The Mending

by Susan Lantz Simpson

  “If you’re as tired as I am, a rest is long overdue.” Tim tugged Malinda down onto the bench beside him.

  “It does feel gut to sit. It has been a nice day. I’m so happy for Sam and Emma.”

  “They make a great couple. I wonder who Atlee will end up with.”

  Malinda’s gaze wandered to where her bruder was laughing with the fellows around him. She couldn’t help but smile. “Atlee is Atlee. There is no other way to describe him.” Malinda laughed aloud. “Sometimes I think he’ll never grow up and settle down, and sometimes he seems wise beyond his years.”

  “I’m sure there is someone just right for him.”

  “I wonder who? She’d have to be awfully tolerant of Atlee’s silliness. She’d have to be awfully special.”

  “You’re very close to Atlee, ain’t so?”

  “All my bruders are dear to me. Sam has always been my protector—whether I needed one or not. Atlee has always cheered me up. He can brighten the gloomiest of days.”

  “Laughter is healing for the body and the soul.”

  “It certainly is.”

  Malinda and Timothy sat in companionable silence and watched the other young folks mingle and talk . When Timothy cleared his throat twice, Malinda braced herself. She knew his mannerisms well enough to recognize that the throat clearing meant he had something important to say or something he wasn’t sure she would want to hear. She kept still, waiting for Tim to speak his mind.

  “Malinda?”

  “Hmmm?”

  “I don’t know if this is the best time, but what about us?”

  “What exactly do you mean?” Malinda realized she was hedging. She really didn’t want to have this conversation right now.

  “I guess I want to know where we stand. Sam and Emma look so happy. Don’t you think we can be happy together, too?” Timothy gave Malinda’s hand a little squeeze and then kept her hand in his.

  Timothy’s clasp was strong, but not so tight that it was uncomfortable. Just like Timothy. Strong but gentle. Malinda drew strength from his strength. A blanket of peace and security wrapped itself around her whenever she was with Timothy. At the same time, her heart sang and danced at the sight of him and a tingle shot up her spine at his touch, like it did right now. But she couldn’t let him throw his life away on her. What kind of life would it be for him if he was always worried about her health?

  “Malinda?”

  “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this here.” She nodded toward all the young people close by.

  “They’re all too busy to pay any attention to us.” Timothy paused for a few seconds. “How did you feel watching Sam and Emma promise to care for each other?”

  How could Malinda explain it? She’d felt happy and sad at the same time. She’d wanted to smile, but tears filled her eyes. She’d pictured herself making the same promises to Tim, but . . . “But neither of them is sick,” she blurted.

  “Don’t let your illness define you, Malinda. You are not your disease. You are a caring, beautiful person who happens to have a medical condition. When I look at you, I don’t see a disease. I see you, Malinda Stauffer, a woman I’d like to spend my life with.”

  Malinda gulped down a sob. Timothy had to be the sweetest man ever. “Wh-what if this illness makes it hard for me to, uh, have kinner?” She sniffed hard.

  Timothy looked at her with beams of love flashing from his blue eyes. “No couple knows if the Lord will bless them with kinner. If He does, that’s great. If He doesn’t, they have each other to love and cherish. Sam and Emma are healthy and happy. I pray they stay that way, but they don’t know if illness will strike or if Gott will give them kinner. They love each other and want to share their lives—no matter what.”

  No matter what. Could Timothy love her no matter what? No matter if she had pain and weakness that prevented her from doing her daily chores? No matter if he had to pick up some of the slack after putting in a hard day’s work of his own? No matter if her condition worsened and she had to be hospitalized or have surgery? No matter if her illness caused huge medical bills? No matter if she couldn’t give him a houseful of little ones?

  Malinda choked back a sob. She loved kinner and very much wanted to cuddle her own bopplin in her arms. The gentle pressure of Timothy’s hand squeezing hers halted her journey down that road of depressing thoughts. She squeezed his hand back.

  “You know I care for you, Malinda, and have cared for a long time. I’m not going anywhere. I can wait for you to be ready, as long as it’s me you’re ready for.” Timothy smiled down at her.

  “If I’m going to be ready for anyone, it will be for you.” She wished she could say the words he wanted to hear, but she couldn’t. Not yet. She had some issues to resolve. She had to see if she would get well or could stay in remission or could accept that she’d do neither. Please, Gott, heal me of this disease. I want to live a normal life and be able to do the things a fraa and mamm would need to do each day. You said if we ask, You will answer. I’m asking—again.

  Even though it felt so right to be with Tim, she couldn’t give him false hope. She looked across the room at Phoebe Yoder and Ben Miller. They gazed at each other so tenderly. Phoebe had overcome obstacles and allowed Ben into her life. Maybe, just maybe, Malinda would be as fortunate.

  Timothy gently nudged Malinda and nodded in the opposite direction from where Malinda had been staring. There stood Atlee, talking and laughing with several other young men. He wasn’t with a girl at all! “He didn’t even pair up with anyone!”

  “Maybe he couldn’t decide which girl to approach.”

  “Or maybe they all turned him down if he acted silly. I should get Daed to have a talk with him. At the rate he’s going, he’ll never settle down and get married.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about Atlee.”

  “Why? Did he say something to you? Did he tell you someone he’s interested in? Tell me, Tim.” Malinda squeezed Tim’s hand a little harder.

  “Now you know we fellows don’t discuss such things like you girls do.”

  “How do you know we girls share such things if you all don’t do the same?”

  Timothy shook his head. “I’m trying to make sense of that.”

  “You’re trying to avoid my questions. You know perfectly well what I mean.”

  Timothy chuckled. “Even if Atlee did tell me anything—and I’m not saying he did—I couldn’t betray a confidence.”

  “He did tell you something!” Malinda fought to keep her voice low.

  “I didn’t say that. I said ‘if.’”

  “Oooh!” Malinda pulled her hand from Timothy’s, crossed her arms over her chest, and pretended to pout.

  Tim laughed. “You sure look pretty when you’re pouting with your bottom lip poked out. I imagine as a little girl you were easily able to get your way with that pout.”

  “Don’t change the subject, Timothy Brenneman.”

  Tim tugged at the arm closest to him and captured Malinda’s hand again. “Your bruder did not reveal any secret to me, but I did get the impression he is more serious about finding someone than he lets on.”

  “Well, that’s gut to hear. It’s about time. He’s twenty-one, for Pete’s sake.”

  “Practically ancient!”

  Malinda elbowed Timothy. “And you like to tease almost as much as Atlee does.”

  “Maybe. But I am ready to settle down with a special someone, and I know who that special someone is.”

  Malinda’s cheeks grew feverishly warm. She truly cared for Tim, but she didn’t want to delve into that discussion again. “Let’s grab a snack!”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Malinda had barely caught her breath after Sam’s wedding when it was time to make Thanksgiving preparations. She had tried to take it a bit easier for a few days to ward off another flare-up. Sometimes just a little extra stress or a little change in eating or sleeping habits sent her into a relapse. She’d been careful to follow the diet that usually worked for her
and had tried to get extra rest. Now she felt up to the challenge of baking pies and treats to serve when family and neighbors gathered.

  Malinda counted her blessings often. Despite her disappointment at her unanswered prayers for healing, she was thankful she’d come through the last flare-up and had been feeling stronger. She gave thanks for her loving, supportive family and freinden and for Timothy. He’d been visiting regularly, but as promised, he hadn’t pushed her to make any decisions. She sometimes feared his patience would eventually wear thin and he would give up on her, but she still didn’t want to tie him to a sickly fraa.

  It would be best to get her hands busy and trust her mind to follow. She didn’t need to dwell on what she couldn’t have. Yet, whenever she saw Sam and Emma together, she could hardly bear the longing to know such joy herself.

  “Apple pies first, Mamm?” Something about baking soothed her. The spicy scents of cinnamon and apples lifted her spirits. “I love to smell apple pies baking. It’s the perfect holiday fragrance.”

  “Apple pies will be fine, Dochder.”

  “This is the best time of year. The air outside is so crisp and clean, with just a hint of wood smoke. The kitchen is always cozy and smelling of pies and pastries.”

  “This always was your favorite time. You’ve helped me bake Thanksgiving pies and Christmas cookies ever since you were able to stand on a chair and stir the ingredients. I used to put my hand over yours to help you mix the dough when it became too stiff for you to stir.”

  “I remember.” Malinda smiled at all the happy memories of working in the kitchen beside her mamm. She’d probably continue the traditions with Mamm for the remainder of her life.

  “Someday you’ll be stirring up ingredients with your own little girl.” Saloma smiled as if picturing the scene.

  A plume of flour fanned out around Malinda as she set the canister on the table harder than she’d intended. Not likely, she wanted to say, but she held that thought. She didn’t want to spoil the day with a lecture from Mamm about her gloomy outlook.

  Malinda gradually relaxed as she rolled out dough for pies. It helped that Mamm had moved on to a new topic of discussion. She knew Mamm meant well and only wanted to see her happy, but the lectures grew tiresome. “Do you think we’ll have snow for Christmas this year?”

  “It’s hard to tell. We have had more snow than usual the last few years. Weather here is quite unpredictable.”

  “I don’t want a blizzard or a foot of snow, but a little snow at Christmas is always so pretty.” Malinda bit her lip as she crisscrossed strips of dough over the apple pie filling. She and Mamm would bake as much as possible today. They’d have tomorrow to prepare other food and to clean for Thanksgiving the following day. Sam and Emma would be there for dinner, and most likely other folks would drop in later in the day, so they would need plenty of food to serve.

  Malinda and Saloma set aside their last pies to cool just in time to ladle hearty stew into bowls and cut thick slices of wheat bread for supper. Malinda still missed having Sam at the table with them but knew he was happy with Emma. Roman and Ray talked almost nonstop throughout the meal. Every now and then, Aden butted in to make his presence known. Malinda smiled at Aden. Her youngest bruder held a special place in her heart. He was so sensitive and kind to all people and animals.

  When Atlee cleared his throat, Malinda cut her eyes over to him. “Before I forget”—he looked straight at Malinda—“that fancy Dr. McWilliams left a message at the cheese factory. He said he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to reach you by phone, but somehow he found out about the factory. We don’t usually get calls, so that was a little strange. Anyway, he wants you to call him, Malinda.”

  Malinda’s spoon clattered to her bowl, ricocheted off the edge, and bounced to the floor, splashing stew onto the tablecloth and floor. She sucked in a sharp breath.

  “I’ll get your spoon for you.” Aden shook the whole table as he scrambled off his chair and crawled around between seven pairs of feet.

  “Here’s his number.” Atlee pulled a scrap of paper from his pocket and slid it across the table to Malinda.

  Shocked by the doctor’s brazenness, Malinda stared at the wrinkled paper. Feeling all eyes on her, she slowly reached across the table and snagged the message. She crumpled the paper in her hand without looking at it. “Danki,” she whispered to Aden, who produced the wayward spoon and laid it beside her bowl.

  “You won’t be able to read it if you keep crinkling it.” Roman shoved a chunk of bread into his mouth and chomped. “Atlee’s handwriting is bad enough without all the wrinkles.” He swallowed, but coughed when Atlee elbowed him.

  “Huh?” Malinda looked down at her hand. She hadn’t been aware that she had balled the paper up into a tight little wad.

  “You can go call him tomorrow.” Mamm dabbed at her mouth with a napkin.

  “That’s okay. We have a lot to do tomorrow.”

  “You can surely take a few minutes to return a phone call.” Daed gave her a stern look.

  “He was just here. He knows I’m fine. I don’t think there is a need to contact him. Besides, I have Dr. Nelson to take care of me when I need it.”

  “If he took the time to call, you should be polite and return the call.” Daed’s tone left no room for argument.

  If only he knew what Dr. Todd McWilliams was really up to, he’d probably jump up from the table and seek a phone right now to call the man himself. And he probably wouldn’t be very polite about it, either! Malinda kept silent but nodded in acquiescence. Since Dr. McWilliams obviously didn’t comprehend or accept her written request to leave her alone, maybe she could make him understand over the phone. At any rate, she wanted to head off any notion he might have to make another visit.

  Malinda swallowed her sigh. Here she’d been looking forward to the holidays and feeling well despite the flurry of activity. Now that fist of fear punched her in the stomach. Mamm’s tasty stew churned. Malinda grabbed her glass and chugged down a huge gulp of water, hoping it would wash the stew back down where it belonged. No more supper for her! Would this meal ever end? Would the nightmare with Todd McWilliams ever end?

  * * *

  Malinda ignored the cold seeping into her bones a short while later as she ran to the barn, following the zigzagging beam of her flashlight. She needed to calm herself before attempting to go to bed. She slipped into the barn and stole over to the far corner, where the cat was snuggling with her kittens. Malinda dropped to her knees in the straw and crooned to the kittens. She stroked the protective mamm first and then each of the kittens. Carefully she lifted the tiny tortoiseshell kitten and nuzzled it with her chin.

  “You’re such a pretty kitty with your speckled fur and little orange patch on your foot. I need to think of a special name for you. I hope Daed will let me keep you.”

  “I’m sure he will.”

  Malinda stifled a scream and juggled the kitten to keep from dropping it when she jumped in fear. She cuddled the kitten close as her eyes roamed the shadows in the barn. Each one loomed unnaturally large in the thin beam of the flashlight. One shadow detached itself from the others and stepped forward.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “A-Atlee?”

  “Jah.”

  “What are you doing out here?”

  “I saw you sneaking toward the door and figured you were headed for the kittens.”

  “I wasn’t sneaking—exactly. Why did you follow me?” Malinda had been accustomed to Sam championing her causes and listening to her woes. She didn’t think Atlee would be interested.

  “Why do I get the feeling something isn’t quite right?”

  Maybe Atlee was more perceptive than she gave him credit for. Maybe he really had grown up. Still she kept silent.

  “So?”

  “So?” she echoed.

  “So tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Can’t I visit the kittens without there being something wrong?”

  “Sure,
but late at night when everyone is ready to go to bed?”

  “Did Mamm or Daed see me leave the house? Do they know you followed me?”

  “Nee to both. They think you headed for the stairs, not the door. And they’re used to me wandering about before I go to bed.”

  “I’m just trying to clear my head after a long day. Seeing the kittens calms me.”

  “What are you clearing from your head?”

  “Just because I don’t go out to a job doesn’t mean I don’t work hard all day!”

  “Whoa! Don’t get all defensive. I know you and Mamm work hard taking care of all of us.” Atlee reached down to pick up a mewing black-and-white kitten, which fit in the palm of his big, rough hand. He stroked the kitten with his free hand. “Does Dr. McWilliams have something to do with the troubles you need to clear from your mind?”

  “Why would he?” Malinda tried hard not to squirm. At least the flashlight cast too little light for Atlee to observe any expressions on her face. She’d always been told her face gave her away. That certainly made it hard to have any secrets.

  “Your reaction at the table makes me think there’s some sort of problem.”

  “All I said was I didn’t see a need to call the man. He took care of me in Ohio. I’m in Maryland now and plan to stay here. I trust Dr. Nelson to take care of me when I need help.” Malinda’s voice rose as she spoke. She continued to stroke the fuzzy little kitten.

  “That makes sense. Why did you wad up the paper?”

  “I didn’t plan to call, so why keep the paper?” Malinda leaned over to replace the kitten with the others so it could nurse. “I need to get inside.” She pushed herself to a standing position.

  “Wait!” Atlee returned the kitten he was holding and snagged Malinda’s arm. “Tell me what’s wrong, Malinda. I’d like to help.”

  Could Atlee help? “I already told—”

  “I heard what you said, but tell me what’s really going on.”

  “Nothing is ‘going on,’ Atlee! How could you think such a thing?”

  “I didn’t mean anything like, uh, like what you’re thinking. I just sense something is not right here. You seem, I don’t know, afraid or upset.”