The Best-Kept Secret

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  He wrote the last paragraph of his weekly column and leaned back in his chair. The topic was death and how to deal with it. He’d made sure to cover how important it was to have strong faith and how even when the body was gone the soul would still remain alive and well—that is, if a person had lived his or her life right. He talked about people being there for their loved ones when they became ill so that there wouldn’t be any guilt to contend with. He talked about how every human being needed to try and prepare themselves for the loss of someone they loved. It was important because it always made things easier when it finally happened. Some deaths were instant and caught people by surprise, but others allowed you weeks, months, and even years to get ready. He talked about how some people wanted to go to heaven but never wanted to die. He talked about how one had to be absent from the body to be present with the Lord. Curtis ended the column with a small tribute to his mother.

  He reread the column one last time and moved it to the side of his desk. With everything that had gone on all week—his mother’s death, the DNA testing, and the funeral—he hadn’t prepared his sermon for Sunday. In all honesty, he still didn’t want to. He just didn’t feel like working today, and he knew it had a lot to do with the anxiety he was feeling. The testing center had advised that they’d be calling with the results by afternoon. This morning, Curtis had hugged Matthew so tightly that Matthew had asked if everything was okay with him. Curtis, of course, had told him that he was fine. He could tell that Matthew thought he was feeling sad because of the funeral and Curtis hadn’t tried to tell him any differently.

  As Curtis pulled out his notebook the phone rang. It was his assistant calling him.

  “Hi, Lana.”

  “Hi, Pastor. I have your agent on the line for you.”

  “Thanks, Lana. Please put her through.”

  “How are you?” Joan said.

  “As well as can be expected, I guess.”

  “I just wanted to express my condolences to you again and to make sure you received the flowers.”

  “We did and thank you for sending them. It’s nice to know that someone was thinking of me.”

  “No problem. I was glad to do it.”

  “So is everything going well on the publishing end of the country?”

  “As a matter of fact, it is.”

  “Anything new from WexlerAdams?”

  “Well, actually there is, but we can talk about it next week. I don’t want you jumping right back into business so soon after your mother’s passing.”

  “I’m fine. Really. What’s up?”

  “Well, after Renee spoke with you a couple of weeks ago, she asked me if you might be interested in reading the script for the audio version of your book.”

  “Is that a good thing?”

  “It’s a lot of hard work, and it’ll mean going into the studio with a producer for a lot of hours. But the one thing I can say is that no one can read your work the way you can. Only the author knows exactly the way he or she meant for a phrase or sentence to be heard, and readers respect that. Every now and then when we’re dealing with novels, actors can sometimes do a great job, but with nonfiction, it’s good to go with the author. That is, if they have a great voice and don’t mind doing it.”

  “Sounds fine to me.”

  “Good. Well, again, I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and if you need anything, even just to talk, please call me.”

  “I will, and you have a peaceful weekend.”

  “I’ll try. You take care.”

  Curtis hung up the phone and wondered just how calm his weekend really would be. It simply depended on what he found out in regard to that paternity test. He wouldn’t love Matthew any less, but life for all of them would be different. He had wanted to know the truth, but as the hours and minutes continued, he wished Aaron had kept his mouth shut. If he had, Curtis wouldn’t be in this stressful predicament. He wouldn’t be trying to figure out what was what. He wouldn’t be dealing with gossipmongers at his church—members who thrived on trouble in someone else’s household.

  Curtis spent the next two hours working on his sermon, but his mind kept drifting away from his subject matter. There was no way he’d be able to accomplish anything until the news was finally delivered. So he saved the document and signed off of his computer. He gathered together a few written notes, his Bible, and a couple of other companion texts and slid them inside his briefcase. Then he went over to the coatrack and lifted his blazer. But when he did, his cell phone rang. Curtis felt his heart beating a mile a minute, wondering if this was it. He’d asked the facility to call him directly, because he knew he couldn’t trust Charlotte. She would never tell him the truth if that truth wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

  “Hello.”

  “Curtis, this is Aaron.”

  “And?”

  “I think it’s time we talk man-to-man about this Charlotte situation.”

  “Negro, you really don’t know me very well, do you?”

  “Actually, I know you exceptionally well, but you and I both know that Charlotte belongs with me. I realize you’re upset, but I can’t help how she feels. I can’t help the way the two of us feel about each other.”

  “You’re sick. And if you keep crossing me . . . well, just consider yourself warned.”

  “You’re only saying all of this because you’re hurt. And I understand. I really do.”

  “No, you don’t understand anything. You slept with my wife and now you’ve tried to affect my relationship with my son, and somebody has to pay for it.”

  “Oh come on, Curtis. Be a good sport. Let her go. You fought a good fight, I give you that. But let her go.”

  Curtis slammed his cell phone shut and made a decision. Aaron Malone was going to be taken care of once and for all. Maybe not today or even this week, but it was inevitable.

  It was another hour before Curtis actually left his office. He’d received a call from one of his members who was having problems with her husband, and he’d had no choice but to speak to her. She’d been having difficulties with this man from day one because of his obsessive drug use, and from the way she sounded, life for her was only getting worse.

  Curtis sat inside his SUV and just as he wondered why someone from the DNA facility hadn’t called him yet, his phone rang. The call showed up as private, and Curtis knew this was it. He allowed it to ring two more times before he took a deep breath and picked it up.

  “Hello.”

  “Curtis Black?” the woman said.

  “Yes. Speaking.”

  “This is Sherri calling with the results from your paternity test.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I regret that Matthew Black is not your son.”

  Curtis tried pretending that he hadn’t heard her. But he knew he had. She’d spoken plainly and clearly, and he’d heard every single word of her sentence. Still he couldn’t move or say anything. He couldn’t respond without falling to pieces, and he didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want to weep dramatically like Uncle Bradley had done yesterday.

  “Mr. Black, are you there?”

  “Yes. Thank you for calling.”

  “You’re quite welcome, and all the best to you.”

  He put the phone down without even closing it and stared across the parking lot.

  “Oh God, no,” he prayed. “Not my son. I know I’ve done a lot of wrong over the years, but please don’t take my son from me. Lord, I’m begging you.”

  Curtis held the front of his face with both hands and cried silently. His cries came from deep within, and they were the same as he’d felt on Saturday when Trina had called to tell him about his mother. This just couldn’t be happening, losing his mother and son all in one week. He’d asked God daily to grant him this one request, so he couldn’t understand why God hadn’t heard him. He knew that for whatever reason his desire must not have been God’s will, but he didn’t know how he would go on without Matthew. He didn’t know how he would e
ver accept the fact that he no longer had a son. He loved his daughter, but his bond with Matthew had changed his life completely. That child had become his reason for being.

  Curtis wiped his eyes, saw that it was shortly after five, and started the engine. He drove away from the church and kept driving for miles and miles. He drove around the city for over an hour, trying to alleviate his pain, but he never succeeded. If anything, he felt more vengeful and indignant than before.

  He dialed Charlotte’s cell number before he knew it.

  She burst into tears as soon as she answered.

  “I just called to tell you that I’m filing for a divorce as soon as possible,” he said.

  “But Curtis—”

  “Just save it, Charlotte.”

  “But—”

  “But nothing. There’s not a thing you can say to me about anything. You lied, and now all of us are going to suffer the consequence. But I’m telling you right now, don’t even think about telling Matthew, your parents, or anyone else. I’ll decide when and how everyone should be told. And from this point on, I’ll decide what you should and shouldn’t do. You started all of this, but I’m going to have the last say.”

  “Curtis, please just meet me at home. I already asked Aunt Emma to pick up Matthew from camp.”

  “No. Don’t you get it? Our marriage is over.”

  “You’re not thinking straight right now, but if you just give me a chance, I’ll make things right. You’re the only father Matthew has ever known, and it will kill him if you leave us. I just know it.”

  The thought of what she was saying made Curtis loathe her even more. He wanted to call her every obscenity in the book. In truth, he wished he could create a few new obscenities because none of the words he could think of actually fit. The hatred and disgust he felt for her were unexplainable. Now, he knew exactly how Adrienne must have felt when she’d made the decision to shoot him. Her pain must have been far too much to bear. For the first time, he understood why she’d needed to get even with him. It had been the only way.

  “I’m hanging up now,” he said . . . and did.

  He waited for the red light to change and pressed on the accelerator. He dialed Anise at the same time.

  “Hello?”

  “I know you won’t think it’s a good idea, but I really need to talk to someone.”

  “You sound strange. Are you okay?”

  “No. And that’s why I really have to see you. If I don’t, Anise, I’ll probably end up in jail.”

  “Oh no. It’s not what I think, is it?”

  “I’ll see you when I get there, okay?”

  “All right.”

  Curtis played a slew of mental tapes as he continued down the road. He pictured Charlotte and Aaron having sex until they were totally exhausted. He imagined how hard they must have laughed at him each time they’d gotten away with it. But nothing compared with the picture he was playing now—Matthew’s face right after he’d been told that Curtis wasn’t his father. It just wasn’t fair, and it was at times like these that Curtis still didn’t quite understand some of God’s reasoning. He didn’t understand why Matthew had to pay the price for his and Charlotte’s sins when Matthew hadn’t done anything. It was at times like these that Curtis felt his faith weakening and he no longer wanted a place in the ministry. He wished he’d stayed out of it when he’d had the chance. He would be much better off if he had.

  Curtis pulled into Anise’s driveway and sat for a few minutes. He wanted to go inside, and then again he didn’t. If he did, he knew what would ensue. He knew that once he stepped across her front threshold, he would not be turning back. He had a feeling that Anise wouldn’t want him to. Their attraction for each other was a given, and Curtis wanted her. He needed someone to make him feel like a man again.

  He left the car and strode up the walkway. He rang the bell three times before Anise opened the door. She looked curious, and he could tell she didn’t trust herself around him. She could barely look him straight in his eyes without glancing away.

  “So what happened?” she said, leading the way into the family room. Curtis sat down next to her in the center of the sofa, barely leaving any space between them. Anise moved closer to the end.

  “Matthew is definitely not my son.”

  “I’m so sorry, Curtis. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. This is terrible.”

  “Yeah. It is, and right now I don’t know what I’m going to do about it. I don’t know how I can let Charlotte and Aaron get away with this.”

  “Poor little Matthew. Does he know?”

  “Not yet. Your mom was picking him up today, and I told Charlotte not to tell anyone.”

  “This is unbelievable. It’s a nightmare.”

  “Well, I really needed to see you because if I didn’t, I probably would have ended up looking for Aaron.”

  “Well, if that’s the case, I’m glad you came here instead. You certainly don’t need to go after that fool. I heard about the way he showed up at church Sunday.”

  “That Negro is crazy.”

  “Have you heard from him?”

  “He called me earlier, telling me to let Charlotte go because they were in love with each other.”

  “Really? He’s acting like you and he were never even friends.”

  “I told you, he’s crazy. The man needs to be in a nuthouse. Or six feet under.”

  Anise didn’t respond, and Curtis knew she didn’t approve of what he’d just said.

  “Thanks again for letting me come by.”

  “Can I get you anything?”

  “No. I’m too drained to eat or drink. All I want to do is be here with you.”

  Curtis slid closer to her.

  “We can’t do this,” she said.

  “Why? I told you before, Charlotte doesn’t care about you or me.”

  “Still.”

  “Still what?”

  “It’s not right and you know it.”

  He stroked the back of her head. “I need you, Anise.

  “Curtis, don’t.”

  “I can’t help myself. I’ve wanted you ever since that night I stopped by here.”

  “But you’re married and regardless of what Charlotte has done, she’s still my cousin.”

  He ignored her logic and kissed her roughly. He could tell she liked it. She was no longer trying to pull away from him. He pulled her body until she was flat on her back and he lay on top of her. He kissed her neck and slid his hand under her shirt. She moaned and begged him to stop what he was doing. He ignored her again.

  He unzipped her pants and heard the doorbell ringing.

  They both jumped up, straightening their clothing, and Anise tried to fix her hair.

  “Were you expecting someone?” he asked.

  “No,” she said, walking through the house and to the front door.

  His chest elevated rapidly, and he took deep breaths, trying to calm down. He couldn’t believe someone had interrupted them.

  He heard a voice that he didn’t recognize.

  “Curtis, you’ve met Monica before,” Anise said, referring to her best friend.

  “I have, but it’s been a while. How are you?”

  “I’m good. How are you?” she said. Curtis could tell she was suspicious. She seemed uncomfortable.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Anise, I didn’t realize you had company. I can come back if you want.”

  “No, not at all,” Curtis said. “Actually, I’ve taken up too much of Anise’s time anyway, so don’t mind me at all. It was good seeing you again, though.”

  “Same here.”

  Anise walked him outside.

  “Are you going to be okay?” she asked.

  “I doubt it. Not after your friend just wandered in here and ruined everything,” he said, smiling.

  Anise smiled with him. “Some things just aren’t meant to be.”

  “Maybe. But that still doesn’t change the way we feel about each other.”


  She backed away from the car. “Good-bye, Curtis.”

  “Good-bye.” He sat in his vehicle and backed out of the driveway, watching her the entire time.

  Now what?

  Chapter 27

  CHARLOTTE TURNED THE TELEVISION TO SHOWTIME AND DROPPED the channel selector onto the bed. A rerun of Soul Food was in progress. She watched bits and pieces of it, but she had a hard time concentrating on the story line because her mind kept focusing on Curtis and Matthew. She’d lost her closest friend and cousin, and now Curtis insisted that their marriage was over. She had no idea how she would explain any of this to her son. He would never survive without Curtis, and her parents would jump through the roof once they learned what was going on. They would blame her for everything and rightfully so.

  She’d spent the last two hours trying to figure out what she could do to save her family, but she hadn’t come up with anything Curtis would go for. She’d even thought about swallowing a handful of Tylenol, anything to get his attention. She’d even considered packing up Matthew and taking him as far away as she could so that Curtis would see how much he missed him. But she wasn’t sure whether that would actually work or not, since Curtis seemed dead set on divorcing her, anyway.

  More than anything, she wished she could confide in another woman. She hadn’t even told her aunt when she’d dropped off a set of clean clothing for Matthew. He was spending the night with her aunt for obvious reasons, but Charlotte had left her under the impression that she and Curtis simply needed some time alone together.

  She turned down the volume of the TV, slid across the bed, and looked out the bedroom window. She thought she’d heard a noise of some kind, but she didn’t see anything. She looked outside for more than a minute and then got back in bed. She glanced at the security keypad on the wall to make sure it was still on. She was glad they had access to it in two separate locations.

  She tried getting back into Soul Food, but after a few minutes the phone rang. She grabbed it quickly, without checking the caller ID screen, hoping it was Curtis.