Erectile Dysfunction- What Worked for us

by Jacob Clark

  But she can easily reach back and cup or gently massage my testicles, which helps prevent me from going soft during intercourse.

  Which is the whole point of our experimenting with various positions to begin with.

  If you try this position and it works for you, it might require some modifications to your bed.

  Our bed is rather high to begin with. It was just the right height for Michelle to stand next to it with both feet on the floor and then lay her body across it.

  I’m four inches taller than Michelle. That’s not a great amount, and we found that by spreading my feet slightly wider than my shoulders I could still maintain a firm footing while lowering my body so my penis lined up with her vagina.

  If your bed is too low, and if you expect to use this position often, you might consider bed risers.

  They’re simple blocks that go under your bed’s legs or wheels and raise them up six or eight inches. The tops are recessed just a bit to prevent the legs or wheels from falling off of them, and they’re sold on the internet and at some department stores for a few dollars.

  From Michelle:

  The last position we’ve incorporated into out permanent lovemaking menu is a side position. It’s a bit harder to describe, but I’ll try my best to help you visualize it.

  In this position I lie on my side in the center of the bed with, my bottom leg perfectly straight.

  My top leg is bent at the knee.

  Jacob climbs on top of me, his two legs straddling my straight lower leg, and inserts himself into me.

  From this position I can easily reach his testicles. I can gently massage them, or just cup them in my hands. He says the sensation, either way, is a great turn-on for him and helps him to stay hard.

  One important note about this one:

  There was an article we read on the internet which suggested this as a good tool for maintaining an erection… which we certainly agree with.

  However… the same article suggested that the woman squeeze her lover’s testicles as an additional way of keeping him turned on.

  We experimented with that method, and Jacob didn’t like it at all. Remember what we said before. Men are like snowflakes in that no two are alike. What turns one man on doesn’t necessarily turn on the next guy.

  And some men, like my Jacob, have very sensitive testicles.

  If you experiment with squeezing them, do so carefully and gently, until you find out what constitutes pleasure and what borders on discomfort.

  These are the positions which worked for us.

  We tied several others and discarded them for various reasons. We couldn’t do some because we just weren’t flexible enough. Some seemed just plain silly, and others we just didn’t have the body types for.

  We’d encourage you to try at least these three to see if they work for you. If they’re not a good fit, try others.

  We see these as beneficial for two reasons. One we’ve already talked about: giving you wives better access to your man’s goodies so you can continue to fondle them even while you’re having intercourse.

  But there’s a second value as well.

  Any time you can add something new to your lovemaking, it brings a little more spice and excitement into the mix.

  We’re sure you’ve learned that over the years, and it’s true. That’s why we (the wives) have tried everything from lingerie that’s very uncomfortable to bedroom games which can seem downright stupid.

  The point is, we tend to get bored in the bedroom after doing the same old things year after year.

  Introducing new positions at this point may just make your lovemaking sessions more exciting for him. More of a turn-on. Especially if such positions allow his lover more access to him.

  And for men with ED, it’s all about the excitement. Just that one little thing you haven’t discovered yet might be the thing which excites him enough to help him get and stay hard.

  Erectile Dysfunction Tool Box Thus Far: 14 Items

  1. Frequent penis stimulation

  2. Pin stimulation to penis head

  3. Eat well. Diet is everything

  4. Enlist your doctor’s help

  5. A good selection of written erotica

  6. Play. Experiment. Find new things to love

  7. Water is our friend. Drink lots of it.

  8. Limit caffeine

  9. Ice can be nice

  10. Try warming oils as a stimulant

  11. Porn as a visual mood setter

  12. Use ED Medications as a backup, not as a go-to

  13. Learn to save some for a rainy day

  14. Change the mechanics of how you make love

  Chapter 13: Mutual Masturbation

  Stop thinking of it as dirty. Think of it as fun. And useful too.

  Okay, let’s continue that same line of thinking… that anything which turns you guys on can help you get and stay hard.

  We’ve discussed the snowflake principle already: how no two men are alike. And it’s very true, whether you’re talking about bedroom activities or anything else.

  Some men love burritos. Some hate them. Some men love golf. Others hate it. Some men love big boobs. Others prefer small ones. Still others (most, probably) don’t care how big boobs are as long as they’re attached to the woman they love.

  There are some things which nearly all men love, although many of them won’t admit it because they were raised to think they were dirty and should be done behind closed doors.

  One of them is watching their woman masturbate.

  Another is masturbating themselves while their woman watches.

  If this is something you haven’t done, it’s time to ask your partner if they’d be interested in doing it. You might be surprised, when you’re both honest with your feelings and desires, that the concept turns you on.

  Or at least intrigues you a bit.

  It’s okay to be shy at first. Especially for you women.

  But you’ve done it before, you know you have, when your husband wasn’t around.

  Just do it the same way again. If it helps, do it with your eyes closed so you can’t see him watching you, at least until you’re used to it.

  And watch him. Don’t watch his face or his eyes while he masturbates. Watch his penis. There’s something supremely sexy about watching your man stroke his own penis. And him watching you watch him so closely will excite him too.

  One thing we want to emphasize… we’re not necessarily suggesting that he masturbate to ejaculation. We use this mainly as a means of turning Jacob on enough to make him hard. We usually progress from that point to intercourse.

  However… not always. Sometimes our mutual masturbation sessions are such a turn-on to both of us that we both stimulate ourselves to orgasm.

  And that’s okay.

  Because a rich and rewarding sex life doesn’t always begin and end in intercourse.

  A rich and regarding sex life includes a variety of sexual activities.

  We’re big believers in the old adage if it feels good and doesn’t hurt anybody, do it.

  From Michelle:

  Early on in our relationship, so long ago it seems like forever, I asked Jacob to masturbate in front of me.

  I was curious. I knew that young men of his age did such things. We were in college then, and lived in a college town. There were several adult theaters in town where men could go and rent a private “booth” to sit in where they were hidden from view for a few extra dollars.

  My best friend Nancy was the receptionist for one such theater. She was strikingly beautiful, blonde and busty, which I suspect was why she got the job.

  The thing she loved about the job was that it paid so well. About four times what I made waiting tables. The manager told her he paid her so well because she was “good for business.” He never explained to her why, but we assumed she drew in a lot of boys because of her looks.

  The thing she hated about the job was that each evening after the theater closed, she had to hel
p the projectionist clean up. And that meant going into the theater itself, pulling back the curtains of the private “booths” and mopping the cum off the floor.

  She told me the theater provided a roll of paper towels and a garbage can to collect their semen, but that some of the men didn’t bother to use them.

  So I knew that men of that age did that. Many, according to Nancy, came in every night she was there.

  The night I asked Jacob to jerk off he looked at me like I was crazy, but then complied.

  I was aroused. I don’t know why. I supposed it was because I could see the pleasure on his face, even though his eyes were clamped tightly closed and I sensed he was a bit embarrassed.

  After he finished he said he couldn’t have intercourse for awhile. I wasn’t aware of what he called the “cum and done policy” and asked what he meant. He explained that after he ejaculated he needed some recovery time. I never knew that. Boy, was I dumb back then.

  Anyway, we found other pleasurable things to do while we waited, and eventually were able to have intercourse.

  As we lay in the bed afterwards, I asked why it embarrassed him to jerk off in front of me. He said he didn’t know. Perhaps, he thought, because it had always been such a personal and private thing to him. Something he hid. Something society considered “dirty.”

  I told him I didn’t think it was dirty at all. I told him I thought it was sexy. The only thing I didn’t particularly like about it was the recovery time he needed before we could continue.

  I also told him that if it wasn’t for his recovery time it would have been something I’d have liked to do frequently in our warm-up to having intercourse.

  I did ask him to do it again occasionally (particularly late in my pregnancies when I lost all desire for passion but still enjoyed watching him). He eventually stopped being embarrassed and enjoyed performing for me.

  One of the things we stumbled across on the internet was that mutual masturbation can be a tool for helping with ED.

  It apparently doesn’t work for everyone, but it works very well for some.

  Jacob was out doing yard work when I found the reference and I bookmarked the page so I could share it with him.

  He came in all sweaty, which I somehow found sexy when he was a young man. Now I just regard it as yuck.

  I told him I found something fun on the internet that might help make his dick hard and he smiled and wanted to know what it was. I said, “No way, Bucko. Not until you come out of the shower smelling like a newborn baby’s butt.”

  Or at least a clean man.

  After he showered we read the article and then discussed the whole topic of mutual masturbation.

  It was then I realized for the first time how much he loved to jerk off for me. But not to completion. In the early days, as I said, he would occasionally do it until he ejaculated, then we’d do other things until he was able to get hard again. Back in those days (when we were in our late twenties) his erections came often, sometimes several times in a day. So letting him ejaculate wasn’t that big a deal. We could still have a great sex session even after he did.

  As the years went by, though, we realized how precious a commodity his ejaculate (and erections) really are. And we tried to conserve both of them as much as possible.

  The solution is for him to jerk off for me sometimes, but only until he’s hard enough to put himself in me. Once he’s hard enough to do that, he generally stays hard enough to finish.

  He told me on that day, as we perused that particular article, that he’d gotten over his embarrassment at masturbating in front of me long ago. Now it was more a turn-on for him.

  At the same time, he once struggled with the whole notion. Did his fondness for being watched while spanking his monkey (or whacking his chicken, or beating his meat, or whichever silly term you want to choose) mean he was perverted in some way? Would it lead to other, more bizarre behavior? Would he turn into one of those creeps who hides in the bushes and waits for little girls to walk by so he can jump out and masturbate in front of them?

  The answer, of course, is no. But he admitted to worrying about such silly things.

  We pursued that line of thinking by talking to a good friend of ours, who just happens to be one of the most highly regarded clinical psychologists in the state.

  He told us that the pleasure a man derives while his lover watches him masturbate is perfectly normal and not deviant at all. It’s born from the knowledge that at that particular place and time, he has the undivided attention of the woman he loves and who loves him. And the one he strives so hard to please in the bedroom. And that at that particular place and time, I am being turned on by watching him. And that I want nothing more than for him to get pleasure by what he’s doing, And that (here’s the kicker), I derive my own pleasure by watching him jerking off.

  In other words, Masturbating in front of one’s lover (by women as well as men) is normal and just another option of lovemaking. He said in that regard, it’s no different than oral sex or anal sex or manual stimulation by one’s partner or the use of a vibrator during sex.

  He said most cultures (and Americans are among the worst) are still hung up in thinking that it really isn’t sex unless intercourse is involved.

  And that’s just not the case. If it involves a prick, or a pussy, and it feels good for one or both parties, it’s sex.

  Period.

  Anyway, back to my point. Jacob got over his embarrassment at jerking off in front of me many years ago. Since then it’s become a turn on for him. Especially when it’s accompanied by my masturbating for him.

  For the record, I never had a problem doing it in front of him. I’d always enjoyed touching myself, even as an adolescent. I’ve always been very outgoing. Jacob calls me “The life of every party and most PTA meetings.” I’ve called him “My old stick in the mud.”

  Lovingly, of course.

  That’s one key difference between us. I make a point to talk to everyone at a party. That’s actually my goal when we socialize. To meet everyone there and get to know them a little. Jacob, on the other hand, tends to seek out his good friends and hang around with them for most of the night.

  Whether it’s that tendency that made him embarrassed to masturbate in front of me in our younger days, while I pretty much spread my legs wide and said, “Hey, Sailor, lookie what I’ve got. Wanna watch me touch it?” had anything to do with those personal traits, I can’t say.

  But the fact was, it never bothered me to masturbate for him. Not even the first time. It still doesn’t. In fact, I rather enjoy it. It makes me feel that after all these years, he still finds pleasure in looking at my naked body.

  Masturbation on his part can be a tremendous asset in helping make his ED manageable. Encourage him to do it in front of you. And while he’s doing it, tell him how you admire it. Compliment him. Tell him how attractive he is. How lucky you are to have him. How much you enjoy making love to him.

  Don’t be afraid to talk dirty to him. Most men like it. Tell him there’s no better feeling in the world than when he slides his hard cock into you.

  Offer to help him by gently massaging his balls, and running your fingertips very softly up and down his upper thighs (one of a man’s erogenous zones).

  And if he wants you to, masturbate for him too.

  Then, when that dick gets hard, pounce on it!

  From Jacob:

  Michelle asked me awhile back why men like it when they talk dirty. She asked if it went back to a man’s caveman days, when sex was just a raw act of passion, devoid of feelings or compassion or mutual pleasure.

  I said no, it’s because men are dogs.

  It’s a very primal instinct. A man wants to know that he is desired. When he’s in the mood for sex and his wife rolls over half-heartedly and says, “Okay, but try not to muss my hair,” it does nothing to boost his self-esteem and reinforce the (perhaps false) belief that he is a devastatingly handsome sexual dynamo.

  When she says, �
��Oh, baby, get that big beautiful cock hard and put it in me, then pound me hard until we both cum a hundred times,” there is no doubt. He’s better than Superman, Batman and Captain America all rolled into one.

  That’s a rather simplistic example, but for many (maybe most) men, a few choice dirty words from their woman can make them feel virile and desired.

  And that can go a very long way in helping him obtain an erection.

  When I masturbate for Michelle I typically use a warming lubricant and stand along the bedside. She’ll typically lie on the bed in front of me and masturbate with one hand, while tenderly caressing my leg or testicles with the other.

  Sometimes she’ll close her eyes and moan, which is a tremendous turn-on to me and always has been. Her face flushes and her body convulses when she has an orgasm, and that’s even more of a turn on.

  Sometimes she’ll open her eyes and prop herself up on one elbow and use the other hand to masturbate. When she does that, she positions herself so that her face is mere inches from my penis.

  She won’t look at my face at all. She’ll study my penis as I’m stroking it, as though trying to memorize every part of it.

  And that too, is a tremendous turn on. It reinforces the fact that she desires it… no, she wants it. Badly.

  Sometimes she’ll throw in some very descriptive verbal foreplay as a bonus: “You’ve got a beautiful cock, baby. I can’t wait to feel that big monster sliding in and out of me… in and out…”

  The entire time this is going on, of course, I’m watching her watch me. I’m watching her pleasure herself. I’m listening to her words. I’m watching her face flush and her body convulse. I’m feeling her fingertips on places I like to feel them.

  And all of that together creates a very sensuous environment. One that is frequently conducive to obtaining an erection. Very frequently, in our case.