“That’s right, everyone!” exclaimed Gorgeous Gordon Gussett. “Pay attention to me! Slamdown Town fans have the best taste! Speaking of taste . . .”
Gorgeous lifted his leg and dropped a kick straight to Ollie’s jaw.
“There’s your complimentary sample.”
Gorgeous grabbed Ollie by his pants’ ankles and dragged him around the ring.
“Wait. Hold up. Not the pants!” yelled Ollie. If anything happened to those pants, Tamiko would kill him before her dad killed her. He tried to break free, but couldn’t get a strong-enough grip while Gorgeous dragged him.
“You know,” started Gorgeous, “I think these pants have committed enough fashion crimes for today. Don’t you think so, Slamdown Town?”
The crowd roared their approval. But even over the crowd, he could still hear Tamiko.
“No! You promised!” she shouted.
But, try as he might, there was no stopping Gorgeous. So in one mighty pull, Gorgeous Gordon Gussett split the pants in two.
“Noooo!” he heard Tamiko scream from the stands. Ollie watched as Gorgeous held the torn pants in each hand and let both pieces drop to the mat.
Ollie had promised Tamiko that no harm would come to her dad’s pants. Now they were destroyed. And, even worse, Ollie was probably going to lose his first match.
“You’ve got nothing to hide behind now, Big Chew!” said Gorgeous as he grabbed Ollie by the torso, swung him into the air, and held him up for the crowd to see.
If Gorgeous had just pinned Ollie instead of trying to humiliate him, perhaps the match would have gone differently. But he had tried to embarrass Big Chew. And when he did, Gorgeous found himself face-to-face with the single most terrifying article of clothing his fashionable eyes had ever witnessed.
Ollie’s grandpa’s underwear.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” moaned Gorgeous.
Ollie fell to the mat as Gorgeous Gordon Gussett released him. He spun around to find Gorgeous stumbling around blindly.
“What happened?” he asked.
“Those happened!” screamed Gorgeous as he pointed at the underwear. “Those are positively criminal. Surely they must be illegal!”
His mom chimed in. “As it turns out, those briefs fall well within ringside undergarment regulations. They appear breathable, supportive, and possibly vintage? I don’t know much about fashion, but I do know that vintage is in these days. Carry on.”
He couldn’t believe it. Out of every awesome article of clothing, it seemed that his grandpa’s underwear was the piece that might win him the match.
He wasted no time. Ollie walked over to the ropes and climbed to where Gorgeous had left his cane. He grabbed it, reentered the ring, and approached Gorgeous, who was getting back on his feet after being knocked over by the mere sight of the underwear.
Ollie held the cane like a baseball bat. He thought of all the times in gym class that he had been picked last for softball and all the times that he had caused his team to lose.
Well, he wasn’t going to lose now.
He leapt into the air and landed smack on top of Gorgeous Gordon Gussett.
“Ah! The underwear! It’s touching me! It’s touching me!” Gorgeous started to sob hysterically as Ollie’s mom flopped beside them and began to count out the pin. “Good thing Wrestler’s Fashion Weekly says manly tears are in.”
“Um, that’s last week’s issue. Tears are out.”
“Noooo!” screamed Gorgeous through a river of beautiful tears.
Ollie’s mom slapped the mat and rounded out the count. “Eight! Nine! Ten!”
Ding, ding, ding!
She grabbed Ollie’s meaty arm and raised it into the air.
“Big Chew is the winner!” screamed Screech Holler.
Ollie couldn’t believe it. He had just won his first wrestling match.
And it felt better than he ever dreamed it would.
CHAPTER 20
Ollie strutted from one corner of the ring to the other, soaking up the applause.
“That was easily the most impressive debut I have witnessed in years, folks,” declared Screech, his voice brimming with excitement. “This Big Chew is one to watch!”
Although he knew deep down that there were even fewer people in attendance today than usual, despite the hope that new blood would draw a bigger crowd, it felt to Ollie like the roar of the crowd had never been louder. The last thing he wanted to do right now was leave the ring. But that’s exactly what his mom was telling him to do as she marched toward him.
“Hey! Big Chew!” she yelled. “Congratulations on your first win, but you’re holding up the rest of the matches. Slamdown Town rules clearly state that each victor is allowed no more than—”
Ollie had heard this rule a thousand times and instinctively cut her off.
“Thirty seconds of celebration post-match,” he said in his deep, gravelly voice.
She looked surprised. Maybe even proud. “You know the rule.” Then she frowned. “So why am I here telling it to you? Get your butt outta the ring before I kick it out!”
Even though he towered over his mother, Ollie still felt like he was four feet tall and being yelled at for not picking up his dirty clothes and getting his homework done.
“Sorry!” he bellowed.
Her face scrunched up. He was afraid that she had recognized him. Or maybe she was just getting angrier and angrier that he was still standing there and not exiting the ring as instructed.
Either way, he didn’t want to hang around to find out.
“I’m going! I’m going!”
He scooped up the tattered remains of Mr. Tanaka’s pants. Then he practically dove over the ropes and out of the ring. He knew not to mess with his mom, especially when she didn’t know he was Big Chew. She would never hurt Ollie, but she might do serious damage to a wrestler not following proper protocol.
He ran up the ramp toward the wrestlers’ entrance. Above him, the cracked jumbotron replayed highlights from the match. He made his way through the curtains just as the lights fell and the entrance music for Immunity began to blast from the speakers.
Ollie turned to make his way toward the locker room when he was stopped.
“Big Chew! Wait! Big Chew!”
Ollie couldn’t believe his luck. He had won his very first match, and now he had his very first fan.
Could this day get any better? He turned around to greet the adoring fan.
“Big Chew,” said a breathless Hollis. “Will you sign my elbow pad?”
Ollie’s jaw dropped.
Hollis, leaning over the barricade, waved an elbow pad in Ollie’s face. But not just any elbow pad. It was Ollie’s right elbow pad that he had lost during the match. Hollis waved the pad even harder.
“Hello! Did you hear me? Sign my elbow pad, big guy!”
Ollie realized that his jaw was still open.
“Don’t you mean my elbow pad?” asked Ollie. He reached to grab it.
Hollis pulled it away. “Finders keepers! Now c’mon. Just sign it!” He shoved a permanent marker into Ollie’s hand. “Might be worth a few bucks someday!”
Ollie groaned. Of all the eight people in the arena who could’ve become a fan, why did it have to be his annoying older brother? But then Ollie was struck by a thought. Sure, he wasn’t able to use Big Chew to get back at Hollis at home.
But at the arena was a different story.
The wrestlers were always doing things to their fans, good and bad. Depending on which wrestler he talked to, he’d either get a signature or a knuckle sandwich. And it was just totally accepted, because that’s what people loved about wrestling.
“Yeah,” said Ollie with a wicked grin. “I’ll give you my signature, all right.”
He reached out, grabbed Hollis by the shirt collar, and lifted him into the air.
“Hey!” said an annoyed Hollis. “What are you doing?!”
Ollie had thought that his day couldn’t get any better after winning
his first match. But hearing the panic in his older brother’s voice took the cake. Finally, after years of being picked on and pushed around, Ollie was bigger, stronger, and scarier now. He wished he had a water gun so he could squirt Hollis in the face and get him back for earlier today. And now he wouldn’t have to worry about his brother retaliating.
Then he was struck with a brilliant idea.
“You wanted my signature, didn’t you?”
Ollie pulled the cap off the marker and pressed it down on Hollis’s forehead. The black ink squeaked and squished as Ollie signed the words Big Chew. It looked good, but Ollie thought that it was missing a little something extra. So he drew a mustache on Hollis’s lip and a monocle around Hollis’s eye before dropping him to the floor.
“There you go,” said Ollie.
His brother looked ridiculous. He was sure this was going to infuriate Hollis. He’d be so embarrassed, and it would take at least a week for the ink to be washed off his face. Maybe Ollie would even hide all the bars of soap in the bathroom.
Hollis pulled out his phone so that he could see his reflection. His face turned red.
Yes, thought Ollie. He’s so mad. Look at him!
It turned even redder. Then purple. And then Hollis started to laugh.
“What are you laughing at?” Ollie demanded to know.
Hollis just laughed harder and harder until he was crying with amusement. Ollie didn’t understand. Hollis was supposed to be angry, not happy. His plan hadn’t worked at all. In fact, bullying Hollis had yielded the exact opposite of what he had wanted.
“Oh, man,” said Hollis through fits of laughter. “That is amazing! This is way better than a stupid elbow pad! I like your style, Big Chew!”
“You do?”
“Plus, you have excellent taste in underwear.” Hollis shook the permanent marker. “I can’t wait to tell my little brother that you signed my forehead. He’ll be so jealous!”
“No, don’t do that—”
“Consider me a fan! You know, I’m the web developer and moderator of the Officially Unofficial Slamdown Town Fan Club. Have you heard about it?”
“Yeah,” started Ollie, before catching himself. “Uh, I mean, not rea—”
“You have?! Oh, man! Wait till I tell my brother that a wrestler has heard about my website. I knew the site was gaining traffic, despite what the numbers say. Put it there!”
Hollis held out his hand for a high five. Ollie, annoyed, slapped it away, but Hollis thought he was just giving him a high five.
Getting revenge on his brother had totally backfired.
“In fact,” said Hollis, “I’m gonna go find the pip-squeak now.”
Hollis turned and ran back through the curtains and out into the arena.
Ollie’s number one enemy was now Big Chew’s number one fan.
CHAPTER 21
Ollie returned to the locker room and saw The Bolt, The Rhino, and Mack Truck pulling out their wallets and begrudgingly handing over the money they owed Granny.
“Five minutes, my butt!” said a cackling Granny, the only wrestler who’d believed Big Chew would win his first match. “Pay up! All of ya!”
The Rhino paid Granny, lowered his head, and walked toward the locker-room doorway. He bumped shoulders with Ollie as he passed, let out a snort, and stormed away.
Ollie sat down by his locker and began to unlace his boots. He was afraid to make eye contact with any of the other wrestlers. Especially those who hadn’t believed in him and had lost the bet. He knew all too well that wrestlers constantly had beef with one another. And he didn’t want to be on the receiving end of any of it. After all, these people were his heroes. And potentially his future opponents, too.
“You proved us wrong, Big Chew,” said The Bolt.
Ollie looked up to see The Bolt standing over him. She held out her hand. He instinctively flinched. But then he realized that she didn’t want to wrestle him. It wasn’t some high-voltage smackdown move.
She wanted to shake his hand.
“Oh, yeah” was all he managed to say.
Hoping he wouldn’t faint, he reached out his hand and shook hers. His fingertips brushed her famous electric gauntlets, which, to his great shock, gave him the faintest of zaps. The sensation reminded him of when Hollis dragged his feet across the carpet in the living room and then chased him around the house, threatening to poke Ollie with his finger.
Mack Truck proudly slapped Ollie on the back, leaving a greasy handprint.
“Impressive costume,” said Mack Truck. “Well, what’s left of it anyway. I doubted it at first, but I think your look really came together out there. Between you and me, those pants were in desperate need of a tune-up. The briefs, though? They’re firing on all cylinders!”
Ollie had to remind himself to speak. “Wow! Thanks! That means a lot.”
He groaned. He was a six-and-a-half-foot-tall tough-as-nails wrestler, not an eleven-year-old kid.
“I mean, uh, yeah. Of course it came together out there. That was my plan all along.”
“Well, could’ve fooled me!” said The Bolt.
Granny slotted her dentures into her gummy mouth with her muscled arms and smiled wide at Ollie. Despite her age and slouching posture, she was tall enough to look Big Chew straight in the eye. She’d been wrestling since before most of the Slamdown Town wrestlers had even been born, and old age hadn’t slowed her down. Though her smack talk in recent years had become less about insulting her opponents and more about lamenting her hip pain, her grandkids’ shenanigans, and the “good old days.”
“You’ve got moxie, son. I never doubted you for a second. Now,” she said as she pulled a number of plastic bags out of her locker, “help me bring these groceries to my car!”
He felt like he was already a part of the Slamdown Town family. Ollie had idolized these wrestlers for years. And now some of them seemed to think of him as a friend, or at least a coworker—a thought he could barely wrap his head around.
Granny shoved the groceries into his chest and slowly walked toward the doorway. Sure, she could have carried them to her car on her own. But why should she when there were plenty of helping hands around who could listen to her talk about that one “crazy” family vacation she took overseas all those decades ago?
“Hurry up, Big Chew. Can’t wait around for the bananas to ripen! Not at my age! But you may want to throw on a pair of pants first,” advised Granny.
Ollie looked down at his grandpa’s underwear and remembered he’d had to sacrifice Mr. Tanaka’s costume in order to defeat Gorgeous Gordon Gussett.
I really hope Tamiko isn’t too upset with me . . .
“And word of fashion advice, deary? Maybe consider dyeing the underwear gold. It will tie the whole costume together. Besides, they look older than I am!”
After delivering the groceries to Granny’s car in the parking lot, Ollie spat out the gum, folded it into the flyer, put it in his pocket, and met up with Tamiko in the lobby.
“Dude! You were amazing!” she said, playfully punching him in the arm.
He rubbed where she’d hit him. “I know! I’m still shaking!”
They practically bounced up and down with excitement.
“But as your manager,” she began, bouncing less, “we gotta get down to business. You said nothing was going to happen to my dad’s pants. If I wasn’t so pumped about you winning and everything, I’d totally kick your butt. I’m so busted.”
“I know.” He reached into his backpack and pulled out Mr. Tanaka’s destroyed Elvis pants. “I’m really sorry, Tamiko. It just sort of happened. Maybe we can fix them?”
Tamiko cradled the destroyed pants in her arms.
“I’m no doctor, but I think if those pants had a pulse, it would have flatlined,” said Tamiko. “They deserved better than to be torn to shreds by Gorgeous Gordon Gussett. May they rest in peace.”
Ollie struggled with that to say. “It was my fault. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, but I
knew this wasn’t going to end well. I shouldn’t have let you borrow them in the first place. I guess I can kiss video game privileges goodbye.”
She raised her phone to her lips and kissed it.
“Goodbye.”
“How can I make it up to you? I can talk to your dad.”
Tamiko waved her hand dismissively. “If I get grounded for a few days, then no big deal. If you get grounded for a few days, you won’t be able to wrestle, and then you won’t be able to get that championship belt. Keep your eyes on the prize.”
She looked over the destroyed pants and sighed.
“As your manager, I’ll take the fall for this one. But you’re buying me nachos. Mega-size. Consider it my fee.”
“It’s a deal,” assured Ollie.
“Hey, Ollie!” shouted Hollis as he lumbered over toward them. He was pointing gleefully to the signature on his forehead. “I got something to show ya!”
“Dude. What happened to his face?” whispered Tamiko.
“Long story.”
“Ollie,” said Hollis as he arrived, out of breath, in front of them. “Check it out! That new wrestler, Big Chew, signed my face and gave me a monocle! Aren’t you jealous?”
“Umm . . .” Ollie didn’t know exactly how to respond.
“I’m gonna frame this and hang it on my wall,” said Hollis as he snapped a selfie.
Tamiko crossed her arms. “Any wall with a picture of your face on it deserves to be quarantined and demolished.”
“Plus, I got this awesome elbow pad, too,” continued Hollis. He chose to ignore that Tamiko was even there. “It kinda looks like those old ones that Grandma used to wear roller-skating, but like way cooler ’cause it’s Big Chew’s.”
Tamiko snorted with laughter.
Ollie gulped. “Grandma roller-skated? I didn’t even know.”
“Um, duh. She only talks about being high school grand champ every time we visit.” Hollis rubbed his face against the elbow pad. “I can feel the awesomeness.” Ollie knew that what Hollis was really feeling was the sweat of both Big Chew and their grandma. But he kept that information to himself.
“I’m totally Team Big Chew now. So back off.” Hollis snapped another pic for good measure. “Anyway, I’m off for a soda refill. Chip chip, cheerio!” he said in a mock accent and pretended to lower his monocle.
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