Tilting her head to the side, she purses her lips. “Vaguely.”
“Damn woman, that was like your coming out party for me,” I whistle. “One minute I’m pissed at Tank, mad as hell that Stanley and Mona got him a truck and now he can go to the movies with his flavor of the week. The next, I glance up and you’ve walked down from the house to the pool, wearing that turquoise blue bikini.”
Her eyes widen. “Oh my God, you remember that?”
“There’s not much I forget about you, Princess.”
My voice gets deeper as I continue on with my story. “I was doing good, fighting off the most embarrassing hard-on of my adolescent life until you came over and wished Trevor a Happy Birthday. You hugged him, then you hugged me, and I was done for. The feel of your tits against my chest? I wanted to reach down and cup your ass, even though I wasn’t sure what that meant.”
“Ryan!” She laughs as she bashfully pulls the sheet up over her head, fanning her cheeks. “I can’t believe this.”
“Believe it,” I laugh, even though it’s strangled because I still remember the frustrated teenage boy I was. “I went and jacked off in your mom’s beach-themed bathroom.”
“OH MY GOD! That was my bathroom when I lived at home,” she’s laughing, her face a red that I can make out even in the semi-darkness.
“You wanted the truth, babe,” I grin over at her, stealing the sheet from her fingers. “The truth is I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember, and now that I’ve got you, I’m going to do my best to keep you.”
She reaches over to grab the sheet back, but instead, I grasp her hand in mine and pull her so that she’s straddling my hips. Burying my hands in her hair, I pull her down so our lips can meet. “You undo me sometimes, Ryan,” she whispers against my lips as they chase one another.
“It’s only fair,” I answer, as I bury my face in her neck. “You undo me all the time.”
* * *
I’m chomping on my gum, hoping it regulates the sweat rolling down the back of my vest and the way my mind is racing at what we’re about to do. We finally got the order from the judge signed to raid the still off of Highway 5.
Nervousness courses through me, and I’m unsure as to why. This isn’t a sneak attack, we’re rolling up and bailing out. There’s no hiding anything we have going on. Maybe it’s the way Whitney and I talked last night, where I admitted something I thought I would take to my grave. I feel vulnerable today, like my insides are fileted open for anyone to see.
“You good?” Tank asks me as we sit next to each other.
I adjust the hat on my head, hoping it stops some of the sweat from pouring down my face. It’s all adrenaline, I know this more than anything. “I’m good, just nervous. I’ve never had people to get home to before, ya know?”
“Hopefully it’ll make you smarter in the field,” Holden says from where he sits.
We’ve told everybody about the baby. It wasn’t like this big huge announcement, but a week ago she brought me dinner when we were having a meeting about a raid, and of course everyone saw her stomach. They witnessed me giving her a kiss goodbye, and none of them have stopped their teasing since. “I was already pretty damn smart.”
“You were,” Ace says from across the way. “But you’re going to be even more so now, because you have the baby and the girl to get home to. I gotta tell ya, it was so sickening sweet it almost gave me a toothache, watching the two of you. Crumbled this black heart I have.”
Everyone laughs, some of the tension gone. “Stop it,” I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face.
“So when are you gonna marry her?” Holden teases.
I look over at Tank because this is something we haven’t discussed, it’s not an issue I’ve wanted to bring up. I’m not sure how she’ll take it. Marriage wasn’t happy for her before. “I don’t know, we haven’t talked about it.”
“He’ll be lucky if my sister doesn’t run screaming – you know she’s divorced.”
Tank tries to divert talk away from me. I’m thankful, because if there’s one thing, I hate it’s to be the center of damn attention like this.
“Two minutes out,” the driver yells over our talking.
Just like that everybody zips up, gets focused, and thinks about the job at hand we have to do. “Be careful out there,” Holden tells us all as we pull up on the dirt road.
I can feel it bumping beneath us and when we come to stop, we all exit the vehicle, guns at the ready. Prepared for anything that might happen to us this day, but guns start to drop as we see who’s in front of us. Instead of facing a firing squad, we’re all surprised.
What we’re faced with is the scared face of Leighton Strather, all by herself.
“Where’s your daddy and Merle?” Holden asks, going over to her, turning her around to put cuffs on her wrists. Regardless if she’s a young girl who probably knows nothing about what’s going on here, we still have to treat her like a suspect.
“I don’t know,” her voice is soft as she bends her head down. “They were supposed to be here an hour ago.”
“Leighton,” Holden starts carefully. “You know we’re gonna bust this still up and take you in. You’re the only one here.”
She cries softly as the reality of the situation comes down on her. I went to school with her some, even though she’s younger than me. She’s always been smart, and I wonder what the hell a twenty-two-year-old like her is doing caught up in a business like this.
I watch as Holden puts her in the back of the patrol car that’s come with us. Tears roll down her cheeks, and he’s being nicer to her than I’ve ever see him be to anyone before. I think he knows just like we do – she’s a pawn in the game. Her family has fucked her over big time.
Later on, Tank and I are pouring out the containers of moonshine and waiting for the rest of the still to drain.
“Ya know, if I hadn’t gotten the chance I did from your family, I have no doubt I’d be in the same situation as Leighton. Taking the fall for something I didn’t do and not even realizing it until it was too late,” I let the last of my bottle empty and then look up at him. “I feel bad for her.”
“I do, too,” he answers. “But what can we do?”
The truth of the matter is I don’t know. Never before have I felt as lucky as I do now, and I can’t wait to get home so I can put my arms around the family I’ve formed. I hope one day Leighton can find her own.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Whitney
“Everything’s ready for her to be here, Ryan.”
I spin in a circle, eyeing what will be Stella’s nursery when she decides to come in December. Who cares if I’m a few months early. Before I know it, September will be over and I’ll be looking down the barrel of my thirty-sixth birthday, wondering where all the time went. If I can get as much done now as possible, that’s less I have to do later.
It looks exactly like I planned for it to. Pink, white, and grey chevron on one wall, the other three walls alternating those colors. The hardwood floor has the huge pink shag rug I wanted, a chandelier hangs from the ceiling. The dresser and changing table are set up, the closet has clothes ready for her to wear. Trevor, myself, and Ryan have done a lot of work, almost completely on our own. It’s been fun, watching their friendship evolve.
“The only thing we’re missing is a crib.” I put my hands on my hips, with a frown on my face. It’s all we need to make this room perfect.
“It’s because we could never agree on one,” he reminds me.
His arms circle me from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder. I turn so I can give him a smooch. “That’s because you didn’t like any of my ideas.”
“No babe, you didn’t like any of my ideas,” he accuses.
It’s then I notice right there where the crib should be, there’s a large structure with a white sheet over it. How I missed it before, I’m not sure, but I’m not as observant as I once was. “Ryan, what’s that?” I point to it, using our i
nterlocked fingers.
His voice is shaky and unsure as he answers. “Why don’t you go look at it?”
Suddenly I’m nervous and I don’t even know why. Something about the way he said the words has my heart ready to beat out of my chest, not sure if it’s adrenaline or anxiousness. My feet feel heavy as I make my way over to whatever this is, but I feel Ryan’s arm behind me, offering me silent strength.
I look back at him, not sure what to do.
“Take the sheet off, Whit, it’s not gonna bite.”
With shaking hands I grip the sheet, pulling it off, letting it fall to the floor. Once it registers what it is, I turn to him, my mouth hanging wide open. “Did you make this?”
He turns me back around so that I’m facing the most beautiful crib I’ve ever seen. It’s got very distinctive woodwork, which makes me think Ryan has done this himself.
“Yeah,” he offers me a shy smile. I’ve never been able to see one of the pieces he’s made before. Knowing he’s made this for our daughter? It’s one of the most amazing things I’ve ever felt in my life. “It’s re-claimed barn wood. Before you worry that it doesn’t meet safety expectations, I have a friend in the industry that I talk to sometimes when I’m making custom pieces – he helped me get it up to code. It’s completely safe.”
The wood grain fits in amazingly well against the color and style of the nursery, giving it a country chic vibe. I can almost tell by looking at it how much love he put into every piece. It’s flowing from where it sits.
“I don’t even know what to say,” I fight back tears. This is one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me. “It’s beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful, she’s beautiful, and the two of you are my world. I knew I had to give you the best, and if I make it with my own two hands, I know it’s the best.”
I turn around, grasping him in the strongest hug I can with my big belly between us. “This is the most amazing gift anyone has ever given me.”
He pulls back, dropping his hand to my stomach. “Good, because this is the best gift you could have ever given me.”
Renegade
To be honest, I’ve never given a fuck either way what people think of me. I’ve always kind of stayed in my own lane and done things on my own time, at my own pace. It’s never been that big of a deal, but to see Whitney cry over something I’ve made fills a hole in my heart I didn’t even realize I had. This woman with her soft smiles, her stoic ways, and the passion with which she comes to me is enough to break me down. It’s enough to make me want to tear down every single wall she has erected around her heart and beg her to let me in. There have been times when I’ve seen her look at me, and I think it’s love in her eyes. It’s something other than acceptance. I know at night when we sleep, she reaches for me whether she knows it or not. She can start out on the other side of the bed, and by the time morning rolls around, she’s all the way next to me. Her arms wrapped around my waist, her legs tangled in mine. I do give a fuck what Whitney thinks about me. And the way she stared at me, like I’d made her the happiest woman in the world, fills me with the most pride I’ve ever had in my life.
“You okay?” She asks when I stood there for too long without speaking.
For the first time in my life, I’m truly feeling like I could conquer the world and not do it on my own. “Just excited for her to be here, excited for us to be parents.”
“I am too, Ryan, more than you know.” She smiles at me with true happiness, and a pride I’ve never seen her have before. I put those emotions there, and it’s almost too much for me to bear.
“It just kinda hit me tonight, ya know? I’ve never really given a fuck what people think of me, but I care what you think about me. I want to make Stella proud of me, want to be the type of father she’s proud to bring her friend’s home to meet. I never wanted to bring my friends home to meet my dad or mom. Hell, Tank’s only met them a handful of times, and how long have we been friends? Most of our lives,” I stop a second and turn to face the door because I can’t stand the look on her face anymore.
I’m trying to keep my shit together. Obviously I didn’t realize how much it meant to me to explain myself to her. When I feel her arms come around my waist, I clasp my hands over hers.
“You never have to wonder about our daughter being embarrassed by her dad. Never. You’re one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met in my life. To come from the things you’ve dealt with to become the man you are today? You’re amazing, Ryan, and I’m lucky to have you in my life.”
I inhale deeply, facing her again, tilting her chin up. “I think we’re both pretty damn lucky.”
She doesn’t pull away when I fuse our lips together. I’m exactly right where I want to be and who I want to be. I hope like hell the same is true for her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Renegade
“Please don’t hurt yourselves,” Whitney looks at Tank and me over the top of her sunglasses.
“We’re cleaning out your gutters and taking care of your fall yardwork,” Tank shoots her a look. “How in the world do you think we’re going to hurt ourselves? We’re in great shape.”
“That cocky attitude is it right there,” she puts her hands on her hips, giving him a stare down. Showing her own attitude.
“Don’t worry about us. Go hang out with your friends, take their gifts, and when you get home, we’ll put them in the nursery and then we’ll relax,” I send her off with a kiss on the cheek as she strolls over to her SUV.
“How in the hell did you get out of a baby shower?” Tank asks as he watches her leave.
I turn, a sly grin on my face. “No fuckin’ clue dude. All I know is the second week of September, somebody called, and said that they thought it’d be too difficult to do a baby shower with her birthday next month, Thanksgiving, and then Christmas. Since all of us think she’ll go before Christmas, she agreed. Two hours later, they’d planned a lunch, a very informal baby shower. It ain’t like we need anything anyway. Your mom kinda spearheaded it, I guess. Either way, I don’t have to go. In fact, they told me no men allowed. I’ll take it,” I laugh as I walk back towards the storage garage.
“Dad’s here,” he says, when we hear a car turn into the driveway.
We watch as he gets out of the car, holding his coffee mug. He’s wearing flip flops and a pair of shorts, even though tomorrow is October first.
“What kinda work you plan on doing in those flip flops?” Tank gives him shit.
“Boy, you aren’t too old for me to bust in the mouth. I’m supervisin’.”
Tank and I glance at one another. Supervising means he’s going to tell us what to do all afternoon. It’ll be a replay of our youth, but to be honest, I’m looking forward to it.
“Shit,” Tank walks back towards the house. “I’m gonna need another cup of coffee for this.”
I laugh, shaking my head at the two of them, unlocking the storage shed and grabbing the leaf blower and a couple of bags. As I bring them out and set them on the driveway, Stanley comes over to me.
“While he’s inside, I thought I might have a little talk with you,” he sticks one hand in his pocket, still holding his coffee cup in the other.
This makes me nervous. Stanley hardly ever wants to have a talk with me, and to be honest, he hasn’t since I turned him down for that college money.
“Look,” he starts. “I know you probably wonder what we think about Whitney having your baby, but you’re trying too much not to dwell on it. I’ve treated you like my own for a long time, Ryan, and God’s truth, you know if Mona and I could have adopted you, we would have. There’s no one else I’d want my daughter to have a child with. We’re extremely excited for the two of you, and if there’s anything you need, please let us know.”
I don’t know what to say. Truth be told, I’m scared I might cry.
“You don’t have to say anything, just know that Mona and I support both of you and there’s absolutely no animosity. Whitney’
s a grown woman, she can make her own decisions, and if you’re her decision, we’re more than happy to back her up.”
“Thank you,” I’m finally able to clear my throat enough to get the words out. I reach over, hugging him tightly. I haven’t hugged him since he offered me the money for school, but his hug is still solid and steady, the pillar of the family that everyone needs sometimes. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”
“I have some idea, son. I watched you boldly turn down money for an education to go fight a war because you didn’t want to make life hard for me. You’re one of the best men I know, and that’s not a damn lie.”
“C’mon you two, let’s get this show on the road,” Tank yells as he holds his coffee, coming down off the porch. “I got plans tonight. We need to get done in time for me to go take a shower.”
“Does Blaze know you have plans?” I shoot him a smirk.
“Shut the fuck up and start that leaf blower.”
I do as he asks, shooting all the leaves at him while he makes a run for it. “You’re an ass, Renegade.”
Stanley’s laughing at the two of us as he leans against his truck. “This takes me back to your teenage years. You two ain’t grown up at all.”
Whitney
“Truth or lie?” I ask, yawning slightly. I’m tired tonight, but wired at the same time. Fall is fast approaching and with that is the due date of our baby girl. I’m tired more often than not, but find I don’t fall asleep as easily as I used to.
“Truth,” he winks, even though I can tell he’s tired, too. When I came home to find my entire yard done, my gutters cleared, and my porches cleaned too, I realize how much work the guys did for me. It was enough to almost make me cry. Damn hormones.
We haven’t played this game since he had to admit to jacking off in my mom’s bathroom. I know he’s probably expecting something like that from me, but I have another truth I want to share with him. “When I was married, there was only one thing I ever asked for, for my birthday,” I start.
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