Humanity Gone: Facade of Order

by Deremer, Derek

  “What was that about? David's bleeding out, you just shot a man, and the first thing you can think to do is kiss me?”

  She grabs both of her forearms with the opposite hands and looks down while she moves them quickly up and down her arm. She looks ashamed.

  “Sorry. I can't explain it. That's what I wanted, and I saw an opening.”

  “I've been with Paige...”

  “I know. She's a good person. But kissing you has been something that kept me going all those years, and for a moment back there, I thought I may be headed back to that life. I needed to try it just once and settle what I spent years thinking about. I know now what we had is gone. It's been too long and we are two completely different people than who we were.” Tears spill from her eyes. “I lost Jon, then the twins and you, and I have been by myself. I'm tired of being without anyone... without a family for so long.”

  “I know...”

  “No, you don't know. You barely spent a year in one of their camps. I spent five. You've had so many people who give a damn about you. Not just Paige, but Dave and Ryan.” Her eyes go to both of them. “And at the compound, I'm sure there are more that would have come on this trip with you if only you asked. Maybe I can't have you, but I need you. I don't love you the same way, but you and Caitlyn are just the only family I have now.”

  She slowly leans her head on my left shoulder with a sigh.

  I reach around to her other side and hold her close. She closes her eyes against my shoulder and her breathing begins to normalize. Ryan and I share an exchange for a moment. He was pretending not to listen, but I know he heard every word. He nods slightly and continues cleaning up the truck. We still have a long journey in it later.

  Paige was right; there's a lot of damage that's been done over these past five years in Jo's head - the incident on the truck proved that. She is still beautiful to me, but romance was nowhere to be found. When she kissed me on the truck I realized that. She now feels like one of the twins - someone I need to protect because it is my responsibility. She is a part of an old family that is finally beginning to come back together. I have to protect them all from everything awful this world has become.

  See Jon. I'm holding up my end of the bargain.

  Chapter 16: Jocelyn

  It is over with Carter. No matter how much it hurts, what we had is lost. I could tell as we sat in the garage. I knew for sure as we finished driving to the compound later that things will never be the same.

  No, it isn't over.

  Yes. Yes it is.

  We drove home that evening without any incident. Caitlyn's fingers began healing without infection, and David seemed alright despite his shoulder. Carter was initially worried he may develop a fever or worse. Neither of them seem worried, but it still looked awful.

  The day after we returned, I moved out of Carter's house and found a room in one of the nearby townhouses with some others. It wasn't out of spite; I needed some distance for a while. I really didn't have much to take with me. David said he had a spare room, but Paige told him no for me. She tries her best to be kind to me. I am beginning to like her. Paige and Carter are together a lot, and they look happy, although I can tell Carter still feels uneasy. He feels bad about me. It will take some time, but I will get over it. It was a silly romance anyway. Hell, I was still a teenager then. Caitlyn stays with them in another room in their house. The one he has had ready for years. She spends most of the time sleeping in her new bed and keeps to herself. It seems like she hasn't slept in a long time. A few times, I saw her outside trying to shoot into an empty can. She is getting close.

  The time I spend with her is completely different than before. Carter told me yesterday that it seems like we found Sara and not Caitlyn. He is absolutely right. She acts like her sister and is much more emotional. Whatever that man did to her has changed her. It brought down her walls.

  Caitlyn is safe with them so I busy myself around the town. A few men were finally able to bring a few of the horses from the Mill down here. They were hoping to utilize them in the fields in place of the tractor. It was nice to see them again. At the farm, one of my responsibilities was to take care of the pair. I especially grew fond of Angel. She cooperated for me and no one else. A few times, I have been able to go into a nearby high school football field and ride Angel around. They foolishly didn't grab the saddle, but I managed bare back. My thighs were sore the first day, but quickly toughened up to the ride.

  Several times I have thought about just jumping the fence and leaving all of this behind me. There didn't seem to be much left for me here anymore. Despite my break down in the garage, I've really started to wonder if I need anyone else. I managed so long alone anyway. Maybe I could find a home somewhere else - anywhere Angel could take me. If I could get my hands on that rifle again, I could take on the world.

  Yes. Leave. You can find a new family.

  No. God no. Stop thinking this. You are home. You have family.

  I try to shake these awful ideas out of my head. They keep surfacing and they seem to be getting worse. I don't need to converse with myself anymore. Come on Jo, you're not crazy.

  I take a deep breath and collect my thoughts.

  For the sixth time this past week, I take Angel to the football field. She looks tired as I pull her from the make-shift stables within an abandoned garage. I walk her slowly down the road and to the stadium. A few residents of the Resistance wave to me as I pass by; I nod back. When I reach what was once an end-zone I lift myself up onto her back and adjust the blanket. Angel trots over the collapsed goalpost and faces down the field of knee high grass.

  “Come on girl, lets ride,” I lean forward and whisper into her ear. She immediately enters a gallop and the rushing breeze blows my hair out behind my back. A smile escapes my lips as she continues go around the field.

  Come on girl. You can do this.

  We still have some purpose here. At least I hope we do.

  * * *

  I walk toward the green tent outside of Ryan's house. Caitlyn walks carefully beside me in the grass. Although she has been here for over a week she still looks suspicious of the people. I can't disagree with her. The Resistance just seems a little too armed - a little reminiscent of the New Americans sometimes. Ryan asked her this morning if we could all get together and talk about what those men were trying to torture out of her. We all could tell it was a sore area, and didn't want to push her. Caitlyn finally agreed to talk with them tonight.

  We walk into the tent uncomfortably. Just Carter and Ryan are inside. They greet her, and we all sit down at the wooden table. Ryan offers both of us some fruit from a plate on top of the table. I have seen little of him these past weeks. I worry he is up to something dangerous for the Resistance. We both decline his offer, kindly. Caitlyn's mouth opens and she hesitates for a moment before she begins speaking. She gets straight to the point:

  “I broke inside because I thought Sara would be there.” Carter talked earlier this week to her about the couple who she attacked on the road. They still stayed at the Resistance. There was something familiar about the man, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. “I found these documents about how the workers have been spread throughout the work camps. Sara was in there - but it was crossed out.”

  “Does that mean she's...?” Ryan begins with a forcibly saddened face. Caitlyn turns with widened eyes.

  “No, there seemed to be a deceased stamp over many of them. Her was just had an “X.” I was distracted when I saw her name, and they captured me. Then he started...well.” she pulls the bandaged stubs on her left hand into her chest and looks uncomfortable. Maybe this was still too soon. “They thought I was sent to do something to them. I just was trying to find Sara. They thought I was from the Sanctuary...”

  My eyes open wide. That is a name I haven't heard aloud in years. I never even talked to other workers about that whole incident. It was too painful.

  “Wait,” Carter interrupts, “the Sanctuary is still causing
them problems?”

  “What do you know about them?” I ask Carter. I thought the Sanctuary was a closed chapter in our lives.

  “Well not too much,” Carter begins, “It seems they were still doing well despite our incident there five years ago. About two years back the New Americans charged in and took their generators, solar panels, and livestock. The Sanctuary boys resisted, but most of them were killed and the motel was destroyed. Those who remained went into hiding or simply dispersed into other survivor groups. Although since the New Americans are worried about them, the Sanctuary must not have completely disbanded. The New American’s probably think they are responsible for the incident at the Mill. Maybe they are responsible for things we don't even know about. Perhaps we could gain something by reaching out to the Sanctuary.”

  My heart drops. What the hell does he mean by “reaching out?”

  “You know, if we could work with them we might be able to deal a serious blow to the New Americans. Something bigger than our little disruptions to their supply line.” Ryan says casually. Caitlyn instantly stands up. By the expression on her face, she is thinking what I am thinking.

  “Like hell we will work with them. We know what they did.” She stares at me. “They kidnapped you and killed Jon. And they... they...”

  “Caitlyn, I know this is hard to understand, but that was five years ago,” Ryan quickly replies. “Rumor has it things changed there after their original leader was killed - you killed actually.” His expression shows that he isn't sure if he was supposed to say that.

  “Rumor? I bet they are the same...” she swears more than I imagined was possible for someone who spent the last few years alone in the woods, “Besides they all were a part of it. It wasn't just him.” She seems to run out of words as she looks between us all. “This is insane.”

  I nod slightly toward her. “I have to agree. You two can't be serious. Are we the only two listening to reason?”

  Ryan turns up his eyebrows and looks at us both with compassion. “I know this isn't easy to hear, but if we join with them - maybe we could do something that would prevent the New Americans from eventually taking over the whole country. They are a lot bigger than us, but an alliance like this could be the first of many. Groups of survivors like us are all over this country. Many are just afraid to fight. We just have to prove to them what we are capable of accomplishing.”

  Caitlyn slumps back into her chair and folds her arms tightly across her chest. Steam nearly pours out of her ears.

  I understand Ryan's perspective.

  Maybe he is right. We need them now. Maybe they have changed.

  No, you don't need them; they killed your brother. They tied you up. That Saul was going to...

  “Carter please. We can't,” I finally burst out.

  His brown eyes go wide, and he gives a small nod.

  “Ryan, there has to be another way. It's too dangerous. We can't trust them.”

  “How about this? We take a caravan up to the remains of the compound and see what we can dig up. We don't have to get close to them, but communicating with them won't hurt. We don't tell them about here or anything like that. We simply extend an olive branch.”

  “I don't think you get it...” Caitlyn cusses Ryan even more. He is taken aback. “These guys are monsters. Listen to us.”

  I didn't want to admit it, but Ryan had a point. Just making contact wouldn’t be a bad choice. I walk behind Caitlyn.

  “Cait, you are right. We won't trust them. But it won't hurt to reach out. At the very least we can keep an eye on them.”

  Caitlyn looks back with a glare and then faces forward. “Fine,” she mutters.

  Carter joins in from his long silence. “Are you sure?” I nod my head a few times quickly. I put my hand onto Caitlyn's shoulder and delicately squeeze. She reaches up and grabs it. She's knows it's something we have to try. It just hurts all three of us.

  “So it's settled,” Ryan says. “Do you know how to get to their original compound Carter?”

  “I thought you said they left?”

  “It's a starting point. We will leave in the morning with two squads.”

  “If Carter's going, then I'm going too.” Caitlyn stands and says.

  “No, with your hand you have to stay. Next, time...” Carter begins.

  “We are a family. I'm staying with you.”

  Well I guess that gives me little choice. “If Caitlyn is coming, then I am too.”

  As long as I have my rifle and Caitlyn has a bow we can hold our own. Although, something about Caitlyn tells me she isn't as willing to use the bow anymore. However, if someone threatens one of us, I'd bet it will be a different story.

  I guess we are going back to the Sanctuary.

  A shiver runs down my spine.

  Chapter 17: Ryan

  I'm still not sure if we are doing the right thing. I once heard, “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Still, this doesn't seem like the best plan. Considering what Carter told me, and considering their behavior five years ago, this could ruin everything. I had David stay back just in case. They will need him if this all gets ugly for us.

  I have managed to keep our compound a secret over the years. Maybe it has been luck that those helicopters haven't flown directly over us. We aren't the only small settlement in the northeast, and although we won't look too threatening, it won't take much for those choppers to burn our home to the ground. Involving ourselves with the Sanctuary could be our first mistake in years. New America is looking for them, and soon they could learn that we were behind some of their misery these past few years.

  Oh, well. It's a chance we are going to have to take. Surviving is only a part of the Resistance. The rest is trying to make this country some semblance of what we once took for granted. We will need help to do that.

  The car bounces along the back road as rain continues to pelt the car from the dark clouds above. Three cars follow us in the caravan. I reach down and speed up the wipers on the SUV. Thunder rumbles in the distance while lightning periodically illuminates the car on this dark afternoon. The sooner we can get this over with today, the better. There are only a few hours left of sunlight. One of the men became sick on the way, and Paige left our car to help him out. Carter wanted her to stay safely home again, but she refused. He wants to keep her safe, and she wants to keep him safe. Or something like that.

  I try to avoid these domestic squabbles.

  When we finally reach our exit ramp the ride smoothes out on the cement, but the rain falls even heavier. The Sanctuary shouldn't be too much further ahead. As I travel along the road we come to a series of flipped cars. On one side is a steep hill and on the other is a house that is mostly burned down. I slow down to weave around the broken down cars that seem to act as some sort of checkpoint or barrier. Carter sits beside me and shifts in his seat. Behind us, Jo and Caitlyn seem to do the same. This is a bad place for them. I can feel it in my bones. I nearly have to stop to squeeze between a pair of upside down cars in front of the burned down house. For a moment, the other three in the car stop breathing. Carter told me roughly what happened here years ago, but left out some details. I am not about to ask.

  The Sanctuary isn't too much farther down the road and within a half hour we arrive at the wreckage. I barely make out the compound's outline though the heavy rain, but the constant lightning weakly illuminates the remains of an old motel.

  Carter once told me how it was quite an impressive home the Sanctuary had built for themselves in the motel. Now, it is closer to a demolished building. The wall surrounding the motel has large holes and missing sections - probably from the New Americans' weaponry. Burned chassis of cars scorched black long ago sit along the side of the road and against the crumbling wall. Vines sprouting from the cracks in the road wrap around their steel shells. Half of the motel has burned to the ground and the other side is a huge pile of rubble nearly fifteen feet tall that covers all of the motel room doors on the right side. It looked like the enti
re second floor had been destroyed and the rubble piled up on that side. The front office is largely intact, but the brick is scorched and the majority of the roof is caved in and lying on the parking lot. They certainly aren't operating from here anymore. Our vehicles come to a stop inside the compound in a long line. I step out of the car and into the storm.

  “Well this place has certainly changed,” Jo says as she gets out, while pulling the hood of her coat over her head. “I never imagined it would have turned into this.”

  “I know,” replies Carter in awe. He walks towards the front gate and squats to the ground. His blue shirt is already drenched navy down his back. Reaching down, he wipes some mud off a piece of metal that stretches nearly across the entire threshold of the entrance. I walk over to him and see the letters “SAN” underneath.

  Sanctuary.

  “Well I guess they got what was coming to them,” I remark. Carter stands back up wiping some water from his brow with the back of his hand, and we head back to the small caravan of cars. Most of the guys stay in the vehicles and out of the rain. Jo and Caitlyn walk around as Kevin follows behind them a bit with his rifle at the ready. We aren't taking any chances out here. Although, this place is a graveyard, and we should be safe. It doesn't look like anyone has been here recently. Carter returns to the passenger's side door. He has seen enough.

  “Ryan, you really think they come back here often? This place is a wreck,” Carter says. He is right; it looks deserted. Maybe some sort of lead will present itself.

  “It's worth a shot. It's already pretty late We will circle up the cars and spend the night. We are bound to...” My heart stops as a voice rumbles throughout the compound.

  “Get out, we don't have anything else,” a low voice echoes out from inside the motel's nearly collapsed front office. Instantly, my hand is to my hip and draws my weapon. Carter has his out immediately too as he stands in front of the open car door. Several of my men prepare their guns while exiting the cars, forming a perimeter around the office. Their weapons face the dark crumpled building. The voice continues to boom through the storm at us.