The Best-Kept Secret

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “And that’s supposed to justify you sleeping with another man?”

  “No. It doesn’t. And I keep telling you I haven’t.”

  “Whatever. But like I said, let’s get dressed and go. Because I don’t want to be here with you anymore.”

  Curtis walked into the bathroom again, slammed the door, and started the shower.

  What was she going to do? How was she going to make him see that he was so wrong about her? Yes, she was being unfaithful to him, but she’d never be able to stand him sleeping with another woman. She wasn’t proud of it, but she was the essence of that old cliché: she wanted to have her cake and eat it, too. Regardless of what she was doing, she didn’t want Curtis doing the same thing. Maybe it was time she ended her affair with Aaron altogether and time she made things right with her husband. Maybe Aaron’s ultimatum this afternoon had been a blessing in disguise, a warning from God, if you will. Maybe her seeing that receptionist downstairs was another admonition she shouldn’t ignore. Maybe it was time she stopped breaking that commandment that centered on adultery. Maybe it was time she thought about her little boy and how her infidelity just might hurt him in the long run.

  Charlotte entered the bathroom in tears. She pulled the shower curtain back, stepped inside the tub, and grabbed Curtis from behind. Curtis turned toward her, and to her astonishment, he hugged her back.

  “Baby, I am so sorry that you think I’ve been with someone else,” she said. “But I haven’t. That bruise really did come from that bike at Bally’s. You have to believe me.”

  Curtis held her but didn’t respond. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but at least he wasn’t pushing her away.

  “All I’m going to say is this,” he finally said. “Don’t ever let this happen again.”

  “But—”

  “Hey,” he interrupted. “I mean it, Charlotte. Don’t ever let this happen again while you’re married to me.”

  She wanted to tell him again and again that she was innocent. She knew she was as guilty as a convicted felon, but she didn’t want him thinking that about her. She didn’t want him treating her any differently or feeling as though he couldn’t trust her. But she could tell from his tone of voice that the subject was no longer open for discussion. That they would go on with their lives as if tonight never happened. She wanted to beg and plead with him, but instead, she stood there holding him and even loving him more than she had only hours before. Maybe this had all needed to happen, because right now, she felt very close to Curtis. She felt safe and secure the way she used to whenever he held her. She felt as though she could end this thing with Aaron without really missing him.

  She prayed that Aaron would understand.

  Chapter 8

  IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SUNDAY MORNING IN MAY, AND WHILE DEVOTION WAS just about to begin, Curtis sat quietly in the pulpit, deep in thought. He’d tried to forget about the bruise he’d discovered two nights ago on Charlotte’s thigh, but he just couldn’t stop picturing it. She’d sworn multiple times throughout the weekend that she hadn’t slept around with anyone, but Curtis still didn’t believe her. Lord knows he wanted to and needed to, but he didn’t. His instinct told him that his wife had actually been with someone else. Which is why there had been many moments on Friday evening at the hotel, and then again at home yesterday, that he’d wanted to hurt Charlotte. He’d wanted to hurt her mentally and physically. He’d wanted to do something even worse to the man she was having an affair with—whoever it was. But as soon as she’d stepped inside the shower at the hotel, he’d decided right then and there to forgive her. He told himself that everyone made mistakes, and based on all the pain and agony he’d caused Charlotte over the last seven years, she deserved at least that much from him. And of course, he did love her. But most important, he never wanted to be separated from his son, and that was reason enough to stay with her.

  Curtis watched the elders take their places across the front of the sanctuary.

  “Good morning, church,” Brother Dixon said, and members of the congregation responded.

  “This is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it,” Brother Dixon continued.

  There were many resounding “Amens.”

  “We’re going to follow the order of service as usual, but instead of singing a hymn right off, I’d like to share something important with you. Something that God lay on my heart this past week.”

  “All right now” came from the elder standing to the right of him.

  “Speak today,” said a woman from the audience.

  “You know, every man or woman who claims to be a Christian is not a Christian,” Brother Dixon began.

  “True, true,” someone commented. Other members of the congregation also voiced their words of agreement.

  “You see,” Brother Dixon said. “We have Christians, we have lukewarm Christians, and then we have just plain old church folks!”

  The congregation applauded, with some members rising to their feet.

  “And you see it’s those church folks that we need to be careful of. Those people who I like to call Sunday morning churchgoers. Those who party to the wee hours on Saturday night, get all dolled up for church on Sunday morning, and then will curse you out like a sailor by Sunday evening.”

  The applause grew louder, and there were even more members standing and thanking God for the message they were hearing. Curtis stood up himself, smiling at Brother Dixon.

  “Many years ago, my mother used to say, ‘Watch out for certain people who are at the church every time the doors of the church are open. Those who can’t miss morning or afternoon service because they’re so holy. Those who can’t miss anything going on at the church during the week. And those who are members of every choir or organization the church has to offer. Because the reason some of these people are at church all the time is so they can hide their true colors. They’re trying to cover up all the devilment they’ve got going on on the outside of the church.’”

  “Amen” came from all around.

  “Now I’m not standing here saying that you shouldn’t be in church all the time or that you shouldn’t stay involved with church activities, because this is the best place for any of us to be. But what I am saying is that we need to keep our minds focused on Jesus. We need to come here with a mindful spirit, so that we can not only worship God but also do His work. What I’m saying is, we need to leave mess on the outside where it belongs. If you don’t like the way things are run here at Deliverance, then maybe this isn’t the place for you. If you have personal problems with Pastor Black, then, again, you need to find another church home. It’s as simple as that. Because our great pastor here has done great things for this church, and it is our responsibility to support his efforts. It’s our responsibility to stand by him unconditionally. And that’s all I have to say about that,” Brother Dixon said and passed the cordless microphone to Brother Thomas.

  The congregation was in full agreement, and Curtis stood at the podium, clapping with them.

  “Amen, Brother Dixon,” Curtis said. “And thank you. Thank you for saying what needed to be said.”

  Brother Dixon hadn’t told Curtis that he was going to speak to the congregation, but Curtis knew he was referring to that outburst from Brother Bailey at the meeting last week.

  “I know we’re supposed to move on to the scripture, song, and prayer, but isn’t it amazing how God works?” Curtis said. “It’s so amazing how he lays words and thoughts on our hearts the way he just did with Brother Dixon and how he works with each and every one of us when we need him to. I say this not from hearsay but from personal experience. A lot of you know the kind of life I used to live when I was a pastor in Chicago, but God turned me around completely. Some of us grow spiritually, but some of us need to be changed. Some of us need to change everything we are doing, thinking, and saying. Some of us are just that corrupt. But you see, even after we decide that we are going to live for God and only God, Satan works overtime, tr
ying to win us back. The more good we do, the more temptation and trouble Satan is going to throw our way. The stronger you grow in the Lord, the more Satan will come at you with one thing or another.” Curtis looked over at Charlotte who was sitting on the second pew.

  “Just this week, Satan tested me with the act of forgiveness. He tried to make me believe that I didn’t have to forgive anyone for anything and that if someone does me wrong, I should hurt them back. He tried to convince me that I should get revenge on them any way I can.”

  “Well, well,” a man shouted.

  “That old Satan is something else,” a woman added.

  “But he’s no match for Jesus,” another woman said.

  “And I won’t stand here and lie to you,” Curtis continued. “I wanted to hurt the person who hurt me like I’d never hurt anyone before. I wanted them to feel even more pain than what they’d inflicted upon me. But thank God, it wasn’t long before I remembered all the times I’ve hurt people. All the times I’ve schemed and scammed. All the times I’ve had to ask God to forgive me. And that’s what brought me to my senses. I realized that everyone deserves a second chance,” he said and again looked directly at Charlotte, who was staring at him with tears flowing down her face.

  “We have to remember the Golden Rule,” Curtis said and took his seat. The elder board resumed devotion, and the organist and pianist played the morning hymn. But soon after, Curtis saw some of the members watching Charlotte, and he knew this meant they were already making assumptions regarding what he’d said. But at this point, Curtis didn’t care about any of that, because sharing his message on forgiveness was a good thing for everyone in attendance. He was also trying to convince himself that he and Charlotte could actually go on as if nothing had happened. Because even with all the God that Curtis had in him, he could tell it wasn’t going to be easy. He could tell that trying to forget about what Charlotte had done was going to be difficult. He knew because for the last half hour, he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off some woman sitting in the fourth pew. She was sitting just two rows behind his wife, but Curtis couldn’t help it. She was as beautiful as Charlotte and even more so. And it wasn’t helping that the woman was gazing right back at him—which meant Satan was working his tricks again. He was trying to make Curtis see that when Curtis worked for him, Curtis never got his feelings hurt. At least not by women. And now that Curtis was faithful to his wife and working for God, his life was falling apart. Satan was trying to make Curtis believe that living his life right wasn’t a good thing, but Curtis wasn’t going to fall for it. He would try his best not to look at this woman again.

  When devotion ended, the choir sang a couple of songs, one of the associate ministers led altar prayer, and Curtis preached his sermon. The topic was “Trying to Do Right in a Do Wrong World.” Now, though, the doors of the church were open, which meant it was time for any visitors who were interested in joining Deliverance Outreach to come forward.

  “Isn’t it good when God moves through the church the way He has this afternoon?” Curtis said.

  “Amen,” most every member agreed.

  “When we say that the doors of the church are open, we don’t mean the actual doors that you walk through, we mean the doors of Jesus, His mercy and His grace. If you are currently looking for a church home or even if you just want to come to Jesus and accept Him as your personal savior, we invite you to come right now.”

  The church sang, “Come to Jesus, come to Jesus, come to Jesus just now,” and four women, two men, and three children walked to the front of the church.

  “Praise God, praise God,” Curtis continued. “Bless His holy name. You know, sometimes those aisles can seem like a mile long, especially if you’re sitting at the back of the church. That long walk can even frighten some people. But I’m here to tell you that God will take care of you. He’ll walk with you. He will take care of your every need.”

  Curtis spoke to each person individually. Four of them were candidates for baptism, four others were joining the church on Christian experience, meaning they were already Christians but were leaving other churches, and one young woman, a current member, rededicated her life to Christ and repented publicly for having a child out of wedlock. Once they’d all stood up and had a couple of words to say, Curtis asked them to follow the church clerk so that she could advise them about the orientation process and give the baptismal candidates the information they needed.

  Right after tithes and offerings were given and general announcements were made, Charlotte stood and walked to the podium. She and Curtis had discussed her making an appeal to the congregation a few weeks ago regarding a few issues, and she was always the one to appeal to them when it came to anything regarding money.

  “Good afternoon,” Charlotte began.

  “Good afternoon,” everyone spoke in unison.

  “I know you all are ready to go home, so I’ll be very brief. For the last four weeks, I’ve been monitoring both the Sunday school and Wednesday night Bible study attendance, and there are not very many members participating. Coming to church on Sunday is one thing, but studying the Word is what makes all the difference. Reading the Word, discussing it, and asking questions about it are what we all should be doing. Myself included for that matter. So please, madam, and please, sir, let’s try to become more active with our Bible teaching programs. And let’s bring our children with us when we come because they need to learn the Word also. They need to have something to fall back on when they are older and are trying to make it in this sinful world.

  “The other thing I want to stress is how important it is for us to pay our tithes and offerings. Not just occasionally or when we feel like we have extra money, but we need to do it on a regular and consistent basis. We need to do what God has told us to do and we’ll all be blessed for it. There was a time when I didn’t believe in tithing, but what I came to realize was that God will collect His money one way or another. We can give the amount He has told us to give or we can experience unnecessary financial trouble. Our cars break down unexpectedly, major appliances go out in our homes, we get speeding tickets, we have accidents, and the list goes on. But either way, God will get His ten percent. So it’s much better for us to give it on our own, because if we do, He’ll give it back to us sometimes tenfold. And even when that doesn’t happen, He always sets things up so that we never miss that ten percent at all. So, come on Deliverance, let’s do what God has asked us to do. Okay? Thank you.”

  Curtis stood up, expressed final words of wisdom, and delivered the benediction.

  As soon as he’d finished, his eyes locked with those of that mysterious woman. The woman stood inside the pew for a few seconds and then walked down the aisle toward the exit. Curtis tried to ignore her by turning his attention to some of his members and shaking their hands, but when he looked up, he saw the woman smiling at him. She smiled until she was completely out of sight.

  And it was then that Curtis’s body felt like it was on fire.

  Chapter 9

  LEDORA’S, THE ONLY SOUL FOOD RESTAURANT IN TOWN, WASN’T AS packed as Charlotte had expected. Usually, it took forty-five minutes just to be seated, but today, the place was half-empty. Although, since this was Memorial Day weekend, most people were probably grilling at home with their families. Normally, she, Curtis, and Matthew would have been doing the same, but this year, they were heading to Chicago to spend the day with her parents. They were leaving first thing in the morning.

  They waited at the entrance for only a couple of minutes and were seated toward the back of the restaurant near a window in a round booth. Curtis was acting as though their marriage was business as usual, but Charlotte could tell that he wasn’t happy with her. He’d insisted he was fine on Friday night and again yesterday afternoon, but it was pretty obvious that he wasn’t. He’d made it very clear that he still had a problem with her when he’d told the congregation that story about forgiveness. No one knew for sure who he was talking about, but when he’d loo
ked directly at her more than once while he was speaking, Charlotte had wanted to crawl under the pew. She’d wanted to stand up and swear to everyone that she hadn’t done anything. Of course, it would have been a lie, but she was prepared to lie until the end if she had to. She would die before ever admitting that she’d slept with Aaron or any other man.

  “I’ll give you all some time to look at the menus, and then I’ll come back in a few minutes,” the waiter said, smiling.

  “Sounds good,” Curtis said. “So, Mr. Matthew, what are you having?”

  “Pizza.”

  Curtis laughed and so did Matthew because they both knew Ledora didn’t serve anything like that.

  “Sweetie, why don’t you order the barbecued shoulder dinner,” Charlotte suggested to him.

  “Okay,” Matthew answered. “And I want coleslaw and French fries to go with it.”

  “And, baby, what about you?” Charlotte asked Curtis.

  “Haven’t decided yet,” he said but didn’t take his eyes from the menu.

  “Normally, you get the chicken and dressing special, so what about that?” she said, still trying to soften him.

  “Maybe,” he said, playfully punching Matthew in the arm. He acted as though she wasn’t even sitting there.

  “Stop it, Dad,” Matthew said, punching him back.

  “Mom, what are you going to get?” Matthew asked.

  “I think I’ll get the shoulder dinner just like you.”

  “Oh.”

  “So, Matthew, did you hear anything during service that you didn’t understand?” Curtis asked.

  “No. Well, yeah. You said we have to remember the Golden Rule, but I don’t know what that is.”

  “It’s a rule that means, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ Remember the other night when I told you to always treat people the way you want to be treated?”