He’s sitting up, completely at attention because I don’t talk about my marriage often. Lately it hasn’t come up at all, and I’m happy for that. I’m no longer living in the past and neither is Ryan. We’re making a life for ourselves separate from the jerk I was married to for so long.
“What is it that you’ve always wanted, Princess?”
His words are a caress, letting me know maybe one day I’ll have what I’ve wanted. If there’s anything Ryan does well, it’s make me happy, less stressed, and enjoy life more. “My whole life I’ve wanted to go to an Alabama football game. The UT game always falls on my birthday weekend and I’ve dreamed of heading to Tuscaloosa wearing my pearls and red lipstick to cheer on the home team.”
“Like any good sorority girl would,” he laughs as he nods. “That’s a pretty legit dream to have.”
“Every year I want it, and every year nobody listens,” I smile ruefully. “They always plan an elaborate birthday party for me, and while I appreciate it, it’s not what I want,” I sigh. “Maybe someday, I’ll take our daughter,” I rub my stomach.
“Nobody has ever given you that, Whit?” he asks softly, as he strokes my arm. It’s the patch of skin he can find easiest with the tips of his fingers. “It’s such an easy wish to grant.”
“Right?” I become halfway emotional. That’s what I’ve never understood. All it would take would be a little planning on the person’s part who gives me the gift. Instead I get the same thing every year. “But it seems to be the hardest thing for me to get people to listen.”
He’s quiet for a long time as he lets my words sink in. I want to know what he’s thinking, but I fall asleep before I can ask.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Renegade
I’m nervous this morning, even though Whitney has been banging around the house since she woke up. I think it’s because she assumes this day will be like all her other birthdays. What she doesn’t know is this is a game changer. I’ve gone to a lot of trouble to surprise her and make this day special. I hope like hell I’ve done enough.
Two weeks before
“I hope you don’t mind,” I tell the Trumbolt family. I’ve asked them to meet me for lunch when I know Whitney’s made a trip to Birmingham. The last thing I need for her is come upon this meeting of the minds, so to speak, and figure out what the hell I’m doing for her.
“I know you all like to do a party for her, and it’s kind of a tradition, but she told me she wants to go to the Alabama game her birthday weekend. I got lucky and got tickets,” I show them the tickets to prove I really do have them. “But I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.”
“She’ll love it,” Tank answers first. “She’s always wanted to go to a game, but she never got around to it.”
I want to tell him she’s asked for her it for a long time, but nobody’s ever listened. Instead I nod my head enthusiastically. “Exactly. Who knows when the next time we can do this will be? With the baby coming soon, we don’t know how life is going to go. This may be the last time she can do anything carefree for a while.”
I’m playing on their want to make her happy and reminding them they have a new member of the family coming very soon.
“I just want y’all to not be mad and let her have something she may never get to have again.”
Mona smiles and I know I’ve got them in my hand now. “That sounds amazing, and we all know she’d love it. Have fun Ryan. Take pictures for us.”
“I will,” I promise them as I leave The Café.
Pulling my phone out, I text my contact, hoping like hell they still have that parking pass they said I could use.
“Princess, would you stop slamming doors and c’mere,” I yell from where I still lie in bed. I’m deliberately being lazy, I don’t want her to think I have anything planned. When in reality I have jeans and socks on, and all I need is a shirt and shoes.
“What?” she asks, attitude thick today.
“The attitude is strong with this one,” I tease as I watch her face turn an angry red. “Your face is turning Alabama red,” I tease again, sitting up in the bed and grabbing a card from the bedside table.
“Ryan, I’m not in the mood today.” Her gaze looks confused as she sees my jeans. I grab the shirt I have laying over to the side, and slip my feet into my running shoes.
“Too bad,” I hand her the card. “Would be a perfect shade of red for the game today.”
She eyes me, opening up the card, before a smile spreads across her face when she realizes what she holds. It’s the most genuine smile I’ve ever seen, aside from when it’s for our daughter.
“Is this real? You’re taking me to an Alabama football game today?” Her smile is brighter than the sun shining in through the bedroom window and I feel like I’ve just given her the whole world.
I nod, standing up to take her in my arms. “It’s one of the things you’ve always wanted, right?”
Tears pool in her eyes and I’m scared I’ve done something wrong. She sniffs, holding the tickets in her hands. “It is,” she whispers. “But nobody has ever listened to what I want, Ryan. They hear me talk all the time, but they never really listen.”
Grasping the back of her head with my fingers, digging through the platinum locks, I tilt it back so her eyes have to meet mine. “Every sound you make, every word that comes out of your mouth, is deeply ingrained into my memory. When you speak, you have my full attention.”
She closes her eyes, letting the tears fall.
“C’mon Princess, don’t cry about it, let’s go watch some football.”
Tugging on my hand, she stops my momentum, pulling me back to her. Her arms wrap around my neck and she plasters herself against me. “Thank you for being everything I’ve always wanted, but never had.”
The emotion is too much for me, and I can’t respond. Instead I kiss her softly on the cheek. Hopefully one day she’ll realize the reason I do all these things.
One day she’ll realize I’m so head over heels in love with her I can barely see straight. And maybe on that day she’ll realize she’s in love with me, too.
“I have two more things for you.”
Her smile is impatient. “What else could you have for me that I’ll love more than these tickets?” she waves them in my face like she’s won the lottery.
“Do you remember that truth or lie?” I ask her, hoping to dig some into her memory. “You told me you wanted to be that girl wearing her pearls and red lipstick, going to the Alabama game,” I hand her a bag. “I hope I did okay.”
Her hands shake as she opens the bag. “Ryan,” she breathes as she pulls out a tube of her favorite red lipstick. “I had to do some sneaking to get that information out of Addison. You may want to explain to her what I was doing. She may possibly have the wrong idea about me,” I rub my neck, a grimace on my face. “Keep going, Princess.”
The next box she pulls out is the blue/teal color that all women love. She eyes me as she takes the lid off of it, squealing as she sees the pearl earrings I picked out just for her.
“Oh my God, Ryan. This,” she waves a hand in front of her face. “Is the best birthday ever. I don’t know how you’re ever going to top this in the years to come.”
My heart expands in my chest because she’s talking about a future, and I don’t allow myself to think about it that much. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to get my hopes up, a part of me that doesn’t want the colossal disappointment of her realizing how much better she is than me. The other part of me, the cocky guy who arrests people for a living, kicks that other dude to the street and gives her a smile. “I have all kinds of ideas up my sleeve, Princess. You’ll need eighty or so years to see what they all are.”
“When do we leave?” she asks, putting the earrings on.
“Right now. We have to leave right now in order to make it. Is there anything you need?”
“Do you think I look okay?”
She’s wearing an Alabama football shirt and a pai
r of ripped leggings that have become her favorite. I know they’re leggings because I once called them pajama jeans (like the ones I saw on an infomercial one night) and that was a huge mistake. This is as dressed down as Whitney gets.
“You have your pearls and your red lipstick, babe you’re ready to go,” I hold my hand out to her, pulling her towards the truck.
* * *
The ride to Tuscaloosa is quiet because Whitney decides to take a nap to rest up for the game. I’m great with that; I want her to have the time of her life and not be tired. I sneak looks at her as we eat up the miles on the interstate, still unable to believe I’m making one of her dreams come true. I haven’t been able to do that for anyone else but her.
As we get closer to the stadium, traffic picks up, but I have the parking tag a friend on the force got me. Actually, he helped me get the tickets too, promising me they were on the lower level, near the field so Whit wouldn’t have to climb the stairs.
Miracle of all miracles, they see my tag and let me through, directing me to some section of parking I never even imagined would be this close. I can see the damn field from where we park.
“Whit babe, we’re here,” I gently shake her awake.
It takes her a minute, but as she acclimates back to where she is, I can feel her excitement. “Let’s go,” she grabs her bag and meets me at the front of the truck.
“This is crazy,” I’m in awe as I see the amount of people around us. I hold her hand tighter, not wanting us to get lost.
“I knew it would be this way,” she says as we walk towards the entrance, with the mass of people making their way into the stadium. “I feel like I’m with my people.”
“Wait,” she stops as we make our way through the vendors selling things the closer we get to the front. “I need a shaker, Ryan. I can’t go into a football game here without a shaker.”
She points to a booth where a guy is selling what she needs. “How many do you need?” he asks her, when he sees her walk up.
“Two,” she grins up at me. “He needs one, too.”
The man grabs the two shakers, or whatever they are, and then takes a good look at her.
“You havin’ a boy or a girl?” He nods to her stomach.
“Little girl,” I answer, and realize it’s one of the first times I’ve ever answered that question. Pride swells in my chest and I puff it out a little further.
“First baby?” he asks us. He’s an older gentleman, lines of age cross across his dark colored face contrast with the white of his fuzzy hair.
“Yeah,” she answers, putting her hand on her stomach in the way she does that endears me to her every time. “Unplanned, but supremely loved.”
“It’ll be five dollars for the shakers, and this for free,” He says as he pushes a small Alabama shirt our way. It’s made to look like one of the cheerleader uniforms, so small it makes my heart stop. I hadn’t ever thought about our baby being that small.
I fish a five out of my wallet and give it to him, with a very heartfelt thank you. Poor Whitney looks like she’s about to either cry or throw her arms around this man and profess her love to him. “C’mon babe, let’s get inside. Thank you again, Sir.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Whitney so alive in my life, at least besides the times she’s been in my arms. As the game starts, she claps with the crowd, boos when a call pisses her off, and gets so irritated she slams her drink down at one point. “Should I worry about you going into early labor on me?” I joke, catching the stormy look on her face.
“No, but I normally watch the games on my own. You’re usually working so you never see me get all riled up like this. Stella moves like crazy when I watch though,” she grabs hold of my hand and puts it on her tight abdomen.
“Holy shit,” I laugh as I feel the movement. “Is she doing flips in there?”
“Sometimes I wonder,” she grins.
Pulling her in close with my arm around her neck, I grab my phone, turning us around so the field is our backdrop, and take a selfie of us. We don’t have many pictures together and this is one moment I want to remember. If we don’t make it, I want her smile at an Alabama football game to be one of those things I never forget.
The game goes by quicker than I imagine, and I’m pretty sure it’s because while she’s watching it, I’m watching her.
“It’s the fourth quarter,” she grins over at me, pretty late in the fourth. The game has pretty much been a blowout and Alabama has no chance to not win this.
“Do you want to leave early?” I ask, not sure why she’s looking at me like she is.
“No, my favorite part of the home games is coming up.”
I’m about to ask her what she means when I distinctly hear something that sounds like “Dixieland Delight” coming from somewhere. “Are they gonna sing this?” I question as I watch her clapping along.
“Kinda,” she grins again, but this time it’s a little evil.
That’s when everyone starts signing and I realize they’ve altered the lyrics. My eyes bugging out as I hear what people are singing.
Loud and proud, I hear Whitney scream, “On beer!” as she joins in.
I sit back and watch her, the smile on her face, the rosy color of her cheeks, and the happiness in her eyes. I realize I put all those things there. I made her happy, and if I can make her happy today, then I know can make her happy forever.
She’s just got to give me the chance. And judging by the way she clings to me as we leave the stadium. I’m closer to that chance than I’ve ever been.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Renegade
“I’m still not sure about this,” I pull the truck into the brick building, shutting it off as I look over at Whitney.
She laughs and like always it grabs me by the heart. I love to hear her laugh. I love a lot of things about her, but her laugh is in the top three. “Why are you so scared? We’ll get to see what she looks like.”
I shrug, running my hands over the steering wheel. “It freaks me out slightly. What if she looks like an alien? I don’t know if I’m prepared for it.”
“Chances are she’ll be born in the next month, Ryan. I have a feeling she’s going to look now exactly like she will then. Don’t you want to make sure she looks like a Stella before she becomes a Stella?”
Whitney has a point. We don’t want to stick her with a name that doesn’t scream it’s her name, but we can figure that out after she’s born – right? “I guess.”
She gets out of the truck and comes over to the driver’s side, opening the door. Pulling at me, she gets me out of the driver’s seat and then turns me to face her. Her bottom lip is poking out slightly as she bats her eyes up at me. “Please? For me?”
And that’s where she’s got me, because I will do absolutely anything for this woman standing in front of me. “Okay,” I sigh. “But if I have nightmares about this, know I blame you.”
“I will fully take the blame,” she crosses her finger over her heart. “But I really think you’ll like it.”
* * *
I haven’t paid much attention since we came into the room, because it still freaks me out. I can’t even say why it bothers me, but I’ve seen other 4D Ultrasound pictures and they look so weird to me. Everyone says it’ll be different with my own child. I doubt it, but I’ll keep those thoughts to myself.
“You ready?” Whitney asks as I get comfortable in the chair, and grab hold of her out-stretched hand.
“As I’ll ever be.”
She laughs, looking over at the technician. “He’s scared she’ll look like an alien and then he’ll be scarred for life.”
“I won’t lie,” the other woman says. “Sometimes it’s a bit weird to see things like this, but then you get to pick out features. That’s the fun part, you’ll see.”
I give her a raised brow, but don’t say anything else. I won’t be convinced until I see for myself, but I’ll still go through with it, because it’s what Whitney wants. The machine
comes on, and I watch as they manipulate her stomach. A loud thumping is heard throughout the room.
“Her heartbeat is good. Let’s see if we can get a face,” the tech moves the wand around and I find my eyes glued to the screen on the wall.
“Here we go,” she zooms in on a face.
It’s like a kick to the heart. She has my lips. “Oh my God, Whitney,” I squeeze her hand. “She has my lips.”
“She does,” Whitney agrees. “And look, she’s grabbing her toes! No wonder I feel like she’s doing gymnastics in there sometimes.”
“It’s because she is,” I grin at her. All those alien comments and fears I had previously are now gone. I can totally see why anyone who can would do this.
I was already in love with her, was already in love with her mom, but after seeing this I know I’ve absolutely fallen as hard as I can. There’s no going back.
Whitney
He falls in love with her in that moment. I can see it, by the way his eyes soften, by the way he grips my hand. Ryan falls head over heels in love with his daughter. There’s a part of me that wishes he’d do the same with me, but I know everything has to happen with us organically. We can’t force an issue. When we tried to force things in the beginning, it took us too long to get comfortable with each other.
When we stopped forcing feelings, we settled into the easy comradery we have now. I can say with complete certainty. He is my best friend. I’ve never had one like him. He’s seen me at my best, will see me at worst, and everywhere in between. I’ve never had this with anyone else. Not with my ex-husband, not with my parents, not with my brother. No one.
“I have to go back to work,” I tell him, pushing my bottom lip out a little. Addison’s been keeping us on track by herself, but today she’s decorating for a wedding we have coming up over the weekend.
“Sucks that I’m off today and you have to work,” he frowns as he holds my hands in front of him.
Renegade (Moonshine Task Force Book 1) Page 17