Riding Lil' Red Hard

by Eddie Cleveland

  “Where is she?” He eases back in his chair and looks around the room.

  “The doctor is seeing her now,” I wipe away my tears and clear my throat.

  “It’s going to be okay,” he looks back at me calmly. For a second, I catch a glimpse of the best friend I once had. The boy who always had my back. My blood brother.

  “I don’t know about that,” I breathe out shakily. “I don’t know how much more heartbreak Charlotte can take,” it’s not an accusation, but I can see it lands on Marcus’ face like a slap.

  “I’m sorry I was so hard on her. I’ve been praying a lot on this and, I’d like us to leave the past in the past, Connor. I’d like us to start over,” he slides his hands down his pant legs and looks at me from the corner of his eyes.

  Marcus was never good at apologies. Usually, when we were growing up, he'd have an epic meltdown and then, when it was over, everyone just moved on like it never happened. At least he’s trying to make things right this time. That’s more than I can say about myself.

  The realization twists like a knife in my gut as it occurs to me that I’ve never properly apologized myself. Ever since his old girlfriend jumped me in the tent back on prom night, things always blew up when I tried to talk to Marcus. After all these years, I still haven’t said I’m sorry for my part in his pain.

  “Hey man, I’d like if we could bury the hatchet. I miss having you as my friend,” I admit.

  “Me too,” he looks down at his feet.

  “Listen, Marcus, about Sandra…”

  “We don’t have to get into this now,” Marcus cuts me off abruptly.

  “I don’t want to get into it either,” I ignore him. “I want to say I’m sorry. I know I never went out of my way to sleep with her, I didn’t even realize what was going on or who it was with until it was too late, to be honest,” I watch as Marcus begins to puff up his chest, sitting up straighter in his seat. “Let me finish,” I hold up my hands to stop the anger I can see rising inside him like the mercury on a barometer.

  “Fine,” he clamps his dark lips together.

  “But it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you. I betrayed you and for that, I owe you a huge apology. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me so we can move on. You’re still my family. At least, that’s how I think of you. That’s never changed.” I hold out my hand and hope that Marcus can let go of his pride enough to hear the sincerity in my words. I hope he can give me another chance.

  His thick, black hand engulfs mine and we shake to letting past mistakes go and giving a future where a friendship is possible again, a chance.

  “I’d like that,” he answers, his dark eyes shining with tears that he blinks back.

  “Great, so would I,” we drop our hands and the heartwarming moment is short lived as we both sit in silence thinking about Charlotte.

  “How long has she been in there?” Marcus interrupts the rabbit hole of worry that my mind begins to fall down.

  “They took her in right away, like when I called you,” I gaze over at him.

  “It wasn’t all your fault. It was mine,” Marcus clears his throat and studies his palms.

  “What do you mean?” I watch his eyebrows knit together as he twists his mouth to the side like he’s wrestling with a secret he’s not sure if he should spill.

  “That night with Sandra, it was my fault, not yours. All this time, every time I’ve heard your name or seen your face, it just,” his voice cracks, “it brought it all back. It made me face my demons and I wasn’t prepared to admit what I did. She slept with you to put the final nail in a coffin I built. She wanted to make sure that her and I could never repair our relationship, but I pushed her to that edge. I pushed her there and then I pushed her off.”

  I try to make sense of what Marcus is confessing. I know him and Sandra had problems, but they never seemed more intense than any other high school couple. Just normal drama.

  “What do you mean?” I search his face for clues.

  “You know I’ve always been cursed with this temper,” he twists his hands together like he’s trying to wash away the memory.

  “I’ve known since we met, it’s not like it was a secret,” I nudge him with a dry laugh, trying to lighten the burden pushing down his shoulders.

  “Yeah, well, Sandra knew it too. We used to get into some blistering fights and I’d fly off the handle. I’d call her names that no man should call a woman, especially not a woman he loved. That night, we were drinking and she just kept pushing me. She kept pressing my buttons, like on purpose, making fun of me at the campfire in front of the whole graduating class. People were laughing and…I lost it.” He can’t meet my eyes.

  “What did you do?” I sit up straight and look him square in the face, is he telling me he hurt her?

  “I shoved her. Hard. She fell backward and everyone gasped. Even I gasped. I couldn’t believe I let myself lose it to that extent. I’d never, ever laid a hand on her in malice before that. Never. But I snapped. She ran off and I was shunned by the group. As I should’ve been.”

  “Man, what were you thinking?” I chide him. “Why didn’t you ever just get help for your temper. That’s not okay, Marcus,” I can’t believe my ears.

  “I did. I turned to the church, first to get help and then I found a calm there, a peace, I’d never felt before. Suddenly my anger stopped controlling me. So, I devoted my life to God. I deserved to lose Sandra, but when I saw you again, after all these years, I lost it all over again. You know I have had control over my anger now for almost fifteen years. I thought I had it beat. Then I saw you with Lottie and it all came back.”

  “I don’t know what to say, man,” I rub the back of my neck.

  “That’s because you don’t need to say anything. I’m the one in the wrong here. After Charlotte left, I started looking for a counselor outside the church.” He looks at me.

  “Like a therapist?”

  “Yeah, I found someone. I’m supposed to meet her this week. I know it won’t be an easy fix, but I want to change. I want to be in Lottie’s life. In your life. I want to be a good uncle, if you guys will have me.”

  “Of course we will,” I smile. But the word uncle makes my heartstrings tug down. Will he be an uncle at all? Will I be a father? What is going on with Charlotte?

  “Connor McLean?” The ridiculously young man in scrubs that led Charlotte down the hall calls out to me from across the room.

  I stand up abruptly, “Is she alright? Is the baby okay?” I start sputtering.

  “Sir, please come with me.” He waits as I cross the floor to his side. I look over my shoulder to Marcus, still slumped over in his chair.

  “Marcus,” he looks up at me with surprise. “Come with me. Charlotte’s gonna want to see you too,” I jerk my head to the nurse waiting and he jumps up from the uncomfortable waiting room chair and we all walk down the hallway together.

  28|Charlotte

  I lean back into the hospital bed, watching the fetal heart rate monitor they have set up beside me. Watching that little printout of my baby’s reassuringly steady heartbeat is mesmerizing.

  “Hi, Ms. King,” a woman in mint green scrubs and skin the color of midnight walks in with a clipboard.

  “Hello” I smile nervously, even though watching the heartbeat has calmed me down and the bleeding has almost stopped, I still have a twinge of worry that everything isn’t going to be alright.

  “I’m Dr. Pike,” she adjusts her thick, vibrant green glasses on her nose and looks at me with genuine concern.

  “Is everything okay doctor?” My breath is tight in my chest as I wait for her to finish reading the results of all the tests they ran.

  “I’m happy to say it is.” She finally looks up and flashes me a toothy smile. “So, I won’t say it’s common for women as far along into their pregnancy to have bouts of fresh, heavy bleeding like you did,” she walks to the side of my bed and watches the fetal heart rate blip over the screen, “as you can see
, the little one is relaxed and happy in there. We checked your cervix and there are no signs that it’s weakened or in danger of not being able to hold this pregnancy.”

  I let out a long sigh of relief, “So, you’re saying my baby is fine? Everything is good?”

  “It appears that way, yes. I’ve consulted with your gynecologist and he agrees that there doesn’t seem to be any need for concern at this point.”

  “Great,” I run my hand over my tummy and smile.

  “I’m sure you already answered a million questions, but were you doing any heavy lifting, like fifty pounds or more today?” She clicks the end of her pen and hovers it over the sheet, ready to scrawl my answer down.

  “No, nothing like that,” I watch as she records my words.

  “Good, good. So, nothing out of the ordinary before the bleeding. No lifting, no falls, no vigorous sex?”

  Heat blossoms over my cheeks, we didn’t get the chance to get to the vigorous sex part. “No, none of those,” I answer.

  The doctor scribbles some notes.

  I clear my throat, “Um, Dr. Pike?”

  “Yes?” She looks up, and tucks a strand of hair that escaped her sleek bun back behind her ear.

  “I don’t plan on lifting any weights or falling, obviously,” I giggle nervously.

  “Good, good,” she answers.

  “But do I need to avoid having sex too?” My voice is tight and I feel like an awkward kid back in sex education class, embarrassed to let the grown up in the room know that I’m interested in, you know, doing it.

  “No, no, don’t worry about that. You can have all the crazy sex you want. It’s actually really great for you,” she laughs. “I was just trying to pinpoint the reason for the bleeding, but sometimes there is no reason,” she smiles at me and I feel the knot in my stomach untie.

  “Great,” I can’t hide my relief and the doctor chuckles again.

  “Nurse Chavez will be letting your husband come in to visit you now that all the tests are done. We would like to keep you under observation for a couple more hours, just to be safe, and then you’ll be free to go home,” her brown eyes twinkle as she drops the chart at the foot of my bed. “Any other questions for me?”

  “No, thanks that’s everything.” Dr. Pike nods and then leaves the room.

  It’s just me and the baby again. My eyes glide back over to the monitor and the tension slips from my shoulders and floats away as I get hypnotized by the rhythmic beat of my baby’s heart once again.

  “Knock knock. Hey Mama, I’ve got some visitors for you,” the handsome, young nurse calls from the doorway.

  “Visitors?” I stress the “s” and lift my eyebrows as I look behind him. Nurse Chavez smiles at me and steps out of the way.

  “You guys can go in now,” he instructs them and my jaw drops open wide.

  Connor and Marcus walk into the room, both smiling at me warmly. I’m a little confused, but more than that, I’m grateful to see them both so relaxed and happy as they stand side-by-side next to the bed.

  “How are you doing?” Connor sweeps his palm over my forehead.

  “Good, they said everything is going to be fine,” I answer.

  “And the baby too?” Marcus looks over at the monitor.

  “That’s right. They want to keep me here for a couple more hours, just under observation, but then she said we can go.” Tears brim my eyes as I look at my brother and my man, finally putting the past behind them and getting along. I honestly never thought this day would come. I hold my little belly and silently thank my little bub for bringing us all together. Maybe that’s why I had this bleeding tonight. To show us all what’s really important.

  “It’s going to be late by the time you get finished up here. You don’t have to head all the way back out of town tonight. Why don’t you guys come to the house to crash after instead?” Marcus offers, looking down at me.

  I meet Connor’s green eyes, lifting a single eyebrow.

  “Thanks man, that would be great,” Connor answers.

  “Thanks Marcus,” I smile up at my big brother.

  “It’s the least I can do,” he nods at me. “I’m going to head back and make sure the place is tidied up and that we have food for breakfast in the morning,” my brother wipes the back of his hand over his eyes and steps back toward the door.

  “You don’t need to go through all the trouble,” Connor faces him.

  Marcus turns to face him and tears brim his eyes. “It’s no trouble, brother. I’m happy to have you,” his voice wavers and tears prick in the corners of my eyes too.

  In my heart, I never knew if this day would come. I’d hoped and prayed it would, but to see Marcus and Connor finally let the past go, it’s nothing short of a miracle.

  “Thanks,” Connor answers and gives my brother a clap on the shoulder. “For everything.” Marcus nods solemnly and walks out the door.

  For the first time since Connor walked back into my life, my heart is truly full. With my baby doing well, my man by my side and my brother back in my life, it’s hard to imagine it getting any better than this.

  29|Connor

  “You don’t have to stick around with me, there’s not much that’s going to happen now until they let me leave,” Charlotte smiles up at me sweetly.

  I don’t answer her, I just stride across the floor and drag one of the old chairs over in the corner to the side of her bed and plop down in it. My fingers trail over the blanket and wrap around her hand as I look deep into her chocolate eyes, “You’re not getting rid of me that easy,” I laugh. “I will be by your side the entire time until we can both walk out of here together,” I lightly drag my thumb over her bottom lip.

  “You mean all three of us,” she whispers, pulling my hand down to her stomach.

  “That’s right. The three of us,” I lean over the edge of her hospital bed and give her a soft kiss.

  “I don’t know how I could ever get through any of this without you,” she murmurs as I sit back down in my seat.

  “Well, if you want to get technical, you wouldn’t be in this position without me,” I smirk.

  “That’s true,” she giggles. “All of this craziness is basically all your fault,” she playfully taps my hand.

  “It might be crazy, but it’s beautiful. I can’t believe that you’ve got our child growing inside you. Just getting bigger and stronger each day. I hope she’s like you, she’s going to have an amazing Mom to look up to,” I look down at her tiny belly, just barely beginning to show and I can’t help the stupid grin sliding over my face.

  “Well, it might be a baby boy, we don’t know yet,” she tilts her head. “And if it is, I know he’ll be brave and handsome just like his Dad,” her eyes grow hazy as she imagines our future baby.

  “Basically, no matter what we have, this little one is covered. I know we don’t have any children yet, but I’m pretty sure we’re gonna be the best parents of all time,” I joke.

  “Oh, of course. Parenting experts in the making,” she laughs.

  I rub my thumb over the back of her hand and look into her eyes. In them I can see her devotion, her kindness and her beautiful heart. “I was kidding, but I’m not joking about this,” I squeeze her hand gently. “Our kid is lucky that it will have a mother as amazing inside and out as you. I don’t know a lot for sure, but I know that,” my voice grows thick with love.

  “Thank you,” Charlotte looks down at the hospital bed shyly.

  “Thank you, babe. Thank you for waiting for me, for finding me, for giving me a life I didn’t even know was possible. I love you,” I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it’s been an emotional day, and I’m not sure how much more I can hold back.

  “I love you too Connor. I always have,” she breathes the words like a summer breeze that I hope will keep me warm well into my winter years.

  30|Charlotte

  I love the feeling of the plump pillow cradling my head as Connor’s hard body cushions the curve of my ass. I op
en my eyes and smile as I run my hand down his tattooed arm, protectively thrown over me, keeping me close.

  It was a long night at the hospital, and having him by my side the entire time made the whole thing bearable. I graze my fingertips over the colorful mosaic of ink and snuggle back into him with a sigh.

  “Good morning beautiful,” he softly kisses the back of my neck, sending tingles spreading out through me.

  “Good morning,” my voice is still heavy with sleep, and I roll over to face him, giving him a tender kiss.

  “How are you feeling now? Is everything still okay?” His hand travels down my waist and rests on my little belly. I watch concern roll over his emerald eyes like gray clouds over a stormy sea.

  “It is. I got up to pee last night and the bleeding had completely stopped. Everything is going to be just fine,” I reassure him, repeating what the doctor told me.

  “Good, I was worried,” I expect him to pull me into him, maybe try to get a little morning snack here in bed with me before we go get breakfast, but instead, he runs his hand down over my arm and threads his fingers between mine.

  Connor rests his head on his other hand and smirks as he studies my face, “I can’t believe how beautiful you are, even when you just wake up. You’re stunning, you know that?”

  I look down at his lips, smiling. Fourteen years ago I could only dream of waking up next to him like this. I could only fantasize about him telling me I’m beautiful. It’s amazing to see the look in his eyes when he soaks me in. Like he’s in awe. I’ve never spent a lot of time trying to be beautiful. I was too awkward as a teen and just never got the hang of all the makeup tips or fashion. But when he looks at me like that, I feel like none of that matters. Like he can see the real me, and I can feel his love radiating out, enveloping me in his heart like I’m wrapped in his arms right now.

  “You’re not too bad yourself,” I tease him and give him a kiss. “Although, I’ve gotta say, you’re wearing entirely too many clothes if you ask me,” I walk my fingers over his chest and let them trail down to the edge of his underwear, but am surprised when he pulls back like I just poured a cup of ice water over his head.