The Other Side of My Kitchen

by Dazz L. Jackson

  Hannibal’s hate for the Romans was merely a pebble compared to the disgust that I had for the local media, which explained why I decided not to hide it.

  “It was nice meeting you guys, good bye,” I said before I walked away.

  Michael excused himself before he caught up with me.

  “I knew you were going to do that.”

  “If you’re expecting an apology, brother you came to the wrong place. If I weren’t so disgusted with them all, I would’ve said something a little more vulgar. By the way, did I come across cold enough?”

  “You don’t wanna know, but it gave me an excuse to get away. So what’s been up, haven’t seen your sorry ass in about two months.”

  “Work, and more work. What’s going on with you and that ugly ass get up.”

  “Making a statement.”

  “And that would be?”

  “Look at me, ain’t I cool.”

  “I can buy that, is Zackary here?”

  “He’ll be here a little later. So what’s going on with you and that funky ass hairdo of yours?”

  “Making a statement.”

  “And that would be?”

  “It’s hard being me,” I laughed out before I reached September’s office. “Do me a favor Michael, and wait right here. Gotta talk to Antonio about a few things.”

  Michael nodded his head okay and I went inside the office to talk to Antonio. Ten minutes later I re-emerged and we both headed for the smoker’s bar.

  “What was that all about?” Michael asked before ordering a drink.”

  “I’ve found it important to give people their props when props are due. He did a good job with this thing, thought I tell him. So you think my hair looks busted huh?”

  “I was only fucking with you, its cool. What’s going on with you and old girl?”

  “Wouldn’t know where to start with that, but I will tell you this much, she’s all right. What up with you and yours?”

  “Modern day love is a wonderful thing,” he said sarcastically before we started drinking.

  “Now that you mention it, I was reading this book on the flight back home that listed all the reasons why modern day relationships fail.”

  Michael looked at me skeptically and said, “I told that man not to put a picture of me in that book. What page was I on?”

  “Try the cover. Anyway, the author of this book suggested that when a man prematurely express’s his love for a woman, his emotional train of thought can suddenly go from a stable platform to Ka-boom!”

  “I second that ka-boom,” Michael said before he ordered another drink. “Honestly, we’re okay.”

  “Give her my love, so what’s been up with Zackary and his lady?”

  “They’re talking about getting married, you believe that?”

  “Been about five years now.”

  “And?”

  “Well, that should be the natural next step.”

  “If those two were a normal mixed couple that came from normal families, I’d agree. But neither of those two families is normal, and you know it. Hate to say it, but they are about to have some serious race related issues if you know what I mean.”

  “Don’t tell me.”

  “I’m not, because I’ve decided to leave that bit of drama alone. But I will tell you this much, one of those families is going to need a private session with Kofi Annan when it’s all done.”

  I laughed at that remark before I spotted a possible dilemma over by one of the many Greek ice sculptures that decorated the place. The individual wore a white tee with my companies name printed on it and stood about six feet tall, coconut brown, and looked extremely young to be working for my company. However his age wasn’t the problem; the sagging jeans that hung off the edge of his ass and the uncombed Afro that stood about a foot off of his head and a few other shoddy looking details qualified him as a problem. If I was in the business of entertaining this particular age group, and thank God that I wasn’t, I would have given Jay-Z and P Diddy a run for their money. Fact of the matter was I didn’t have a problem with this kid. I couldn’t say that for some of my more haughty patrons that were present, which meant I had to fix it because all it took was just one incident in this business to get a bad reputation. I decided to approach him, but he surprised me a by heading my way.

  “Yo man, that big lady over there by the naked ice statue told me to give you this,” he said with a nonchalant attitude before he handed me a neatly folded napkin.

  “Somebody’s got you in their cross hairs,” Michael chuckled.

  “Are you sure you got the right person?”

  “Yeah, and If you ask me, I’d say that chick is really feeling your flow.”

  Before I could see who this woman was, Michael leaned back and took a quick peep at her before he looked at me and said, “Not only is she a candidate for this biggest woman in the world, but I swear to God she’s wearing somebody’s blonde hair, green eyes and even their narrow ass nose. If that isn’t a perfect case of self hate, I don’t know what is.”

  After I saw what Michael was talking about, I tried my best to be civil.

  “Obesity is a nationwide…”

  “Man she ain’t suffering from obesity, that bitch is a beast!” Michael chided.

  “That’s somebody’s mother you know that,” I said after I fought off the urge to laugh.

  “I don’t know about your moms, but my moms wouldn’t go out looking like that Yo. I mean that shit is just flat out nasty.” The young man added his two cents.

  “How old are you?”

  “Don’t matter none, ‘Cause I’m a soldier.”

  “Little man, I’m afraid you got it all twisted, because my friend and I were soldiers once. You, man you ain’t nothing but a punk ass kid.”

  “Nigga who you callin’ a punk?”

  “Okay, let’s act our age now,” I said before I motioned Michael to leave.

  However Michael never had a chance to make good on his escape because the little boy suddenly buffed up and decided to challenge.

  “Think because you got money, you can talk to me like I ain’t shit. Nigga you crazy, and you better be glad a brother is at work or I’d…”

  “Or you’ll do what,” Michael snapped before he waved over at somebody. “Go ahead Brian, tell me how bad you think you are before I go and tell your moms how stupid you’re being.”

  “So I take it you know this kid?”

  “Believe it or not Omari, his mother is a world famous photographer. She’s been on our staff for a couple of years now, but you wouldn’t know that because you don’t read our stuff.”

  “World famous photographer at your newspaper, you’re right, that’s news to me. What’s her name?”

  Appearing neglected, Brian didn’t let Michael speak, “You don’t need to worry about her name.”

  “Shut up before I punch you in that big ass head of yours,” Michael said before a tall full-bodied woman approached us.

  “If my son stole anything of value, I don’t know him,” She said with a practiced smile.

  “I know that’s right, so wha’s been up Afeni?”

  “Keeping my house out of foreclosure; which would explain why I’m here? What’s up with you and that deafening suit that you have on?”

  “About time somebody complimented me on my attempt to stand out.”

  “You’re standing out alright.” I whispered under my breath.

  Michael took that remark on the chin like a seasoned heavy weight champion. “I take it I should introduce you to the man that has made all of this excessiveness possible?”

  “If you think this is a case of excessiveness, should have seen what I did up in Alaska,” I replied before I gave Afeni my best hello smile. “Okay, I’m ready to be introduced.”

  Michael gave me another one of those skeptical glances before he said, “I’m sorry, he’s one of those creative types, and so after I introduce you to him, you can go ahead and pay him no mind Afeni.”


  “I know Mr. Willingham quit well, but I doubt if he knows me.”

  “You’re right, have we meant before?”

  “We should have a few years ago, but fate and two crazy wanna be snipers up in the Maryland; D.C. area sort of stopped that from happening. I use to be Afeni Portland. That should ring a few bells seeing how you catered my disastrous wedding.”

  I stared at Afeni for a long time before everything suddenly came back to me. “Oh shit, you’re the original runaway bride.” I said with a bit of amazement in my eyes.

  “That’s me.”

  “So you’re Jason’s beloved Afeni.”

  “At one time, but I’m sure he told you all about our failed marriage before he hired you to cater his next wedding.” Afeni replied with the same practiced smile.

  “We were close friends before he made all that money, so yeah, we talked about it a few times.”

  All Afeni could do was smile at that, because she and I both knew that she had literally missed the boat on Jason, and here’s why. Jason Portland was probably the richest African American man in the Atlanta area that didn’t sing, dance, or participated in some form of professional sport. He didn’t tell jokes, nor did he make his fortune off of the backs of hard working families looking for a break when came time to purchase a home. Which meant Jason took the road less traveled, a road appropriately named constructive, but creative thinking. After discovering his gift, he polished and packaged it before he sold some of those ingenious ideas of his to the highest possible bidder.

  “Everything happens for a reason,” Afeni remarked optimistically, before she decided to change the subject. “Outside of Jason, I’ve heard a lot of things about you Omari.”

  “I hope they were all good things.”

  “Nobody down at the paper likes you, so we don’t hafta go there. However, quite a few of my closest friends speak rather highly of you. And I must admit this recreational center is rather impressive.”

  “I provided the real estate; Cece Johnson and her husband did all the real work.”

  “Humility fits you well,” she said with an interested gaze.

  From my vantage point, I wasn’t sure if that was a come on, or a compliment. I just couldn’t distinguish between the two. So I smiled and bottled up enough to keep light from escaping until Michael came to my rescue.

  “This place is a far cry from the back alleys of Mosul, huh Afeni?”

  “Afraid so Michael,” Afeni said before she switched her attention over to her son. “Shouldn’t you be busting tables or something?”

  Brian looked offended and replied, “I ain’t busting nobody’s damn tables.”

  Disturbed by Brian’s complete lack of respect for his mother, the father in me took over. “Maybe you should go outside and help the parking attendants.”

  “Who are you to tell me where to go and what to do?”

  Afeni appeared embarrassed before she stepped in, “At the moment, and I mean at the moment, he’s your boss Brian. So act like you have some sense and…”

  “I got enough sense okay? Damn, can’t go nowhere without you trippin on me.”

  To my surprise, Afeni didn’t bother to respond to that, instead, she just rolled her eyes as if Brian wasn’t really there before she tried to change the subject.

  “The food and everything here looks very top notch Omari.”

  I thought about playing along, but I didn’t see the use in it, so I kept my focus on Brian while wondering what I would have done to Jamal if I saw him behaving in such a manner. That answer came quick and with very little fanfare, because a beat down would have been on.

  “I appreciate that Afeni, however I think your son needs to get back to work before...”

  “Look here Mr. High Post, last time I checked, you don’t look nothing like Antonio to me. So why don’t you step off before I asked the law to remove you.”

  I’ve been called a few derogatory things in my life, but high post wasn’t one of them. Exactly where that came from, I didn’t know, nevertheless I had heard enough and decided to take control of the situation by excusing myself before I called Antonio on my phone. Thirty seconds later, Antonio’s five foot three, Cuban born body stood in front of me ready to do my bidding.

  “Wha up boss,” he asked all dressed in an all white look at me, I’m a Chef outfit.

  “I don’t have a problem with minors working for us, but this kid really has to go.”

  Antonio looked over at Afeni before he zeroed in on Brian and said, “You heard the man, you’re fired. Anything else boss?”

  “Nothing I can think of, should be out you’re hair in a few.”

  I’m not sure who looked more surprised, Afeni or her rude son. It didn’t matter to me because hurting people’s feelings came with the territory in my business. That being said, I hated playing the part of the heartless boss, however in the end, sometimes things work out for the best and sometimes they don’t. I wasn’t all that surprised when Brian suddenly decided to change his tune.

  “Look, I honestly didn’t know you were the man. I swear to God I didn’t know, so can we stop all this trippin’ so I can make this money.”

  I had never heard an apology put that way. However if Brian hadn’t showed his ass in front of his mother, I might have dropped it and moved on. But the father in me knew better than to buy what he was selling, so I allowed my rarely used sense of fatherhood to take charge.

  “Apologize to your moms for being dumb and disrespectful, and I’ll think about keeping you on.”

  Brian wasn’t stupid, nor had he learned the disruptive habits associated with a grown man’s ego. I noticed this, and concluded that Brian and his ill-mannered demeanor was nothing more than a facade. He wasn’t a streetwise ‘hood rat that he portrayed in the beginning. Instead, he was just a spoiled ass suburb kid that needed a swift kick to the ass. He proved me right when he apologized to his mother and politely thanked me before he went back to work. But this didn’t seem to make his mother feel any better, because Afeni appeared distant and depressed as she studied her departing child. After she was done with that, she focused her attention on me as if she wanted to pick my mind for answers that she hadn’t a clue to.

  “On that note, I’m out,” Michael said before he headed back to his table.

  Not knowing what else to say or do, I told Afeni that I had to have a few words with Michael and that I would be back to talk to her before I followed Michael’s lead.

  “Hold on a minute man,” I said after I caught up with him.

  “What up?”

  “You just can’t leave me alone with that woman.”

  “Why can’t I?”

  “Because I don’t know her from Eve, that’s why.”

  “Looks to me like you got everything under control sir. If I was you, I’d spit a little game at her.”

  “For crying out loud Michael, that’s Jason’s ex wife.”

  “You’re right. Fucking his ex-wife after they’ve been divorced for five years is wrong…not. She’s free, and so are you. What’s the problem here?”

  “I don’t have any game okay.”

  “You don’t need game to get in them panties Omari. C’mon man, she’s feeling you.”

  “Just do me a favor and sit tight, and we’ll just walk away after a few minutes.”

  “Walk away, is you crazy. Look at that woman and tell me you don’t wanna hit it.”

  “Here we go with that again. Yeah okay, a couple of months ago, maybe; okay she’s fine as hell, but I wouldn’t know where to start with an older woman.”

  “You’re in luck because Mother Nature has already taken care of that for you. All you have to do is show the hell up.

  “You’re right; I should let nature take its course. Sike, tried that once, remember.”

  “I’m not telling you to marry the chick Omari…”

  “You just want me to hit it and quit it,” I mumbled under my breath.

  “And what’s so freaking wrong with t
hat?”

  “First of all, I’m not you.”

  “Which means?”

  “I don’t make it a habit to treat women like shit okay.”

  “My belt must be ridding high or something, because you and Zackary are crushing my nuts.”

  “If you must know, Nique and I are like seeing each other.”

  “Are we talking, boyfriend, girlfriend seeing each other?”

  “Not exactly, I mean something like that.”

  “There’s no such quandary. You’re either her man or an associate. Which one are you?”

  “We agreed on an open type relationship, are you happy.”

  “So you’re an associate…which means you can still kick it with old girl.”

  “You didn’t hear a word I said did you?”

  “Talk to you later Bro,” Michael said before he walked off.

  Technically, Michael was right. I wasn’t officially tied down to Nique at all, and that bothered me. However I didn’t choose the color pallet, nor did I paint the picture that depicted what Nique and I really was.

  “Hold on a minute Michael,” I said after I took a curious glance at Afeni. “Are we hanging out sometime next week or what?”

  “Now that you mentioned it, Zackary and I were going to the Roof Top on Monday night.”

  “Good, I’ll meet you guys there.” I said before I made my way back to Afeni.

  Evidently Afeni decided to give her camera a break so that she could enjoy a drink or two because she looked a little more relaxed as she stood at the bar.

  “Sorry about that, where were we?”

  “Nowhere particular, and you didn’t hafta come back on my account Omari.”

  Once again I didn’t know what to say or do with this lady, so I jumped out there mindlessly hoping I wouldn’t appear childish and immature.

  “So you’re a world famous photographer huh?”

  Afeni gave me one of those it’s okay for me to be mindless smiles before she said what was on her mind. “Brian’s really a good kid. Gets straight A’s and everything, but I think not having his father around is starting to weigh on him a bit.”