Erectile Dysfunction- What Worked for us

by Jacob Clark

  Erectile Dysfunction

  What Worked for Us

  By Jacob and Michelle Clark

  This is a chronicle of a very personal journey. It is not intended to be a recommendation for any specific products meant to assist with erectile function, nor to advocate for or against any specific method of treatment. It is merely a chronicle of the things which helped us overcome our own problem with ED, in the hope that others may benefit from our experiences.

  Copyright 2017 by Jacob and Michelle Clark

  FOREWARD

  By Darrell Maloney, Author

  I’ve known Jacob and Michelle for over half my life. Jacob was in the Army stationed in Kaiserslautern, West Germany, when I was in the Air Force stationed at nearby Spangdahlem.

  Yes, I said “West Germany”. In those days the country was still divided. We were lucky enough to be there when the wall came down in 1989.

  Sometimes Army and Air Force people don’t mix well. They’re frequently like oil and water. But our two families were neighbors in the town of Wittlich and became fast friends.

  When they asked me to write the foreward to their new book I jumped at the chance. You see, I got an early look at it and knew it was going to be a best seller someday.

  The book is a bit gritty and frank sometimes. But then again, it’s talking about a very serious subject.

  Despite that, the authors managed to make it very entertaining as well as informative. It’s roughly equal parts humor and serious advice. And chock full of little tidbits I never would have thought of.

  But which may well help you conquer what they call “the ED monster.”

  I’m going on record here and now by saying this book will soon be the go-to “Bible” for every couple suffering the effects of erectile dysfunction.

  Yes, it’s that good.

  Enjoy.

  OKAY, WHERE DO WE START?

  Erectile dysfunction continues to be a very personal and very troubling crisis.

  It shouldn’t be. For it’s as normal as any other medical condition.

  We wouldn’t be ashamed because we were stricken with migraine headaches or varicose veins. Yet men are generally ashamed when stricken with the inability to obtain and maintain an erection. We feel as though we’re somewhat les of a man than we once were. Like our virility has left our lives forever.

  And even worse, we feel as though we’ve let our loved one down.

  It doesn’t have to be that way.

  For all three of those things: the migraines, the varicose veins and the erectile dysfunction, are all perfectly normal, and treatable in a variety of ways.

  We need to stop being stigmatized by a condition which occasionally strikes half of men over age forty five. Seventy six percent of men over sixty.

  It’s perfectly normal. And while we shouldn’t embrace it as we would our best friend, we should stop being ashamed of it.

  Rather, we should expect it and have a course of action ready when it strikes, so we can deal with it.

  We need to get over our hesitancy to talk about it. Our doctors can’t help us if they don’t know about it.

  Neither can our wives or girlfriends.

  They are our best allies when it comes to dealing with this problem.

  The good news… most of us can be “fixed,” with a little tender loving care and patience from our spouses, and a willingness to be open and honest about our problem.

  And… a willingness to try a variety of methods of dealing with ED until we find one that works.

  That’s the whole premise behind this book.

  We (and we use that term because we considered it a problem to solve for both of us) have actually been there. We went through all the emotions, the frustration, the anger, the humiliation. We could have just given up on our sex life as so many people resign themselves to do.

  But we didn’t. Quite honestly, the “sex thing,” as we playfully started calling it long ago, was too big a part of our lives. We had too much fun doing it. Our sex life was wide-ranging and fun.

  And it felt amazingly good.

  It wasn’t something we wanted to give up.

  But we’ve always been frank and honest with one another. It’s been the cornerstone of our relationship since day one.

  Jacob’s difficulty in having and maintaining an erection was causing us problems. We couldn’t deny it. It was depriving us of one of the most intimate and personal pleasures a man and a woman can share.

  So we spoke about it… and we decided to treat it as we had every other problem we’d faced in our marriage. We were going at it together, as a team, and we were going to fight it and win.

  Erectile dysfunction, commonly known as ED, was a formidable opponent.

  And truth be known we know the battle may not be over with. That it could rear its very ugly head again at a later date.

  But for the time being, we beat it.

  And for the time being, we’re celebrating by enjoying a very active sex life.

  Not as active as we did in our twenties, but that’s okay. Back then our bodies were younger and in better shape, and could handle the physical stress of rolling around on the bed (and the floor, and the kitchen counters) for hours on end and still get up and go to work the next day.

  No, our sex life isn’t like that, but then again it shouldn’t be.

  These days, every two or three nights, one or both of us get the urge to be intimate.

  And these days, Jacob’s body responds the way it once did, back in those days.

  And it’s nice. For both of us.

  This book is about our journey, from the early days when ED decided to take away something near and dear to us, to the time we decided to fight back, and then the various things we did to combat it.

  This book will be frank, and will occasionally use frank language and details. But it should be frank, because we’re dealing with a very serious matter.

  This book will provide you the reader some insight.

  And perhaps some new ideas.

  No one thing works for everyone. We all know that. But we’ll discuss the things that worked for us, with the hope you’ll be willing to try some of them yourselves.

  Perhaps you can banish that ugly monster from your lives and send him packing as we did.

  Perhaps you too can, as we did, take your sex life back and go at it with a ferocity you thought was gone forever.

  The premise of this book is a simple one.

  There are an awful lot of tools and techniques available to help you combat your ED problem.

  Some work very well for some or most, but not at all for others.

  Some work very poorly for most, but very well for just a few.

  Some you’ve likely never even heard of.

  Some perhaps you’ve heard of, but never thought to try.

  We’re going to educate you so you know which tools are out there.

  We’re going to open your mind and get you to consider all the tools available.

  We’re all different. The trick is to consider all the tools, and to find the tools which will work best for you. They may not be the same tools that work for the next guy, or the ones which worked for us.

  But they’re out there. If you keep an open mind and are willing to try the things we’ll discuss, we’re confident we can help.

  FIRST, A LITTLE BIT ABOUT US…

  From Jacob:

  I’m fifty eight years old. I’ve been fascinated with the human mind for as long as I can remember. Specifically the way it controls and interacts with us physiologically. How the body and the mind work together to help us deal with things.
/>   I’ve always been a passionate person. I was a boy who saved my pennies and my nickels, and who went out and got a paper route when I was twelve. Not because I was necessarily an ambitious young man.

  No, rather because I needed the money. My family was rather poor, you see, and giving their children money for an allowance wasn’t something my parents were willing to do. If I wanted money, I had to earn it.

  But I didn’t want it for the same things my friends did. I didn’t go to the little convenience store on the corner to buy a bottle of soda or a candy bar, or play the video game machine in the corner.

  No, I spent my money on something typically kept behind the convenience store’s counter.

  Playboy magazine, mostly. Sometimes Penthouse. And occasionally Hustler, though for some reason the clerk was sometimes unwilling to sell me that one.

  Most men still remember their first wet dream. I remember mine vividly.

  I remember it scared the hell out of me. Back then there was no such thing as sex education in the schools. At least not in my small town smack in the middle of the Bible belt.

  I don’t remember the dream specifically, as in who was in it, but I remember it woke me up in the middle of the night. It felt amazing, yet left this huge… mess, for lack of a better word.

  I was convinced there was something wrong with me, and for days I wondered whether I should go see a doctor, yet was too afraid to explain what had happened to my parents.

  A couple of weeks later, in an effort to recreate the incredible feeling I had at the end of my wet dream, I masturbated for the very first time.

  While looking intently at the body of Miss July.

  That started a sexual journey for me. From that moment on, until about two years ago, I had sex on a regular basis. Usually with a partner, but with myself when I was between partners or when it was just more expedient that way.

  Looking back, I honestly can’t remember not ejaculating at least once a week since that day.

  I wasn’t addicted to sex. Not in my opinion, anyway.

  I just enjoyed the feeling I got when I got an erection. I enjoyed it even more when I felt a woman’s touch on it. And even more yet when that woman took me into her mouth or vagina. For those two things, in my mind, were as much a surrender as anything else a woman could do.

  It was a way of her saying, without necessarily verbalizing so, that she accepted me. She cared about me. She wanted to share with me things she shared with few others.

  It made me feel special.

  Only once in my younger years do I ever remember being unable to get an erection.

  I was about twenty or so. It was a couple of years before I met Michelle and fell in love with her.

  On this particular night I was on a date with a woman named Peggy. She was willing. I wasn’t, because I was in the throes of a major flu.

  To make it worse, my testicles were empty. I’d emptied them myself a day or two before. Between my masturbating shortly before my date and my feeling miserable, it just wasn’t happening.

  Peggy wanted intercourse, but it obviously wasn’t going to happen. She tried oral, but didn’t have much luck with that either.

  She was nice about it, but I could see… something on her face. Not quite disgust, maybe. But more a feeling I’d let her down. She was disappointed, and I’d left her unsatisfied. I gave her oral sex and was able to make her climax (twice, as I remember), But still, I left her wanting.

  I saw her later and we talked about it. I apologized, for the hundredth time, and told her I’d like to have another chance. But she was dating another man at that time, so a second chance just wasn’t in the cards.

  It so happened we shared a psychology class together. That’s how we met.

  As psychology majors, we knew the importance of talking things out, and we had a frank discussion.

  I felt somewhat inadequate that night, despite my suspicions it was mostly brought on by circumstance.

  She, on the other hand, felt she wasn’t up to the task. That she wasn’t capable enough. Or wasn’t sexy enough. Or just didn’t know how to turn me on.

  And therein lies the rub.

  A major part of the problem of ED isn’t that it lessens our ability to feel good; to do the things we enjoy. That’s part of it, sure.

  But a major part of the problem, and I contend the biggest part of the problem, isn’t the nice way it doesn’t let us feel. It’s the rotten way it makes us feel.

  Let’s face it.

  The guilt is what gets us. The feelings of inadequacy. The feeling we’ve let down a loved one.

  That is why ED sucks.

  Peggy and I remained friends, although I lost track of her many years ago. For a long time I regretted not having that second chance with her to prove to her I wasn’t a loser.

  And I never forgot that day or how it made me feel.

  I’m fifty eight now, and that day is long in my past. The very fact I can remember it so vividly is testament to a couple of things. First, it affirms the feelings of guilt and inadequacy we as men feel whenever we’re unable to perform.

  And second, it reflects the importance of sex throughout my adult life. Not only the act of sex itself, but also of my desire to please my lover.

  My lover, for many years now, has been Michelle. We married after only a few weeks of meeting. We fell that much in love. And my love for Michelle has never faltered, never waivered. I’ve never cheated on her, and never will. She is my partner, my lover, my everything.

  Just as we matched instantly as life partners, we also came together (no pun intended) quite well as lovers. It was an easy transition for us. We found we enjoyed the same things, shared the same passions, and both had an exceedingly strong desire to please the other.

  In the beginning, we, to coin a common phrase, “went at it like rabbits.” It was immensely enjoyable those first couple of years.

  After that, the newness wore off and we slowed down a bit.

  That wasn’t to say the passion wasn’t there. It was rather, I think, we came to realize that neither of us was going anywhere. That we didn’t have to attack sex with the wild abandonment one might if it were in danger of going away.

  We stopped trying, as another common phrase goes, to “wear that sucker out.”

  We settled into a habit of making love two to three times a week, when one or the other of us was in the mood and initiated it.

  It was always, without fail, fulfilling and pleasurable.

  Then came the summer of 2012. I began a book signing tour of Western Europe, followed immediately by a lecture tour across Great Britain.

  The two combined kept me far from home for a total of nine months.

  Michelle, because she was caring for her sick father and because of other career commitments back home, was unable to join me.

  Except for seven very passionate days in Paris early into my book tour that I’ll always cherish as one of my best memories.

  The point is we were apart for several months. I could have strayed, as many in my position might have. But I’d never cheated on Michelle before, and never will.

  In my younger (and even middle aged years) I was quite adept at masturbating, but those days were largely gone.

  The result was that in the summer of 2012, and the winter and spring of 2013, I stopped getting erections.

  And that was okay, for I had no need of them at the time.

  Looking back, though, it might have been a very serious mistake.

  For it was at the end of my trip to Europe, after I flew back to the States from London, that my erectile dysfunction began.

  Looking back, I realize now that my inactivity might have played a key role in my ability to get a “hard-on.”

  If I had a chance to go back and do things differently, I still wouldn’t have cheated on my wife. Faithfulness has been one of the basic cornerstones of our relationship from the beginning.

  No, I wouldn’t have strayed.

  But I defin
itely would have revived my old habit of pleasuring myself.

  I didn’t. And I feel I paid a heavy price for it.

  I’ve discussed this with many of my colleagues and friends. A lot of them maintain that the timing of the two things- my extended trip to Europe and onset of my ED- to be merely coincidence.

  Perhaps they’re right.

  But I don’t think so. I don’t believe in coincidences.

  I returned to the States on May 15th, 2013, completely unable to obtain an erection. That night was supposed to be my big homecoming. I was to wine and dine Michelle and then make love to her until the sun came up.

  I did make love to her that night. I was able to pleasure her in many different ways. But none- not a single one- involved my penis. It, unfortunately, was deader than a doornail.

  Another factor which may or may not have played a role in my ED is my diabetes.

  I missed my annual physical in 2012. I normally do it in August of each year, and I was signing books in Germany at the time.

  I didn’t think too much of it. I felt as good as any other man I knew of my age.

  Instead of having a physical done upon my return from Europe, I simply waited until August 2013.

  It was at that physical I learned I had Type 2 diabetes.

  It wasn’t the end of the world. I was told I could probably avoid taking medication as long as I controlled my diet and changed some bad eating habits (Farewell, Snickers bars).

  That my erectile dysfunction reared its very ugly head just a couple of months before made me wonder whether they were linked.

  They say that everything is timing, and the timing of those three things (my extended abstinence, my ED and my diabetes) has made me wonder… what caused what else to happen?

  Did the abstinence cause my inability to get an erection? Or was it the diabetes? Or was it a combination of both?

  We’ve all heard the old saying, “Use it or lose it.”

  It’s widely believed that the saying pertains directly to the male penis. And that it warns men against taking a long hiatus for sex. For such a long hiatus tells the body, essentially, that it no longer has need of a hard-on.