Instead, he emerged brandishing a lime-green water gun.
“I was wondering where this had gone. You said you didn’t know,” accused Hollis.
“I didn’t!” He and Hollis hadn’t played water tag in forever.
Hollis sniffed again. “The nose says that’s another lie. Is there anything left in this thing?” he asked as he inspected the water gauge. “Only one way to find out!”
He pulled the trigger. A sad trickle of water hit Ollie in the face.
“Guess so!” Hollis laughed as he ran back into the house.
Ollie caught his breath.
That was a close one. He’d have to be more careful moving forward.
“You all right, Ollie?” asked his mom after she got in the car and they left for Slamdown Town. “You look a little pale.”
The drive over to the arena didn’t have any crazy incidents. What the drive did have was a spirited discussion about the “mysterious” new wrestler, Big Chew.
“Whoever he is, he doesn’t stand a chance,” predicted Hollis. “Gorgeous Gordon Gussett is gonna toss him out of the ring like last year’s leopard-skin outfit. Which, for the record, I still hold is top five for him.”
Ollie fought the urge to pop the gum into his mouth and show Hollis exactly what he could do. “Yeah, well, I think he’ll be great and should totally be given a chance.”
“As long as he follows the rules and abides by all instructions, I’m sure he’ll be fine,” assured their mom, decked out in her referee outfit. “But Gorgeous Gordon Gussett for his first match? Seems like Linton wanted to offer Gorgeous some fresh meat.”
Hollis and their mom laughed. Ollie didn’t.
When they all got inside the arena, he met Tamiko, who was buried in her phone at their usual seats. He didn’t want to do anything differently for fear Hollis—or worse, his mom—would suspect something was up. He’d already had a hard time not speaking up in the car ride over.
Ollie looked down at the ring. He couldn’t believe that within an hour he’d be inside it wrestling while Tamiko sat right here watching him. He had been coming to the arena with her for years. But this was the first time she’d be watching without him by her side.
Ollie felt a pang of sadness.
“Yeah, I’m gonna miss you, too,” she said, as if reading his mind.
Tamiko seemed to be compensating by ordering double the amount of snacks. She opened her mouth, closed it, and chewed her lip. “Listen,” she finally mumbled. “As your friend and manager, I just want to say one thing.”
She smiled.
“Go kick Gorgeous Gordon Gussett’s butt!”
“But what if he kicks my butt?” he asked.
“Don’t worry,” assured Tamiko. “Your mom is the best ref there is. She’ll make sure you don’t get too messed up. And if you do, well, that’s wrestling! You’ll be fine. And I’ll be cheering for you!”
He could stand there all day, or he could get ready. So he slung his backpack over his shoulder and said goodbye to Tamiko. Then, in the safety of a bathroom stall, he popped the gum into his mouth. Ollie had entered the stall, but Big Chew left. He was ready.
Or as ready as he was going to be.
He made his way back into the locker room. All around him, the other wrestlers put on their outfits and prepared for their matches. So he began to do the same.
Ollie bounced up and down with nervous energy. Or he would have bounced, had his new awesome outfit not weighed him down. A small price to pay for fashion excellence.
He examined his costume in the mirror.
I look really good!
He noticed a few of the wrestlers glancing at him. Everyone was probably thinking he had one really impressive costume. For the first time all morning, he started to feel confident about the upcoming match.
They were talking about him, too. He couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying, so he moved closer and strained to listen to their conversations.
“I don’t give him five minutes,” said The Rhino.
“Five minutes?” The Bolt laughed. “He won’t last thirty seconds!”
“I got two minutes!” said Mack Truck.
The only wrestler who believed in him was Lil’ Old Granny, the shockingly well-built senior citizen who doled out suplexes and home-baked goods in the ring. She pulled out her purse and bet the other wrestlers a whole five dollars, in nickels and pennies.
“Not only will he last longer than two minutes, but he’ll win,” predicted Granny. “I should know! I’ve seen a thing or two.”
“Please! With those eyes, you haven’t seen anything in years,” said The Bolt.
So, they all took the bet.
Ollie slumped down. His confidence faded. But he didn’t have long to think about it.
“You’re needed in the ring, Mr. Big Chew,” barked a lanky Slamdown Town attendant.
It was time to wrestle.
CHAPTER 18
Ollie chomped on his gum as he made his way to the top of the ramp. He needed to wait for Screech Holler to introduce Big Chew before heading out to the ring.
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!” screamed Screech. “Take your seats, because it’s time for some wrestling.”
As he peeked out of the curtain, Ollie could see his mom in the ring, stretching and reviewing the rule book. In the stands, Tamiko gorged on her pile of snacks. A few rows below her, Hollis leaned back to take a selfie of his hair. But he leaned back too far and fell over. Ollie hoped to get his hands on that photo later.
But his attention was drawn to the ring. The lights had gone dim. Screech Holler stood and raised the microphone to his mouth.
“Now give a big Slamdown Town welcome to the newest member of our wrestling family. He’s big! And he chews gum! He’s Big Chew!”
Ollie took a deep breath. Then he took his first step and walked down the ramp toward the ring. As he walked, his senses were assaulted with familiar wrestling entrance traditions. Crackling music blared over the blown-out speaker system. Lights flashed and spun from the aging electrical grid overhead. Fire and smoke fizzled and plopped out of pyrotechnic tubes that lined the runway and hadn’t passed a safety inspection in years.
He had seen wrestler entrances hundreds, if not thousands, of times. But to be here in his own entrance felt like a weird, awesome, out-of-body experience.
“My goodness, folks!” Screech’s voice was thick with admiration. “Would you get a look at Big Chew? Now, that is one impressive-looking outfit!”
The handful of people in the arena buzzed with excitement. Especially Tamiko, who yelled louder than he had ever heard her yell.
Ollie winced. But it felt good to know that he had at least one fan.
He picked up a nearby microphone.
A wave of nerves crashed over him. Ollie hated public speaking. But then again, it wasn’t really him speaking. Ollie was a small, timid kid. But Big Chew? Big Chew was a big, awesome wrestler. He could talk to crowds, no problem.
With renewed confidence, he addressed the crowd as he walked toward the ring. “That’s right, Slamdown Town!”
He found that walking and talking proved a slight challenge, as the outfit’s weight became more and more apparent with each step.
“Note the epic new shoulder pads designed for maximum intimidation.”
He huffed and puffed. “Stand in awe of my gauntlets of extreme heaviness which—phew—are sure to—man, these weigh a ton—crush my opponent.”
He barely managed to swing one leg over the ropes and into the ring.
“Be amazed by my impressive, awe-inspiring whoaaaaa—”
Ollie tripped over the ropes and tumbled face-first into the ring.
“A whoaaaaa? What’s a whoaaaaa?” asked Screech. “Is that some new wrestling accessory I don’t know about? Somebody get me a fashion guide.”
Ollie tried to stand up as quickly as he could. He didn’t have to worry. He just had to get used to the costume. This was his first time
wearing it for a match, after all.
His mom walked up to check Big Chew into the match.
He gulped.
“Are you here to wrestle, or are you going to a costume party?” she asked.
“Sorry, Mom. I mean ma’am.”
He wondered if his mom had been this nervous when the Brash Banshee made her wrestling debut. He had heard the stories: how she had put her pants on backward, how she had forgotten her smack talk, and how she had messed up her finishing move. But he had also heard how she pinned her opponent, Lizzie Leprechaun, in record time, a record she still held to this day. His mom had said that she was nervous, but Ollie seriously doubted his mom had ever been nervous in her life. At least not when it came to wrestling.
She reviewed Big Chew’s outfit with a critical eye. She chewed intensely on her referee whistle, which Ollie knew meant that she was deep in thought. A moment later she spat it out. “Well, it’s not conventional, but technically this is all legal. You’re clear for the match. Good luck.” Then she added in a whisper, “You’re gonna need it.”
Suddenly the lights went down again. Ollie turned and looked up the ramp.
“Folks,” began Screech Holler, “our next wrestler needs no introduction, but that’s what they pay me to do so I’m gonna do it. He’s the ten-time winner of Slamdown Town’s Most Dashing Head, Brow, and Nose Hair Award. Give it up for the crown prince of fashion himself, Gorgeous Gordon Gussett!”
Gorgeous Gordon Gussett appeared at the top of the ramp. And then immediately locked eyes with Ollie. Watching him from the stands for years had not prepared Ollie for the intense level of gorgeousness that radiated from him. As Gorgeous stepped into the flashing lights, Ollie was immediately blinded by his head-to-toe, diamond-encrusted white suit.
Gorgeous made his way down the ramp. His golden cane tap-tap-tapped as he walked.
“Hello, Slamdown Town,” said Gorgeous Gordon Gussett in a silky smooth tone. Even Gorgeous’s voice oozed perfection. “It is I, Gorgeous Gordon Gussett. Feast upon my beauty, for it is bountiful.”
He whipped out a mirror and gazed longingly at his own reflection. “I know I’ve already helped myself to multiple servings.”
“Someone call the paramedics,” said Screech. “I see multiple fans have already passed out due to gorgeous overload. Never look directly into Gorgeous’s smile, folks. The sun has nothing on that shine!”
Ollie felt a pit in his stomach as Gorgeous slid through the ropes and into the ring. He was briefly checked in by Ollie’s mom who, smartly, had donned a pair of extra-strength sunglasses to make the inspection.
Then Gorgeous turned to face him.
“Talk about a fashion disaster,” said Gorgeous as he looked over Big Chew’s costume. “Did you roll around in the clearance section of a chain department store and call it a day?”
Gorgeous shuddered. “Throw in the diamond-encrusted towel. It’s obvious you cannot compete with my level of extreme gorgeousness. No one can share the stage with me.”
“Well, get ready for me to wipe that extremely handsome smile off your face,” Ollie said as he pointed his finger at Gorgeous’s face in what he hoped was an intimidating fashion. “Because Big Chew is here, and he . . . I mean, I . . . am going to kick your butt.”
Gorgeous was right. Ollie didn’t know what he was thinking. There was no way he could out-fashion Gorgeous Gordon Gussett. He felt hopeless.
Ollie’s mom stepped in. “Listen up, wrestlers. I want a clean match. Ready?”
Then he remembered why he was doing this in the first place. He needed to win preliminary matches to get Werewrestler to notice him. Then he’d beat Werewrestler, win the championship belt, and give Slamdown Town someone worth cheering for.
Ollie clenched his teeth, flexed his muscles, and took a deep breath. He nodded.
Gorgeous stole one last look in his hand mirror. Then he nodded, too.
Ding, ding, ding!
Ollie was immediately speared by Gorgeous, who had launched himself through the air without wasting a second. Ollie fell backward and hit the mat.
Gorgeous grabbed Ollie by the shoulder pads. Which Gorgeous then used to catapult his opponent straight off the mat.
Ollie flipped forward, hit the ropes, and rolled into the corner.
“That was your Full Morning Beauty Routine move,” he said with wide eyes. “That was awesome!”
“Please. Awesome isn’t awesome enough to describe my style,” scoffed Gorgeous.
Gorgeous had gotten in a few quick moves. But there was no need to panic.
So Ollie stood up and readied himself.
“How’s this for awesome?!” he shouted.
Arms outstretched, Ollie dashed toward the ropes in an attempt to build up momentum. He was going to knock Gorgeous straight on his perfectly chiseled butt.
But the costume was weighing him down, and Mr. Tanaka’s Elvis pants were super restricting. He never got enough speed. Gorgeous bounced himself off the ropes, charged toward Ollie, and raised his arm. Ollie ate a faceful of Gorgeous elbow.
“Wow,” he said, his nostrils buried in Gorgeous’s gorgeous tricep. “Your skin is so smooth. And smells like that flower spray we keep in the bathroom.”
When he opened his eyes, he couldn’t see anything.
“Help! I’ve gone blind!” he shouted.
But then he realized that his crown had fallen over his eyes. He couldn’t see Gorgeous, but he could feel his opponent walking toward him.
“My skin-care products are all imported. And exclusive,” clarified Gorgeous.
Ollie felt Gorgeous wrap his arms around his torso. Then he was yanked into the air. He crashed somewhere in the ring. Exactly where he didn’t know, because the crown blocked his sight. Ollie couldn’t wrestle if he couldn’t see. So he pulled off the crown.
“Ah, much better,” he said.
He found himself in the middle of the ring with Gorgeous Gordon Gussett looking at him in disgust. So he stood up and tossed the crown straight at him.
“Ew! Crowns are not in style. Keep it away from me!” shrieked Gorgeous.
“Watch it,” barked Ollie’s mom. “Wearing fashion accessories is one thing. Using them as weapons is another.”
Gorgeous ripped the crown into two pieces. Then promptly tossed them out of the ring.
Ollie had bought himself a few seconds to catch his breath. He found his footing, raised his arms toward the ropes, and attempted to set up an aerial body slam right off the ropes. But his shoulder pads were too restricting. Try as he might, he couldn’t raise his arms all the way up to the top rope.
On top of that, his kneepads weren’t allowing him to fully bend his knees, so he couldn’t get any leverage. Gorgeous saw Ollie struggling with the ropes. He lunged forward and grappled him from behind.
“Gotcha!” said Gorgeous. “Let’s see you deal with this!”
He flung Ollie forward toward the opposite ropes. After Ollie bounced off and shot back, he was immediately clothes-lined by Gorgeous. The move slammed him onto the mat.
“The Dashing Dash,” he groaned. “Much more intense than I thought it would be.”
Ollie lay there, stunned, on the mat. This first match was not going according to plan.
In fact, his mom ran over and began to count him out. So humiliating.
“One! Two! Three!” she yelled.
Ollie knew that he had to the count of ten to get up off the mat. He realized now that he had been too ambitious in designing his costume. Maybe putting every cool item together wasn’t a good idea after all. But he didn’t have long to think about it.
So he got to his feet and began to shed as much of the clothing as he could. He kicked off his kneepads. Then he removed his shoulder and elbow pads. And his coat.
He tossed everything out of the ring.
His mom eyed him closely. “You best keep this within acceptable, family-friendly standards of clothing coverage.”
“What do we have here?” asked Screech
. “A mid-match costume change?”
Gorgeous laughed. “That’s right. There can be only one prince of fashion. And you’re looking at him. Thought you could face me in those rags? Well, you won’t fare any better without them!”
Ollie was in the process of removing his gloves and tossing them out of the ring, too, when Gorgeous wedged a fist straight into his stomach. Then Gorgeous chucked him forward. He toppled to the floor.
But the worst was yet to come. Because then Gorgeous lumbered over. He put two manicured hands on Big Chew’s cape.
“It’s time to hang up that silly cape of yours,” declared Gorgeous.
With that, Gorgeous grabbed the cape, swung Ollie around a few times, and sent him flying toward his mom.
Riiiiiip! He collided straight into her. Ollie was seeing stars.
Gorgeous Gordon Gussett wiped the sweat off his brow with Big Chew’s cape.
Screech hollered into his microphone. “My goodness, folks! Linton Krackle certainly likes throwing his low-risk investment—that’s fancy talk for ‘cheap,’ by the way—rookies into the deep end. Is Big Chew’s wrestling career over before it started?!”
CHAPTER 19
All that remained of Ollie’s costume was Mr. Tanaka’s sparkling Elvis pants, his golden boots and gloves, and the purple wet suit. The rest of his outfit lay in tatters around the ring or had been flung out into the stands. His mom berated Gorgeous Gordon Gussett.
“Attacks on the referee are strictly forbidden!” she yelled. “And they will be met with a personalized and completely by-the-book smackdown from yours truly.” She flexed her muscles and gritted her teeth.
She wasn’t messing around.
“I can’t help it if the rascal can’t keep his footing,” argued Gorgeous.
They bickered back and forth before she let him off with a warning.
A stern warning.
But the fight was back on. And Gorgeous wasted no time. He caught Ollie with a Runway Walk spear move. Gorgeous looked like a diver plunging into a pool as he smashed straight into him. Ollie was knocked to the ground.
“Whoa, you’re good,” said Ollie.
Gorgeous waltzed around him, soaking up the admiration from the crowd.
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