“What floor do we need to go to?” I ask him.
“Eighth, that’s where Holden’s directed everybody so far.”
We make our way to the elevator as fast as Whitney allows us to. She’s being a trooper, walking as quickly as she can. I have my arm around her, holding her up as we move closer. Just as we’re about to enter the sliding doors, I hear a loud voice.
“Mona! Whitney!”
Mona lets out a wail as she sees her husband. Stanley Trumbolt has always been a larger than life man, but he looks like the world has beat him down today. I don’t think in all my years that I’ve known the family he’s ever looked so scared. I’m reminded of the last time I saw him. It was just a few weeks ago when we cleaned Whitney’s gutters and did her yard. Damn, was it really only a few weeks? It seems like a lifetime right now. As he reaches Mona, she falls into his arms, finally letting go of the sobs go she’s held back this entire time.
Stanley and I lock eyes and judging by the look in his, I know they need a minute. “Y’all come on up when you’re ready. I got Whitney.”
We quietly enter the elevator and when the doors close, she collapses against me. The fight’s gone from her. I feel the wetness against my neck, where she’s buried her head.
“I know, Whit, I know,” I soothe her, running my hands up and down her back. “Let it out, it’s a shock. Let it out before we get up there.”
“I don’t know if I can put it back in,” she breathes heavily, wiping at her eyes as she moves away. “He’s always been my baby, ya know? I was ten when he was born, I drug him around like he was my real-life baby doll. Dressed him up and made him do things that most boys would have beat me up for. Damn, Ryan, he’s gotta make it through this.”
I clear my throat roughly against the way it closes. “I know, and he’s going to. We have to believe that.”
But I’m not sure if I can let myself just yet.
* * *
Once we’re on the floor, I see a ton of county, city, and state personnel. Other county departments have shown up and most everyone knows who we are, so they make room and point us in the right direction. I can’t let go of Whitney’s hand as we thread our way through the crowd, everyone motioning us to a waiting area off to the side. When we get there, I see the members of the team, standing around, and Blaze sitting on the couch, her arms folded against her stomach.
“What do we know?” I announce our presence. “Mona and Stanley need a minute before they come up, we’ll brief them when they get here.”
Holden directs a glance at Blaze. “Layman’s terms, just like you did for us.”
She takes what looks like a fortifying breath. “Broken leg, sprained wrist, multiple cuts and bruises, concussion, and what they believe is a collapsed lung. He’s in surgery right now for the leg and lung.”
That’s more than I was prepared for. “Son of a bitch. What about Brooks?”
“Treated and released into custody. Already lawyered the fuck up, but he will be held, since we aren’t sure of Tank’s outcome yet,” Holden speaks quietly.
The implication hangs in the air. He might not make it out of this. “Have they given a prognosis?”
Blaze speaks up again. “There’s internal bleeding from somewhere, possibly the spleen. The surgeon didn’t want to give us false hope.”
Whitney lets go of my hand and walks over to the other woman. “I know they call you Blaze, but I also know that’s not your real name. Trevor’s talked to me about you before. He wouldn’t want you sitting here all by yourself. I don’t know about you but I need a decaf coffee, since that’s all I’m allowed. Why don’t you come with me and get away from all this testosterone for a while.”
I watch as Blaze looks up at Whitney, surprise written across her face. Hell, we’re surprised, none of us knew that Blaze wasn’t her real name.
“I’d like that,” she smiles. It’s small, but it’s a smile.
“C’mon, let’s go.”
Whitney leans in, kissing my cheek. “If there’s news, call me.”
I watch as they leave, surprised by the turn of events.
“I’ll be damned,” Holden lets out a whistle from where he stands.
I have to agree. Nothing ever ceases to amaze me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Whitney
I walk beside this girl who I know because of a few conversations with my brother when he’s feeling low. As soon as I saw her sitting there, I knew who she was.
“Trevor’s told you about me?” She questions as we wait for the elevator.
I nod, grinning as I wrap my arms around myself, rubbing my biceps. Now that we’re away from the group of people, I’m cold. “Yeah, he doesn’t talk about a lot, and he talks even less about the women he’s interested in, but you he’s told me about a couple of times. He cares a lot about you.”
I don’t know if I should break his confidence. What if he doesn’t make it out of this alive and she’s stuck wondering what he thought of her. Given the fact I haven’t been honest with Ryan, maybe I’m not the right person to ask.
“I care a lot about him,” she affirms quietly. “It’s just like we could never make it work.”
“Trevor’s stubborn.”
She smiles. “So am I. Neither one of us wanted to be the person to give. Both of us wanted to take.”
“He hasn’t told me what happened with the two of you,” I caution her, because I don’t want her to feel like I know and inadvertently tell me something she wouldn’t normally. “I just know he regrets it.”
“I regret it, too,” she steps onto the elevator and we pick the lobby. “You always think you have so much time. I mean the last few times we’ve seen each other, we’ve flirted and he’s texted me, but I never wanted to give in. I never wanted to admit I was the one willing to give in,” she kicks the ground with her black boot. “He wants me to give up my job,” she says, surprising the hell out of me.
“He what?”
She shoots me a look with a sarcastic smile. “Yeah. The cop wants me to give up my job.”
There’s got to be a reason behind this, but I don’t want to be nosey. She’s trusted me enough to come this far.
The elevator comes to the lobby floor and we exit, walking to the coffee shop. As we stand, waiting to place our orders, I take a good look at her. It’s her hair that bestowed her nickname; the red is blazing and tattoos cover her arms. On some people they could be trashy, but on her, they belong. She’s small – probably five-three to my five-seven. She looks young, but if I were to hazard a guess, she’s probably the same age as Trevor and Ryan. When she glances back at me, I’m struck by her green eyes. I can see why my brother has been a goner for this girl.
“Want to sit over here?” I ask after I order. “We can drink our coffee and then head back up.”
“Sounds good.”
We sit down and there’s another silence. It’s not uncomfortable, but I get the feeling both of us are trying to be nice to one another and not delve too deep. I desperately want to know why he wanted her to quit her job, but I won’t ask.
“Everybody around town seems to know your story,” she starts as she takes a drink of her coffee. “I guess it’s only fair I give you mine. I can’t believe Trevor and I have been able to keep it a secret.”
Neither have I, but I don’t say the words out loud. “You tell me whatever you want to tell me. Don’t think you owe me anything because I’m the topic of the town gossip mill right now.”
“A year ago I was on a call. The person we were helping was having a mental episode. He pulled a gun and held it to my head. Trevor responded to the scene that day,” she starts mixing her coffee together before taking another drink. “At that point, we’d been together a few months, ya know just kinda messing around. We’d slept together, but there hadn’t been any promises or talk of us being exclusive.”
I put a hand on my stomach and rub gently. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“Long story sho
rt, I got out of the situation, obviously, but Trevor told me if I wanted to be with him, I’d need to get another job. He couldn’t stand that I was in danger,” she sighs. “I think it reminded him of Iraq and something that happened over there, but he’d never talk about it.”
Trevor had definitely come back a different person, as had a lot of the people who went over there with him, but he flat-out refused to talk about it.
“So that’s it? The two of you stopped seeing each other?”
Her cheeks heat and turn pink. “We tried, but there’s like this invisible rope that constantly pulls at us, bringing us together. Every time though, he asks me to quit, but I love what I do,” she shrugs. “I was born to do this.”
“Just like he was born to do what he does.”
“Exactly,” she nods. “But now with this? How do I live with myself if something happens to him and I was too stubborn to spend what could have been the most amazing year of my life with him?”
I have no answers, so I just reach over and grab her hand. If Trevor doesn’t pull through this we’ll all have regrets, and I can only hope that’s not all we’re left with in the end.
More than anything, I just want to hug my brother and tell him I love him again. Two small acts in everyday life that mean everything when someone’s life hangs in the balance.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Whitney
There are moments in life you don’t expect. I’ve experienced quite a few in my life. Sleeping with Ryan, finding out that I’m pregnant, thinking Ryan was the officer killed only to find out it was Trevor and he was badly hurt. Most of the time you’re unprepared for the emotions and the repercussions these moments bring to you. That’s where I am right now. Sitting beside Ryan in the surgical waiting room, holding my breath to see what they say about my brother.
In the corner sits my parents. Married almost forty years, and they’ve never had to sit at the hospital for either of us, or themselves before. In the opposite corner, Blaze sits next to her partner but both of them have vacant eyes as they stare unseeingly at the room of gathered people. Me? I sit here next to Ryan, my heart bursting.
In the middle of this impossible situation, whether it be appropriate or not, I need to tell him how much he means to me. For once, I have to let go of the fear, and let the truth fly. If there’s ever been a time in my life to stop letting fear rule my life, it’s now.
“Can we go for a walk?” I ask Ryan quietly.
I want to get up from the uncomfortable chairs, they’re killing my back and hip, but at the same time, I also want to speak to him privately. What I have to say is emotional for me, and I don’t necessarily want or need an audience.
“Sure,” he stands up from the chair, reaching from my hand. I barely listen as he tells a few people we’re leaving but will be back.
Everyone watches with sad eyes as we leave. Almost like they can tell I’m at the end of my rope and can’t take much more.
We’re quiet as we walk along the corridor. In this part of the hospital, it’s a weird type of silence. Most of the people in these rooms are waiting to hear about the fate of a loved one. How they live the rest of their lives hangs in the balance of the outcome of the surgery going on upstairs. This is the club nobody wants to be a part of, and when you are, you’re devastated.
Needing to ground myself, I grab Ryan’s hand, curling my fingers around his. His middle finger rubs my ring finger, where a wedding band would be if I would let it.
“Where do you want to go?” he finally asks as we make our way down the maze of hallways.
“The Chapel,” I answer without hesitation. No matter how angry I am with the way things have played out today, something about being in a place of worship gives me peace.
“He’s gonna be okay, ya know,” Ryan assures me as we walk.
“He’s stubborn,” I agree.
“The most stubborn person I’ve ever met besides you.”
The smile he gives me as I shoot him a side-eye is brilliant.
“You know I’m right,” he squeezes my hand. “You’re the only other person I’m reluctant to go head-to-head with besides him and the two of you together? Jesus….”
I laugh, because it’s either that or cry. “He’s always been my biggest supporter,” I admit, feeling the tears pool again.
When we get to the Chapel, he pushes the door open slowly. We enter and I’m glad we’re alone. This time, I take control of our direction and pull him to a pew in the back.
Together we have a seat. “We gonna pray for Tank’s salvation?” He quirks a brow at me. “I’m pretty sure God’s gonna have to forgive him for as much as he’d have to forgive me.”
“No,” I whisper. “The only reason I wanted to come here was so you and I could be alone. I wanted to say what I needed to without the prying eyes of our friends and family.”
I can tell by the way he curls his body towards mine, I have his full attention.
“When people came in The Café saying a police officer had been killed, I was scared to death that it was you.”
“Princess,” he interrupts. “I’m not going anywhere. You know this.”
I reach up, putting my fingertip over his lips. “No, Ryan. Life isn’t guaranteed, I think we all learned that today.”
He starts to speak, but I stop him.
“Let me finish,” I put my hands around his cheeks, forcing his eyes to meet mine. They’re a pool of emotion, darker today than normal, and I can’t read everything there, but I can sense the underlying turmoil all of us are living with today. I grasp his cheeks in my palms, making sure our eyes meet before I speak again.
“Today was the scariest day of my life even before I knew it was Trevor in the wreck. As soon as people started coming in saying a police officer was dead, I thought it was you. And ya know…” I stop to compose myself, to take a breath and wet my dry lips. “I freaked out. But I didn’t freak out the most because the father of my child might very well be dead. I freaked out more than anything because I thought you died…” I have to stop and duck my head, push the tears back, clear my throat, and march on. This time my voice is hoarse as I speak. “I thought you died without me ever telling you I love you.”
He inhales deeply and clamps his mouth shut. I can see the rigidity of his body, and I know it’s not because he’s rejecting me and my feelings. It’s because he’s feeling too much and trying not to lose his shit.
“I do, I love you more than I thought I could love anyone,” I speak again, this time tears pouring down my face and my voice strong. “My life was fine, I was set to spend it alone, and have a hookup once in a while. You blew the lid off my life Renegade. Pew Pew.”
We laugh hysterically as we remember the night I was drunk and made the joke. I think we’re both laughing and crying as he leans his forehead into mine, cupping my cheeks the same way that I’m cupping his.
“I love you, too,” he brushes his lips across my forehead.
I sob harder. “I know. It’s in every touch, every smile, every laugh, every word you speak to me. You show me every day, and I’ve held back from you because of my own fear,” I shake my head. “That fear won’t hold me back any more.”
He pushes my hair back from my face. “I won’t let you down.”
“You’ve never let me down, I have trusted you with every part of me, and it’s time I start showing that I do.”
We’re wrapped up in our own thoughts for what feels like hours. Each whispering words to one another, placing soft kisses on each other’s cheeks and foreheads. We’re in our own little world when someone pushes open the door to the chapel.
We don’t jump apart like I would have done in the past. Instead, I let whoever it is see me cling to him, I allow them to see how I feel about the man in my life.
It’s Holden and the look on his face is one of relief. “He’s out of surgery and he’s stable. Now we wait for him to wake up.”
We turn back and smile at each other. Trevor made
it through and we’re no longer hiding our feelings. What could have been the worst day of our lives hasn’t turned out nearly as bad as it could have been.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Whitney
The hospital is quiet this morning as I carry the food and my purse through the hallways before I hit the elevator. Ryan had barely stirred this morning when I left the bed, which says a lot about how tired he is. We’ve all been stressed about Trevor, but yesterday they’d downgraded him and moved him to a private room on a regular floor. To say we’re all relieved is an understatement.
If you ask everyone in my family, I can almost guarantee that we all slept better last night than we have since the wreck. I struggle with believing it’s only been a few days.
The elevator dings and I hop on, not surprised it’s empty. Not many people want to spend their Thanksgiving morning in a hospital, but it’s tradition for Trevor and I have to have breakfast before we go over to mom and dad’s for a late lunch/early dinner. I can’t bring myself to stop the tradition just because he’s in the hospital. If anything, it makes me want to keep it going.
When the doors open on the appropriate floor, I step off, smiling at the staff. They’ve come to know me in the past few days. I hate they have to spend their holiday here, but I’m very thankful for it.
“I brought y’all some donuts and muffins. I know it’s not much,” I put the bakery box down on the nurses station counter. “But it was the easiest thing I could think of to say thank you for taking care of Trevor.”
They’re appreciative and tell me so before I make my way down to where Trevor’s been moved. The door’s closed, so I knock softly.
“C’mon in.”
It’s the most amazing thing to hear his voice. I never knew how much I love to hear him talk until I wasn’t sure if I’d ever hear it again. “Happy Thanksgiving,” I grin as I walk into the room.
I’m surprised not to see Blaze, but I don’t say anything.
Renegade (Moonshine Task Force Book 1) Page 20