petite, several inches shorter than me, but possessed just a dash more sass. She wore a black cardigan over her dress, and her hair was pulled back in a bun.
“And she’s a very sad person,” Stella added. She had deep brown hair the way I did, but her figure was much more impressive. She did hundreds of crunches every day and trained both men and women in fitness. She had ink on her arms and along her back. It looked amazing on her because she had the body for it.
I considered myself to be tame by comparison. I didn’t have any tattoos, but I did have a navel piercing. My shoulder-length brown hair had grown out over the last few months and now reached the top of my chest. It was the longest it’d ever been—due to neglect. “I know I shouldn’t care—”
“You shouldn’t,” Stella pressed. “She’s just a whore. Always has been and always will be.”
“People are such assholes behind their computers.” Tatum had ignored her drink for the last ten minutes, and her ice had started to melt and water it down. “But she wouldn’t have
the balls to say it to Pepper’s face.”
“Because I’d kick her ass,” Stella snapped.
Stella really would. She had the stamina to run marathons and the strength to dish out black eyes.
“Forget her,” Tatum said. “You’re a gorgeous woman, and there’s nothing wrong with you.”
I believed them. I really did. But in the back of my mind, there was still a seed of doubt.
Tatum narrowed her eyes on my face, like she could see it. “Pepper…”
“I know you’re right,” I admitted. “But sometimes, I wonder…”
“No.” Stella snapped her fingers. “No wondering. It’s obvious Colton absolutely adores you. Love was never the problem. You were never the problem. He still follows you everywhere you go. He’s just…not programmed that way.”
“And that’s not your fault,” Tatum said. “Come on, you own a lingerie shop, for crying out loud. You’re a very sexy woman. If Colton couldn’t stay straight for you, then he couldn’t stay straight for anyone. You were never the problem.”
I was lucky I had my own personal cheerleaders to get me through this. “Thanks, guys. I’m in a much better place now, but sometimes…the darkness gets to me. I was really happy with Colton, and he seemed happy with me. It just makes me wonder if there was something I could have done.”
“No.” Stella snapped her fingers again. “Don’t do that to yourself.”
“We won’t allow it.” Tatum waved the bartender over and got me another drink even though I was only halfway done with my first one. “Don’t forget who you are, Pepper. I’ve always admired you. You’re confident, independent, and strong. You opened your own business entirely on your own and never cared what people said about you selling lingerie. I’ll never forget when you spotted Colton in that bar and you marched up to him and asked him out on the spot. That’s the kind of woman you are—you take charge. Don’t forget that.”
When my personal cheerleaders reminded me of my own qualities, it made me feel so good deep inside. It pulled me out of my funk of despair and reminded me of my value. They weren’t petty compliments to boost my ego. Those were all facts. “Thanks, guys. I needed a pick-me-up, and that did the trick.”