Freed by You

by Danielle Fox

  There was still no sign of Julian as I neared the lights. I tried to avert my eyes to anywhere but an accident scene as I realised I was going to have to walk right past it. The first vehicle I noticed was a police car, followed by another. And then an ambulance. Before I reached the site the ambulance pulled away from the curb and began on its way in the opposite direction. Its lights flashed but there was no noise. No sirens? I suppose that was either a good sign or a very bad one.

  I pushed through the crowd of gathered people, eager to pass without looking, in fear of what I might see, but my eyes were drawn involuntarily to the crumpled mess beside me. My stomach lunged and my breathing stopped altogether as I pushed forward to get a second glance. My mind must be playing tricks on me, surely? Those scattered pieces of glimmering black metal couldn’t belong to his car. The smashed up mass beside me couldn’t be his car.

  I pushed through the final row of people and my mouth opened and a loud scream escaped before I could control it. My knees buckled underneath my weight and I noticed a short man in a police uniform as his arms reached out towards me to stop my descent to the ground.

  “Miss? What is it? Do you know who this car belongs to?” The policeman pressed.

  My mouth opened but no words came out. I was frozen. Standing in the arms of a man I had never met, and I was frozen, unable to move a muscle.

  “Miss? Do you know this car?”

  “It’s Julian’s car. Julian Scott.” Tears sprang to my eyes as I heard my words aloud, like they somehow made it real. “What happened? Where is he?” I sobbed through my heaving chest as I pushed his arms away from me.

  He simply looked at me, his eyes full of empathy, his forehead creased deeply with his frown. And then it hit me, the ambulance, the lights, no sirens. No sirens!

  “Oh, God, please, no!” I wailed. “Please tell me he isn’t...” I trailed off, unable to speak the word aloud.

  “I’m sorry, Miss. The driver was pronounced dead at the scene,” he stated matter-of-factly, his tone apparently empty of any emotion.

  I simply stared at the remains of Julian’s beautiful car through the tear pools in my eyes. Then my knees buckled once more, and this time no one caught my fall as I slumped heavily to the ground, my stomach heaving as thick, bitter tasting bile rose in my throat.

  “He can’t be...” I screamed as I felt the officer’s arms pulling heavily at my waist.

  “Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to move back. Is there anyone I can call for you?” he asked as he stood me on my feet.

  My legs trembled under their unfamiliar weight. “Natalie!”

  The horror of the situation struck me all at once as I realised I had to get to Natalie. His sister, who had risked everything to be with him. I had to find her. I turned and forced my legs to move as I pushed through the crowd of onlookers, each one following me with their sympathetic eyes.

  “Move!” I screamed as my arms frantically waded through the bodies.

  I ran as fast I was able until I reached the front steps of The Lounge. I pulled at the heavy door but to no avail, it was locked. I pounded my fist heavily against the metal as it thrashed under my force. As soon as the door opened I hurled myself inside, straight into the chest of Ryan.

  “Whoa! Emily, what’s up?” he asked as he held the top of my arms to steady my balance.

  “Is Natalie here? I need to see Natalie,” I panted.

  “She’s in the bar. What’s happened? You okay?” he pressed.

  I ignored his desperate questions and headed straight across the dance floor to the bar where Natalie was neatly lining up a row of wine glasses, completely unaware of the devastation I was about to inflict on her.

  “Natalie,” I puffed, “I need to tell you something.”

  She spun around to face me and her glorious smile quickly turned to a grim line.

  “Holy shit, Emily. What the fuck?” Shallow lines covered her forehead as she looked at me in complete shock, her eyes urgently searching mine.

  “Natalie, it’s Julian.” A loud sob hurled out of my mouth as my stomach heaved once more.

  “What, Emily? What the fuck is going on?” she urged, her voice thick with desperation.

  I opened my mouth slowly, trying to hear the words in my head before speaking them. How could I tell her that her brother – the only person she had in the world – had just been killed?

  A loud thud of the door being flung open startled me and I lost my words. I continued to watch Natalie as she glanced at whoever was entering the room, her eyes narrowed, questioning as she raised a single brow and shrugged her shoulders dramatically.

  “Emily!” His voice sounded loudly from behind me and I froze, my mouth hanging open as I held my speech. My heart pounded against my chest at the familiar tone accompanied by the sound of heavy footsteps moving rapidly across the wooden floor.

  “Emily! What the hell has happened?”

  My heart wrenched as I heard his voice again, but I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to wake from this obvious daydream. He was here! Was he here? As I stood, still gawping lifelessly at Natalie, familiar strong hands gripped my shoulders and twisted me until I was facing him.

  I looked up into the most beautiful, perfect green eyes.

  “Julian?” I whispered, still frightened to move in case this was indeed a dream.

  “Yes, it’s me. What the fuck has happened to you, Emily? Tell me!” He was almost shouting. His tone was stern and authoritative. The same tone I knew and loved.

  “Julian!” I screeched as I reached up to him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck.

  “Emily, it’s me. I’m here. What’s going on?”

  I have never felt anything as powerful as the relief I felt as I held him in my arms, inhaling deeply as I filled my senses with his scent. A scent that I thought I would never inhale again. That was Julian’s car, I was sure of it.

  “Emily, did he do something to you?” Julian hissed through his tightly clenched teeth.

  “What? No one did anything,” I stammered.

  Who? Who was he talking about?

  “Emily, you’re not making any sense. Where is Jason?”

  “Jason?”

  “Yes, Jason.” He roared, making me startle and gasp aloud. “Where is he? Maybe I’ll get more sense out of him right now.”

  “How would I know?” I asked, feeling a little bewildered and out of sorts.

  “He came to pick you up, didn’t he? Didn’t you get my message?”

  My mouth dropped open as reality began to hit me, slowly. “What message?”

  I grabbed my phone out of my bag and clicked on the message icon. Sure enough there was an unread text – sender, Julian. How could I not have seen this earlier?

  ‘Emily, I’ve been held up at the club. I’m sending Jason to you now. See you shortly, baby. Yours, Julian. X’

  A single tear rolled down my cheek as I read his words.

  “Emily, please!”

  “Did Jason take your car?” I choked as my voice thickened with tears.

  “Yes. You mean he didn’t collect you?”

  “No, I walked. Julian, there was an accident,” I stammered.

  “What accident? Emily!” He was shouting now as his hands shook my shoulders as if to snap me back to life again.

  “Your car, Julian. I thought it was you, I thought you were dead.” Julian’s eyes widened as my revelation began to sink in. “It was Jason?”

  “Fuck! Where was it, Emily.” He released his grip on me and started across the dance floor in a hurried pace.

  “Julian, stop. Wait!” I begged as I caught up with him. “Julian, he’s dead. I’m so sorry!”

  Yet another loud sob burst from my chest as every muscle in Julian’s face dropped as he stared, seemingly, right through me.

  “How? How could you possibly know that?” he whispered.

  “I thought it was you! The police officer told me the driver was pronounced dead at the scene. I saw the ambula
nce leave.”

  “Fuck!” he roared as he twisted and threw his fist into the wall behind him. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” he repeated with each following crushing blow.

  “Julian. Baby, stop.” I pushed my body into the gap between him and the wall that he was assaulting.

  I noticed the thick streams of blood flowing down his long fingers as he withdrew his hand.

  “Julian, it’s okay. Please, don’t hurt yourself,” I begged as I circled my arms around his neck and coaxed his head towards mine with a hand.

  His forehead rested heavily against mine for what seemed like a long time as his breathing slowed and his shaking body calmed.

  “Let’s go and clean that up.” I gently took his hand in mine and placed an arm around his back, walking with him towards the office as he stared vacantly ahead of him.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  The following few days seemed to pass by in a blur. Julian insisted that I went to classes as usual and he spent the majority of his time closed in his office snapping and shouting his orders to whoever he was talking to on the phone.

  He hadn’t touched me since our last night in France. I hadn’t seen his wanting eyes, hadn’t felt his strong embrace. And I missed him. He had insisted that I stay at his apartment with Maia, but I had no idea why.

  I picked up the cup of strong coffee and pressed my ear to his office door. When I was satisfied he wasn’t on the phone, I knocked gently.

  “Come in,” Julian snapped. I could hear his irritation in his voice.

  “I’ve made you a coffee,” I stated as I looked into his vacant eyes. “You okay?”

  It was clear to anybody that he was far from okay, but Julian being Julian, he kept his feelings under wraps and refused to show a single ounce of emotion, despite the fact that one of his oldest and closest friends had just been tragically killed.

  “I’m fine, thanks. Just put it on there.” He pointed his chin towards the desk before quickly snapping the screen closed on his laptop that occupied it.

  “Julian, you’re not fine. You can talk to me, you know.”

  “I don’t need to talk, Emily. Right now I need to be left alone to work!”

  Ouch! That hurt more than I thought possible. I recognised the all too familiar sting as tears pricked at my eyes.

  “I know you’re hurting right now, Julian, and I’m here for you if and when you need me, but you seem to want to be by yourself at the moment,” my voice broke as I spoke, revealing my devastation at his rejection, as selfish as it was, “so, I’m going to go home. You know where to find me if you need me.”

  His hand gripped around the arm of his chair and I watched his knuckles slowly turn from pink to white as I spoke.

  “You’re not going anywhere, Emily. Sit down,” he ordered, his eyes never leaving his hand.

  “Julian, please don’t speak to me like that.”

  His hand slammed against the wooden desk before him and his head snapped up. His eyes finally made contact with mine for possibly the first time since the accident.

  “Sit the fuck down!” he roared.

  His raised voice startled me and I couldn’t hold my tears any longer.

  “I’m sorry, Julian. I’ve got to go,” I whispered through my tears.

  I turned and left his office and walked straight to the bedroom without glancing behind me. I slammed the door and slumped onto the bed – our bed – and cried heavily. I wiped at my eyes hastily with the back of my hand as the door opened and Julian waltzed in without hesitation.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped like that.”

  “It’s fine, Julian. You grieve however you need to grieve, but I can’t hang around to be kicked to the curb every time I speak. I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

  I grabbed my case from the wardrobe and began taking my clothes off the hangers and folding them into the case.

  “Emily, will you stop and I’ll explain.”

  “Explain what, Julian?” I snapped as I threw a garment of clothing onto the floor and slammed my case shut. “Explain that you blame me for what happened to Jason? Explain that if it hadn’t have been for me Jason would never have been in that car? Do you not think I already know all that, Julian?” I screamed at him.

  I should probably be more sensitive to his feelings but I was struggling. Struggling to watch the man I loved so dearly hurting so much. Struggling with my own guilt at my part in this.

  “Is that really what you think?” he choked, looking completely bewildered, which was the first emotional reaction I had witnessed on his expressionless face for days.

  “Yes, that’s what I think, because it’s true! And that’s exactly why you can’t even look at me, exactly why you haven’t even touched me since it happened.”

  Julian crossed the room to where I stood in two long strides and placed his hands on either side of my face, holding it firmly in place.

  “I am looking at you now, Emily. None of this is your fault. Do you understand?”

  “Only, if he hadn’t have been coming to get me, he would still be alive now, wouldn’t he?”

  Julian let out a loud groan as he moved away from me and raked his hands roughly through his tousled hair.

  “Don’t you get it, Emily?” he barked. “It was supposed to me in that car! I sent Jason to get you. I was too wrapped up in my own fucking problems as usual that I sent him instead of coming myself! He should never have been there! Now his wife has lost her husband, his kids have lost their father and that’s down to me, Emily! Not you!”

  He collapsed onto the bed, his head hung heavily in his palms as his fingers gripped his hair. I rushed to him, crouching down between his knees and trying to encourage his palms away from his eyes.

  “Julian, this wasn’t your fault. He worked for you, he drove for you. No one could have predicted this.”

  “I’ll kill the bastard who did this,” he murmured.

  “What do you mean? It was an accident, Julian.”

  Julian inhaled deeply as he raised his head to look at me. His moist eyes were red and swollen from tears.

  “Oh come on, Emily. Who has that sort of accident in the middle of London driving at a maximum speed of thirty? He was driving way too fast to cause that sort of damage, but why? Someone caused this.”

  “Maybe he was in a hurry to get me?”

  “Or maybe it was supposed to me in that car,” he breathed. “Except Jason took the fucking wrath!”

  “Why would you think that? Who would want to hurt you?”

  “I have my suspicions.”

  “The break in at the club?” Suddenly this all seemed to be slotting into place. “It wasn’t an addict, was it? Who was it, Julian?”

  “I don’t know, I don’t recognise him.” His eyes lowered to his hands and I knew he wasn’t telling me the truth. If there was one thing that Julian didn’t excel at, it was lying to me.

  “But you have your suspicions?”

  “Yes. Please, Emily, you don’t need to know all this. Please don’t ask me,” he pleaded.

  “That’s why you kept me in France, isn’t it? It was Jay.”

  “I told you, I don’t know for sure!”

  “Show me the tapes,” I demanded, standing from my crouch and turning towards the door.

  “What?”

  “I want to see the CCTV footage, Julian. Now.” I marched out of the bedroom and crossed the living area to the office. “I take it it’s on your laptop, that’s why you were hiding it from me earlier,” I called as I sat down at his desk.

  “Emily, please. Let me deal with this. I won’t let that man cause you any more harm. I don’t want you to see it!”

  “Well, it’s a bit late for that, Julian. You should have been honest with me from the start!” I ignored his pleas and opened his laptop screen. A small, green light flickered before the monitor burst to life.

  A wave of gut-wrenching terror filled my body as I saw the face that was staring back at me. His evil, squinted eyes we
re looking straight into the camera, a twisted smile played across his lips. I swallowed hard against the rising bile and straightened my face, trying to look as normal as possible.

  “It’s not Jay,” I lied.

  How could I tell him that it was in fact Jay? The one person that he would risk everything to get to. I couldn’t allow him to put himself in danger for me; I wouldn’t let Jay anywhere near him. Jay was looking for me, not Julian. And I couldn’t believe for one second that he would somehow cause a car accident to try to harm Julian, that wasn’t his style. He was a bully, yes. But he wasn’t a killer.

  “It’s not?”

  “No. I don’t recognise him.”

  “Then it must be someone my father has sent.”

  “Or, it could be like you said, Julian, just a random addict looking for money or drugs. He certainly looks like an addict!”

  “And you don’t think that’s just a little too coincidental?”

  “Maybe, but think about it. If your father had sent someone, wouldn’t he come when Natalie was there? Wouldn’t he be a little less stupid than to show his face to the camera?”

  “I suppose you’ve got a point.”

  “What happened to Jason was a freak accident, Julian. No one is out to get you, you’re over thinking things.”

  “How do you do that?” he asked as he looked at me through narrowed wanting eyes. Those very eyes that I had missed so terribly the past few days.

  “Do what?”

  “You make everything make sense again.”

  I smiled widely at his compliment. “Just talented, I guess.” I grinned as I circled his waist with my arms.

  “And, you’re right, I do over think things. Just like I’m probably over thinking exactly what I’d like to do to you right now.”

  My cheeks heated as I flashed him a lopsided grin.

  “Hmm, maybe you should join me on this desk of yours and share those thoughts,” I teased as I perched myself on the edge of his desk and snapped his laptop screen firmly closed.