Falling for Kate: An Angel’s Lake Novella

by Jody Holford

  “Elliot said you were babysitting our girls. That’s nice. Don’t you have the day off though?”

  Little razors slashed at Kate’s heart. Had they been playing pretend for the past few days? No. Elliot has made his feelings for you clear. More than that, he’s made his feelings for Gina clear.

  “Gina. Jesus. That’s not what I said. Kate come all the way in. I’m glad you’re home,” Elliot said, reaching out a hand for her.

  Kate didn’t take it but she came into the kitchen as the girls ran back with the doll they shared. Ignoring the ache in her chest and both the adults in the room, Kate knelt down, took the other doll, and hoped they were as good a match as she’d wanted. She put both dolls behind her back.

  “Beth, you’re older so you get to decide. Pick a hand and that’ll be the doll you get,” Kate said.

  “That’s not fair,” Grace said, her lips curling into a pout.

  “I know. Sometimes things aren’t fair, sweetie. I have two older sisters. But there are perks to being the youngest sometimes, too.”

  Grace shrugged and looked at Beth. Her lips were also pursed, but in deep consternation.

  Finally, she pointed to Kate’s right arm. Handing that doll to Beth and the other to Grace, she held her breath. They inspected the dolls closely.

  Finally Beth spoke. “Which one did you make?”

  Air whooshed out of Kate’s lungs. She laughed and pulled both the girls into a hug. “I forget and now it doesn’t matter.”

  The girls thanked her, kissing her cheeks simultaneously. They went to play, and Kate stood in the kitchen, feeling like it was smaller than it had been the last time she was in it.

  Elliot’s eyes pleaded with hers but she didn’t know what he was asking for. Gina’s gaze was more of a glare.

  “I, um…I’m actually going back to my parents’ house. I just came to grab my stuff,” Kate said. She hated lying but it wouldn’t be a lie if that was where she ended up.

  “There’s no need for that. Gina is here for one night. She’s leaving tomorrow,” Elliot said.

  “You said we’d talk,” Gina said.

  Elliot shot some fire of his own, directly toward Gina. She backed up a step. “We did talk. You forgot to listen. Why don’t you go check on the girls? It’s them you came to see.”

  He didn’t wait for her to answer before turning to Kate, who stood like a statue, trying not to breathe. The air was tainted with Gina’s scent. Elliot’s. Her own. And one of those didn’t belong. Elliot took her shoulders, digging his fingers into her skin, and held her gaze just as hard as he’d held Gina’s, but with a softness that should have eased her mind.

  “She just showed up. Said she wanted to talk about custody. My bet is she ran out of money and came home.”

  Home. Elliot’s home and at one time, Gina’s. Not Kate’s. Pain pulsated through her like it was in her blood.

  “You don’t have to explain, Elliot. She’s the mother of your daughters. There’s no replacement for that. I just need to grab the dresses to take back to the rec center, and I’ll be out of your hair.” And your home.

  Kate had a quick flashback of the first boy who’d broken her heart when she was sixteen. He’d ripped it to shreds and then lit fire to the tiny pieces. And still, when he’d called a few weeks later, she’d given him another chance. He tore her apart again, but she’d given him that chance because she’d loved him. She hadn’t had children with him, and she’d still felt the pull to try again. How could Elliot not feel…something?

  “I don’t want you out of my hair. I want her out of my house. But she’s here for the night because she told the girls that before I could stop her. I don’t want to disappoint them, so I told her this is her chance to spend Christmas with them. Tonight. Tomorrow, she’s gone.”

  His face was too close. Focusing on his words was difficult when she wanted to lean in, press herself against the strength of his body, and curl up into his arms where, for just a small piece of time, she’d felt like she belonged.

  “I should go. So you guys can have your Christmas,” Kate said. Her eyes dropped to his mouth.

  His grip loosened but the intensity of his voice did not. “You don’t need to go. I don’t want you to go.”

  Kate’s throat was tight, but she pushed the words through. “I need to take the dresses to Cole. I promised. Maybe Gina wants to stick around for the play on Christmas Eve.”

  She could be mature. It might kill her, or at the very least, make her gag, but she could do it. And if she really wanted something with Elliot, she’d need to be. She’d have to learn to accept this part of his life. But first, she needed to give him the space to make sure he wasn’t saying goodbye to a chapter he wasn’t ready to finish. She couldn’t do that if she stayed here tonight, or any night when Gina was there. “I…uh. I’ll be here tomorrow to watch the girls but when you get home, I’m going to stay with Lucy and Alex. I can bunk on their couch.”

  “Kate,” he said. The word was a harsh whisper, filled with sadness and disappointment.

  One of the girls was yelling in the other room about something being hers. The sound intensified, and Elliot winced.

  “Goddammit. I’ll be right back. She can’t handle them for five fucking minutes.”

  He stalked away from her, and Kate finally filled her lungs and let out a breath. Walking to her room, Kate grabbed a few things for the night and then went to grab the dresses from the living room. Gina stood at the window looking out but turned when Kate entered.

  “Those are pretty,” she said.

  “Thanks,” Kate said, scooping them up in her arms, trying not to lose purchase of the bag over her shoulder.

  “It’s not easy, you know,” Gina said.

  Kate held the woman’s gaze, noticing how tired she looked. The creases around her eyes and the sallow look of her skin made her seem older than she was.

  “What’s that?”

  “Being a mom. I didn’t ask for this. I’m trying,” Gina said.

  Fury melted away Kate’s lingering guilt. “Are you?”

  Gina’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?”

  “It doesn’t matter what you asked for, Gina. You have two beautiful little girls with an amazing man who would do anything for them. Or you for that matter. Life isn’t all about you anymore. So if what you’ve given is the best you have, dig deeper and find more. Do more. Try harder. They deserve it.”

  She didn’t wait; she turned and headed for the door. Elliot caught her just as she was about to step onto the porch.

  “Wait,” he said.

  She turned, unsure how long she could hold off the tears. Looking up at him, she did as he asked. He didn’t say anything. He looked at her as if she could give him the answers they needed, but she didn’t have any.

  “I have to go,” Kate said. “I’m sorry. It feels too weird to stay when she’s here. The girls need time with their mom for Christmas. And maybe you need some sort of…I don’t know, closure. I need you to be sure. I know you said you are. I’m not doubting your feelings for me, but she’s the mother of your kids. There have to be feelings there too.”

  He started to speak but Kate left. She couldn’t listen, not now. Not when the tears were already starting to leak because no matter what he chose, his life would always be inextricably tied to the woman in his house. Kate wasn’t sure how to wrap her head around that when she’d only just realized she was in love with all three of them: Elliot and his daughters.

  Growing up, she’d imagined that one day she’d have a husband and a family. But it hadn’t looked like this in her head. She hadn’t shared their children with another woman. How did people do this and know, without a doubt, that the other person was completely theirs? How could Elliot ever be as sure about her as she was about him?

  Upon pulling out of his driveway, she headed for the rec center, ignoring the tears dampening her cheeks. With a degree in social work, Kate knew that in every instance possible, families were kept together beca
use family mattered. Not step-moms or girlfriends or nannies. Families. Linked and bound in a way Kate could never be with the girls.

  Chapter 14

  Elliot tucked Beth in for the third time. The first time she’d needed water. The second, she’d had a bad dream (even though she hadn’t fallen asleep), and this time, she’d needed the bathroom (thanks to the water).

  “Stay in bed this time, okay?”

  Beth snuggled in, yawning. “When will Kate be home?”

  “Tomorrow. I love you.”

  Grace snored softly. Elliot leaned over to kiss her temple before giving Beth one more kiss.

  “I love you, too. Are we going to spend Christmas with Kate, Daddy?”

  Elliot froze, looking down at her. “Do you want to?”

  Beth’s eyelids were drooping but she nodded. “Yes. I think she wants a puppy, too.”

  Chuckling, Elliot walked to the door. “Goodnight, Beth.”

  “I’m not joking, Daddy. I asked Santa to get one for her and you and one for me and Gracie to share.”

  “That’s a lot of puppies.”

  “Kate said in her house, her mom says the more, the married.”

  Another laugh escaped. He could correct the expression another time. For now, he just found it utterly adorable. “Goodnight, Beth.”

  “Night, Daddy.”

  The look on Kate’s face was burned into Elliot’s brain. She’d told him to find “closure” and be sure. She’d left before he could tell her what he and Gina had was over before it began. And as to being sure? He only needed time to show Kate exactly how sure he was—a lifetime should work. Something he’d never wanted, not for one second, with any other woman.

  But she was right about one thing, he needed to sort Gina out because if his life was going to involve another woman in the way he wanted it to, there had to be some boundaries and he intended to set them.

  Gina was drinking a beer when he came into the living room. She hadn’t brought the girls gifts. She’d shown up and asked for a place to stay for the night because things hadn’t worked out with her sister. Big surprise. He’d given her eight years to figure out what she wanted and get her shit together. But she hadn’t. Time to stop playing nice and start doing what was best for the girls.

  He took a seat across from her. “I’m going to sue you for full custody. You’ll need a lawyer.”

  Gina choked on her beer. She sat forward, coughing and sputtering, until her eyes watered. Elliot maintained a grim look, determined not to cave. At one time, he’d been willing to give things between them a real shot for the girls’ sake. He could see now, looking at her, that he’d never feel for her what he felt for Kate. Who knew why? His life would be a hell of a lot easier if he could be head over heels in love with the mother of his children. But he wasn’t and he never had been, so he needed to help her move forward so she could be part of their lives in the next best way.

  “You son of a bitch. You know I can’t afford a lawyer,” Gina said, wiping her mouth.

  “Not my problem. I’m done playing. You show up when you want, do what you want. You never put them first.”

  “It hasn’t exactly been easy for me,” she said.

  “That’s what you don’t get,” he said, trying to keep his voice low. “It’s not about you. It’s about them.”

  “We could try again. We could be a family. I’ll be better,” Gina said, scooting forward.

  Elliot shifted back in his chair. “I don’t want that. Not with you.”

  Gina took another long swallow of her beer and then sneered at him. “But you want it with Kate?”

  “It’s not about her either. We were never a good fit. You know that as well as I do. But we have two little girls, and I want them to grow up knowing their mom. You need to figure out your life, get a job, pull yourself together. Get a goddamn apartment and put down some roots. Hell, maybe try counseling.”

  She stood and stalked to the window. The snow had started about an hour ago, and the flakes were the size of quarters.

  “God. You’re so self-righteous. Everything is so easy for you so you don’t get it. I am trying, and I said I’d do better. We don’t need lawyers. They can stay with you,” she said.

  He gave a short laugh. “It’s not enough. You’ve said all of this before. Many times. I want signed documents. I’ll be going to a lawyer right after the holidays. You can contest it if you want but you won’t win, even if you can afford to get a lawyer.”

  She stared at him, leaning against the wall like she’d suddenly gone weary. “You know I can’t, so fine. You take them. I’ll sign whatever papers I have to. I just want to be able to see them. I know I’m not the best at this, but I do love them.”

  Elliot stood, his heart in his throat. “Good. Then you’ll know I only want what is in their best interests when I tell you that I’ll be asking the judge for supervised visitation only until you’ve firmly established yourself. That means a job and a place to live, here in Angel’s Lake or somewhere close enough that they can visit you for an afternoon.”

  Her eyes went impossibly dark, glazing over with fury. “Fuck you, Elliot. You’re not in charge of me.”

  He shook his head. “Nope. But you’re not taking them across any state line ever again. You want to see them, you come here. Get a job, get a place in town, prove you can be a responsible adult, and you can have them more often. But until you pull yourself together, for real this time, we’re done. You can stay tonight. Tomorrow I want you gone. The next time I see you, it’ll be in a court.”

  She didn’t cry. Gina wouldn’t. One of the things that had attracted him to her was her tough exterior. She’d been carefree and vibrant when they’d met so long ago. He’d liked that since he’d always felt like he was the opposite. He’d enjoyed indulging her and hadn’t minded that she’d been a little self-involved. She was no-strings-attached and that had suited him. Until they’d had the girls. Then everything had shifted. His entire world had adjusted and zoomed into focus, and he’d waited too long hoping that Gina would adjust and focus too.

  “You can’t do this,” she said.

  Elliot shook his head. “I have to. One of us has to make the right decisions for them. I’m tired of waiting for it to be you.”

  She walked up to him and put her hands on his chest, lowering her lashes in a way he knew she thought was seductive. “What would it take for us to try again? What would I have to do to make you want me? Love me?”

  Elliot gripped her shoulders and set her back from him. “You’d have to be Kate. I’m sorry if that hurts you. She has nothing to do with why I need you to step up and be better for Beth and Grace, but if you’re asking what it would take for me to love you the way a man is supposed to love a woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with? Then you’d have to be Kate Aarons.”

  He didn’t mean to cause her pain, but he realized, watching her absorb the truth, that he’d inadvertently hurt her anyway…all these years of never just laying it out. They’d been over before they had the girls but Gina had always thought the door was open because he’d let her see it that way. He shouldn’t have and he’d have to live with knowing he could have been more careful with her feelings.

  She started to go but he took her arm. She looked up at him.

  “I want you to sort yourself out, Gina. I’ll help if I can. I’ll pay for counselling if you want it. If you make an effort, a real effort to prove you want the girls to be a part of your life and that you’ll put them first, I’ll help. I’ll get papers drawn up for custody. If you sign them, I won’t go through the courts. You won’t have to worry about paying for a lawyer or fees. You can just worry about figuring out your life.”

  Gina pulled her arm from his hand and snapped at him, “And what do I get out of that?”

  Jesus. She just didn’t get it. “A hell of a lot more than you’ll get without it. Your choice.”

  This time, he walked away. He wanted this night over so he could have Kate home and h
e could tell her how sure he really was. So he and his girls could spend what he hoped would be the first of many Christmases with Kate and her family.

  Maybe he would take a look at puppies, just in case Beth was right. Couldn’t hurt, could it?

  Elliot stood outside of Alex and Lucy’s house at five a.m. the next morning. Gina and the girls were still sleeping. He had to work at six and then he’d be off for a few days, but he couldn’t go the whole day without Kate. He just didn’t know how to see her without waking her family. He had his hands on his hips and was studying the door when it opened.

  Kate was pulling a knit cap over her wild bed head. She froze mid-step as she let out a squeal then quickly slapped a hand over her mouth. Elliot took the stairs of the porch two at a time, barely reaching her when Alex came flying to the door.

  “Kate? What’s wrong? What the hell, Elliot?” Alex glared, putting a protective hand on Kate’s shoulder.

  She leaned into him with such casual ease, it made Elliot’s heart cramp. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scream. He startled me. I’m fine,” she said.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you,” Elliot said.

  “What are you doing lurking around my house at five a.m.? You’re on shift at six,” Alex said.

  Even wearing checkered pajama bottoms and a long-sleeve pajama top, Alex exuded authority.

  “I know that. I had to see Kate. I’m sorry.”

  Alex looked back and forth between them with eyes that Elliot knew picked up on everything. He kissed Kate on the crown of her head. “Let me know if you want me to kick his ass.”

  Kate laughed. “I’m good. Go get your coffee.”

  “See you when I get in at seven, Peters,” Alex said, shutting the door.

  Kate stood in front of him, her face peeking out of the space between her cap and her jacket collar.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hi. It’s kind of early. Were you worried I wouldn’t show up?”

  “Yes. But not like you mean,” he said.

  He’d gone over the words a dozen times last night but now they were bouncing around inside of him like rubber balls.