What the Heart Needs

by Jessica Gadziala

  “Wait,” EM’s voice caught her just as her foot hit the first step. “Wait. The clothes can wait. Can you come here for a second,” he asked, hoping his voice sounded reassuring, calm.

  Hannah took a deep breath and turned, walking into the study and hanging the clothes on a coat rack next to the door. “Yes?”

  Elliott waved a hand to the chair across from his desk. “Have a seat.”

  Hannah nodded, feeling extremely uncomfortable. What could he possibly have to discuss with her? She had been making sure her work was irreproachable. She did every task he set before her and had it done in less time than he allotted it. Except his lunch that afternoon. She had screwed up there. Though she found it incredibly strange that he would be so annoyed by that that he had to pull her aside and chastise her like a kid in a principle’s office.

  She sat down, folding her hands in her lap and looking at his face while carefully avoiding eye contact.

  There was a pregnant silence, she could hear the wind making a tree outside tap against the windowpane. She heard the buzz of the white noise from his computer. Finally he sighed. The sound caught her off guard, making her jump slightly.

  He was trying to find the right way to begin such a delicate conversation. She looked so small and worried sititng there, like a strong breeze or one misspoken word could knock her right over.

  “Hannah…” he started, noticing how straight she was holding her spine. “How are you?” he asked, feeling dumb and lacking.

  Hannah’s eyebrows raised. He was asking her how she was? He had never asked her that. He probably never asked any of his employees that. “I’m… fine,” she said quickly. Too quickly.

  Elliott shook his head. “No don’t do that,” he said, getting out of his chair and moving toward the front of his desk. He leaned against it, putting himself right in front of where she was sitting, his feet only inches from hers. “Something is going on with you. And it has been going on for a while now. I just want to know what it is.”

  Hannah was silent a moment, panic filling her so full she felt nauseated. She couldn’t get into this with him. He would never understand. He would probably even be angry with her for not telling him. He wouldn’t accept this behavior in his office. And on top of all of that, it was too embarrassing to let him know all the horrible things that were being said about her.

  She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin in a defiant way. “Has it been effecting my work?” she asked in a surprisingly strong tone.

  Elliott wanted to laugh. It was a glimpse of the Hannah she was before. And she posed a good question. Had it been effecting her work? As a whole… no.

  “As a whole… no,” at her look of success, he held up a hand. “Not yet. But it will. You wont be able to keep up with your responsibilities without getting proper rest,” He looked at her, a certain sadness in his eyes, “without eating.”

  Hannah’s mouth opened as if she was going to refute his claims, but knew she could never do so convincingly. It shocked her that he had even noticed. She always figured she faded into the background of his surroundings like a lamp or an office chair. It made her feel uneasy to realize he looked at her, that he could see through her like that.

  “This isn’t like you, sweetheart,” Elliott said softly, shocking her with the endearment. The fact that he even knew the word sweetheart was surprising. “What’s going on?”

  Hannah felt tears swim in her eyes for a split second. It felt good to have someone see that she was hurting, even if the person asking was, however unwittingly, a source of some of the pain. “It’s not important,” she protested, starting to stand.

  “It’s important to me,” he said, his hand reaching out and taking her fragile wrist. She turned back to him, her eyes glimmering with concealed emotions. Her grey eyes held his and before he could think better of it, he stood. His free hand rubbed her jaw line which was more defined than the last time he touched it.

  She still looked up at him, her mouth parting as his fingers slowly stroked down the side of her neck. His face leisurely inched closer to hers, his eyes scanning hers for any sign of rejection. When he found none, his lips met hers softly.

  Hannah moaned against his mouth. His hand let go of her wrist and went around her waist. His other hand slid from the nape of her neck into her hair and pulled her face closer to his.

  He felt her body melt against his and her tongue slipped into his mouth, toying with his tentatively. He coaxed her slowly until her passion rivaled his, then he plunged his tonuge into her mouth, the tremble down her spine urging him further.

  Hannah’s heart beat unnaturally fast. Her breasts felt heavy, the nipples poised at sensitive taut points. She felt the fabric of her shirt brush against them and sighed. She pressed her hips deeper against his, feeling the entire length of his hardness pressing into her pelvis.

  Elliott’s hands slipped down her back, running across the width of her hips before dipping lower and grabbing her ass. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and felt his hands grip her backside roughly, pulling her upward and off the floor. Hannah giggled, being held in the air by her butt. He pulled her tightly against him and Hannah quickly wrapped her legs around his waist.

  With one hand rough around her waist, Elliott held her in place while his other hand grabbed the back of her head and held her still while his mouth plundered hers with incredible pressure.

  Hannah whimpered, biting his lower lip more roughly than she would ever have thought appropriate. Her legs ached from how tightly she was holding herself against him. She felt desire spread through her belly, dipping lower until she felt herself rubbing the juncture of her thighs against Elliott’s hips.

  Elliott grunted, nipping her lips over and over as he held her tighter and started walking toward the stairs.

  Hannah’s lips left his and traced slowly down his face, feeling his stubble brush her now-sensitive mouth. She kissed gingerly down his neck until she found the spot where the neck dipped into the shoulder blade. She felt a shudder run through Elliott’s body. Spurred by his reaction, she ran her tongue in circles around the hollow.

  Before she was done exploring his neck, she felt her back being lowered against his mattress. Elliott’s body went with hers, moving as one unit.

  Once she was laying, his body covering hers, held up by one forearm, he pulled her hair to one side, biting her neck and making her whimper. She felt him take the flesh between his lips and sucking hard. Her legs twitched and go up around his back.

  Elliott sucked in his breath. He had to slow down. Her overwhelming passion was driving him to the edge of his control faster than he was comfortable with. There was something so refreshing about her openness, her complete lack of reservations. He wondered fleetingly if it stemmed from inexperience and made his lips gentle against her throat. If he didn’t pace himself- it would be over before the both of them got to really lose themselves in each other.

  His tongue hit the spot where her pulse beat wildly against her neck. Her legs pulled him roughly against her and he felt her hips rise up, grinding against his. She was begging for release, completely oblivious to how long he was going to drag it out for her.

  He wanted her panting, begging, pleading for release.

  Hannah felt a change. His passionate insistance turned more slow and gentle. His hand slowly ran down her side from breast to thigh and back up. Over and over. Her skin was burning from the feeling even beneath layers of clothes. Then she felt his hands slip up under her shirt, repeating the same motion on her bare skin. She trembled when his fingertips brushed the band of her bra and again when they fleetingly dipped into the waistband of her pants and touched the outline of her panties.

  His weight lifted off of her slightly, allowing him more access. His hand brushed across her stomach, side to side, moving up and then down, hinting at touching where she wanted him to most but never doing it. Then his hands grabbed the bottom of her shirt and pulled it upward, m
aking her arms go above her head as she felt the material leave her body.

  For a moment she felt self-conscious. No one had seen her that bare in more years than she cared to remember. But when she looked up at Elliott, his eyes soaking in her bare skin, her pink and grey lace bra, all insecurity flooded away in a rush of desire.

  His hand brushed the lace of her bra and her back arched, pushing her breast into his hand. His thumb ran across the hardened point of her nipple, side to side. She moaned and felt a rush of electricity run from her breast to her groin. Her thighs clutched his legs in longing. He took the point between his thumb and forefinger, stroking it from the base upward and gently pinching.

  Hannah reached up, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down toward her. He took her lower lip between his, sucking the swollen, sensitive flesh before running his tongue down her neck, tracing the line where the edge of her bra held her breast. Then before she realized what he was about to do, his mouth took her nipple within its depths, sucking roughly.

  A gasp escaped her, her whole body jumping. His tongue lapped at her through the material. Then his hands slipped behind her back, grabbing the clasp and undoing it in one swift movement. He pulled the fabric, tossing it onto the floor.

  He lifted his head to look down at her bare breasts, a groan escaping his lips. Her perfect dusky pink nipples were hard, the soft flesh of her breasts plump and perfect. His hand grabbed the breast he had been licking through the fabric. His lips dropped kissed from the center of her chest until he felt her nipple against his cheek.

  She felt his hot, wet mouth take her bare nipple into his mouth and felt like something shattered inside her.

  Her hips raked against the tip of his erection. Her hands grabbed the hair on the back of his head. “Elliott… please…”

  Elliott lifted his head from her breast at the sound of his name on her lips. It was the first time she had ever said it. And full of desire, breathless and pleading, he almost lost it then and there, ripped her pants and panties off and found both of their release.

  He looked down in her big grey eyes, clouded with desire and need and confusion. He smiled a little, kissing her forehead. “No, not yet baby,” he whispered, his voice rough.

  She whimpered and his mouth found her other nipple, making her back arch against him again. His hands ran across her waistband, side to side, dipping the tip of his finger underneath and retreating.

  Hannah’s fingers pulled at the Elliott’s hair until her released her nipple which felt wet and cold when the air hit it. He looked down at her, resting his arms on her sides, holding himself off of her from the waist up. Hannah’s hands went to the front of his shirt, pulling at the knot in his tie until it came lose. She pulled the silky material and pulled it off, throwing it to the side. With shaking fingers, she slowly undid the buttons on his shirt. With each release, she could see more of his skin exposing itself to her. She felt Elliott’s eyes watching her intently, but she kept her gaze on his chest.

  At last, the final button gave and his shirt fell open, revealing his tan skin over surprisingly toned chest and abdominal muscles. Her hand went out to touch him, enjoying the feel of his rough chest hair. She reached up, slipping her hands under the shoulders of the shirt and releasing the fabric.

  Elliott sat up, kneeling over her at her waist. He pulled the shirt from his wrists and tossed it aside.

  Hannah could see the outline of his rigid cock through his slacks. Her hands reached out to explore her curiosity. The tip of her finger barely brushed the tip of his erection when his hands grabbed both of her wrists, pushing them backward and over her head, pinning them to the bed. She groaned when his chest brushed against her supple breasts.

  She pulled at her arms, wanting freedom to explore his body, to push him to the edge she felt herself suspended on. But his hands were too strong. She felt his leg push between her thighs, spreading them without his hands. His body weight shifted, pressing his cock against her wet heat.

  “Ohhh,” she cried out loudly enough to be heard through the house. Elliott grunted, looking down at her with heavy eyes.

  Her thighs tried to wrap around him, grab his waist and pull him against her over and over until she found the relase her body was screaming for. But Elliott pulled his hips back with a small smile on his face.

  He released her arms, his hands reaching for the clasp of her pants. He released the button and pulled the zipper down. His hands gripped the waistband, pulling it roughly down. He moved quickly off of her and she felt the seperation like sadness. He pulled her pants down over her legs and then off her ankles then laid down beside her.

  She had a moment to realize that her grey and pink lace bra in no way matched her tan cotton panties. But when she felt Elliott’s hand run down to find the dip in her hips, the thought flew out of her mind. She never realized how sensitive her body was before. She felt every nerve ending responding to his gentlest touch.

  His fingers slipped underneath the light material and Hannah’s whole body tensed. But he pulled away, grabbing her hip and coaxing her onto her stomach. His hands found her poneytail and gently pulled the elastic band down the lenths, releasing her long hair. He brushed it to the side, giving him an unobstructive view of her back. His lips found the nape of her neck and traced kisses all the way down her spine with the gentlest of pressure. She moaned when he got to the line of her panties and his tongue traced the line all the way back up.

  His hand pulled the material off of her backside and she felt, shockingly, his lips plant a kiss on her ass before he turned her gently back over to face him. With his eyes on hers, he pulled her panties down. She pulled her legs up, allowing them to slip over her thighs and knees and fall to oblivion around her ankle. She kicked the material off and let her legs fall back against the mattress.

  She was naked. The thought hit her suddenly, bringing with it a flood of embarrassment and uncertainty.

  His eyes found hers and he saw the uncertainty and a hint of fear. He smiled at her slightly and his lips found hers, starting with gentle pressure and allowing it to build until he felt her body release its tension.

  His fingers ran the length of her body, breast to knee, back up, then down once more to stop at her thigh and rest there. Then his hand dipped inward, grabbing her thigh and pulling it open. He pulled it under his leg and held it under his thigh. He pushed her other thigh outward until her most intimate part was spread open and bare.

  Quickly, before she could even realize what was going to happen, she felt the tip of his finger find her hot slickness and stroke once upward. Her entire body spasmed at the sensation. A moan escaped her lips and her eyes sought his.

  She felt the tenseness of his body next to hers, pulsing with barely controlled passion. She wondered, fleetingly, if he was holding back because he sensed a certain innocence in her.

  But then his fingertip found her clit and moved over it in painfully slow circles until her entire body felt taut as a bow. She was panting, her breath barely able to escape her body as she whimpered at the sensation. Just as she felt as though she were about to explode, his finger retreated and she cried out, “No.” But Elliott was already moving. He kneeled at her knees, reaching down and unclasping his slacks, pulling the zipper down. She watched as he pulled the material from his hips and tossed them aside. His cock was pushing against his black boxer briefs. She could make out every detail of his long, thick hardness.

  His hands slipped underneath her hips and before she could object, his face was between her thighs. She felt herself tense. It felt awkward. No one had ever had their face against her heat before and she felt as if she should be disgusted, like she should want to push him away.

  But then she felt the tip of his tonge delve into her wetness. He ran it upward and down over and over again and she felt something building deep within her, a palpable tension, something she couldn’t quite describe. Then his lips found her clit and sucked gently and she moaned, rea
ching for his head to hold it against her until she found what she so desperately needed.

  Then Elliott pulled suddenly away. Kneeling again between her legs he looked down at her body. Hannah saw his muscles tensed, noticed the intense way he was looking at her.

  She leaned upward, moving until she was kneeling in front of him and pulling his face toward her for a deep, long kiss, his arms wound around her, holding her tightly. Her hand traced down his chest, dipping down over his stomach. The muscles underneath her fingers twitched. She found a trail of hair and rubbed it down to where it disappeared underneath his underwear.

  When she felt his tongue slip into her mouth, her hands grabbed the fabric and pulled it free from his hips. His impressive, hard cock sprang out, looking both soft and firm at the same time. Her hand grabbed for it suddenly, her curiosity too strong for her to feel insecure. She took it into her palm and Elliott’s breath exhaled roughly. She looked up into his face and saw his eyes closed.

  His hand came down on top of hers, making her grab him with more pressure and stroking his length up and down. Her finger stroked over the soft tip and found wetness there. Elliott groaned and his eyes opened. She let her fingers trail downward, finding a patch of hair underneath his cock and stroking his balls with tentative, shy fingers.

  Elliott smiled at her slightly, grabbing her hand and pulling it up to kiss it before carefully pushing her back onto the mattress. His body slowly came over hers and she sighed at the feeling of his nakedness on hers.

  His cock was pushing firmly against her thigh. Part of her wanted to open her thighs, invite him to finally push inside of her. But a newer, more prominent part of her surfaced and she realized she was afraid.

  This would be her second time. Ever. And the last time had hurt so badly she had cried for hours afterward. And it had hurt to sit down for days. Of course she knew that the act of losing your virginity was always painful but she couldn’t help but feel anxiety at the idea that, after all the years, it was possible for her to feel that same pain again.