The Lois Wilson Story
Page 41
After returning home, Lois tripped and fell in the house one day and fractured her hip. The long, painful healing process sapped much of her strength. She was in and out of the hospital several times, and her recovery was complicated by a bout with pneumonia. Nell was there at Stepping Stones most of the time now, along with many of Lois’s close Al-Anon and AA friends.
“She had her good days and her bad days,” Nell said. “But while her body was getting weaker, her mind was still strong and alert. When one of us would tease her, she would always tease us right back.”23
It was in late September of 1988 when Lois came down with another bad cold, and around October 3, she took a turn for the worse. She now had chest pains and was on the verge of pneumonia once again. She was rushed by ambulance to Northern Westchester Hospital in Mount Kisco, where her husband had often gone. She had a breathing tube placed down her throat and was sedated to ease her pain.
A close friend who spent much of the next two days with her said Lois would point to the breathing tube as though begging to have it removed. At one point she moved her fingers to signal she wanted to write a message. Handed a pad and pencil, the frail, now totally incapacitated lady scribbled the words: “Tell them . . . I want to see my Bill.”24 Her cousin, Anne Burnham Smith, finally consented to have the tube removed. Lois smiled and was able, in a deep hoarse voice, to say farewell to all her friends and loved ones gathered around her bedside.
Lois Burnham Wilson joined her beloved Bill later that evening. It was October 5, 1988. She was ninety-seven years old.
Even though her death was not unexpected, everyone close to Lois was devastated. As Nell Wing put it: “I anticipated the emotional loss but not the physical part, the exhaustion and depression that lasted several months. Not a day passes that I do not silently express my gratitude and love for her friendship and to Bill for his friendship too.”25
Newspapers across the country unveiled the last name of Al-Anon’s cofounder, confirming what many already knew. And thousands attended a memorial service at the Marble Collegiate Church in New York City arranged by Al-Anon World Services. Many more thousands attended similar services all over the world. So many people in so many lands had come to understand by then the far-reaching universal contribution Lois and Bill Wilson had given to society. It all began with Bill’s recognition that alcoholics needed their own Twelve Step program to get sober and Lois’s insight that families of alcoholics needed a similar yet separate Fellowship to recover from the same disease. By now, the AA and Al-Anon experiences had spread far and wide to help solve almost any human problem imaginable—emotional illness, gambling, overeating, narcotics addition, sexual obsession, smoking, and many more. There are self-help groups based on the Twelve Steps today for widows and widowers, parents who have lost a child, women with mastectomies, other cancer patients, and victims of most chronic illnesses. The total membership in such self-help groups is estimated in the tens of millions. And it all started with Lois and Bill’s willingness to share their respective programs and experience with anyone who could be helped by them. As Lois once said in one of her talks, “I believe the Twelve Steps can save the world. Bill was out to save the world, and I don’t think that was an exaggeration. It could really happen with people living by these principles.”26
Lois Wilson was indeed one of the twentieth century’s most important women. Her life had been somewhat overshadowed by that of her husband, but in recent years she has emerged more visible than before for her unique contributions to humanity. It was through her tireless efforts that Al-Anon became the strong organization it is today, still attracting members through its message of hope and renewal.
It is almost mystifying that all the praise, accolades, and adulation heaped upon this remarkable lady, both from the public and from within AA, Al-Anon, and Alateen, never seemed to change her steadfast character and loving demeanor in any way. Perhaps what she wrote in her memoirs only a few years before her death explains it to some degree.
“I hope I understand correctly AA and Al-Anon members’ special devotion to me. As the only living survivor of the AA founders and their wives and as Bill’s widow, I am a symbol to AAs of their beloved Fellowship. I shall always be grateful for the warmth and acceptance they show me.”27
She said that Al-Anon will always be the most essential part of her life. After all, its principles and people like Annie Smith and Anne Bingham helped save her sanity and lead her to a way of life she never dreamed possible.
Lois loved to recall what Bill used to share when he would close the meeting each year at the Stepping Stones picnic. “We AAs don’t stay away from drinking,” he would say, “we grow away from drinking. And if our spouses don’t grow along with us, we grow away from them.”28
Lois always thanked God that through their respective programs, she and Bill continued to grow closer together and she was always grateful for that.
•••
Lois Wilson is buried next to her husband in the small family cemetery in East Dorset, Vermont. Her name is chiseled on the simple white marble gravestone. There is no mention of Al-Anon.
Notes
CHAPTER 1: WHEN WILL IT END?
1. Lois Wilson, personal conversations with author, 1986–87.
2. Ibid; Lois Wilson, taped interviews by author, 1976.
3. Wilson, taped interviews. This same information was also contained in thoughts Lois often shared with her Al-Anon friends.
4. Lois Remembers: Memoirs of the Co-founder of Al-Anon and Wife of the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, 1979), 83–84; Wilson, personal conversations.
5. Ibid.
6. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
CHAPTER 2: HOW IT ALL BEGAN
1. Lois Remembers: Memoirs of the Co-founder of Al-Anon and Wife of the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, 1979), 4.
2. Ibid., 5; Lois Wilson, personal conversations with author, 1986–87.
3. Robert Thomsen, Bill W.: The Absorbing and Deeply Moving Life Story of Bill Wilson, Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Harper & Row, 1975), 80; Wilson, personal conversations.
4. Anonymous Al-Anon friends of Lois Wilson, taped interviews by author, 2002.
5. Lois Remembers, 10–11, 35; Wilson, personal conversations.
6. Thomsen, Bill W., 80; Wilson, personal conversations.
7. Lois Remembers, 10; Wilson, personal conversations.
8. Anonymous Al-Anon friends, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
CHAPTER 3: LOVE ALMOST AT FIRST SIGHT
1. Lois Wilson, personal conversations with author, 1986–87; Lois Remembers: Memoirs of the Co-founder of Al-Anon and Wife of the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, 1979), 12.
2. Lois Remembers, 15; Wilson, personal conversations.
3. Robert Thomsen, Bill W.: The Absorbing and Deeply Moving Life Story of Bill Wilson, Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Harper & Row, 1975), 16.
4. Ibid., 44.
5. Ibid., 61; Pass It On: The Story of Bill Wilson and How the A.A. Message Reached the World (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1984), 35.
6. Wilson, personal conversations.
7. Ibid.
8. Ibid.
9. Lois Wilson, taped interviews by author, 1976.
10. Wilson, personal conversations; Lois Remembers, 14.
11. Wilson, taped interviews.
12. Ibid.; Wilson, personal conversations; Lois Remembers, 16; Pass It On, 48.
CHAPTER 4: WAR CHANGES MANY THINGS
1. Lois Remembers: Memoirs of the Co-founder of Al-Anon and Wife of the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarte
rs, 1979), 16–17.
2. Ibid., 16; Lois Wilson, personal conversations with author, 1986–87.
3. Lois Wilson, taped interviews by author, 1976; Wilson, personal conversations; Lois Remembers, 19.
4. Ibid.
5. Ibid.
6. Lois Remembers, 18; Wilson, personal conversations.
7. Robert Thomsen, Bill W.: The Absorbing and Deeply Moving Life Story of Bill Wilson, Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Harper & Row, 1975), 90.
8. Ibid., 92; Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
9. Thomsen, Bill W., 91.
10. Ibid., 99.
11. Pass It On: The Story of Bill Wilson and How the A.A. Message Reached the World (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1984), 54.
12. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
13. Wilson, personal conversations.
14. Wilson, taped interviews; Lois Remembers, 75.
15. Wilson, personal conversations; Lois Remembers, 22.
16. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations; Thomsen, Bill W., 111.
17. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
18. Wilson, personal conversations; Thomsen, Bill W., 113; Lois Remembers, 23–24.
19. Lois Remembers, 26. It should be noted that the organization’s viewpoint on the subject has long since changed.
20. Lois Remembers, 26; Thomsen, Bill W., 119–20; Wilson, personal conversations.
21. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
22. Ibid.; Lois Remembers, 27.
23. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations; Thomsen,
Bill W., 133.
24. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
25. Pass It On, 65–66; Thomsen, Bill W., 135.
26. Wilson, personal conversations.
27. Ibid.; Wilson, taped interviews.
CHAPTER 5: THE OPEN ROAD TO SUCCESS
1. Lois Remembers: Memoirs of the Co-founder of Al-Anon and Wife of the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, 1979), 34; Lois Wilson, personal conversations with author, 1986–87.
2. Lois Remembers, 36; Wilson, personal conversations.
3. Lois Wilson, taped interviews by author, 1976; Wilson, personal conversations; Robert Thomsen, Bill W.: The Absorbing and Deeply Moving Life Story of Bill Wilson, Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Harper & Row, 1975), 141; Lois Remembers, 35.
4. Thomsen, Bill W., 141; Wilson, personal conversations.
5. Wilson, personal conversations; Lois Remembers, 35.
6. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
7. Wilson, personal conversations; Pass It On: The Story of Bill Wilson and How the A.A. Message Reached the World (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1984), 69; Thomsen, Bill W., 146–47.
8. Lois Remembers, 38; Wilson, personal conversations.
9. Wilson, personal conversations.
10. Lois Remembers, 39.
11. Wilson, personal conversations; Lois Wilson, Diary of Two Motorcycle Hobos (Privately printed, 1973), 13, 31; Pass It On, 70; Thomsen,
Bill W., 151–52.
12. Lois Remembers, 40–41.
13. Wilson, Diary of Two Motorcycle Hobos, 39.
14. Ibid., 47–49.
15. Wilson, personal conversations.
16. Lois Remembers, 57.
17. Ibid., 60.
18. Ibid.; Pass It On, 75.
19. Lois Remembers, 60.
20. Wilson, Diary of Two Motorcycle Hobos, 107.
CHAPTER 6: SOCIAL DRINKING—UNSOCIAL BEHAVIOR
1. Lois Wilson, taped interviews by author, 1976; Lois Wilson, personal conversations with author, 1986–87.
2. Wilson, taped interviews.
3. Lois Remembers: Memoirs of the Co-founder of Al-Anon and Wife of the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, 1979), 65.
4. Lois Wilson, Diary of Two Motorcycle Hobos (Privately published, 1973), 114.
5. Wilson, personal conversations.
6. Pass It On: The Story of Bill Wilson and How the A.A. Message Reached the World (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1984), 79.
7. Wilson, personal conversations.
8. Pass It On, 79–80.
9. Ibid., 80.
10. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
11. Wilson, personal conversations.
12. Ibid.; Lois Remembers, 73–74; Wilson, taped interviews.
13. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
14. Other versions of this story came from Bill Wilson, who went into a blackout, and from Lois Wilson, who was always reluctant to discuss it fully.
15. Pass It On, 95.
16. Wilson, personal conversations.
17. Ibid.
18. Lois Remembers, 79.
19. Ibid., 35.
20. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
21. Ibid.
22. Ibid.
23. Lois had put this incident completely out of her mind. She wrote in Lois Remembers that she didn’t learn of the letter to the adoption agency until 1974. She later recalled in interviews, as she put all the pieces together, that Elise actually told her in 1929 shortly before the stock market crash. It only came back to mind in 1954, a few years after she and Anne Bingham founded Al-Anon. See chapter 14, pages 278–81.
24. Lois Remembers, 72.
CHAPTER 7: THE CRASH
1. Lois Wilson, personal conversations with author, 1986–87.
2. Ibid.; Lois Remembers: Memoirs of the Co-founder of Al-Anon and Wife of the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, 1979), 74.
3. Lois Remembers, 75.
4. Wilson, personal conversations.
5. Pass It On: The Story of Bill Wilson and How the A.A. Message Reached the World (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1984), 81; Lois Remembers, 79; Also from the Bible on display at Stepping Stones in Bedford Hills, New York.
6. Lois Remembers, 72; Pass It On, 81–82.
7. Wilson, personal conversations.
8. Ibid.; Lois Wilson, taped interviews by author, 1976.
9. Wilson, personal conversations.
10. Pass It On, 84.
11. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
12. Ibid.
13. Ibid.
14. Ibid.
15. Ibid.
16. Pass It On, 81; Lois Remembers, 71.
17. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
18. Ibid.
19. Lois Remembers, 72.
CHAPTER 8: WHEN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH
1. Lois Wilson, personal conversations with author, 1986–87.
2. Ibid.
3. Lois Remembers: Memoirs of the Co-founder of Al-Anon and the Wife of the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, 1979), 77–78.
4. Lois Wilson, taped interviews by author, 1976; Wilson, personal conversations. These interviews and conversations contained thoughts Lois often shared with Al-Anon friends and in her Al-Anon talks.
5. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
6. Ibid.
7. Ibid.
8. Ibid.
9. Robert Thomsen, Bill W.: The Absorbing and Deeply Moving Life Story of Bill Wilson, Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Harper & Row, 1975), 172–73; Wilson, personal conversations.
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br /> 10. Lois Remembers, 82, 86.
11. Thomsen, Bill W., 173–74.
12. Wilson, taped interviews.
13. Lois Remembers, 82; Wilson, personal conversations.
14. Wilson, personal conversations.
15. Ibid.; Wilson, taped interviews.
16. Lois Remembers, 84–85.
17. Wilson, personal conversations; Wilson, taped interviews.
18. Thomsen, Bill W., 180, 182–83; Pass It On: The Story of Bill Wilson and How the A.A. Message Reached the World (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1984), 90–92.
19. Pass It On, 106.
20. Lois Remembers, 83.
21. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
22. Wilson, taped interviews; Pass It On, 106.
23. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
24. Ibid.
25. Ibid.
26. Pass It On, 102.
27. Wilson, taped interviews.
28. Pass It On, 108.
29. Ibid.
30. Ibid.
CHAPTER 9: RECOVERY FOR WHOM?
1. Lois Wilson, taped interviews by author, 1976; Lois Wilson, personal conversations with author, 1986–87.
2. Robert Thomsen, Bill W.: The Absorbing and Deeply Moving Life Story of Bill Wilson, Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Harper & Row, 1975), 195. Bill Wilson frequently shared this story in his AA talks.
3. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations; Thomsen, Bill W., 186.
4. Wilson, personal conversations.
5. Pass It On: The Story of Bill Wilson and How the A.A. Message Reached the World (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1984), 110.
6. Thomsen, Bill W., 199.
7. Pass It On, 110–11.
8. Wilson, taped interviews; Wilson, personal conversations.
9. Ibid.; Lois Remembers: Memoirs of the Co-founder of Al-Anon and Wife of the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, 1979), 87–88.