Then there were these flashes from the past that she tried hard not to think about; namely, Curtis taking advantage of her when she was only seventeen and his getting her pregnant. He’d been much too old to be having sex with her, and though it hadn’t mattered to her back then or in recent years, it was now starting to anger her.
But she knew she was mainly searching for reasons that would justify what she was doing. She and Aaron were definitely betraying Curtis, and there was simply no denying it. He would kill both of them if he ever found out. She was sure of it.
“So.” Aaron exhaled. “Curtis was making a big deal about you working overtime, huh?”
“Yeah, he was.”
“Oh well. I mean, I do feel for my boy and all, but I’m not about to give you up under any circumstances. Not the best thing that has ever happened to me. So Curtis might as well get used to you spending time away from home.”
“I just wish we didn’t have to sneak around like this, and I wish the two of you weren’t friends. It makes all of this so uncomfortable.”
“Maybe. But it is what it is. And if we hadn’t become friends, and I hadn’t joined the church, you and I never would have met.”
“True, but I still think we’re playing with fire.”
“Well, if you’d take my advice, we wouldn’t have to hide any part of our relationship.”
“No. I’ve already told you. I can’t leave Curtis, because I would never take Matthew away from his father. Curtis may not be what I want him to be, but he is definitely a good father to his son.”
“He’s not what you want him to be because he doesn’t make the big bucks anymore.”
Aaron laughed, but Charlotte turned her back to him. She knew he was telling the truth.
“I’m just kidding,” he said.
“I don’t see anything funny.”
“I’m sure you don’t, but how many times have you told me that you expected to have so much more by marrying Curtis?”
“Well, if he’d stop trying to be the perfect minister and perfect family man, he just might earn some real money. The Curtis I used to know would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. He’d have schemes going on all the time, but now he’s focused on this newspaper column, and, of all things, he’s writing a book. I mean, what kind of pipe dream is that?”
“I don’t know, but he believes in what he’s doing, and you have to admit, that column is the reason some people even buy a paper now.”
“Yeah, but he’s not making any real money from it,” Charlotte added.
“He will if it goes into syndication.”
“Maybe, but I’m concerned with the here and now. I love my job, but if Curtis earned a lot more than what he does, I could at least have the option to quit if I wanted to.”
“Then you’d be free to work at the church full-time,” Aaron said, smirking.
“Yeah, right. I think you and I both know that that’s out of the question.”
“Well, that’s what Curtis wants.” Aaron caressed Charlotte’s back. “He talks about it all the time.”
“Well, it’s not happening. Not now, not ever.”
“I hear you. But hey, on a different note, what was up with Sister Hamilton last Sunday? She must have walked in and out of the sanctuary at least three times.”
“Please. That woman was just tryin’ to be seen. She had on a new outfit and whenever that happens, she does all that parading. But then, next Sunday, when she wears something we’ve already seen, she’ll be shouting across the entire church. It’s so ridiculous.”
“Actually, there’s a ton of fakers at Deliverance if you ask me,” Aaron added. “And what cracks me up is that the same people do the same things like clockwork. Sister Simmons passes out as soon as the choir finishes singing, Sister Thompson speaks in tongues as soon as Curtis finishes his sermon, and Sister Amos screams at the top of her lungs during altar prayer.”
“Hmmph. As far as I’m concerned, all those women are touched. And I don’t mean by the Holy Ghost either.”
Aaron laughed at Charlotte. “You might be right about that.”
“And if I’m not, then they’re basically just putting on a show. Trying to make everyone believe they’re so righteous.”
“Well, we all know that actions don’t mean a thing when it comes to church folks.”
“Isn’t that the truth,” Charlotte said, laughing. “Sister Norris went around every single day, talking about God and what he was doing for her. Did it the whole first year she was a member. And every time you asked her how she was doing, the answer was ‘just blessed.’ I mean, my goodness.”
“Well, you know that’s the answer a lot of people give these days. It’s almost like some sort of fad statement. You can tell that some people are sincere with it, but others are just saying it because it sounds good.”
“Maybe, but Sister Norris shouldn’t ever fix her lips to say much of anything after coming up pregnant the way she did. Knowing she didn’t have husband the first. What a joke.”
“I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend. Because whenever you heard her talk, she made it seem like sex was something dirty. Let her tell it, people shouldn’t even be kissing in certain ways.”
“Now you know why I don’t like playing this first lady role. I’m not feeling a lot of those members, and to be honest, I have no desire to sit in church every Wednesday night or Sunday morning. And don’t get me started on all those extra services and meetings.”
“Well, what did you expect? You married a minister.”
“Yeah, but I want things to run on my terms. I want the power and the money, but that’s pretty much where it ends with me. It may be wrong, but that’s the way I feel.”
Aaron moved his body onto Charlotte’s. “Well, you could leave Curtis and marry me. Right?”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Why? Because regular people don’t have the same money or prestige as big-time ministers?”
“You know that’s not it,” she lied. “I’ve already told you why.”
Aaron smiled and then turned serious. “Well, regardless, I’m never giving you up. Curtis might have the marriage license, but I’ll always have you. And I do mean always.”
Charlotte didn’t like his tone. She’d never heard him speak so strongly, and it made her nervous. And she wondered why he kept mentioning the idea of her leaving Curtis. Because while she wasn’t thrilled about Curtis’s low six figures, she would never leave him for an insurance rep, claims adjuster, or whatever the hell Aaron said he was. She didn’t mean to be cruel, but that was the reality. She cared about Aaron a great deal and needed him sexually, but she hoped this wasn’t turning into some sort of an obsession. She hoped he understood that they had an arrangement and that their relationship could never be any more than what it was.
“Did you hear what I said?” he asked.
“Yeah, I heard you. But you need to keep in mind that Curtis is not someone to be played with. Not when it comes to Matthew and me.”
“Really? Well, baby, I’m not someone to be played with either.”
Chapter 3
CHARLOTTE DROVE HER PLATINUM CONVERTIBLE T-BIRD ONTO Bypass 30 and headed west to the other side of town. She and Matthew were on their way to Aunt Emma’s. Charlotte and Curtis were holding a monthly elder board meeting at the church, and Aunt Emma had quickly agreed to watch Matthew for them. As always, Matthew was ecstatic about it. The reason: Aunt Emma spoiled him as much or more than Curtis did. She treated him like the grandson she didn’t have, and her daughter, Anise, bought him more Game Boy cartridges than he had time to play with.
But to be honest, Charlotte actually didn’t mind and was thankful to have her aunt and cousin living right there in the city with them. Aunt Emma was her mother’s oldest sister, and though her aunt and mother had never been that close, thanks to her mother sleeping with Aunt Emma’s fiancé right after college, Charlotte had grown to love her aunt like a second mother.
Charlotte flipped on the CD player and cruised into the left lane. Beyoncé’s voice resonated throughout the car. Curtis never listened to R&B music, believing it was inappropriate for a minister, but Charlotte didn’t see a thing wrong with it. Granted, she didn’t listen to music that focused on vulgarity, violence, and sex, but she loved artists such as Beyoncé, Ashanti, Mary J., Montel, and a list of others. She was only twenty-five and couldn’t imagine not listening to something other than gospel, so maybe that was the reason Curtis never complained about it.
Charlotte glanced over at her son. “Now, as soon as we get to Aunt Emma’s, I want you to start doing your homework, okay?”
“Yes. But I really don’t have that much, and I could probably do it in the morning.”
“Absolutely not. Because you know you never want to get up, and we practically have to drag you out of bed.”
“But whenever I go over on a school night, Aunt Emma and I always watch The Proud Family.”
“And that’s fine as long as you finish your homework first.”
“Okay,” he said, moaning.
“I also want you to look over your spelling words again for the quiz tomorrow.”
“But I already know all of those.”
“Maybe, but I want you to look them over a couple of more times just to be safe.”
Matthew didn’t say anything, but Charlotte looked straight ahead and smiled. Matthew truly was an intelligent child, but she never wanted him taking his education for granted. Not for one second. She wanted him to take every subject seriously, so that he would always score better than average. She wanted him to continue getting straight A’s all the way through high school and score in the top percentile on the SATs or whatever tests he’d have to take ten years from now to enter college. She wanted him to surpass what both she and Curtis had been able to accomplish; she wanted him to graduate from Harvard, Princeton, or Yale. She wanted the very best for her little boy and wasn’t willing to accept anything less. Which was why she resented Curtis for not doing everything he could to give them a better lifestyle. They weren’t living like paupers, she had to admit, but they weren’t living like the rich and famous either. She wanted everything for Matthew. She’d even dreamed about the day Matthew would turn sixteen and how she and Curtis would surprise him at his party with a baby Mercedes or BMW. Even now, she wanted to give him lavish birthday parties like those that some of the celebrities gave their children, but Curtis thought she was way over the top with her thinking. He couldn’t understand why she wanted so much status and so much money, when they basically had everything they needed and also a lot of the things they wanted. But Charlotte always reminded him of the way he used to live and how, once upon a time, he, too, wanted only the best for himself. Sure, his values had lessened when it came to material possessions, but that wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her problem to worry about either. All she knew was that she and Matthew were supposed to be living a lot better than they were.
Charlotte pulled into her aunt’s driveway and turned off the ignition.
“Look, Mom, Cousin Anise is here.”
“Yep, she sure is. She’s going with me to the meeting at the church.”
Charlotte and Matthew got out of the car and walked up to the front door. Anise opened it right after they rang the doorbell.
“Hey, sweetie,” Anise said, hugging Matthew.
“Hi.” He smiled.
“How are you, girl?” Charlotte said, embracing her cousin.
“Can’t complain. What about you?”
“I’m fine.”
Anise closed the door and they walked into the den where Aunt Emma was sitting.
“Hi, baby,” Emma said, reaching out to Matthew.
“Hi,” he said and took a seat right next to her on the sofa.
“So, how was school today?”
“It was good. I have a spelling test tomorrow, though, and Mom wants me to do my homework before I watch TV, so I’m going into the dining room and do it now before the The Proud Family comes on,” he said without taking a breath.
“Now, that was a mouthful,” Emma said, and they all laughed.
Matthew left the room as promised, and Charlotte and Emma shared a hug.
“Well, I guess we should get going,” Anise said.
“Yeah, because the quicker we can get started, the quicker it’ll be over with,” Charlotte said.
“Now that doesn’t sound like the right attitude for the pastor’s wife to be having,” Emma teased. Charlotte couldn’t help but smile because she knew she’d stressed her discontent many times before with her aunt about all the church meetings and services she had to attend.
“I know, but I can’t help it.”
“Well, not everything is going to be perfect in any marriage, and as time goes on and you grow more spiritually, I think you’ll feel a lot differently. Some of your feelings will also change with age.”
“Hopefully” was all Charlotte could think to say, but she couldn’t disagree with her aunt more. As far as she was concerned, she would still feel the same way when she was fifty.
“You’ll be fine. And if you don’t do anything else, just stay prayerful.”
“I will. And thanks again, Aunt Emma, for keeping Matthew.”
“Don’t say another word, because you know I’ve told you a thousand times how much I love having him around. He keeps me company, and he and I have the best time together.”
“Still,” Charlotte continued. “I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you and Anise do for us. I don’t know what we would do without you.”
Charlotte and Anise chitchatted with Emma for a few more minutes and then grabbed their purses and left for the church.
“You know, you might be thankful to have us, but I’m just as thankful to have you,” Anise said to Charlotte. “Ever since you and Curtis moved here, you and I have been like sisters. I mean, I’ve always had my best friend, Monica, but I feel just as close to you.”
“Yeah, but that’s also the reason Monica doesn’t care for me.”
Anise laughed. “I won’t even deny it. It’s not that she doesn’t like you, it’s just that she feels a little envious when you and I do things together. But I’m sure I would feel the same way, because nobody likes to feel replaced.”
“I just hate that she sees me that way, because I really do like Monica, and I would never try to damage your friendship with her.”
“I know, and deep down, Monica knows that, too. And regardless of how she sometimes feels, she would never expect me to ignore my own family. Plus, I always invite her to do things with us.”
“I know, but every time we go shopping or to the spa or wherever, she never wants to go with us. She always has an excuse, and I know it’s because she wants to do things with you on her own.”
“And I do. I mean, she and I do stuff all the time, and I talk to her every single day, so don’t even worry about it.”
Charlotte really did feel bad about Monica, but she was still glad that she and Anise had bonded so quickly and so completely. She could still remember how diligently Anise had worked toward helping her and Curtis find their new house and with starting their church and how she never complained.
“But I will admit,” Anise added. “I do wish I had someone other than you and Monica to spend all my time with.”
Charlotte laughed. “I can only imagine.”
“Sometimes I really wonder if I made the right decision about Frank. Because I really did love that man.”
“Maybe you should give him another chance. I mean, it has been two years since you broke up. And it’s not like he dated his ex-wife that long anyway.”
“But I would never be able to trust him again. I mean, when Frank and I first started seeing each other, he treated me like a queen, and it seemed like we were so in love with each other. And then he dropped that bomb about his ex-wife. I was so devastated. And I was also going through the divorce thing with David at the same
time.”
“Let’s not even talk about that jerk. No matter how many times we discuss him, I still can’t believe the way he felt about other black people—especially since he was black himself. And I get even angrier when I think about some of the names you said he called you.”
“He’s definitely one person I don’t miss. For a while, I missed having someone in the house, but I’ve never missed being married to him.”
“You deserved a lot better, that’s for sure.”
“That might be true, but I’m still basically alone. And that’s no fun when you get to be thirty-eight.”
“You’ll find someone. Just wait.”
“I don’t have much longer, girl. Pretty soon I’ll be eligible for senior citizen discounts.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious. Because to be honest, I really thought I would have met the perfect guy by now.”
“I hear you, but I still think it will happen. Probably when you least expect it.”
More than anything, Charlotte wanted to tell Anise how lucky she was that she didn’t have a marriage like hers. She wanted to tell her just how miserable she was with Curtis and how sometimes she didn’t know if having a husband made much of a difference if he couldn’t give you everything you wanted. She hadn’t shared her feelings with anyone except Aaron, though, and decided it was probably best to keep it that way. Anise thought the world of Curtis, anyhow, so it wasn’t like she’d really understand where Charlotte was coming from.
The Best-Kept Secret Page 2