by Natasha West
In the bar, Phoebe decided she needed a drink and approached the bartender, who came dashing over the moment he saw her. ‘Miss Fitzgerald, good evening! What can I get you?’
‘Give us a bottle of vodka and two glasses’ Megan interrupted. ‘And charge it to her room’ she said, nodding at Phoebe.
The bartender looked at Phoebe for confirmation and she nodded.
Megan took the bottle and glasses out of the bartender hands and grabbed a table, sitting quickly. Phoebe sat opposite her while Megan poured two drinks, setting down the bottle and knocking one back. She made a gagging face. ‘God, how do people do this in movies? Needs a mixer.’
‘Have you just come here to abuse my room tab?’
‘You know why I came. I want to know what the bloody hell you’re playing at?’
‘What am I playing at?’ Phoebe demanded.
‘Did I stutter?’
‘No, you turned up to my gig and tried to wind me up.’
‘I think you’ve got that backwards, Pheebs.’
Both of them paused at the Megan’s familiarity.
‘Why did you come?’ Phoebe asked eventually.
Megan frowned. ‘To see you play.’
‘What for?’ Phoebe asked her.
‘I don’t think I understand the question.’
Phoebe gave Megan a cynical look. ‘I haven’t seen you since I was a teenager and then I look down at the front row and you’re waving at me like it’s no big deal.’
‘I was just trying to be… I don’t know… friendly!’ Megan said, wildly.
‘Friendly?’ Phoebe said with a short, mirthless laugh. ‘You’re not my friend, Megan. You haven’t been for a long time.’
Megan looked down at her empty glass. ‘I can’t believe you’re still angry.’
‘I’m not!’ Phoebe declared hotly. ‘But you turning up has just cost me a relationship. I thought the least I owed you was a bit of heckling.’
Megan was astonished. ‘How did I cost you a relationship?’
There was no way Phoebe was going to tell Megan that story. She hadn’t meant to bring up Emily up at all. But that was Megan. She could get Gandhi riled up. And before you knew it, you were saying things you never meant to say. Just like that night. But no more. It was time to close this haunted house up for good.
‘Look, we’ve managed to avoid each other for the better part of twenty years. Let’s try for forty this time, shall we?’ Phoebe said as she stood to leave.
Megan, who’d thought she’d come to have it out with Phoebe, suddenly realised that wasn’t the reason she’d come at all. It had just sounded more dignified than what she’d really come to do.
‘I’m sorry’ she said softly as Phoebe took a step away from the table.
‘For what’ Phoebe asked, pausing.
‘Everything.’
Phoebe sighed. She didn’t know what to do next. She could keep walking, go to her room, pack her things, stick with the plan.
‘I don’t know why you’re saying that.’
‘Why do you think I’m saying sorry? Because I am.’
‘Sorry for what? Breaking a promise? Breaking my heart? Which?’
Megan felt her hand reach out, taking Phoebe’s. Phoebe immediately snatched it back. ‘No. Don’t you dare.’ She began to walk away, her decision to leave made anew.
‘I broke my own heart too, you know’ Megan said, her voice cracking.
Phoebe kept walking. ‘Good’ she called over her shoulder as she left the bar.
Megan sat alone for a moment, thinking, Yeah, this is exactly how this should end. Same as the first time.
But then, for some reason, Megan thought of her Mother. Standing in her doorway a few days ago. And then her footsteps, walking down her hall, mirroring the sound of Phoebe’s heels on the hotel floor right now.
And as the seconds passed, taking Phoebe further way, step by step, something hit her like a slap. Some things were lost. Megan was used to that, as hard as it was. But some things aren’t simply lost. Some things vanish because you let them go. And she was letting Phoebe go. Right now.
She’d done that once before. And it had been a mistake. She could have fought for Phoebe, run after her, begged for some time while she went on the road, made it clear what Phoebe had meant to her, asked her to wait. Things might still have turned out the same way. But she’d never know because she’d done nothing. Just like she was doing right now.
She’d let a silly argument take Phoebe away before. That was obvious to her now. A fog of years was clearing to show Megan the cost of sitting on her hands.
Megan stood, running after Phoebe.
As Phoebe stepped into the elevator, her heart was thudding as though it might smash its way out of her chest. But she ignored it and pushed the button for the third floor, watching the doors sliding shut. But as the doors got within inches of closure, a hand slipped into the elevator and doors automatically opened again. But not before they’d slammed on the hand.
‘Ow!’ yelled Megan as the doors opened to reveal her clutching her fingers. ‘I’m suing. That sensor is completely for shit.’
‘What the hell are you doing?’ Phoebe asked Megan as she jumped into the lift with her.
Megan rubbed her hand, tears of pain in her eyes. ‘I was going to let you go and then I remember doing that once before. Do you remember?’ she asked breathlessly, trying to get to the other side of the pain in her hand. But it was murder. ‘You said you never wanted to see me again and then you walked out of that room at Dinkles. I don’t think I wanna keep repeating history like this. Do you?’
Phoebe didn’t know what to say to that so she said nothing at all.
‘I might have broken my hand, by the way’ Megan added.
‘Have you?’ Phoebe asked cynically. She looked over at Megan’s hand. It did look a bit swollen. ‘Oh god. Is it really?’
Megan winced and nodded. She wasn’t going for sympathy. In fact, her damaged hand was really hurting the situation in general, making her feel weak when she’d been trying to be strong. But she’d take what she could get.
‘You can come and run it under a cold tap in my room, if you like’ Phoebe said.
‘I know this is a nice hotel but I don’t think the taps run with bone mending miracle juice.’
Phoebe raised an eyebrow.
Megan shook herself. ‘Sorry. Force of habit. Thank you.’
The rest of the elevator ride passed in silence.
‘The bathroom’s over there’ Phoebe said, waving at the room. Megan went in and Phoebe heard a tap run. She grabbed her case from the corner of the room and went to the wardrobe, where everything hung neatly. She placed the case on the bed and began to pack methodically.
After a moment, Megan came out. ‘That helped, thanks. I think it might just be a bone bruise. What are you doing?’
‘Checking out’ Phoebe said, without looking up from her packing.
‘But it’s eleven at night. Why not go in the morning?’
‘Because…’ Phoebe stopped, realising she didn’t have to explain herself. ‘None of your business.’
The brief truce that had been forged over the possibility of an injured hand had obviously broken now that her hand wasn’t. But Megan supposed that was to be expected. She sat down on the bed next to the case. Phoebe gave her a look but didn’t comment.
‘This is killing you, isn’t it?’ Megan said with a slight smirk.
‘What?’
‘You didn’t ask me to sit down and I went ahead and did it anyway.’
‘If you knew it was bad manners, why did you do it?’ Phoebe asked, filling the case, refusing to look at Megan.
‘I never had manners. Your Mum made that clear on a number of occasions.’
‘You have them’ Phoebe corrected her matter-of-factly. ‘You just refuse to use them most of the time’ she continued as she folded went into the bathroom to collect toiletries.
Megan waited till she came out before r
eplying. ‘That’s true. For example, I told you I was sorry, downstairs. But you didn’t accept it. And I believe that’s bad manners, now I come to think of it.’
Phoebe was trying not to get pulled in but she answered despite herself. ‘I didn’t accept it because it’s a worthless apology.’
Megan was wounded by that but she tried not to show it. ‘Why is it worthless?’
‘Because it’s too late. If it had come at the time, or later, even ten years ago, it might have meant something. But we bumped into each other and that’s why you’re saying it. Because I’m in front of you now and you can see that I’m angry with you. You didn’t care when you couldn’t see it.’
It was the first real thing she’d gotten Phoebe to say and Megan liked it too much, getting that real reaction from her. ‘I thought you weren’t angry’ Megan reminded her.
Phoebe went to the wardrobe and collected more clothes. Megan realised that had been precisely the wrong thing to say. But it was too late now. Phoebe was zipping up her case. Megan realised she was coming at this with her usual finesse, which was to say none at all.
But just as Phoebe went to put a hand on her case, the words ‘I’m going’ ready in her mouth, the door to the room busted open and Joe flew in.
‘Thank fuck you’re here! I need your help.’ It was only then he saw Megan. ‘Who’s your friend? My name’s Joe’ he said, a grin sliding onto his face, his impending disaster apparently forgotten or at the very least, downgraded.
‘Wrong tree, Joe’ Megan replied disinterestedly.
Joe tutted. ‘Typical.’
Phoebe shook her head at Joe. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘It’s Mack’s bird! Her water’s coming out!’
Phoebe took a second to decode that. ‘She’s going into labour? But she’s not due for three weeks!’
Joe shrugged. ‘Guess nobody told the baby that.’
Phoebe still didn’t understand what Joe was trying to tell her. ‘So he needs some time off?’
‘No… He needs to get home and there’s no transport.’
‘What about the bus?’
‘Driver took it for a tune up, it’s in the garage till tomorrow.’
‘Train?’
‘It’s like three connections. She’ll have had the bloody thing by the time he gets there.’
‘Taxi, then.’
‘Can’t get one, everyone’s coming back from the fest.’
Phoebe wracked her brains and then Megan spoke, with a degree of reticence. ‘I’ve got a car.’
Phoebe looked at Megan. She wanted to say no, that she didn’t need Megan’s help. But it wasn’t Phoebe that needed it. It was Mack. She couldn’t refuse Megan’s assistance out of pride if it meant Mack missing the birth of his child… Could she? No.
‘Alright then. Joe, go tell him he’s got a lift.’
‘I’m coming too, by the way’ Joe said. And he ran out before Megan could question it.
Megan turned immediately to Phoebe. ‘You’ve got to come, then.’
‘No thanks. I don’t even think Joe should be going. I’m not piling onto this birth as well.’
‘I don’t know these guys from Adam. And he’ll probably end up in the car too. Can you just come along?’
‘What, because it might be awkward without me?’ Phoebe said dryly.
‘I’m doing your friend a solid. Do me one back, alright?’
Phoebe wanted to say no. Truth be told, she was suspicious of Megan’s motives for offering the lift, that she was still trying to force a reconciliation. But even if that was true, part of her knew she had to go, to see this whole thing through. The baby, Megan, the whole damn mess.
‘Whatever. I’ll come then. But don’t expect this to be a pleasant journey.’
‘I wouldn’t have it any other way’ Megan said.
Thirty-One
After Megan had run up the road, a jog she hadn’t anticipated and found all too sweaty, she came back with the car and her stuff, having checked out of her hotel, ready to taxi everyone three counties away. But of course, everyone had a bag and Megan only had a mini. It was something of a squeeze.
The four people in the mini sat mutely for the first twenty minutes as Megan drove up the empty, dark motorway, packed tight in the car. Mack, squeezed in next to Joe and his duffel bag, suddenly sniffed. ‘Joe, can you lock in your farts for the duration of this car journey, please? It’s bad enough on the bus. In a mini, it’s a fucking war crime.’
‘What makes you think it’s mine?’ Joe asked, defensively.
‘Like I don’t know your brand’ Mack spat at him.
Joe shrugged. ‘Alright, fine. I’ll try to tie things off. But I’m only human.’
Phoebe pressed a hand to her forehead. ‘Guys, don’t start. Please. Because I swear, I will open the door and roll out of this car if you start bickering like two old ladies.’
‘Good luck, I’ve got child safety locks on this puppy’ Megan told her.
That set Mack off. ‘I can’t believe my child is coming into the world right now.’
‘I know, man. Fucking nuts’ Joe said.
‘I’m gonna name her Jimmi.’
Joe paused. ‘You’re calling your little girl Jimmi?’
‘Yeah. After Hendrix.’
‘Not really a girl’s name, though, is it?’
‘Who says?’
‘Everyone.’
Mack tutted. ‘That’s some old fashioned binary bollocks. You wanna read some shit. New world.’
Joe snorted. ‘Is that why you painted the nursery pink?’
Mack didn’t have a reply to that so he simply punched Joe in the arm and said ‘Dead arm.’
Joe moaned and punched Mack in the leg. And then they were actually scrapping in the back seat.
Phoebe turned around and shouted ‘We’re going to crash if you don’t knock it off.’
They quickly stopped. ‘Sorry’ they mumbled.
‘Don’t say sorry to me, say sorry to the person getting you to the hospital.’
Joe and Mack turned to Megan’s back seat. ‘Sorry, Megan’ they said in unison.
‘It’s alright’ Megan replied over her shoulder. ‘I need something to keep me awake, anyway. And you two are better than a red bull.’
‘So how do you two know each other’ Mack asked the front of the car.
Megan and Phoebe looked over at each other, not sure who should answer, nor how.
‘Oh’ Mack said with a cheeky glance at Joe. ‘It’s like that, is it?’
‘No!’ Phoebe and Megan said in harmony.
‘Definitely is’ Joe muttered, turning to Mack. ‘She was in Phoebe’s room and she says she’s one of her tribe.’ He made two v signs with his fingers, slotting them together to demonstrate a scissoring action. Mack grabbed his hands quickly. ‘Don’t do that, man. Offensive.’
‘Oh’ Joe said. ‘Soz.’
‘What about Emily, though?’ Mack asked him. They both seemed to have forgotten the people they were discussing were inches from them.
‘I dunno. Maybe Phoebe’s finally gone to the dark side, got some groupie action.’
‘Will you two idiots shut your mouths!’ Phoebe span around in her seat to look at Mack and Joe, inflamed. ‘She’s an old friend, alright? And if you must know, Emily’s binned me.’
That perked Megan’s ears up. Phoebe had mentioned something about that earlier, the break-up, and she’d implied it was Megan’s fault. Megan was desperate to know more but it didn’t feel like the moment to ask. Phoebe seemed about five minutes from grabbing the steering wheel and driving them all into a ditch.
Anyway, it wasn’t at the top of Megan’s priority list. Although she wasn’t terribly optimistic, she hadn’t completely given up hope of getting Phoebe to forgive her. That was indeed the completely selfish reason she was driving Mack to see his child being born. Just to get a little more time with Phoebe. Although, she had no idea what she was going to do with that time. What could she really do
or say to fix this?
Half an hour later, Megan glanced in the rear-view mirror to see Joe and Mack had fallen asleep on each other. She smiled to herself. Then she happened to glance at Phoebe. She looked a lot less amused. She was rubbing her temple. Megan remembered that. She recalled what it meant.